This Mortal Life
by hidingfromsomeone
Summary: For Jake, the only thing that could make life any worse would be imprinting. The only thing that could make that any worse would be imprinting on another guy. One- shot for Slash Backslash contest NOW EXTENDED! NC-17 for yummy wolfy lemony slash scenes.
1. Chapter 1

_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name: **This Mortal Life  
**Pen name:** HidingFromSomeone  
**Pairing:** Jacob/ ?

**Rating:** MA/ NC-17  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own characters or recognizable settings, Stephanie Meyer does. Adam, however, is all mine! (Oh I wish...)

WARNING: This is a slash story. If you don't know that this means gay, homosexual, man- on- man lovin' please go read something else that won't corrupt you. Please, do not read this if you are not over 18 years of age.

**To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: ****http:/www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

-x-X-x-

A/N: I had several requests to extend this story from the Slash Backslash contest which is hugely flattering. The original one- shot has been extended because I had to work within a word restriction on the original piece, so RE READ chapter one!

-x-X-x-

I stood at the door to Sam's cottage shaking with fear and self hatred and barely repressed fury. It took me too long to raise my fist to the door and knock and too much effort not to rip the piece of wood from its hinges and hurl it into the blackness of the forest.

"Jake?" he asked as he opened the door, his eyes immediately filling with concern as he took in my appearance. "Jake what's wrong."

I could see Emily moving about behind him in the house and Sam turned to her quickly and ordered her to stay inside. He shut the door behind him and went to put a hand on my shoulder to calm me or comfort me or something, but I couldn't handle that kind of contact and threw him off with a snarl.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me Jacob," he reasoned, taking a step back and folding his arms across his chest.

I shuddered and fought for control. "I've imprinted," I told him through clenched teeth as another tremor shook my body.

"Okay," Sam said slowly, obviously realizing I wasn't happy about this fact. "We can handle this..."

I cut him off. "It's a guy, Sam," I snarled.

"What?" he asked, either playing dumb or just plain being it.

"A guy," I repeated as I started to feel the familiar tingling under the surface of my skin. I couldn't hold back much longer. "I imprinted on a guy."

I couldn't stop myself from phasing now, I was too far gone. With one final shudder my inner hatred took over and as Sam phased too, either to protect me or his girlfriend and I took off in a sprint, my only hope to get far enough away from the shame and humiliation before the others learned of my predicament.

-x-X-x-

_Think human thoughts, _I admonished myself as I paced back and forth just outside the Cullen's property. I couldn't get closer until I had calmed myself down and I needed to go back in there soon. I had been gone two days already and Bella must be close to giving birth to her demon spawn soon. I couldn't think about Adam, wouldn't let myself. There was too much else going on in my life at the moment and I needed to be around for Bella. I was worried despite all the leeches' insistence that she was going to be okay; as far as I was concerned there was a very real possibility that the thing would kill her. Well, she was going to die either way, I had had to come to terms with that, but I was putting all my faith in her new husband to save her and since he was the one who signed her death warrant with his dick I was allowed to be dubious.

Edward appeared at the tree line, his smell alerting me to his presence just before I actually saw him. He did his creepy standing still not moving or breathing thing for a while, just watching me pace before he took a couple of steps forwards.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to my child as 'the demon spawn' in front of my wife. It might upset her a bit." He looked as if he wanted to say more but had stopped himself. I wanted to talk to him face to face (and get him out of my head in the process but that was unlikely) so I phased back into my human form and stood there, bare ass naked and not caring.

"Thanks for that Jacob," he groaned, rolling his eyes before fixing them firmly on my own.

"What?" I asked, enjoying tormenting him. "Afraid your wife might prefer a man with a bit more muscle?" My biceps flexed as I crossed my arms across my chest and I smirked as he noticed how the muscles twitched.

Edward laughed once; a harsh sound which conveyed no real humor. "What you should really be asking, Jake, is whether _I _prefer my men with a bit more muscle." He cocked his head and purposely eye- fucked my whole body. Not that I cared. "I'll leave you to think about that."

I very carefully _didn't_ think about that for the duration of my visit. Bella looked hideous. This is coming from someone who was in love with the girl up until a couple of days ago. I dread to think how she looked from an outsider's perspective.

"How are you doing, Jake?" she asked me after a while of talking about nothing. I couldn't tell her about Adam, I just couldn't face that yet. The irony of her question struck us both I think but I didn't say it aloud.

Bella was laying out on the couch and I was sat on the floor next to her head. She was a sickly pale green color and her eyes were all bloodshot, but sitting like this with my back to the rest of her body I could almost let myself pretend that this was the old us, before Cullen came back. When both our lives were a lot simpler. She reached down to cup my cheek in her hand, a gesture she had done a hundred times before but I couldn't take that any more. Any kind of affection, especially from _her_ just made me feel sick. I didn't want comfort and love from anyone else if I couldn't have it from him. I pulled away from her touch, trying to disguise the move as adjusting myself to look at her better or get more comfortable. She looked a bit confused but didn't challenge me on it.

"I'm okay," I said hesitantly. Bella could tell when I was lying and would usually call me out on it but I don't think she could handle my problems right now on top of her own so she didn't press. "I'm worried about you, Bells, I really am."

The bitchy blonde sister- in- law snorted from behind her fashion magazine in the chair across the room. "Bella is fine," she said, not bothering to lower issue 552 of _Vogue._

"Yeah, sure she is," I said, not putting any real conviction into the sarcasm that the sentence should have been laced with. I noticed Bella's eyelids drooping and quickly told her "You should sleep. I'll come back and see you again soon."

"No," she protested weakly, throwing a hand out to try and stop me getting up.

"You need to rest," I told her, grabbing the hand and kissing the back of it while fighting the bile rising up in my stomach. "Take care of yourself."

"Okay," she whispered, already half way to asleep.

None of the bloodsuckers were complaining that I was going early, most of them were about doing other things anyway- only Rosalie and Edward were staying with Bella now. I nodded to the Doc and his wife as I left the house, wanting to be polite to the man who saved my life and a couple of my limbs not that long ago. However much it was paining me, there were bonds much stronger than my will that were pulling me far away from the vampire house and west, back out towards the reservation.

I knew I couldn't avoid Adam and the rest of the pack for long. I was hoping that I could last a bit longer; I had snuck back onto the res during the night and had watched him sleep for a while before I phased back and started running with a suspiciously empty mind. I had waited until I phased back to human form to mentally beat myself up for being such an idiot pervert.

I was sure that Sam had gathered the rest of the pack by now to tell them what was going on and for a split second I wished I could have an ounce of the bloodsucker's talent and know what they were thinking without letting them into my own head. But I couldn't so I would have to wait it out to talk to them in person. I couldn't let myself imagine their responses, or that of my family and the rest of the tribe. I'd be lucky if I wasn't sent away, somewhere far away where I couldn't hurt Adam or anyone else. Maybe that would actually be for the best; I wouldn't have to see Bella's baby kill her or the looks of disappointment and disgust from the people I considered family.

-x-X-x-

I walked half of the way back to La Push, not caring that it was the middle of the night and I was alone. Night was when most of the others were most likely to be wolves, if I waited until morning then they should all be back in human form and asleep. As soon as I saw the sun peeking up on the horizon I phased, taking off in a sprint and covering twice the distance in a fraction of the time compared to my walking speed.

I arrived at Sam's house, hoping he was there and alone. I had hit it lucky on the way out; phasing in my state was like playing with fire. You're pretty sure it's not going to end well and it's a matter of time before things get fucked up. Inevitable. But they were all sleeping now and it looked like Seth had curled up outside in his wolf form somewhere, he was dreaming about clouds and running.

Sam was pacing inside- I could hear him. Emily was sleeping, sensible girl, it couldn't be much more than 4am. Sam let me change back in peace and dress in the jeans and shirt he had left out on the porch for me. At least, I hoped they were for me. Clothes were fair game at the moment; if anyone else had left them lying around it was their bad.

I made myself comfortable on the porch swing knowing that I'd make a striking picture for Sam when he came out of the house; head in my hands, elbows on knees, despair washing off me in big metaphorical waves. I could hear him sigh as he quietly shut the door behind him and came to sit on the ledge of the porch.

"Are you ready to talk now?" he asked in a soft voice.

I looked up at the man who was more than just the pack Alpha; he was my mentor and brother and friend. I felt so ashamed of running from him, he had experienced imprinting first hand and knew that I had no control over it. I had nothing to be ashamed of with Sam.

"I think so," I told him in a hoarse voice.

-x-X-x-

Adam Hawk has been in my class at school since we were five years old. I wouldn't count him as one of my closest friends but we've always been friendly enough. I suppose now looking back he had a harder time growing up than most of us. His father was white and abandoned his mother quite early on leaving Adam a paler- skinned kid on a reservation where he stood out quite clearly as not 'one of us'. I don't think he got much more shit for this than you would expect, fortunately he has always been nice and he's popular at school with the other kids and the teachers so any nasty comments got fielded off either by him standing up for himself, or someone else taking it for him.

I'd never looked at him properly before.

He was clearly Quiluete; he had inherited that reddish quality to his skin, the glossiness to hair that should have been black but instead was a rich mahogany brown. His eyes had flecks of green and gold in them. He wore his hair long- to his shoulders but tied it back most of the time. It meant you could see the black bands of the tattoo that started just behind his left ear- which was pierced with three silver loops- and weaved and climbed down over his biceps, around his forearm and finished snaking around his ring finger on his left hand. He laughed easily and often, drank whiskey and rolled his own cigarettes. I wanted to sleep with that decorated left arm wrapped tightly around my chest and his light hair tickling my back. It was more than love, deeper than obsession, less than just lust but I couldn't deny that part of it either. I wanted to be consumed by him. Owned by him. With him.

"Let's start in a logical place," Sam said. He was leaning back against a post like we were discussing the weather. No big deal, right? "Is Adam gay?"

"Fuck it, Sam," I spat, "_I'm _not fucking gay."

"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up in a display of defense. Then muttered, "Maybe not." He sighed and managed to sound a lot older than 20 as he hit his head back against the post supporting the corner of the porch. "I'm trying to help here Jake," he said quietly. "Please don't bite my head off."

I sighed too, mainly to piss him off. "I know," I agreed. "This is a lot tougher for me than it is for you, trust me."

"I know," Sam echoed me. He appeared deep in thought for a few moments, letting me stew in my own misery. "Okay. I'm trying to think logically again. Is it... platonic? Like with Quil and Claire. Or is it..." he didn't seem to be able to finish the 'or' option. So I did it for him.

"Sexual?" I spat at him. "No, Sam, it's not like Quil and Claire. Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah, I suppose it does," his voice was as cutting as my own, he was clearly getting impatient with me. I tried to reign in my temper, he really was just trying to help. "Can you make it platonic?" he asked, rolling the tension out of his shoulders. "Get a closer friendship with him going on, get him closer to the rest of us, introduce him to the pack and Emily, ease him into everything slowly."

I thought about this for a moment, if I could stand being around him all the time but not being able to tell him what was really going on, how I really felt. "Would we tell him about us?" I asked, knowing that this was ultimately Sam's decision as Alpha. He thought on it for some time.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "I think so. If he can see me with Emily, Quil with Claire, Jared with Kim, maybe he can come to see for himself how it's not a choice thing or something we can control. And even though it would make it more dangerous for us I think we need to do it for you. He wouldn't be in any danger from the rest of the pack if we phased in front of him- you'd protect him and the others would back off. I think it would be a good idea if we all got together."

This, unfortunately, lead me right into the line of questions that I most wanted to avoid. The rest of the pack. My friends.

"Do they know?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't have to expand on this question further.

Sam looked me dead in the eyes. Nowhere to hide now, Jakey. "Yes."

"And?" I couldn't keep the hint of panic out of my voice.

Sam sighed again and I wanted to punch him in the face- he was acting like this was a problem for _him._ "I talked to them all earlier. They were... shocked at first, I think. I wanted to tell them all on my own terms so we sat down at the table with Emily. I don't think any of them had seriously contemplated imprinting on someone of the same sex or the implications of it. There was a lot of pity going around, Jake, not unlike when we found out about Quil. They know you didn't ask for this to happen. Emily asked a lot of the questions you've asked this morning and a lot about keeping you safe from the outside world. I know you don't consider yourself gay, hell, you were following Bella Swan around like a lost puppy only a few months ago, but the rest of the world will." He spoke gently, not wanting to upset me I guess. "I don't think you can hide this from him. He's going to figure it out sooner or later and then I suppose it's your choice as to whether you try a traditional relationship with him or something more fraternal. But if you go with the second option there's always a risk that you'll have to stand by and watch him marry someone else, date other girls or even other guys. That's something you have to think about."

I wanted to hit him again for even mentioning the idea of Adam being with someone else. Could I really let another person I loved go? After losing Bella to Edward I couldn't give up on Adam. My heart wouldn't survive being shattered like that again, I was barely a whole person as it was after having to watch my old best friend being slowly killed by a child she didn't even want. I didn't realize I was crying until the sobs shook my body and the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Sam didn't try to comfort me, knowing maybe that I wouldn't be able to stand any physical contact right now. He stood and went back inside to sleep next to his fiancée.

-x-X-x-

It took another week of me bitching and whining and being an all round ass to most of my friends and family before someone snapped. Emily was usually the most sympathetic and lovely person to be around but she eventually got fed up of my moping and dragging the atmosphere down at her house.

"Jake, you can't avoid this forever. Shit, you can barely avoid it for a couple of weeks and we're all suffering from your mood swings and I've had enough of it. If you're not going to pull yourself together then I'll do it for you."

Paul sniggered and earned himself a slap round the back of the head as Emily stormed out of the kitchen.

"You can all take that as a warning," Sam laughed as he went after her.

Emily ended up arranging some kind of barbeque/ basketball game/ bonfire get together the next weekend with the pack, Adam and a couple of other people from the res. The idea was to get everyone together and just hang out for a few hours but the whole thing was making me feel sick. I was constantly waiting for a sign that Bella was going into labor, she was due any day now, and the thought of being that close to Adam with him not having a clue about anything was just... frustrating as all hell and nerve wracking and sickening.

I was pacing in our living room, taking five strides in each direction before turning and going back the other way. My dad was out fishing with Charlie Swan and I was so grateful for that, if he was here he would know that something was wrong. He attributed my horrendous mood swings and odd hours to my link with the pack, not knowing that I was suffering from some of the worst side effects of being a wolf.

I had changed my clothes a total of six times since getting up this morning. I wanted to look good just in case things came out today like a part of me was hoping they would. I finally left the house at 4pm; half an hour after the party officially started. I was hoping to be aloof and distant and cool and was planning on telling the others I had been with the Cullens all afternoon. That was a joke. Like I could see Bella in this state- she'd call me out the moment she laid eyes on me.

I rolled the sleeves of my white shirt up a couple of times as I went out to the car and unbuttoned the top few buttons, feeling suffocated and too formal despite the jeans. I forced myself to drive slow and thankfully there were plenty of people already parked up outside Emily's when I got there who would disguise my arrival.

I made my way into the house to find Emily and give her my customary hug and kiss on the head in greeting, this girl was like my sister now. "How's Bella?" she asked, all innocent like she knew I hadn't really been visiting her.

"Huge," I replied and hoped she would buy it; firstly because it was true- girl was the size of a whale and secondly because it was 'guy' enough of an answer that she wouldn't press me further. Emily just rolled her eyes and gave me a plate of chicken to take out to Sam who was manning the barbeque.

All I wanted to do was look around to see if Adam was here yet, but I forced myself to focus on one person at a time and not let my eyes wander to him. The rest of the pack were wary around me; Sam had obviously warned them about my mental and emotional instability and none of them tried to make any real form of conversation.

I eventually caught up with Adam in the kitchen. He was popping the tops off a couple of beers and greeted me with a friendly "Hey, man, how's it going? Beer?" that crushed my heart a little.

"Sure," I agreed, taking one of the beers from him and toasting him with it before knocking it back, letting the cool liquid burn my throat. He laughed as I managed to drain half of the bottle with one pull and rested his elbows on the counter behind him, waiting for me to make conversation I supposed.

This was harder than I ever could have prepared myself for. All I wanted to do was launch myself at this guy, take his head in my hands and press my mouth to him, run my hands through his hair and have his on my body anywhere, doing anything. I wanted to take him home and lock him away so he was for my eyes only- I didn't want to share. Instead I had to make light, easy conversation which had nothing to do with werewolves and imprinting and homosexuality.

"Some growth spurt you're riding there," Adam commented casually looking at my chest. He was _looking _at my _chest. My _chest.

"Yeah, a couple of us are," I smiled, hoping I wasn't coming off creepy. "My dad says someone must be lacing the water source with steroids."

He laughed, a low, throaty sound which made me semi- hard in an instant. I looked down and away from his crinkled eyes and strong jaw and found myself staring at the twisted pattern of his tattoo. "You like it?" he asked, motioning to his artwork and I nodded, not trusting myself to contain my answer to within the confines of talking about ink.

"Pretty hardcore," I said as he turned his arm over to show me how the pattern worked before it disappeared under the sleeve of his t shirt. His black Led Zeppelin concert t shirt. I was definitely in fucking love.

He smiled and his eyes fucking twinkled as he motioned to my right bicep. "Have you got that tribe design like the other guys?"

I did, but there was no way of me showing him in this shirt unless I took the thing off; the sleeves were already rolled up as far as they would go. I rolled my eyes and smiled back at him as I undid the top few buttons on my shirt to pull the sleeve down and show him the tat; a wolf howling at the moon. Emily had designed them, they kicked serious ass.

"Nice," Adam said, running a finger over my arm. "Who did this? There's some amazing detail in there..."but he got cut off and pulled his hand back sharply when Embry walked into the kitchen shouting 'Get your own fucking beer' then stopping in the doorway to smirk at me.

"Sorry to interrupt," he muttered and I wanted to smack my best friend square in his smug face.

-x-X-x-

The sign came too early in the evening. I supposed I had prepared myself for this, nothing came easy for me and it would be typical that Bella would choose tonight to be the night she had the baby. It was cheesy and cliché but Edward and I had agreed that someone would set a firework off when she went into labor. He wasn't coming on my land and I wasn't going to send any of my guys on theirs, and the fucker wasn't getting my cell phone number so this was the best we came up with.

Sam was by my side in an instant, knowing what that one firework meant. "Go," he said quietly and I took off into the trees, stopping only to take my clothes off and tie them to my leg so I would have something to change into when I got there.

I could smell the blood from the moment I stepped onto the Cullen's front porch. _Bella's blood._ I forced the thought from my mind and hoped to all hell she was alive, that the son of a bitch had managed to save her because I didn't know what the pack would do if he couldn't.

I must have waited too long because the front door swung open and the tall blonde dude stood there, glaring at me a little for loitering. "Jacob," he nodded before opening the door wider and gesturing me inside. The Doc and his wife weren't about, nor was Bella or Edward but I could hear him humming to her from upstairs.

"Is she..." I started, not wanting to finish that sentence.

"Of course," Alice said, coming up to take the hand of blonde dude. "Edward got the baby out and she's changing now. It was messy here for a minute, but she's up there now. He won't leave her, Jake.

"I'm sorry," she said carefully. "There was no other way. She would be dead now if Edward hadn't saved her." I could only nod, scared of saying the wrong thing around a group of people who would quite happily tear me to pieces if I said the wrong thing.

The blonde bitch chose her moment to come downstairs with the demon child wrapped up tightly in a white blanket, cooing at the little bundle of joy. I took a step back in horror, partly of the sight of Rosalie with a look on her face that wasn't a grimace or sneer and partly because this thing, whether they liked it or not, had killed my best friend.

I must have been shaking or snarling unintentionally or something because suddenly Rosalie was hissing at me, her back turned to protect the thing and two strong arms hooked under my own to drag me backwards out of the house. Alice ran out after the three of us shouting to the other guys to put me down and it wasn't necessary to throw me out.

"He won't hurt her," Alice insisted as I got dumped on my ass on the lawn.

"It's not Grace I'm worried about," the gorilla man said at the same time blonde dude said "Allie honey, you can't know that, you can't see him."

Alice came to offer me a hand up. I ignored it and stood as far back from them as I could manage. The guys were still blocking my path back to the house.

"Grace?" I spat at him. "I thought it was a boy."

Alice sighed. "Bella thought it was a boy, but she was wrong. It's a little girl. They called her Grace Elizabeth, after Edward's mom."

"Oh," I said dumbly, not knowing how to respond to this. What did I care what the thing was called? "Bella's going to li- ... survive?" I couldn't ask if she would live. She was already dead.

"Yes," Alice nodded.

"Okay," I said slowly. "Okay." I turned then to walk away from that house for the last time.

"Wait, Jacob," Alice called and I stopped but refused to turn back. "Aren't you going to wait for her to wake up?"

I shook my head, dropping it to my chest in defeat. "She's a vampire now, Alice. I'm a werewolf. Mortal enemies, remember? Tell her I said goodbye."

I couldn't stand it any more and I phased as I took off in a run, doing my best to ignore the shredded clothing and dying heartbeats I left behind me.

-x-X-x-

I had agreed with Sam that one of the pack members would stay in their wolf form once I went back to the Cullen's so I could tell them what was happening as soon as I knew myself. It was Seth's mind that I was thrust into and I was glad; he hadn't imprinted on anyone so there was no mush to contend with.

_Grace? _Seth asked.

_Better than Edward Fucking Cullen Junior, _I told him.

_If you say so, _he replied, sounding calm.

_Sam in on everything? _I asked.

_Yup. I've been giving him regular updates. Most people have gone home now. Adam is still here. He said he wanted to wait for you._

I had absolutely no idea what to make of that. _What does he know? _I asked, hating myself for feeling like a 14 year old girl asking if he likes her.

_He does like you, _Seth said and I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. _Sam hasn't told him anything yet but I think he wants to. Tonight._

_Okay, _I said, my staple response tonight to anything I couldn't deal with. Just, okay.

_Clothes? _I asked as I got closer to Sam's place.

_Twenty seconds to your right,_ Seth told me and I quickly changed course. The jeans were fine, they pretty much matched the pair I had just destroyed. We were all wearing Wall- Mart's finest at the moment as none of us could afford to replace anything more expensive than that. But someone had left me a black shirt. There was no way he wouldn't notice the change but I liked the metaphor hidden in the shirt color. I had left in white, come back in black. I was in mourning.

I dressed quickly and rolled the sleeves up again feeling suffocated as soon as the clothes were on my back. I felt too comfortable as a wolf now and especially in the few moments after I transformed back I found clothes too restricting. I never wore underwear any more. Or shoes for that matter.

The bonfire was still glowing and I saw Seth sneak back into the circle just as I emerged from the trees. Emily was curled up in Sam's arms- asleep- and Leah had gone too. I was glad; I didn't really want any girls about for the next bit. Adam had grown up Quiluete so he had heard all the stories about our tribe but his white father meant there was no danger of this ever affecting him personally. It would only be an indirect curse on his life.

I sat down and watched Adam's eyes flicker with confusion as he took in my appearance. He seemed to collect himself quite quickly, I supposed he would explain it away to himself as something to do with the grossness of giving birth. My heart stopped when he got up and started again when I felt a cold beer being pressed into my hands.

"Look like you could use this," he said, his voice rough tree bark covered in whisky- harsh and dangerous but soothing to different parts of my soul.

I nodded my head in acceptance, not trusting myself to answer him or even meet his eyes.

"Jake," Sam's voice pulled me out of my internal suffering. "Is Bella okay?"

I had no idea how I was supposed to answer this. The only person who wasn't wolfpack here was Adam and I didn't know if Sam wanted me to pretty it up for his benefit. I looked up to meet Sam's eyes and he nodded his head infinitesimally, a silent sign to go on.

"It killed her," I started, hearing the pain in my own voice. Seven sets of eyes came to meet mine but I kept them firmly focused on the rapidly warming bottle in my hands. "But we knew it would so no big surprise there. Edward bit her," I looked up at the hash fury in Sam's face. This was the whole reason for our existence- to protect innocent human lives and Cullen had gone and bit Bella only miles from where we sat. "She's changing now."

Embry's expression caught my eye, and when it met his he spoke. "She's gone already Jake. You need to mourn for her now and let her go. Do what you need to do to move on because she's not coming back." I knew he was talking about Adam and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy, having to sit through us all speaking in some kind of code that he wouldn't be able to follow.

I stood up and he mirrored my movement from across the circle, meeting my eyes with an expression filled with pity. "Walk with me." It wasn't a request or a demand or even a plea; it was me reaching out and hoping he would follow. I couldn't wait for his response and walked quickly away from the house and took the path that would lead down to the beach.

I felt him behind me before he said anything. He fell into step with me easily and we walked in silence for a long while. It was too dark for us to be able to see anything properly, either the path or each other. Eventually he sighed and unbidden, my head turned to his like some lunar pull on the ocean.

"So he asks me to walk but won't talk and asks me to walk then runs away." He laughed to himself, softly and under his breath and shook his head, the end of his ponytail brushing the tops of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, not knowing what else to say.

"It's okay Jake," he said, my name coming from his mouth turning me on more than I would ever be able to let anyone know. "Sam... enlightened me on a few things earlier." I stopped short and looked up at him- shocked and incredulous. How had no one told me that he knew? How much did he know?

"About what?" I asked, not wanting to put my foot in it if he had been told we were all some 'gang' of do- gooders.

"The pack. Wolves. Phasing? Protecting the tribe. Protecting the humans. I didn't believe him at first then he phased for me." He laughed again, the soft chuckle going straight to my dick. I was suddenly glad it was so dark out. "I sure believe him now."

I started to walk again and tried to digest this information. Sam had saved me a lot of trouble already and I was grateful but there was still the issue of imprinting.

Adam spoke for me. "He also told me about imprinting?" I could hear the hesitation in his voice. "But he said you could explain it a lot better than he could."

It was my turn to laugh, a dark, sadistic bark rather than a sound of happiness. "I bet he fucking did," I muttered.

-x-X-x-

"Think of everything you've ever heard or read about love at first sight," I started as we broke free of the trees and onto First Beach. I quickly found a pile of driftwood and sat down on it, Adam taking the place slightly to my left, close enough that I could feel his warmth. "Then forget it. It's nothing like that at all. You could know someone for years and never look at them twice then, _boom_, one day your eyes catch theirs and everything changes. You _feel _it, this cosmic shift in your life that rattles your bones and your soul at the same time. Every plan you've ever made? Forget it. Doesn't matter. No relevance on your life at all any more. It all focuses around them, whoever they are.

"And your family, your friends, your pack? They don't mean anything either. They're pathetic human relationships that mean fuck all compared to the connection you have with this other person, these bonds are so tight that they can't be broken by anything; time or distance or impossibility.

"My friend Quil imprinted on a two year old child." I waited for his horrified reaction and got it. "She's just a baby and he cares about nothing other than her. Everything that made him Quil now makes him Claire's perfect man when she grows up. He'll stop growing for a while until they're the same age and one day they'll settle down and have a family of their own. In the meantime he's the perfect big brother she doesn't have, a built in babysitter and friend and confidante. There's no reason why she would ever not want him.

"My pack have lived with the pain in the ass that was Quil after he imprinted and we had to deal with what that meant for us, how we would need to rally around and support him because trust me, no one felt worse about imprinting on that baby than Quil. None of us had really considered that it could get any worse than what we had already experienced; Sam was with Leah when he imprinted on Emily, my sister was with someone else when Paul imprinted on her.

"But in usual Jacob Black style, I fucked up worse than any of the others had managed to do."

I knew that I needed to look at him to say this next bit. It took every ounce of courage I had left to lift my eyes, but I did it. "I imprinted on another guy."

He knew exactly what I meant even when I couldn't even find the balls to say it in plain fucking English. He dropped his head to his hands and rested his elbows on his knees much like I had tended to do for the past few weeks and sighed, the air making his back rattle with the effort to push it out.

"There's something I have to tell you Jake, and this is either going to make it better or a lot, lot worse." I had no idea how it could get any worse but I stayed silent, guessing he didn't need to hear that yet. He didn't look at me to make his big revelation and I was a bit pissed at him for it. He took another deep breath and said "I'm gay."

It took me exactly eight seconds to process this information in my increasingly foggy brain. Then it kicked into gear.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed, jumping up and throwing my hands in the air. "How do I not know about this?"

"Not a lot of people know," he shrugged, still not looking at me.

"What does that mean?" I asked before I could even process how loaded that question was.

Adam stood up and placed his hands lightly on my shoulders to stop my furious pacing then ran his thumbs over my eyebrows to work out the crease between them. "I need to ask you a few things Jake," he said quietly and finally looked into my eyes. The sadness there almost broke my heart. I had been such a dick, not even thinking about how hard it must be for him to process all the shit I had just thrown at him. I nodded my head silently.

His hands went back to my shoulders and he started to knead them softly, working out all the kinks and tension in my muscles. I relaxed before my conscious mind could stop me. Adam stopped for a moment to run his hands over his face and hair in frustration but when he was done he put his hands back, his fingertips now working the back of my neck into my hairline. It felt glorious.

"You're never going to leave me?" he asked. I could only shake my head.

"Will the imprinting ever change or wear off?" I gave him another silent 'no'.

"You're not going to get fed up with this and decide to go back to girls?" I shook my head again but smiled a little now.

"You want to get married?" I nodded.

"Kids?" I nodded again.

"Adopt or surrogate?" I shuddered at his question.

"Adam..." I tried to phrase this properly and not offend him. "Until you I thought I was straight. I haven't had time to answer all these questions to myself so I don't know how to give you a real answer yet. But I'll think about it, I promise."

"Okay," he said slowly. "College?" I nodded again. "Where?"

"Wherever you're going," I said simply.

"Your family?" he asked and I winced. He rolled his eyes. "They don't know."

"Yet," I said quickly. "They don't know _yet._"

"You're going to tell them?" he made it another question, not a statement.

"Of course," I assured him. "Adam, I don't know if you realize, but I can't leave now. I can't hide it from them because I'm always going to be with you. I don't know if it's best to tell them I've imprinted or whether just to say we're together, I don't know. There are too many variables, too many things we need to figure out between us first. But if you want to, we'll find our way through it, somehow."

He took another half step towards me and moved his hands from my shoulders, sliding them down my sides until they rested on my hips. We were almost the same height, him maybe half an inch taller than me but long and lean where my muscles had bunched up over the past few months. His hands were bigger than mine. His breath smelt of mint and smoke and need and I wanted to taste it.

"Yes," he murmured, close enough now for me to see how his tongue pressed against the top of his mouth to form the sounds.

"Yes what?" I asked dumbly, resting my hands on his forearms to steady myself as he tugged my hips towards him.

I had expected a verbal answer from him and maybe I got it; he pressed his lips to mine and I tasted his words, finally easing some of the ache of separation from my over- stressed imprinted heart. His bottom lip was fuller than the top one and I sucked it between mine, my hands tightening on his arms as I tried to take it slow, not to pounce on him and start tearing at his clothes because I wanted him right now even when I didn't know what that really meant yet. He reached out with his tongue and ran it just under my top lip, begging for access which I easily granted, parting my lips so he could flick his sweet tongue against mine. Adam's hands grew tighter on my hips and I moaned low in my throat, my lips still crashing against to make him swallow the sound.

Adam pulled away and I gasped for air and grasped for my sanity. He laid his forehead against mine and when I opened my eyes I was looking into his; they were completely black in the darkness.

"Do you want to come back to mine?" he asked.

My heart started thumping harder but I took his hand and told him "Yes."

-x-X-x-

Adam's mother lived in one of the nicest houses on the edge of the reservation, close enough to the beach to mean there were fantastic views out of pretty much ever window. We snuck through the dark house letting the huge white moon guide our steps and Adam holding my hand to steady me. I liked the way my hand sat in his. I felt protected but it must be strange for him, being the protector of the protector.

He grabbed a couple of bottles of water out of the fridge in the kitchen and lead me up a back staircase, not letting go of my hand or saying anything until we reached his room.

"I'm cut off from the rest of the house up here," he said as he flipped on a few lamps. "My mom got the conversion done when I was fourteen and started playing drums." He gestured to an expensive looking black and silver drum kit in the corner of the room.

"Do you still play?" I asked.

"Sure," he smiled. "Just not at two in the morning." He turned on a last lamp and came over to wind his arms around my chest. I laid my head down in the dip between his neck and shoulder and inhaled his specific smoky- warm scent, then nuzzled the spot with my nose. It felt like home. "Jake we don't have to do anything tonight if you don't want to," he said softly, pressing a kiss into the top of my head. "I can take you home now if that would be better."

I loved him more for giving me the option. "I want to stay," I whispered.

My eyes had drifted closed but his lips found mine to start a lazy dance, rubbing and grinding against each other to taste and tease. He walked me back slowly until the backs of my knees hit the edge of his bed and I shuffled back quickly to make room for him. Adam smiled, a lazy smirk that made the desire throbbing through me pump up a notch and crawled up and over me to rest on his forearms either side of my shoulders.

His hips pressed into my own and I could feel his desire against mine as he deepened our kiss; tongues tangling and teeth clashing as the want and need made me sweat and pant, silently begging for more. Adam broke away first and pulled back to wrench his t shirt off over his head and I struggled out of my shirt, thrilled at the possibility of feeling his skin next to mine. He pressed his naked chest back down and sparks shot off over my body as his nipples, tight with want rubbed against my own.

My dick was straining against my jeans and begging to be set free and I whimpered as the instinctive rocking of our hips caused it to rub against Adam's. I wanted more, wanted him and he twisted in my arms and flipped us over so I was the one on top, the one in control.

I tentatively reached down for the zipper on his jeans and pulled them off as his own quick fingers unbuttoned me and pushed the denim down over my legs. I kicked them off with my boxers and socks and suddenly realized I was lying naked on top of another equally naked man. I was terrified and turned on and stupidly in love, not that I would be able to tell him this for months and months yet.

"Don't you need to turn over?" I asked, hearing my own nerves and confused as to how the logistics of this worked.

"No," he smiled, not mocking me for not knowing but gently leading me through it. "I would prefer to see you if that's okay,"

I chewed my lip and nodded and he reached up to kiss me again, forcing me to stop the nervous gesture. "Relax, Jake," he murmured. "I'm usually the one on top so this is new to me, too."

I furrowed my brow, still not understanding how this worked. Adam reached over to the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a bottle and little foil packet, rolling me off his chest so we were lying side by side. "Clean safe fun," he winked and I couldn't help the blush that crept into my cheeks. He put them on the bed and started to kiss my neck, working his way down my body stopping only to lick and nibble on my nipples or to run his tongue between the lines of my abs.

No one had ever seen my cock before, let alone look at it in the way Adam was. I knew what they meant now by 'hungry eyes'. He licked the underside of it and I couldn't help but thrust my hips up to meet his lips. Adam chuckled and took the head in his mouth, sucking lightly and using his tongue to tease me into oblivion. His fingertips started to tease my balls as he sucked harder and started to bob his head up and down my length then disappeared for a moment as my cock hit the back of my throat, causing me to grit my teeth and grab the comforter in both hands to stop myself from coming immediately.

The pressure was taken off as I felt his slick finger probing at my entrance, then with no fuss or preamble he slid it deep inside me. I knew that he would likely do this and it took me a few moments to figure out if I liked it or not. The immediate throbbing in my cock subsided and Adam kept working it with his lips as he pressed a second finger in next to the first and started to gently thrust his fingers.

A low moan broke free from my throat and I realized from my reactions that I must like this, it must be good or I wouldn't be responding this way. I had a sudden overwhelming urge to repay the favor before I ended it prematurely. I gently took hold of Adam's head and pulled him from me but before his grunt of protest registered I had scooted down the bed so I could flick my tongue in his belly button. Yum. He stopped protesting then.

Needless to say I've never sucked a guy's cock before and the task daunted me somewhat, especially when considering how smooth and long and firm and beautiful Adam's cock is. I licked the end, enjoying the salty taste before wrapping my lips around the head and running my tongue around it. I know I liked it when he did that to me...

Adam lay back on the pillows and ran his fingers through his long hair, finding the band holding it back and throwing it across the room. He looked like a god laid out for me on the stone colored sheets, his skin stretched tight across his muscles and melting into my touch. His eyes were closed and I couldn't help but watch his face; the way his lips constantly moved and his tongue that would occasionally dart out to wet them, his eyebrows that could knit together with the strain of holding himself back, the soft flush that was creeping across his neck and chest.

I found the bottle of lube on the bed and determined not to get freaked out by this, I poured some onto my fingertips and started to work it around Adam's entrance like he had done to me.

"Holy fuck Jake," he growled, rising up onto his forearms and dropping his head back but opening his legs for me a bit at the same time. I started to work the slippery liquid inside him, marveling at how smooth and warm and _tight_ he was and wondering how the fuck I was supposed to do this. Adam's heart was thumping hard and I could practically smell how turned on he was. I didn't want to be this nervous.

"Adam," I whispered, not stopping the movement of my fingers. He raised his head to look down at me and smiled; a gorgeous, loving sign that this was okay. "What should I... how does... fuck, help me out here." He laughed softly, not cruel but understanding.

Adam reached for the little foil packet and pulled the condom out, rolling it down my length then covering it with more of the lube. He pulled me up onto his chest and into his kiss, our cocks now rubbing against each other and opened himself up to me again as he wrapped his legs around my waist. I balanced my hands either side of his shoulders and he took my cock again, pressing it against himself. I paused, letting him move his hips up to me instead of me pushing against him, not wanting to hurt him at all. Adam's hands came up to grasp my shoulders and he pressed his head into my neck so I could feel his hot breath against my chest.

"Gently, slowly, carefully," he whispered and I tried to move forward a little, using all my strength to hold back instead of plow in deeper. I pushed a bit more and felt him accept me, stretching so I could make love to him like this.

Adam relaxed back onto the bed and I lay down on top of him, finally fitting all the way inside him. "Are you okay," I whispered, my throat feeling thick with unshed tears.

"I'm perfect," he murmured and rocked his hips, a silent sign for me to start moving with him. I pulled back a little and pressed forward again and felt Adam's moan as a breath in my ear and in the vibrations in his chest. We slowly built up a rhythm moving together, his cock moving against my stomach to give him some friction too, Adam's lips finding the soft skin under my ear and kissing me there over and over.

"Jake, I..." he whispered in my ear, his voice breathy and fucking hot as hell and I cut him off, agreeing-

"Me too,"

Adam moaned and tensed and his fingers dug into my shoulders and he whispered my name into my ear as he came, and I felt the hot wetness of his come on my belly as I let go too and gasped my orgasm deep inside him.

I collapsed onto weakened arms and he gathered me close, kissing my hair as my heart thundered in my chest and I tried to calm my breathing, not caring about pulling out yet or the mess we were likely making.

Adam groaned a different sort of groan as I found the strength to remove my softening cock from him and I laughed at the expression on his face, loving that we could laugh at ourselves and the general grossness of post- sex clean up. I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes and Adam threw a couple of tissues onto my stomach as he sorted himself out, then laid down on his back next to me and I instinctively rolled into him.

A bead of sweat ran down my neck from my temple and pooled in the hollow of my throat. I thought it would stay there until I swiped it off but Adam surprised me as I felt his tongue licking it right off my clavicle. I shuddered in his arms and turned so my back was pressed into his chest. He wrapped his tattooed arm around me and I followed the patterns of black with my fingertips around his forearm and wrist and down to where it circled his ring finger.

"Jacob Black Hawk," he whispered into my ear. "It sounds very Native." I laughed and turned in his arms to press a soft kiss to his jaw.

"It has a certain ring to it," I mused, turning back. "And sounds really fucking cool if I opened my own shop. 'Black Hawk Motors'."

"Hell yeah," he agreed and kissed my neck.

"Surrogates," I whispered into the pillow, answering an old question but too afraid to face him. "Rachel would do it, absolutely. I think it would bug Becca out a bit though. It would still be genetically ours that way."

"What about you?" he asked. "Don't you want one of your own?"

"Unless you have a secret sister somewhere I don't think we can make it work," I joked. "I'm happy with that arrangement."

"I have a cousin," he said carefully. "She offered to do it for me a long time ago, when I first told her I was gay. She has three kids already so it wouldn't be a problem." I was so happy I was afraid my heart would just explode in my chest. Everything was falling into place.

"Not yet though," I said, suddenly feeling very much like a seventeen year old talking about children.

Adam laughed. "No, Jake, not yet." We were quiet for a while, our tired heads craving sleep but not wanting to miss anything of this night. "Tell me about Bella," Adam asked carefully.

It was the last thing I was expecting and I didn't think it would hurt this much. "She was my best friend," I started, hearing the pain in my voice. "She fell for Cullen pretty quickly after she moved here but I've known her since we were kids. He left her a while back now and we got closer and I fell in love with her, but when he came back she chose him." I shrugged, not wanting to go into all of the gory details. "I suppose it doesn't matter now. She has her husband and her baby and her immortality; but I have you. I think I win."

Adam laid his lips softly on my shoulder again and pulled me back against him, holding me tighter. "I can give you the husband and the baby, but the immortality is a bit out of my league," he teased.

"Forever would get dull," I joked back. "I'm happy with this mortal life."

"Mortal?" he asked. "Are you going to stop phasing?" I thought about it for a moment. I love being a wolf; the freedom, the hunt, the responsibility that I relish along with my instinct for protecting my family. Could I give it up for him?

"Not yet," I said finally. "But when we leave for college I won't need to any more. I'll stop then."

"That seems fair," he said. My eyes were so heavy. I was ready for sleep but couldn't bear to be separated from him even for this physical necessity. "I'll introduce you to my mom in the morning," he whispered thickly, his voice betraying his exhaustion too but his fingertips still rubbing a pretty pattern into the bare skin on my hip.

"Sounds good," I murmured. Then, not being able to fight it any more I let the sleep take over whispering a muted "Good night."

I could have dreamed it, but the last thing that registered in my brain before the blackness took over was one husky voice whispering "I could be in love with you."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the absolutely fantastic 29 people who reviewed my original story. Thank you all so much! I have been writing this almost constantly since I published the first chapter in October so I do have a few chapters ready to go for you. Chapter 1 has been extended due to word restrictions on the original contest so it might be worth a re-read!

Still don't read this if you're under 18 please.

So, on to the morning after the night before. This was when Ifell in love with Adam. Le sigh…

-x-X-x-

Chapter 2

My first thought the next morning was how _hot _I was. I've never slept next to anyone before and the combined heat of my own naked skin pressed tight to Adam's had caused slick sweat to spread between his chest and my back and more to tickle my chest. His breath was warm on my shoulder and through my sleep- fuzzy head I registered that his arm was still wrapped around my chest. He hadn't let go, all night.

But I had to pull away now; the clock on Adam's nightstand read 7:23 and we had to move soon or my absence last night would be noticed. If I was patrolling I usually got in around 8:00...

Adam's lips found my shoulder and his voice croaked a quiet "Mornin'," before he rolled over onto his own side of the bed and started to breathe deeply again. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pushed my hair back from my face then followed his journey to the cool side of the sheets. Adam grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, my body curving around his like his had held mine through the night. I couldn't stop my lips from finding his neck and laying little kisses there, or stop my morning wood from grinding into his ass. Adam laughed a little and reached back to put a soft kiss on my lips.

"We need to get up," I told him, my eyes closed against his rejection.

"Someone's already up," he teased and kissed my chin. I kept my eyes closed but smiled. "Do you want a shower?"

"Mmm," I mumbled. "Shower sounds good."

"Through there," Adam pointed to a door I hadn't seen last night. "There should be towels under the counter."

"Thanks," I said and hauled my naked ass out of bed, not trusting myself to say anything else. Adam whistled at me as I walked away from him so I flipped him the bird, not bothering to look back. He laughed again as I shut the bathroom door behind me and I remembered how much I love the sound of his laughter.

The bathroom was small but high- an important feature when you're over 6'4". It took a couple of seconds for the water to heat up and I found a towel and checked to see if I needed to shave. It could wait. I hissed as I stepped into the cubicle and the steaming water hit my sensitive skin and rested my hands against the cool tiles, letting the water pound down on my back. I stayed like this even after I has washed myself down with Adam's spicy shower gel and cleaned off what I hadn't caught last night. Eventually I was clean but not making any move to turn the water off.

"Jake?" Adam knocked lightly on the door. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I called back. He was quiet for a moment.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure," I tried to make my voice light, not really sure what was causing my little freak out.

"Hey," he said, knocking the lid down on the toilet and sitting on it. I felt stupid then so I turned the water off and reached for the towel, roughly drying my hair then wrapping it around my waist. I rolled my eyes at him as I stepped out of the shower; he stayed sitting there even as I took a half step to the side to let him past- it was all I could manage in this tiny freaking room.

He rolled his eyes back and stood up to pull open his cabinet, throwing a new toothbrush and razor onto the counter then squeezing past me to step into the shower, slapping my ass on the way past making me yelp then flush in embarrassment.

"Shave," he said turning on the water.

"Why?" I whined. "You don't."

"Because I look ruggedly handsome when I don't shave," he called over the rush of the water. "You just look scruffy. And not in a good way."

I ignored him and reached for the can of shaving foam. I tried to do it quickly without cutting myself, feeling weird about having someone watch me do this. No one ever had before. I was having an internal hissy fit about the new toothbrush and was dying to look in the cabinet to see if he had a pile of them, ready to offer his one night stands in the morning so they could have shower sex with minty- fresh breath. Was he going to sneak me back out of the back door and send me on my way with another slap to the ass? Was it really going to be over this quickly?

His voice interrupted my thoughts. "Before you go freaking out on me, I stocked up on essentials this week, that's why there's an extra toothbrush."

"Oh," I said, trying to sound nonchalant as I battled the bastard out of its stupidly complicated packaging. The water turned off and Adam wrapped his own towel around himself and joined me at the sink. He grabbed a battered toothbrush from a glass on the counter and offered me the toothpaste- we brushed in silence. Well, I brushed in silence, Adam hummed the theme to Spongebob Squarepants.

It took me a few moments to find my clothes around Adam's room and get dressed, he threw on a pair of sweats and a t shirt that made me want to rip them off him again. He passed me a clean pair of socks and we sat on the end of his bed together as I pulled them on, then noticed I hadn't worn any shoes here and took them off again. Ah well.

I thought about getting up to leave but there were more important things to attend to; I shifted so Adam and I were face to face and I leaned in to kiss him softly, rubbing my lips against his until he parted them and licked my top lip. We kissed slowly tasting the cool mint on each other's breath, one of his hands holding my arm and the other finding mine to hold, my free hand pressing onto his thigh. We pulled apart and Adam leaned in to rest his head on my shoulder. I automatically wrapped my arms around him to pull him in tight.

"Do you want my phone number?" he asked softly and I laughed as I remembered I didn't have it yet.

"Yes please," I said, kissing his hair. "Can I call you later? I need to work through some stuff in my head today. But I'll see you tomorrow anyway."

"You're coming back to school?" Adam sounded surprised and pulled back to look at me.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I can't really avoid it any longer. My dad said I could take some time until Bella had the baby but since I won't be seeing her any more I'm out of excuses."

"Okay," he said, sounding sad for me. "Do you want to borrow some shoes?"

I smiled at him. "Yeah, if that's okay. I'll return them later."

"I'm in no hurry," he said simply.

When we were done dressing Adam walked me down to the back door and kissed me lightly before I took off in a jog, not really wearing the right kind of clothes for a morning run but craving the burn in my muscles.

I lost my virginity last night. Wow. That's a big deal- I don't care who you are or how it happens- it's important. But I lost it with a guy who asked questions about my future and told me how it could be possible for us to have children together and who is a gay man who is about as effeminate as Obama. I used to have so many skewed ideas about gay men; you know, camp guys wearing leather trousers drinking pink cocktails and dancing the YMCA. Actually, Adam would look damn fine in leather trousers. And I have to stop thinking like that immediately or it's going to become very uncomfortable to keep running. Adam is strong and sporty and intelligent and artistic, he's not overpowering or obvious with his sexuality, he drinks beer with my friends and can laugh and joke and be himself without anyone suspecting things he doesn't want them to know.

And with that, I realized that I could be jeopardizing too much for him right now. Maybe Adam doesn't want people to know that he's gay. I didn't know before he told me, nor did anyone else from the pack. If he wanted people to know, surely we would? Could our relationship be a bad thing for him? Does Adam's mom even know?

The last thing in the world I would ever want is to hurt him. And people are going to be negative when we come out together. It's going to get nasty somewhere along the line, this is the 21st century and people can be really fucking small minded. The reality that our lives aren't going to be one big fluffy cloud of love and mind- blowing sex hurts, a lot. I don't want to join a 'scene' and have to move to a tolerant cosmopolitan city away from small- town mentality and discrimination, I want to stay close to home with my family and people who love me.

I sighed, knowing that I couldn't possibly come up with answers to all of this by myself, I would need to sit down with Adam at some point and discuss it with him. My priorities had to be meeting his family and introducing him to my dad, maybe telling my sisters about our relationship before they go back to college. Things were about to get a shit load more complicated.

-x-X-x-

I had sent Adam a quick text to tell him to wait for me later that evening. I had to do a run for Sam, patrol the perimeter north of the Cullen property. Seth was running down there for me for now, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle getting that close to Bella.

The rain had come in hard earlier and a light mist still hung in the air, not really raining but enough to keep me wet as I tried to run fast enough to dry off.

_Jacob? _Sam's voice came through.

_Yeah? _I answered him.

_How are we?_

_Good,_ I told him. _All clear._

_You should go on then, _he said.

I didn't need to be told twice. I changed direction smoothly, heading back towards Adam's house.

He was standing on the back porch when I arrived, smoking and looking out into the forest on the edge of the beach. He made an impressive picture against the night; smooth and dark and dangerous. I stepped out from between the trees and heard his startled gasp.

"Holy fucking hell, Black, you nearly scared me to death." I didn't want to phase back yet and padded up to the edge of the deck, flopping down next to the bottom step. Adam cautiously came down to sit next to me and flicked the end of his cigarette into the grass where it hissed softly. He was obviously still a bit nervous at the sight of me like this and I couldn't really blame him.

"My mom's inside," he said quietly. "I wouldn't stay like this too long or she might come out wondering why I'm talking to myself."

I grumbled a little but obliged him, stepping away so I could phase back to human. Standing now naked next to him I tried to shake the water out of my hair and Adam laughed as I sprayed him with rainwater.

"Do you want to borrow some clothes?" he asked, teasing me a bit.

"Nah, I was gonna walk in to meet your mom like this. Is that okay?"

"Hmm," he said, stepping back and tapping his chin. "I kinda like my mom alive, and although the sight of you all wet like that is fucking nice to look at, it might give her a heart attack so you best put something on. After all, she has a fondness for native American men."

I smiled and blushed and reached up on my toes to kiss him. "So do I," I whispered.

"Fuck," he murmured against my lips and took my hand to lead me up his stairs. "It's okay," he said after a moment in a low voice. "She has her music on and she can't hear me back here anyway."

I could hear bluesy music playing softly from another part of the house and felt slightly more at ease. It was the smell rather than the sight of Adam's room that made all of the emotion of last night come rushing back to me and my dick twitched at the memories.

Adam had gone straight to his dresser and threw a plain black t shirt on to the bed followed by a pair of jeans then picked up another pair of his shoes to put back to them.

"You can have these back before I go," I said nervously, annoyed at myself for taking his clothes again. "I'll need to phase back anyway."

"No worries," he shrugged as he made his way back to sit on the edge of the bed. I almost felt self conscious about being naked in front of him but Adam licked his lips and I followed the line of his eyes down and realized I was hard. "Come here," he demanded in a low voice.

"Not right now," I said, half plea, half nerves. Adam ignored me and reached out with one hand to take the back of my waist and pulled me towards him.

"Yes, right now," he said and kissed my stomach, his tongue flicking out to swirl around my belly button.

"But..." I protested weakly but his hands came round to cup my ass and squeezed gently as he licked the head of my cock, only teasing but enough to make me want to come there and then. I moaned low and long and tipped my head back against the throb of pleasure.

"Okay," he said lightly, leaning back on his hands and smirking at me. "We can do this another time."

I growled at him. Actually growled. "You better be sucking my cock in the next five seconds Hawk or I won't hold myself responsible for my actions."

His smirk grew wider but he came forward again. "That's my man," he said and his snarky mouth closed over my aching cock.

I smoothed my fingertips over his hair as his head started to bob up and down on me, partly so I could do something useful with them, partly as a comforting, loving thing to do and mostly to get all of his hair off his face so he could suck me properly. Adam used a couple of fingers to tickle the spot just behind by balls that felt so fucking good and I was thankful that he didn't try to push me any further because I couldn't take that yet, I just needed a release from all this pressure and tension and need...

I came so quickly it was almost embarrassing but he didn't seem to mind, swallowing me down and licking me clean before kissing my hip again.

"Better?" he asked, looking up at me from under long eyelashes.

"Yeah," I said softly and leaned down to kiss his head. "Thanks."

I dressed in the clothes Adam had set out for me and threw on a pair of Vans. I snagged a brush and hairband off his dresser and slicked my hair back into a low ponytail- it was getting long. I couldn't decide whether to get it all cut off again and would barely admit to myself that I was waiting to see which Adam preferred before making a decision.

The man himself came up behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders, kissed the back of my neck once. "Come on," he said giving my shoulders a little tug. "I promise she doesn't bite." I groaned at his joke and he laughed, taking my hand to walk with me down the stairs and only letting go when we got to the kitchen.

"Mom?" Adam called as he gestured to me to follow him through to the living room. It looked different in daylight. Adam's mother was curled up in a wide armchair reading a battered paperback novel. Her hair was tied back and she had on a pair of stonewashed jeans and a long sleeve t shirt and her feet were bare. She had on a pair of red reading glasses and something about the way she looked made me yearn for my own mother for the first time in a while. "This is Jake Black," Adam's voice interrupted me.

"Hi Jake," Mrs Hawk smiled and stood up gracefully.

"Mrs Hawk, it's nice to meet you," I said, shaking her hand and feeling like a dick.

"It's Carrie to friends," she laughed and gestured to me to sit down. Adam took the couch and laid out across it, kicking his feet up over the arm. "I haven't seen you in years, Jake, how are you doing? Do you have a girlfriend yet?" She was teasing but I was mortified.

"I'm okay," I said while blushing furiously and taking an acute interest in the knee of Adam's jeans. "And no, I don't have a girlfriend." Adam laughed.

"She's only teasing you, man, she does this to everyone. My mother is La Push's official matchmaker."

"Oh," I said, trying to will the blood away from my face with the power of my mind. After the humiliating start to the conversation I found Carrie was easy to talk to and really sweet. She travelled a lot with her job teaching music to kids; she told me how she had spent the past few years regretting teaching her son how to vent his aggression on percussion instruments and how drumming was his anger therapy, Adam couldn't even pick up a pencil until he was done with the aggression that he had had to learn how to control.

"I run," I offered, "It's the only way I can calm myself down if I'm having a rough day."

"I know," Carrie smiled. "I see you on the beach sometimes. You should go out with Adam some time, he could keep you company."

"That would be cool," I said and Adam winked at me. I tried to will the blood away from my cock with the power of my mind. It didn't work any better than it had on my cheeks.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was getting late. "I should get going," I said and Carrie smiled at me.

"Okay, well don't be a stranger," she said and I gave her a hug. It just felt right.

"I'll just go grab that book for you, Jake," Adam said and gave me a meaningful look. Shit. I was still wearing his clothes.

"I'm coming," I said and his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Fuck. "I'll see you soon Carrie," I said and followed Adam's tight, jean- clad ass back through the kitchen and up to his room.

He stopped as soon as we hit his room and turned back to me, his eyes hot with desire.

"Adam," I warned, my voice lower than usual. "I can't. We can't. I shouldn't."

"Blah blah blah," he muttered and took the half a step to close the distance between us and pressed his mouth to mine. I couldn't stop the need and kissed him hungrily, my hands in his hair, his hands on my back. He pulled back first and slowed the kiss to something more loving, tasting me sweetly and stroking the back of my neck.

"You know I need to get naked before I can go," I said and he groaned.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered against my lips.

I couldn't say goodbye and I stripped quickly as he watched while leaning against his closed door. I folded his clothes and laid them on his bed, then before I found another excuse to say I leapt out of his open window and phased mid-air, taking off into the forest and the night.

-x-X-x-

I knew it was gonna be shit because it was Monday and because I had missed the beginning of this semester and the end of the last one and because I was running late. But also because I was going to have to walk through our tiny ass school and be polite and friendly with Adam and restrain myself from pouncing on him in the hallways and making out in front of the entire student population. Diverse and liberal we were not. Oh, sure, people would call themselves open minded but a gay couple at La Push High? No fucking way.

I was running late because I had overslept and I needed to go and reregister at the office first period and pick up my timetable. The only thing that I cared about was getting back into the motor shop class, otherwise my car would never get fucking finished.

I could hear the bell ringing as I pulled into the parking lot and drove around in circles for a while trying to find a space, swearing and punching the wheel a bit which doesn't help but does succeed in getting me more worked up. By the time I had parked right at the back it was raining and I was going to get wet and I was really late. Fuck.

I tried to smile sweetly at the lady at the desk; she must be new because I sure didn't recognize her.

"You must be Mr Black," she said as I burst through the door.

"Uh, yeah," I said, trying to shake the water out of my hair.

"You need to sign these," she said, pulling out a stack of papers, "And when you're done we can discuss your timetable. I have to tell you certain teachers have expressed their reluctance to take you on after all the time you have missed, but if you agree to do extra assignments we might just be able to get things to work out for you."

"Whatever," I muttered, grabbing a pencil and scrawling my name next to the X's she had marked on the paperwork. Fuck knows what I was agreeing to, I just wanted this shit over with so I could go back to my life.

"Okay," she said, all light and chirpy, tapping some details into her computer. "You can have your fifth period in motor shop, that's fine," I gave myself a mental high five. "You will need to do literature in first period and calculus in second, there's no room for argument on that I'm afraid. Gym before lunch?" she looked at me expectantly. Sure. What the fuck. I don't care. I nodded. "Fourth you've got a choice of History, German or Art."

"What?" What sort of screwed up choice is that? "Look, Miss-" I checked the name tag on the front of her ugly- ass dress "Campbell I've never taken any of that before. I can't speak German and I can barely draw a circle without fuc- I mean, I can barely draw a circle."

"Looks like you're doing History then," she smiled, ignoring my almost outburst.

"But I hate History," I whined. "Are you sure there's nothing else?"

"Look Mr Black," she said, her sweet voice gone and now suddenly sharp, "After your attendance last year and this you are lucky the school administration are letting you back here at all. If I were you I'd take my timetable, say 'Thank you Miss Campbell' and get your sorry ass to Literature because I don't want to discuss this any further."

She held out a sheet of paper she had just printed from her computer and another that had a reading list on it. "Thank you Miss Campbell," I said in the most frustrated monotone I could manage and stormed out of the office.

I spent the rest of the morning smiling tightly at the same sarcastic comments from teachers who think I haven't heard it before, predictable snide remarks about working hard and am I ready to focus on my education now; this damn reservation was too fucking small and everyone seemed to know that I had been absent because of Bella. Instead of actually getting into the gym for third period I was sent outside to run the track for an hour in the rain to make sure I was 'in shape'. Fuck off. I'm in the best shape of my fucking life, I can run from here to Canada and back in the next hour if you like, Coach, but I might have to change into the form of a giant wolf to be able to complete the task. That okay with you?

I was pissed and hungry by the time I got to the cafeteria and there were far too many people in front of me in the line but I joined it anyway. Then when I had paid for it there were far too many people sat down and I couldn't find Quil or Embry or anyone to go and sit with. I wandered to the back, trying to find an empty damn seat if nothing else and eventually saw my friends huddled round a table.

I slammed my tray down, making them jump and told them "To hell with this place." I sat across from Embry and next to Quil, apparently they had been comparing homework answers across the table.

Embry laughed at me and Quil slapped me on the back. "Tough morning?"

"Don't even go there," I groaned and grabbed my sandwich. "I forgot how much I hate education."

"I've spotted something that will cheer you up," Embry taunted me in a stupid singsong voice and stood up to whistle ridiculously loudly at someone across the room.

"Hey Hawk!" he yelled.

"What the fuck?" I hissed at him, feeling the flush on my neck and not daring to turn around.

"Oh shut up," Quil laughed at me. "I know you want to see him. Stop being such a freaking girl."

"Hey," Adam said, dropping into the seat next to Embry. I smiled, not knowing what else to say or do in front of my friends. It wasn't that I was ashamed of him or anything, they liked the guy so there wouldn't be any issues about that, it just felt weird.

In the first three seconds after he sat down I managed to record the fact that Adam hadn't shaved again this morning, he was wearing black jeans and Doc Martens which was a really good look for him, a long sleeve gray t shirt and a beat up brown leather jacket. He was wearing a different kind of cologne to the one he had worn on the weekend and he had some kind of cord necklace on and he had changed the top earring in his ear from a stud to a loop. His hair was wet from his shower after gym and I wanted to kiss him so bad it hurt.

"How's your first day back in education going Jake?" he smirked at me.

"Fucking ace," I muttered, ripping open my packet of Doritos and offering him one. Quil and Embry gaped at me and I realized my mistake. Jacob Black doesn't share food. "I don't like you enough to share," I told them in a childish voice and stuffed a chip into my mouth. Adam cracked up, Embry rolled his eyes and Quil ignored me and went back to copying Embry's homework.

This was some kind of turning point for me, I could be affectionate with Adam around my friends and they weren't going to wig out on me. I told Adam about my unfortunate incident with timetabling this morning and how I got landed with a History class I seriously don't want to be in.

"You should have taken Art," he said, shrugging at me.

"Adam I can barely hold a fucking pencil," I laughed. "There's no way I would pass Art."

"I would have helped," he smiled and I thought how little I must really know about him.

"You take Art?" I asked.

"Christ, Jake, where have you been?" Embry butted in. "Adam did all of the portraits down the north corridor." I knew the portraits he meant; they were black and white photographs of important members of the tribe, a really beautiful collection that I had seen hundreds of times but always assumed they had been done by a professional.

"You did those?" I asked, trying to keep the surprise out of my voice.

Adam just nodded and took a bite out of his sandwich, grabbing another couple of my chips.

"They're really good," I said lamely. I wished I knew more about him. It was embarrassing that my two best friends seemed to know more about Adam than I did, I mean, I slept in this guy's arms only two nights ago but I don't know the important stuff. "What are you doing later?" I asked him suddenly.

"Not a lot," he said casually.

"Do you want to come by for dinner at Sam's? Emily is cooking for us all."

He looked at me curiously. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Just dinner, Adam," I said, "No big confessions or anything. You can just meet everyone."

He nodded and said "Sounds good," but the excitement in his eyes betrayed him.

"I'll pick you up around six?" I asked.

"See you later," he said, getting up to go dump his tray.

"Later," I said softly, hating having to watch him walk away.

"You two make me feel sick." Quil summed up the sentiment of the moment nicely.


	3. Chapter 3: Outtake

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: This chapter was recently posted as an outtake, but this is where it fits into the story chronologically. Hope you like it!

-x-X-x-

Chapter 3

_Dinner, just dinner_, I reminded myself. I was the one who had told him it wouldn't be a big deal, but I was making a big deal out of it in my head. It was a big deal. This would be our first… _thing_… together as a couple. Were we a couple? Was I finally in a relationship with someone where my feelings were reciprocated?

This had only ever happened once before in my life. I was six, and Sasha Homer had kissed me in the jungle gym then hid behind her hair giggling every time I tried to reciprocate. My dad had told me it wasn't nice to try and kiss girls who didn't want to be kissed, and didn't believe me when I told him Sasha had kissed me first. She was a "nice girl" and apparently "nice girls" don't do that sort of thing.

The problem with growing up on a small reservation was the fact that Sasha Homer still lived not five minutes away from Adam. So I would, in all likelihood, run into her again soon. She had been awkward with me for most of our adolescence and even though I had moved on, to Bella, incidentally, she always seemed shy around me.

So, apart from Sasha this was a new experience for me. I liked Adam. Adam liked me. I had had sex with Adam. My life was pretty fucking good.

I ended up singing along to the radio as I drove over to Adam's house and beeped the horn at him, leaving the engine idle as I tapped out a quick text to Emily to let her know we were on our way. She was making chili, it was amazing and I didn't want my pack brothers to eat it all before we got there.

"Hey," Adam said as he slid into the passenger seat.

"Hey," I said back, leaning across to kiss him. "I missed you."

He hummed and parted his lips, capturing mine between them. "Too long since I saw you last."

I laughed and forced myself to pull away. "I've already told Emily we're on our way."

"Ah, damn," he said, sinking back into the seat and taking my hand.

"Was your mom okay with you coming out tonight?" I asked as we drove through the darkening streets of La Push.

"Yeah, she's okay," he said. "She's been saying for too long that I'm a recluse and I need to get out more."

"You're not exactly reclusive," I started to argue but he cut me off with a soft chuckle.

"I really am, Jake," he said, watching me watching the road. "If I'm not drawing I'm playing music or working on a project. I'll go out to big parties, sure, but I don't really just hang out with people in the evenings."

"So you're dedicated to your art. What's wrong with that?"

"You're so defensive for me," Adam said, bringing our joined hands to his mouth so he could kiss the back of my hand. "It's adorable."

I probably blushed but I shrugged it off. "I feel defensive of what we have. We're not exactly normal, Adam."

"No," he agreed. "But who wants to be normal anyway? I like this."

"I like this too."

We pulled up to Sam's and I killed the engine and my lights, letting the silence of the dusk settle around us for a moment before other sounds of the night started to reach my ears.

"Are we ready for this?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I think so," Adam sounded as hesitant as I felt.

I had to kiss him again, I had to. There was nothing else in the world more important than the gentle meeting of our lips, before my hand found the door handle and flooded the cab with light as I pushed it open.

There as a moment when I thought about not holding his hand, just in case that was too much too soon for my friends but I figured they already knew about our relationship and they had probably all been watching us kiss in the car anyway. They were such perverts.

"Hi!" Emily chirped as she opened the door to us, throwing her arms around both of us. "It's so good to see you again Adam."

I laughed as I hugged her back. "You look gorgeous, Emily."

"Yeah, I know," she said as she ushered us in. "Come on. Dinner's on the stove."

Not everyone had made it, just a few members of the pack; Quil and Embry, Seth and Leah who were all sitting on the floor in the living room with bowls of chili and bread.

"Did you save any for us?" Adam joked as we passed the open door.

"Yeah, there's some in the bottom of the pan if you scrape it," Seth said around a mouthful.

I tugged on Adam's hand and we met Emily in the kitchen.

"You can stay out here if you prefer?" she said as she served up the last four bowls, for us and her and Sam.

"I don't mind," Adam said. "I'm happy to join the others."

"Okay," Emily said with a big, goofy smile on her face.

"What?" I asked her.

"Oh, I'm just so happy for you two!" she giggled. "You're so cute together."

I looked over at Adam who was smiling back at me. I shrugged at Emily as Sam joined us, slinging an arm casually around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head. I couldn't help the surge of jealousy that he could be that easily affectionate with the person he loved, it wouldn't be that easy for us, but our relationship was still young. There would be time for that later.

The others were almost finishing up when we made it to them. I bagged an arm chair then gave it up for Adam, sitting on the floor in between his knees to eat. The conversation flowed around us, frequently including us but never singling out the difference that we presented to our friends.

For reasons I couldn't quite fathom Leah seemed to actually want to talk to Adam and I wasn't going to provoke her if she was going to be nice to him. Instead I set up a game of bullshit with several decks of cards and a messy sort of fucking around with my best friends, just letting things be.

"Weekend?" I overheard Seth saying to Adam over my shoulder. "We're all going surfing. You should come."

"He'll freeze to death," I immediately argued. Adam just laughed.

"I have a wetsuit," he said, leaning down to poke me in the shoulder playfully. "I grew up here too, you know."

"I know," I said, turning to face him. "But it's cold out there."

"Stop it," I heard Sam say from behind me and turned back in time to see him smack both Quil and Embry around the head- they were still laughing silently with each other. "You don't want to know," he said to me.

"You should come," Seth said again. "It's gonna be fun."

Adam was smiling down at me with an eyebrow raised in question.

"Oh, all right," I grumbled, turning back to the game and throwing down a pair of cards. "Two queens," I announced, causing a shriek of laughter from Leah.

-x-X-x-

However much I wanted to shout my love for Adam from the rooftops, there was something undoubtedly thrilling about having a secret relationship that only a few people knew about. I could sneak about after nightfall, stealing into his bedroom for dark, heady kisses that soon turned heavier; setting our alarms earlier and earlier to be able to meet up before school, or to wake us up in time to make it back to the bed we were supposed to be waking up in.

The all consuming _need_ for his body stayed with me as I tried to wrap my head around numbers and figures and calculations in school, and my job as second in command of the pack in the nights before I made it back to him. I was used to carrying around a mortal secret inside of me from day to day, and this was my heart's biggest secret. But I couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before my overwhelming love spilled over.

My phone beeped with a text as I rolled over in bed on Saturday morning, too early but I knew it was from him. Dad had left about twenty minutes earlier, off with Charlie for a couple of hours to do whatever it was that they did at this ungodly hour.

"Too early," I murmured as he pulled open the window next to my bed and squeezed through it. "I left the front door open for you, you know."

"Could have said that before," he said as he started to strip off his layers, completely uninhibited as pale bronze skin and black ink were revealed to me.

"Fuck, you're so hot," I said, my brain still half asleep.

"Mm, you too," he agreed as he kicked off his shoes and joined me, naked, in my small bed.

Still unashamed, he lined up his hips with mine as he laid his entire body out on top of me. One of my arms anchored his weight across his lower back as the other went straight to his face to stroke away any worries he may have had.

There were no worries there, just soulful dark eyes smiling with his love for me. There was a part of me that wanted to pull him into a kiss, and another part that thought that this was too special to pull away.

"How did I get so fucking lucky?" I wondered aloud as Adam ran his nose up my neck, along my jaw up to my cheek.

"This isn't luck," he told me. "This is fate, baby. This is so meant to be."

I couldn't help but kiss him then. It was so natural, the way we fit together. It was easy to me and felt right even though I was so out of my depth, not knowing how to be with this man in the way I wanted to be. There was nothing that was more important to me than figuring out our relationship, the physical aspects just as much as the emotional and practical aspects.

"You want me," Adam teased as our hips rolled together.

"No I don't," I protested, hiding my face in his neck.

"Yeah you do," he said in a sing song voice. "Your cock is hard for me, Jake. Just from a kiss, you got hard."

"That's not fair," I argued. "You're bare ass naked and humping me, of course I'm hard."

Adam was laughing as he bit my shoulder playfully. "You want me," he repeated.

"I want you," I relented.

He gently laid a finger over my lips and trailed a wet tongue on my neck and ear as he whispered huskily to me, his hips still rocking his erection against mine.

"You want to touch me. You want to taste me and lick me. You want your hands on my body, inside me, you want my cock in your mouth and you want your cock in my ass. You want me to fuck you, one day, and you want to fuck me right now."

"Fuck…" my lips made words under his finger against my will, his words such a turn on.

"Mm hmm," he agreed and pushed the finger between my lips.

I sucked on the invading digit, twirling my tongue around the pad of his fingertip in a mock of what I could do to his cock to make him whimper and pant and eventually scream my name. Just being with him like this was so fucking arousing, he was more than a turn on, he was my wet dream in living breathing, heart beating reality.

Adam was just as ready as I was as I flipped us over and immediately sought out his tongue with my own. We kissed hungrily, frantically in preparation of what was surely to come. My cock, leaking with cum rubbed between his cheeks providing both of us with much needed friction and attention where we craved it.

"Can I?" I asked, putting a little more pressure into my thrusting. This was only the second time we had been together like this.

"I want you to," he said, his eyes locked on mine. "Oh god, I want you to so much, Jake."

I nodded, slipping my hand under his back to press him closer to me as I kissed him again, our tongues and lips meeting over and over until we were gasping for breath.

"Do you have…" he asked and I reached under the bed to grab the plain cardboard box of supplies I'd ordered from the internet, too embarrassed to buy condoms and lube anywhere local.

"Yeah," I said, unsnapping the lid of the lube and sitting back on my heels with my cock straining towards him. I worked the first glob of slippery liquid around his asshole, feeling the first ring of muscle contract, then relax as I pushed forward and slipped easily into his tight heat.

Adam groaned, his eyes watching my face as my whole concentration was fixed on the movement of my finger.

"Do you want me to suck your cock?" I offered.

"Jesus, Jake," he gasped as I found a sensitive spot. "Shit yeah."

I pulled my finger out and added more lube to my first and middle fingers as Adam continued to watch me, then slid the first one back to the knuckle as I bent my head and lapped at his balls.

"Holy… oh my… fuck," he groaned. Oh, he liked that.

The loose, wrinkled flesh rolled easily over my tongue and his taste there, _fuck_, it was awesome. I could feel his pulse beating against my cheek as I pressed the second finger into him. He was almost beyond words now, the hums and groans of pleasure he was making going straight to my own straining cock. I almost didn't want to suck him, wanting to keep this blissful torture going for us both for as long as possible.

My fingers rubbed against each other, over and under, stretching him for me as my lips joined the tease on his balls and I sucked them both into my mouth, not caring about the tight fit just how fucking sexy this was. His ass was more accommodating to me now and I let them go with a wet suck before transferring my attention to the head of his cock. He was swollen and stretched and leaking for me as I closed my lips around the lead, swirling my tongue around to make him buck his hips up.

"Jake, not gonna last long, please fuck me," he groaned and I kissed the sensitive spot under his hipbone before backing off.

"Are you sure you're ready?" I asked as I wiped the excess lube off on my thigh and rolled on the condom, slicking it with yet more lubricant.

"I'm about to come, shit yeah I'm ready," Adam said as he pumped his cock with a loose, lazy fist. Watching him was like live porn. It _was_ live porn.

"Okay, good," I said as I laid my body back out over his and sought out his kisses. "Help me?" I asked, not sure how to do this yet without his assistance.

"It's okay, I trust you," he assured me.

"I don't know how to do this without hurting you," I admitted.

"But it's a good hurt," he said with a smirk. "With you, anyway. It's a good burn. Just go slow."

I rested my weight on my forearm and the other gripped my cock as Adam spread his legs obscenely wide, planting his feet on the bed to tilt his hips up to me. Determined not to let nerves get the better of me, I'd done this before, after all, I pushed my cock against his hole.

I was fascinated with the expression he made as I held myself there, letting him adjust. His back arched and he dropped his mouth open a little bit, screwing his eyes closed before settling back with a deep moan.

"Good?" I asked, my voice tight.

"Really good," he said, opening his eyes and smiling at me.

I pulled out completely, making him gasp, then pushed back again.

"Fuck, fuck," he whispered. I was insanely pleased with this reaction and tried it again, pushing just the head of my cock into him over and over, pulling out completely each time. "More, Jake, more. Fuck me," he begged and the next time I pushed home, not stopping until my hips were flush against his ass cheeks.

"Wow," I murmured as I adjusted my weight around him.

"It feels so good baby," he encouraged me. "Please fuck me."

I rocked my hips experimentally, in love with his tightness and his heat and the way he gripped me from base to tip. There was too much going on in the rest of my body for me to be able to concentrate on kissing him, but Adam had pressed his forehead into my neck so I could hear every little gasp and moan as we moved together.

"More, harder," he begged as I tried to be careful with him.

"Oh, you asked for it," I laughed as I lifted one knee to wrap his legs around me. Rising up onto my hands I found my leverage and slammed my cock into him.

"Yes! Fuck, yes!" he cried and I did it again, then again.

"So… hot…" I told him around gasps for breath. Adam was rocking into my rhythm now, finding his own pleasure in mine and suddenly I was rubbing against some swollen lump inside him and his hands were fisting my sheets and his back was off the bed and my stomach was wet where he had come so hard.

"Don't stop," he whispered and I realized I'd slowed my thrusts to watch his face contort in pleasure as he came.

I dropped my head to his and pounded into his now welcoming ass a few more times, climaxing hard as he gripped me and kissed my cheeks and neck.

"So good," I murmured as I pulled my softening cock from him and threw the condom in the trash.

He rubbed my back, between my shoulders and I went to shift my weight from on top of him.

"No, I like you here," he said and I snuggled into his arms.

"That was…" I started, then lost my words.

"Yeah, it really was," he agreed.

-x-X-x-

"We should go," I said, sighing deeply in contentment as I laid back against the pillows with Adam's head on my chest. We'd swapped positions as we relaxed in bed together over the past hour.

"I don't wanna," he said.

Even though I was tired and sated from our lovemaking I still leaned down to kiss him as I threaded my fingers through his hair and he hummed in pleasure.

"What time are we meeting everyone?" he asked as I pulled away and let him settle back into my arms.

"When we're good and damn ready," I muttered.

Adam laughed, the sound vibrating from his chest to mine as his fingers gently stroked my naked skin from shoulder to hip. Our bodies seemed to fit together seamlessly, not just during sex but in moments of quiet like this when we found peace in the moments of just us. Nothing else. Just us.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Adam asked from his perch on my chest.

"Yours," I told him.

He laughed and grabbed around my middle, rolling me on to my back and him on top of me, pinning me to the bed.

"Be serious."

"I am," I said. "You're the most important thing in my life."

"The fact that I feel the same is terrifying," he admitted and kissed my nose.

"One day this will be as natural as breathing," I told him and he nodded, his face close to mine.

"It almost is already. Come on baby, shower with me."

"Hmm, let me think about this," I laughed. "My man, naked and wet? I think I can manage that."

"You're such a pervert."

"My shower is small," I warned him.

"Excellent."

Adam rolled off me and tugged me to my feet, leading me to the bathroom and turning the water on full power.

"I really do like showering with you," I said as we settled ourselves under the water, washing off the smell of sex and sweat.

"Oh, I wonder why," he teased me sarcastically.

"No, not just because of this," I said, gesturing to his wet, naked torso. "It's intimate, you know?"

"Yes, and you're adorable," he said.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and he reciprocated with his arms around my neck. Adam was smiling widely as I studied his face, learning something new about him every time I looked at him again.

"I love your tattoo," I said as I brushed my lips over his inked shoulder.

"Thanks," he said. "I like yours, too."

"No, I don't think you understand," I argued. "It's so perfect on you. It's a part of who you are."

"Do you know how many threads there are?" he asked and I shook my head. The lines overlapped in a few places. "There are three. I've got a deep belief in the power of three… partly from an artistic point of view and partly because it makes sense to me. The past, the present and the future. Me, you, and what we become when we're together."

My heart skipped a beat. "I love you."

"I love you."

It was the first time we'd exchanged the words.

-x-X-x-

"Holy shit!" I yelled, laughing as a wave crashed over me.

"Wipeout!" Seth yelled back as I came up from air, coughing seawater out of my lungs.

Adam paddled up to me, sitting astride his surfboard in a sleeveless wetsuit. His muscles stretched the neoprene obscenely across his chest and he was laughing at me as I hoisted myself out of the water and back up on to my own board. I was only wearing shorts, so I caught Adam's approving, lingering glance at my abs. I stuck my tongue out at him and he blushed.

"I told you to leave that one," he told me.

"Meh. It was a challenge," I said.

Sam and Jared had caught the next big crest and were racing towards the shore; Sam was closing in but I had a feeling Jared would beat him. He was lighter.

"Sam's got it in the bag," Seth commented.

"Ten bucks on Jared," Adam said before I got a chance. I leaned over and squeezed his knee, nodding.

"Done!" Seth exclaimed.

A minute later, Jared hit the beach, a few seconds ahead of Sam.

"Well, shit," Seth said, diving off his board and swimming out into the ocean.

Despite being surrounded by the whole pack, and a few of the girls on the beach watching us, the sexual tension between the two of us still simmered. I licked the saltwater from my lips and watched as Adam's tongue unconsciously followed the same path.

"Race me?" I offered.

"I'll warn you, I'm good," he boasted, rubbing a flat palm across the broad expanse of his chest.

"Oh yeah? Poor human. Thinks he's got a chance against the beast," I taunted him.

Adam cracked up. "Baby, it's on."

He slipped into the water and started to swim out and I followed him, probably able to cover the distance in half the time but from being behind him I could watch his ass and his arms as he swam. We reached the point where the swells started and Adam stopped in the water, bobbing up and down with the surf.

"Jake," he said.

I didn't need him to say anything else. He needed me to kiss him. Or maybe he needed to kiss me. Either way, it was very important that I got closer. I tangled my leg around his waist to hook him in closer as my hand cupped his neck and my lips closed in on his.

He still tasted of smoke and mint, but now there was the harshness of salt offsetting the smoothness of his kiss that I was used to. It was sexy though, reminding me that we were outside, in full view of the beach, making out.

"Come on, let me beat your ass," he said with a wicked smirk.

"That actually sounds appealing," I murmured, appreciating that my voice sounded dark with lust.

"You'd let me spank you?" he squeaked and I laughed.

"Yeah. Maybe. Someday."

"I can't wait for our someday," Adam said, blushing again at his outburst.

"Lets go," I said and went to climb back on my board.

"Give me a moment?"

"Huh? Come on. Stop stalling."

"Jake, I'm hard as fucking steel. Give me a fucking moment," he growled.

"I can fix that for you," I said as I rocked on my board, gathering momentum. "Boobs. Long, pink, girlie nipples. Pussies. Wet vaginas and pulsing clits and…"

"Okay, I'm good," he said brightly. "And I'm definitely gay. And you read too much porn."

"I _read_ too much porn," I corrected him. "Past tense. These days I have sex instead."

"Yeah, we do," he said, sounding very happy about the fact.

"I won't go easy on you," I said over the sound of the waves. "You're gonna have to work to earn your close second place."

"You cocky little shit," Adam laughed. "It's _on."_

"Ready?" I asked as the next big swell started.

Adam just nodded, his eyes focused behind us on the surf. I howled in excitement as we caught the surf at the same time, both of us hopping up in unison to ride the wave. We were very different surfers; I wiped out just as often as I made it to shore, turning tricks and _riding_ the water. Adam would hunker down and pushed for speed, his attention tightly fixed on the beach in front of us.

We were nose to nose as we approached the point where the waves would stop carrying us and I could see our friends cheering us on from the beach or where they sat on their boards in the water. I edged in front of him and would have won, but I dived off my board and tackled Adam into the water.

The sound of laughter reached my ears as we emerged from the ocean, our lips glued together. We had been carried into shallow enough water to be able to walk to the beach, the boards following us from the straps that were attached to our ankles. I was holding his hand and it felt oh, so perfect to me.

"I would have beaten you," Adam said, bumping into me with his shoulder.

"No way!" I exclaimed. "I had you, dude."

"You've always got me," he laughed and to prove a point, I grabbed him and we rolled into the sand, towards our friends, together.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 4

It had taken a few weeks but the other kids at school had started to accept that Adam was firmly a part of the crowd of kids who were with Sam Uley's 'gang'. He sat with us at lunch now and we hung out after school, sometimes I'd give him a ride if he was running late and even when I wasn't around he'd sit with Embry or Quil in classes. They seemed to like him which I was so goddamn grateful for, they could have made my life an absolute hell if they didn't. But Adam is so laid back it's impossible not to get on with him and he calls me out on my bullshit too, something my two supposed best friends enjoy no end.

After being so intimate with each other so quickly Adam and I had decided to back off a bit and just spend more time together getting to know each other better. I have to say my dick wasn't especially pleased with this arrangement; after having sex with Adam once I wanted it at least five times a day now. And I had it figured out when we could fit it in too: before school, in the showers after gym, lunch period, after school, in the evenings after I finished my patrol. Then before school the next day. I could handle that, it might take a bit of effort, but I was fucking hard at all of those times of day anyway so it wouldn't take a lot more to get off while I was there.

I learned Adam is six months older than me and a Sagittarius. Whatever the fuck that means. He designed his tattoo himself and doesn't want to get any more. He doesn't like getting his hair cut or shaving. He drives a battered blue Toyota that used to be his mothers and he wants us to go out on my dirt bike one weekend. He hates fishing but likes eating fish, he's allergic to kiwis and doesn't like mushrooms; he goes running three times a week religiously and has seen every series of Dr Who ever made. He gets the DVD box sets imported from England and threatened to beat me bloody if I ever tell anyone this. He sleeps on the left side of the bed. Boxers over briefs. He has spent three years of High School trying to be the popular kid so no one figured out he was gay because he doesn't want to be a stereotype. His mother hates that he smokes and I admitted I agreed with her on that point. He said he'd try to cut back.

We talked about Bella and Edward and what it meant to me that she had chosen him, how much that broke me. Adam was being the healing salve on the open wound that Bella had left, but I was still going through a lot trying to accept everything that had changed. Adam told me a little bit about his only relationship with a guy called Adrian he had met in a bar in Seattle. I don't think it lasted long- he was quite hesitant in talking about it. I came to understand how difficult it was for Adam to live the double life he had created for himself, being comfortable with his sexuality and happy with the way he was, but having to hide that side of his life from his family and friends because of how quickly prejudices could spread in a town as small as ours. It was truly exhausting for him, emotionally and mentally and I started to understand why he was so readily accepting of my imprinting on him. I had commanded some of the power back and it took the pressure off him. This relationship was my doing and I was more than happy to shoulder that responsibility if it meant he would feel easier about it.

Despite our self imposed 'no sex' rule neither of us could hold off making out with each other. The days at school trying to act normal around each other was hellish; we'd get back to Adam's house every afternoon and spend an hour on his bed, fully clothed and just enjoying kissing each other. I knew what it felt like to be pinned under his strong arms, they way his weight on my chest made me short of breath. I loved being on top of him and dictating the pace and depth of his kiss, the way his hands would grab my ass and pull my hips closer to his. I liked the bittersweet taste of the kisses we shared in the rain as he said goodbye, standing on the back porch so no one could overlook us. I loved the tingling ache left in my swollen lips as I made my way home- a physical reminder of his love for me.

So when Adam collapsed in the hallway in school I knew that it was his epilepsy and what I needed to do to make him comfortable while the rest of the student population freaked out around us. Luckily we were in a pretty secluded area and there wasn't anything around for him to hit his head on so all I had to do was roll him onto his side and let him ride it out. The nurse arrived pretty quickly and looked fucking shocked that I was taking care of him but she seemed to recognize that I knew what I was doing and left me to it for the most part.

It was over within minutes and everyone else had been ushered along by passing teachers and the principal who were aware of Adam's condition and used to dealing with it from before his meds got changed.

"Do you need to call an ambulance?" I asked the nurse as she took his pulse. My hands were physically twitching from the need to rub his back or hold his hand and tell him it was okay and the restraint it took to hold back was killing me.

"No," she said, not really looking at me. "We'll give his mother a call and she'll take him home."

I thought quickly. "Uh, Mrs Hawk is working away at the moment," I said, trying to sound convincing and authoritative. "Do you want me to take him? I have my car with me."

The nurse looked up at our principal who was still hovering for some reason. He had a strange look on his face but he nodded at me. "That's very kind of you, Mr Black," he said. "I'll get a note to your teachers excusing you for the rest of the day."

"Okay," I said with fake nonchalance and he left.

Adam looked terrible. His lip was bleeding where he had bit it and his skin was clammy and almost greenish looking. "Hawk?" I said carefully. "You okay man?"

"Hmm," he groaned softly. "Need to throw up."

My eyes scanned the hallway quickly and found the nearest bathroom. The nurse stayed pointedly where she was so I guessed I was on my own with this. I helped Adam get up but he managed to walk himself to the bathroom where he proceeded to throw up. A lot.

I left him at one point to go and grab him a bottle of water from the vending machines in the cafeteria, and when I got back he was sat outside on a bench with his head in his hands.

"Here," I said, passing him the water.

"Thank you," he said. His voice was still rough. "Sorry you had to see that."

"It's fine," I said because it was. "Are you ready to go?"

Adam nodded but still looked pretty gross. I walked close to him, too close probably because the bell had just gone and people were wandering around but I couldn't touch him or hold his hand so this was the least I could do. He was clutching that bottle of water like it was his fucking salvation and he was shaking a bit, I grabbed a hoodie out of the car and threw it at him to pull on before I went round to open the car for him. There were a couple of seniors leaning against a Jeep and smoking as I held the door so Adam could climb in and as he pulled the door closed I heard one of them mutter under his breath "Fucking fags."

I blinked and if it wasn't for Adam being right there and waiting for me and needing my help I would have phased and tore the motherfucker's head off. Unfortunately that would have made the situation just a bit worse, so I took some old advice of my father's and forced myself to laugh. The guys looked at me, obviously shocked and I just got in my car and gunned the engine, speeding out of the parking lot.

"I guess you heard that," Adam said as I continued to push my car to double the speed limit.

"Yeah," I said, not sure how I felt about the whole thing. "Super human hearing."

"Are you okay?" he asked, reaching over to rest his hand on top of mine over the gearstick.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I laughed, twining my fingers with his.

"All I need to do is sleep to feel better," he said seriously. "I think it'll take more than sleep to get you over that."

I pulled up in front of Adam's house and leaned over to press a soft kiss on his cheek. "We'll be okay," I said to him, meaning every word. I didn't want the small minded assholes at school to hurt him, but I had hopefully diffused the situation well enough that no one would bring it up again.

"I don't want to go to bed," Adam said as I helped him through the door. "I feel worse going to bed in the middle of the day."

"Okay," I said, taking him over to the couch and stretching out along it. Adam came to lie in front of me and handed me the remote for the TV; I stuck on a music channel and pulled him in tight to me so he could get some rest.

I didn't sleep but spent some precious time watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, enjoying his warmth against me, memorizing his smell. No force on earth or in heaven could have made me want to be anywhere else.

-x-X-x-

Adam was still sleeping when his mom got in. I had shifted so he had his head in my lap and I was stroking his hair softly. Adam had called her after we got settled in and she said she would try and get home as soon as she could.

"How's he doing?" Carrie asked, not mentioning anything about our intimate position.

"Okay," I said softly, not wanting to wake him. "He tried to eat something earlier but he got sick again."

She nodded and went to unpack the groceries in the kitchen. I felt a little bad about not offering to help but I couldn't move without waking Adam and he needed to rest, so I stayed where I was watching the TV on low.

Carrie came back in and offered me a mug of coffee which I took with a smile and a whispered 'thank you'.

"You're welcome," she said, settling herself into one of the armchairs. "Jacob please tell me you didn't skip school to stay here with him today."

I looked at her straight in the eye. "I didn't skip school to stay here with him today, Carrie."

She rolled her eyes and sighed but smiled at me as she took a sip of her coffee.

"You two look close," she commented as we turned back to the TV.

"Yeah," I said absently, still stroking Adam's hair. I'd learned from earlier in the day that he got fidgety if I stopped. "He's pretty cool."

"Jacob," Carrie called my name softly. "I know you two are together. I've known for a long time that Adam was gay, longer than he has I suppose. We've never talked openly about it and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. It's hard because he's my only baby and this isn't what you expect your children's lives to turn out like. But if it turns out that he's with you, well, I'm okay with that. I'm probably more okay than I ever thought possible."

I looked up at her and smiled. "I think you should tell Adam that. I know that he's desperate to talk to you about this but he's scared."

"You see him very clearly," she said, and although I didn't understand exactly what she meant, I kinda got the sentiment of it.

We were quiet for a while again, letting Adam sleep. Around six he started to stir and I rested my hand against his shoulder so he could feel the comfort of it as he woke up. He sighed and reached up to rub his face then took my hand from his shoulder and brought it down to kiss my palm.

"Hey sleepy head," Carrie said softly from behind him and Adam nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of her voice. He struggled to sit up and I knew he must be hurting.

"Mom, I didn't know you were here," he said, still sounding groggy. Carrie smiled at him and got up from her chair.

"I'll get you some tea," she said in her serene voice and left us in peace.

"What the fuck, Jake," Adam hissed at me. "How could you let me sleep like that with my mom in the room? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"It's okay," I told him. "Just talk to her Adam."

"How dare you tell me to talk to my mother? What right do you have to tell her anything when you won't even tell your own family about me?"

I didn't know how to handle this. He was mad at me

"Okay," I told him, sure that I was as angry at him as he was at me. "I'll go home and tell my dad, Adam, do you want to come and hold my hand or can I do it on my own? If I tell my parents are you going to go in there and tell your mother what she already knows? Take it easy on her, Adam, because she's been beating herself up over this shit."

"Get the fuck out," he said, turning away from me.

Gladly. I grabbed my phone off the table and was gone before he realized I had even moved.

I wanted to run. I wanted to phase and run out of American soil and into the unknown, to hunt and protect and be something less than human so I didn't have to face everything that was waiting to hurt me while I stayed like this. But I couldn't. Being a wolf wouldn't help me any now. I walked home in the rain, each step feeling like a penance.

-x-X-x-

I stormed through the front door and slammed it behind me. One of my sisters must have cooked dinner because I could smell it and the happy chattering that usually happened all the fucking time when they got back together.

"Jake?" Becca called. "Dinner's ready when you are." I tried to ignore her and stormed through the house until I found my father. The only good thing about this whole fucked up situation was that Charlie Swan wasn't with him. I was definitely not ready for it to get back to Bella yet.

"Dad, I need to talk to you." I stood there dripping with rain onto the rug while my dad looked at me like I was mad. Or sick. Or possibly both.

"Okay," he said, flicking the TV off with the remote. "Judging by the looks of you you don't want to discuss the weather." He smirked at me.

"No," I told him through clenched teeth. "It's raining, though, if you're interested."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Spit it out, Jake, before you phase in here and tear my house apart."

"I imprinted." I knew he knew what this meant. His eyes went wide.

"Is that why you've been such a mess these past few weeks?"

I laughed once and started pacing, wearing a wet squidgy line into the rug. "Yeah. It's not exactly an easy situation to deal with." I wrung my hair out and thought briefly about how I was glad I didn't do guyliner.

My dad was quiet and looked like he was thinking this shit over pretty seriously. "Is it like Quil's situation?" he said softly.

"No," I said bluntly. "It's fucking worse."

"For goodness sakes' Jacob," Dad said, sounding exasperated with me. "Just tell me."

"Adam Hawk."

Complete and utter fucking silence. Then I heard a gasp from the doorway to the kitchen and I spun round to see my Becca and Rachel standing there, and I realized my sisters had heard every fucking thing.

"Adam Hawk?" my dad repeated dumbly.

"Yeah." Despite all my determination not to be embarrassed or ashamed of us, I couldn't help it. My dad looked like a fucking broken man.

"Does he know?"

"Sam explained everything to him," I said quietly. "He's-" I couldn't make myself say 'gay too'. It was too much. "He's okay with it all."

I felt arms either side of me and my sisters pulled me into a familiar three way hug. We had been practicing that position for years, one of them either side of me and me in the middle, them protecting me, my arms wrapped around them to love them back.

"Oh Jake," Becca sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," I tried to sound strong but my voice broke half way through. "I'm managing to royally fuck this up."

"Language," Rachel chastised, hitting me round the head. I couldn't help but laugh, but it sounded too bitter to me.

"Jacob." My dad's voice broke through their protective arms. I pulled away from my sisters and looked at him. "Are you happy?"

"Right now?" I asked. "No. But I think we will be. He's a great guy."

"Okay," he said softly. "Okay. I need you to do something for me, son."

I nodded, scared I'd end up crying like a pussy if he said too much now.

"Go and make yourself happy, Jake. That's all I've ever wanted. All I've wanted for you is to find someone who makes you happy. It was never going to be Bella Swan and if Adam Hawk is going to be that person, well, you better get him round here so I can meet him." He smiled and wheeled himself out of the room, leaving me to face my sisters alone.

"So, when do we get to meet him then?" Becca wanted to know.

I shuffled my feet a bit, becoming increasingly aware that I was soaking wet and it was damned uncomfortable. "We're, uh, we're not really talking right now."

Rachel sighed. "Did you have a fight?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Yeah. Sort of. I've fixed my end now though and told you about everything, so I suppose I just have to wait and see if he completes his end of the bargain."

"Idiot." Rachel hit me round the head again. "Go fix it with him now. We're fine."

"Rachel," I said softly and found myself in her arms again. She was so much shorter than me now but there was something about hugging my sister that reminded me of hugging my mother. Both of them were so much like her. "This is still hard for me you know. I'm not gay. I'm really not. But Adam is, and it's hurting him that I don't think like him. I imprinted on him and pulled both of us headfirst into this … this _thing_ that neither of us know how to deal with. I need to sleep on it."

"That sounds reasonable," Becca teased. "Talk to us though, Jakey, you don't have to keep stuff from us. Not important stuff. We're not going to love you less because of this."

"Thanks," I whispered and kissed both my sisters goodnight.

By the time I reached my room most of my clothes had dried out due to the heat of my body and I stripped quickly, drying the last of my hair with a towel before collapsing on the bed. I was convinced that my emotional turmoil would make it difficult to sleep but my mental exhaustion meant I quickly fell into the welcoming blackness of dreamless sleep.

-x-X-x-

I had no idea what time it was when I got rudely woken up the next morning by people whispering outside my door. I couldn't be bothered to try and figure it out and rolled over in bed to grab a pillow and hold it over my head to try and block out the noise. My door opened quietly and clicked shut behind whoever had walked in.

"Hope you're enjoying the view, sister," I called into my blanket, the words muffled but hopefully heard and understood. It was their fault for knocking- I would have happily told them I was sleeping bare ass naked.

I felt Adam's presence rather than using any of the normal five senses. His heartbeat and breathing patterns were too familiar to me not to recognize him even when all my other senses were blocked. I sighed into the bed and refused to move. Adam moved softly around and after a few seconds I felt his weight on the bed next to me, and moments later his arm on my side, pulling me back into his chest and his protective embrace.

I moved willingly and curled into the right position for him to tuck his knees into the crook of mine and curve his chest around the arc of my spine. He had kept his boxers on but shed the rest of his clothes so his warm, smooth skin lined mine from neck to ankle. Adam rested his lips on my shoulder, not actively kissing me but needing to taste my skin, I supposed. I felt the same need. I grabbed a comforter I had kicked off at some point in the night and threw it over us and Adam held me tighter, neither of us saying a word. I fell back to sleep to the lullaby of his breathing.

-x-X-x-

I never, ever wanted to move from this position. Ever. But there were still other things that had to get done at some point.

"School?" I murmured after Adam had woken me up again with his lips on my neck and his hands on my stomach.

He laughed and nuzzled me with his nose. "It's Saturday Jake."

"Mmm, Saturday," I muttered and rolled over to face him, his arms adjusting to the new position so he could still hold me close. "Can we stay here all day?"

"Well, your dad has gone fishing for the day. And I met your sisters on my way in and they're going shopping in Port Angeles. So we have the house to ourselves for a couple of hours."

"You met Rachel and Becca?" I asked, realizing now that they must have been the voices I heard earlier.

"Yeah," Adam whispered into my hair. "They said you told them about us last night. And they wished me luck on dealing with you for the next sixty years." I reached up and captured Adam's lips in a long, slow kiss, sucking his bottom lip between mine and tangling our tongues together. I didn't know how else to say 'thank you'.

"And I spoke to my mom," he said quietly after we finally broke apart. "She said her only regret was not talking with me about this shit years ago. She says she already loves you."

"Carrie makes me miss my mother," I told him, not ashamed to admit that I could see myself getting closer to her over the next few years. I knew Carrie had known my mom and they were friendly as kids; I'm sure my mother would be thrilled that I could finally have that kind of relationship again. Maybe one day Adam would get close to my dad and he could have a fatherly relationship for the first time too.

"She said nothing would make her happier than being able to walk in on us together again like we were yesterday afternoon and seeing me peaceful with you like I've been fighting to be for so long."

I kissed him again, slow and easy and let my body naturally find its fit against his. I could feel he was aroused, and I was too but I didn't want to do anything about that yet. Adam's arms were wrapped around me and his hands smoothed down the length of my back and eventually came to rest on my ass, pulling me in closer to him.

"I don't want this to be about sex," I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth. "You mean more to me than that." Oh, that's what I meant. Crap. He'd stopped kissing me.

Adam laughed once and rested his forehead against mine. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"Actually, I'm a bit of a dick," I told him. "I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut." Adam laughed again and I rolled over so he could hold on to me again.

"What are your plans for today?" he asked, kissing my shoulder again.

"Not moving from right here," I told him. "We can go out this afternoon."

"It's just gone midday, Jake," I could hear the smile on his voice.

"Crap," I muttered. "I don't want to move yet."

"Then don't," Adam said and pulled me closer to him. "I'll stay with you here as long as you want."

"You won't ever leave," I said softly and he kissed me again.

It was another hour until we pulled ourselves out of bed, wanting to be out of the house before my father came home. I wanted him to meet Adam but not as he emerged sleep- rumpled from my bedroom.

"Where do you want to go?" Adam asked as we climbed into his car.

"You choose," I told him, not wanting any responsibility.

"Okay," he said with an evil grin and I held my hands up in protest as he pulled away from the house.

"No, wait, I changed my mind."

"You're not allowed," he laughed. "You said it was my choice. It's your turn next time."

I sighed dramatically but didn't mind too much. I knew Adam wouldn't drag me to somewhere I'd be uncomfortable. We kept the radio on low as he drove and I recognized the route into Seattle, not minding that was where we were going.

"Don't get mad," Adam started as we made our way into the city, "but-"

"Nothing good comes from that," I interrupted.

"I know," he said and smiled at me. "_But,_" he emphasized, "I thought I'd take us somewhere we can be ourselves. And not get into a fight for holding hands in public."

I thought about this for a moment. "Is that why we came all the way out here?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "If you feel uncomfortable we can just go back to acting how we normally do, but I thought it might be nice for a change."

"Okay," I agreed. "No, you're right. It would be good to not have to hide."

Adam broke into a bright smile. "And I need to go and get the last section of my tattoo filled," he added. "The girl who did it is here." I knew he wanted to get the tattoo finished but it was such a big piece it was being done in sections. He only had one little bit left to go but it went under his bicep which apparently hurt like hell.

"Okay," I said again.

"You're mighty agreeable today," Adam laughed and I hit his arm.

"I'm just enjoying myself," I told him. "It's good to be out with you like this outside of La Push."

"I know," he said and pulled up outside a tattoo studio. "We're here."

"I guessed that," I teased and it was his turn to hit me. Adam waited for me to walk around the car to meet him and we walked into the tattoo place together, not holding hands or anything- we didn't need to.

"Adam!" a girl's voice squealed as we walked in the door.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said in his smooth sex voice and I was instantly jealous even though he was talking to a _girl_ and it was completely irrational. She was tall with spiky blonde hair and tattoos all down both her arms, they were as brightly colored as she was. "It's good to see you."

"Who's this?" she asked and Adam's face lit up as he turned to me.

"This is my boyfriend, Jake," he said and the blonde girl smiled. "Jake this is Katie, she owns this place."

"Nice to meet you," I told her and offered her my hand. She shook it and turned back to hop onto her desk.

"All the best women are married, all the handsome men are gay," she sighed dramatically. "How long have you two been together? You didn't mention anyone when you were here last," she accused Adam.

"Not long," he admitted.

"Are you serious?" she asked, gesturing between the two of us and I felt like I was getting a major grilling.

"Yes," I told her and Adam smiled at me again.

"Do you want to leave him alone now and finish my tat?" he asked her and Katie laughed.

"I'm just making sure he's good enough for you," she said and winked at me. I couldn't help but laugh, this girl's enthusiasm was infectious. "And yeah I wanna finish your piece! Give me a minute to set up."

Adam and I waited out the front of the shop while Katie got her things together; another one of her employees came back from their lunch break while we were waiting and Adam introduced me to him as Dill.

I spent some time looking at the photos on the walls of the different pieces Katie had done, they were all fucking amazing and I thought about changing my mind about having more done.

"Are you ready?" Katie called and I went to sit down to wait for Adam. "You can come through if you want, Jake," she said and I looked to Adam to make sure it was okay.

"Come on," he said and I followed him through.

There were even more photos up in the back room, most of them with the original sketches tacked to them. Katie had obviously worked hard to get as good as she was. I took a seat to Adam's right; she had set up for him to be straddling a chair so she could reach the awkward spot along the back of his arm and the small bit left to fill in that went across his shoulder. Adam pulled his t shirt off over his head and I didn't bother to hide my blatant appreciation of his naked chest.

"Are you ready for this?" Katie asked as she pulled on the black latex gloves.

"Yeah, just do it, you sadist," Adam said and I started to laugh then disguised it with a cough. He didn't look amused. The familiar low buzz of the tattoo machine filled the room and Adam winced as the needle hit his skin.

"Okay?" Katie checked and he nodded. "Good," she said and kept going. "Do you have any ink, Jake?" she definitely had the distracting chat down well.

"Yeah, on my arm," I told her.

"Want any more?" she looked up at me and grinned.

"Not at the moment," I laughed as Adam took my hand and gripped it. Hard.

"Are you going to finish it today?" I asked and Katie nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "It was always going to take a few sessions because of how big it is. This part is the most painful so Adam left it to last." He growled at her and gripped my hand harder.

"Dude, chill out," I told him and Katie giggled.

"Told you it would hurt," she told him.

"Fuck off," he said and I kissed his cheek quickly. Adam turned his head so it was resting on the back of the chair and he was facing me and away from the needle. I couldn't handle looking at it myself and concentrated on looking into his eyes.

Katie finished up pretty quickly and wrapped his arm up after taking a few pictures of the finished design; they both got up at the same time and stretched the kinks out of their backs and Adam wrapped his now finished arms around me and kissed my nose lightly.

"Come on," he said and took my hand. I could see the wrapping peeking out from under his t shirt and shifted my arm so I wouldn't rub against it accidentally.

We walked back out to Katie and she marked off in her log that she had finished the tat now. Adam had paid for the whole thing in advance, he had told me this was the only way he could make sure he would go through with it.

"Do you want to come for a drink with us?" I asked Katie before we left, she seemed really cool and we still had a couple of hours before we headed back to the res.

"I would love to but I have a booking in a bit," she said. "I'll take a rain check though." She clicked her tongue ring against the back of her teeth. "It was nice to meet you, Jake," she said and I returned the sentiment.

"Okay, you need a haircut," Adam told me and I moaned at him because I really couldn't be bothered. He ignored me and dragged me into a barber's and I got it cut short again, not buzzed but long enough that it could be tucked behind my ears some. "Much better," Adam approved when we were done.

"How's your arm?" I asked as I paid for the cut and stuffed my battered wallet back into my jeans.

"Fine," he shrugged. "Burns a bit but it'll ease off in a minute."

I nodded, knowing how he felt. "Maybe we could get ones that matched someday," I said absently. "A black hawk, like you said before."

"That would be awesome," Adam agreed immediately and I sighed with relief, knowing he was up for it too raised my enthusiasm for the project even more. "I'm sure Katie would love to design them," he added. I smiled at him widely and he winked at me.

Adam and I were both cautious at first and walked down the street close but not holding hands. We did a bit of window shopping and I grabbed a couple of new t shirts to replace the ones I had grown out of. We were heading back towards the car, intending to stop in a bar across the road before going home when I spotted two girls walking towards us holding hands. One of them was curvy, wearing loose jeans and a black t shirt and had long curly red hair that fell almost to her waist. The other was a bit taller with cropped brown hair and a pretty face covered in freckles. They were obviously together and madly in love, you could tell by the way they were swinging their hands and the dark haired girl lifted their joined hands and kissed them softly.

I looked up at Adam; he had seen the whole exchange too. For some reason this made me feel okay about it all and I took his hand, gently slipping mine into it. We continued our conversation about my car but as we passed the girl couple the shorter one winked at me.

I realized that we could be like this all the time if we moved to this sort of neighborhood in the future and my opinion on the matter changed slightly. Being 'out' wasn't about gay pride parades and hanging rainbow flags outside the house, it was being able to be with someone you loved without fear of persecution. I wondered how long it would be until I was comfortable with the idea.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 5

I greeted Carrie with a kiss because we'd fallen into that habit easily and without question. She ruffled my hair a bit and sent me up to Adam's room yelling at me that dinner would be ready at 7. I had an hour with him alone before she would interrupt us- plenty of time.

Adam had music playing in his room, I could hear it as I made my way up the stairs. He looked so perfect as I leaned against his open door; he was sat at the large artist's drawing board he usually kept folded up in the corner of the room and he had his hair down, covering most of his face from me. He had all his pots of chalks and crayons and inks lined up and he was humming along to a song I didn't recognize. I watched him from the doorway until the ache of not touching him became too much and I walked to him quietly, calling out softly to greet him.

"Hey handsome." Adam spun round on his stool and smiled when he saw me there. He opened his arms a little, a small gesture that could mean anything to an impartial observer but I knew he was welcoming me into them.

Adam pressed his head into my chest and I wound my arms around him and kissed his hair softly. "I missed you," I admitted.

Adam hummed in agreement but didn't loosen his grip on me. I relaxed into him and glanced over his shoulder to see what he had been working on. It looked like a cartoon, almost, but too stylized to be a traditional comic book. The colors were soft and careful and the figures hazy; it was like a memory or a dream of a scene rather than the scene itself.

"What are you drawing?" I asked him after a while.

"Hmm. Concept art," he murmured into my chest.

I had no fucking idea what concept art was. "Huh?" I asked.

Adam laughed and kissed my stomach. He spun himself back round to face the desk and I kept my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder so I could look at the artwork again.

"I get hired to draw up ideas for companies when they want to get inspiration for how a film should look," he started. "They get different artists to create pieces that the director and animators take them and use them to get a feel for the atmosphere and shapes and colors that they'll use."

I stayed quiet as Adam picked up a pencil and started shading an area. "And sometimes when you've worked with a company for a while then you can send them some original work, and sometimes they'll like it and sometimes, if they like it, they'll expand it into a full feature."

I could tell from the way he was talking that this was a really big deal. This was bigger than just doing a couple of sketches for a high school art course or someone saying he was talented. And because it was Adam, he wouldn't ever tell people that he did 'concept art' for a movie.

"Who is this one for?" I asked him as he started to complete the figure in the middle of the picture. It couldn't be comfortable for him to draw with me clinging on to him but he wasn't complaining.

"What do you mean?" he said, leaning back to kiss my jaw softly.

"What company?"

"I, uh… I only work for one company," he muttered.

"Spit it out, Adam," I joked.

"Well, I've been working for Pixar for a couple of years."

I let my brain process that for a moment. "Pixar? Like Disney Pixar?"

"Yeah," he said, not looking at me and picking up a blue pencil. My eyes scanned over the pictures tacked to his wall over the desk, looking at them for the first time with clear eyes; a scene of Paris at night, a grumpy old man holding a bunch of balloons, a lizard from a hundred different angles, a space scene, dark woods…

Adam obviously didn't want to talk about this and I could hold back the questions until I had had more time to think through everything. I kissed his neck softly and watched him color the scene a bit more.

"Is this what you want to do at college?" I asked.

"Jake, this is what's _funding_ college," he laughed. "I'm hoping for a place at the California Institute for the Arts."

"Where is Pixar based?" I asked.

"Emeryville," he turned to kiss my cheek. "Not far outside San Francisco."

"San Francisco?" I said. "Like, San Francisco, gay capital of the United States?"

"That's the one," he said carefully. "I didn't ask Pixar to build their headquarters there, you know."

"I know," I said quickly. "I don't mind. I guess I'm just still having issues defining myself as gay."

"That's okay, you know," Adam said, setting his pencil down and turning back towards me. "Jake if you want to tell people that we're friends or cousins or whatever when we move away I don't mind. We never have to step inside a gay bar or go to a pride festival or whatever for our whole lives if you don't want to. I've never wanted that, I don't really associate myself really with other men who spend their lives making sure people know they're gay. All I've ever wanted is suburban normality, just with a male partner instead of a female one."

Adam sighed and took my hand, pulling me to the edge of the bed where we sat side by side. "Jake, I'm well aware that I'm getting a lot more out of this relationship than you are. You've never had to think about this shit before and I've been obsessing about it for years. I've been given you- this amazing guy who will want me forever and love me unconditionally and I don't know how to even start repaying that or how to hold up my side of the relationship."

I closed my eyes and tried to put myself in his shoes for a moment. It was difficult- all I wanted was to think of us as equals. I couldn't stand another relationship where the other person held all the cards. "Help me through the next five years," I said softly. "That's how you can make it up to me. Get me through all the freak outs and judgment and prejudice and get me to stay afloat when I don't know what I'm doing. And for the love of god, Adam, please make love to me."

His eyes were full of genuine pain. "I can't Jake," he choked. "I can't hurt you. I'm not ready for that, _you're_ not ready for that yet."

"It will hurt no matter what," I said, hearing the desperation in my own voice. I had done my research on this. "I want _you,_ Adam, not some substitute to get me ready or anything else. Please."

"How am I supposed to say no to that?" he smiled and leaned in to kiss me. "Okay." My heart started to pound furiously in my chest, _finally we get to do this, _but I was interrupted by Carrie's voice drifting up the stairs.

"Boys!" she yelled. "Dinner!"

"Stupid cockblocking fucking mother," Adam groaned and I burst out laughing.

"Later, darling," I said and kissed his forehead as I got up. Adam groaned again with something more than frustration.

Carrie had cooked an huge amount of food and she was an amazing cook, doing a roast chicken with baked potatoes and a massive salad with it. She seemed pleased at my appetite and we stayed in the kitchen talking long after we finished eating. I washed the dishes as Adam forced his mother to stay sat down and he put the clean things away, we laughed over stories of his childhood and I got more of an insight of what it was like for him growing up an only child in a one parent family. There was an undeniably strong bond between Adam and his mom and I think I learned a bit more about why it was so important to him that I got on well with Carrie. She was so open and warm; I can't even begin to comprehend how difficult it was for her to learn that her only son was gay but she welcomed me right into her family. It was huge.

"So, Jake," Carrie said while I was elbow- deep in the washing up bowl, "What are your plans for college?"

"I don't really have any," I told her. "I'm happy to go to California with Adam but I'm tempted to try and get an apprenticeship in a garage and eventually start my own business. I'm too practical for college. And I'm not doing so well in formal education."

She laughed, thankfully. "So you two won't have to work out a long- distance relationship through your college years then?"

"No," Adam said quickly, drying and stacking the plates back in the cupboard. "If I get an off- campus apartment we can live together too."

"You've got pretty serious pretty quickly," Carrie said but didn't sound mad about it, just commenting on the fact.

"Yeah," I agreed and wondered how we could explain our relationship without the whole imprinting issue.

"Mom, I've been single for the past three years," Adam told her. "I was prepared to wait until I got to college to start dating until Jake came along."

"Are you, uh, 'out' at school?" she asked using air quotes.

"No," I said. "Definitely not. I'm not sure La Push High could cope with a gay couple."

"You're probably right," she agreed. "Do you want some tea, Jake?"

"Sure," I told her and Adam and I finished off the last few things then joined her in the family room. I joined Carrie on the couch and Adam sat opposite us, kicking his feet up over the arm of the chair and balancing his mug of tea on his stomach.

"You need to work out a bit more," Carrie teased him. "You're getting a bit of a belly now."

"Shut up," he muttered and rubbed his chest. "I look good, don't bring me down."

I laughed at him and Carrie poked me in the arm. "You should take a couple of tips from Jake, he knows how to build some muscle."

"Shut up!" he told her again and I threw my arm around her shoulders.

"I always liked you," I whispered into her ear, loud enough for Adam to hear.

"Don't you start that with me," he said and drained his tea. "I'm not going to bite. You carry on flirting with my mother all you like." Carrie laughed and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to tell you something, Jake, and my son is going to roll his eyes at me but I don't care. I've never seen him this happy before. Ever."

"Mom-" Adam started but she cut him off.

"Adam Hawk shut up."

"Does he not have a middle name?" I teased.

"Don't you dare," Adam said to his mother in a deadly serious tone. "I do, but I don't use it. Same as I don't use my father's name, I use Mom's."

"Please tell me," I begged her. "Mine is William, after my dad."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Adam told me. "My mother decided to torture me at a couple of minutes old with a name I've had to hide for the past seventeen years."

"There's a story behind it!" she protested and waved off Adam's annoyance. "Oh, I don't care. Stop being a spoilsport. Okay, I was pregnant in the summer of 1989 and I was only nineteen at the time, I was so young for my age but there was an amazing support network of other mothers around to keep me sane and on the right track. Your mother included, Jake. And then in the fall this movie came out…" her voice went all dreamy and Adam groaned and put his hands over his face. "I went to see it at the theater about fifteen times and I just fell in love with the story and the characters and the songs…"

"Songs?" I choked out, trying to hold back my laughter. "You're named after a character in a musical?"

"Shut up, Black," Adam hissed between clenched teeth. "I've had enough of this-"

"No!" Carrie interrupted. "This is my story! You never let me tell it."

"For good reasons!" he exclaimed.

"Shh," I told him. "Keep going, Carrie." He glared at me but I didn't care.

"So by the time Adam was born his dad was already on his way out and I had this beautiful baby boy in my arms, and I knew he was the most perfect person in the whole world and the first and only man in my life. So I called him Adam. And I wanted to give him a middle name but there was nothing in particular that stood out for me except this one film that had given me hope through my pregnancy when I felt so abandoned, so I named him Eric."

"Eric?" I said. "That's not so bad."

"After the prince in The Little Mermaid," Adam said without taking his hands from over his face. I took one look at Carrie for confirmation and she nodded, and then I cracked up. I laughed so hard and tears welled in my eyes and my stomach hurt and Adam shouted at me to shut up but I ignored him.

"Oh my god," I sighed eventually as I caught hold of my sides. "That's hilarious."

"I'll get you back for this," he said in a low voice. "You have two sisters. They'll spill."

"I don't care," I told him and sighed deeply.

"Well, now that's out in the open I'm going to bed," Carrie announced and got up to stretch. "Are you staying tonight, Jake?"

"I, uh," I faltered, not knowing how much she knew and not wanting to admit anything.

"Jake, I know you stay over because I've seen you leaving in the morning," she said with a sly grin.

"Oh." I couldn't say a lot more than that. "Well, yeah, if that's okay."

"I'll see you in the morning," she said and kissed me on the top of my head. "Goodnight, Adam."

"I'm not talking to you," he muttered but lifted his head to give her a kiss anyway.

"Goodnight," I called as she climbed the stairs to the main second floor of the house; somewhere I had never had a need to visit.

"I can't believe she did that," Adam said as soon as Carrie was out of earshot.

"Oh, come on baby," I said, still teasing him a little. "It's a right of passage to have your parents torment you in front of your new boyfriend."

"You're my only boyfriend," he argued. "Like, ever. You don't need to hear that shit."

"I would hear it when we got married," I argued back.

"I don't even use that name any more!" he was still pissed, I could tell. I got up and went to straddle his lap, something that was difficult to achieve since he was still sat awkwardly across the chair. It's something that comes from being tall.

"Adam, I love you," I told him as he gripped my hips to keep me balanced on top of him.

"Not fair," he whined. "You can't fight anger with love, that's low."

"I know," I murmured, lowering my face to his. "Are you gonna fight me?" My lips hovered just over his now.

"No," he said softly.

"Good," I replied and lowered my mouth to his. As always Adam tasted of smoke and leather and tonight, the sweet tanginess of the tea he drank black. We kissed with my hands in his hair until my hips started to move over his and our combined arousal became apparent.

"We should go to bed," Adam said against my lips and I murmured my agreement.

I took the mugs into the kitchen while Adam locked up and he grabbed my hand so we could stumble up the stairs together.

We collapsed onto his bed together, a messy tangle of long limbs. Adam rolled over on top of me and continued his frantic kissing, tugging at my hair and grinding his hips into mine and his tongue doing fantastically naughty things.

I found the hem of his t shirt and pulled it off over his head so I could run my hands over the smooth skin and tight muscles of his back. He moaned a little as I scratched him lightly with my short nails and pushed his cock against mine again. I struggled with my own shirt, desperate for that skin to skin contact that I had been craving all day. Adam opened the top button of my jeans and I wrapped my legs around his waist, opening myself to him like he had done for me on the weekend.

"I can't take you yet, Jake," Adam murmured into my neck while kissing and licking the spot that drives me crazy.

"Why not?" I asked. "I want you to. And you said you would earlier."

He groaned and rolled onto his side, pulling me with him so we were face to face. Equals, even though I was pouting at him.

"God, I want to as well," he said in a low voice. "But if we go there now I'll hurt you. I'll probably hurt you anyway, but I want your first time to feel good, and that's going to take a bit of preparation. You need to be ready emotionally and physically and you're not yet."

I might have pouted at him a bit more. "How do you know I'm not emotionally ready?"

Adam sighed. "Jake, you don't even consider yourself to be gay and I'm okay with that because it means you're not going to go running off into the arms of another guy. But the first time you get fucked in the ass- you better be pretty damn comfortable with your sexuality because it's gonna push those issues forward if you like it or not."

I don't even want to think of what the expression on my face must have looked like. "Jake, it's one thing giving it to me; I've been there before and I know I like it. You were in command- being on top does that. To submit and give yourself to someone else takes a lot more mental strength."

He leaned in and brushed his lips softly against mine and I closed my eyes against the sensation. We kissed gently for a few moments before Adam pulled me into his arms.

"The first time someone took me I wasn't ready for it and I know that now. It hurt and I was a wreck for weeks after, not knowing how to handle all the conflicting emotions that were running around my head. I knew I was gay and I thought that it was what I wanted, but it was pure sex- rough and hard and fast. Nothing like what you did for me which was so good, it felt just so good." He shrugged and I smiled against his chest and kissed his shoulder.

"I want you to make me feel like that," I said and he laughed.

"I want to make you feel like that too," he said. We were quiet for a while, me drawing pictures over and between the lines of his stomach and chest, swirling my fingers through the soft hair that grew over his chest and in a line from his belly button going downward.

I considered asking him if it was okay if I touched him, scared at the possibility he wouldn't want anything from me after admitting everything he had so far today. But he was my boyfriend now, right? I should be able to touch him and if he doesn't want it, he just has to say. My hand worked under the fabric of his jeans and lightly gripped his cock through his boxers. He was so hard he was straining and squirming against me. I fucking loved it.

Adam helped me get the last of his clothes off and I finally wrapped my hand around his naked cock. Feeling it throb in my hand I realized how big he really was and for a moment I was very pleased that he insisted on preparing me more before he fucked me.

I started jerking him with a slow, loose hand, wanting him desperate before I went down to suck him. Adam shifted on the bed and took one of my nipples between his lips, licking and biting it softly, rolling it between his lips before taking it between his teeth and tugging hard. I almost came just from that.

"These would look fucking amazing pierced, Jake," he murmured, taking the other one into his mouth. "They would feel amazing too, you're so sensitive."

"I'll think about it," I gasped. "But I don't know how it would work when I phase." Adam groaned in frustration and bit down hard making me arch back in a weird fusion of pleasure and pain.

"Can I try something?" he asked and I nodded, stripping off so we were both naked. Adam smiled and winked and nudged me on to my back, kissing my mouth softly before planting a line of kisses down my throat and following the center of my body until he took the head of my cock in his mouth and sucked it gently for a moment, then hard enough to make me buck my hips up into him and groan loudly. I seemed to like this pleasure/ pain thing and wondered if he'd take it further with me one day.

"Ssh," Adam teased me. "You don't want to wake up the entire house."

"Adam," I warned him in a low voice.

"Okay," he smiled and collected a condom and the bottle of lube. I was probably embarrassing myself by being so eager but I didn't care. This was just me and Adam, and sex was fucking amazing.

Adam rolled the condom on for me and covered it in a generous amount of lube, closing the bottle then dumping it on the bed next to us. Then he straddled my waist, brought my hands to rest on his hips and gently guided me into him.

He went incredibly slowly, and I thought I had been slow and careful with him before. As soon as I was inside him he put his hands over my own to steady himself and lowered himself until I was completely sheathed inside him.

"Holy fuck," I whispered, watching the expression on his face change from tense at the beginning to pure pleasure as he adjusted to me. Adam opened his eyes to catch me watching him and he smiled and carefully leaned forward until he was bracing his weight on his hands either side of my body. The sensation of him moving was unbelievable and I was trying to get control over myself when he brushed his lips over mine with barely enough pressure to call it a kiss.

"Is this okay?" he asked and ground his hips in teasing circles, his cock thumping against my stomach where it was so hard and heavy with his arousal.

"Fuck, Adam," I gasped. "It feels fucking amazing."

"Good," he said and began a slow pace of rocking over me. I lifted my hips the small amount I was able to thrust into him and I could tell how aroused he was by this. He was completely in control unlike the last time we were together and I reveled in that handing over of power. He knew how to make us both feel good and was doing an excellent job of it.

I ran both my hands up either side of his body, wanting to be an active participant in this, then brushed the backs of my hands against his nipples. I stroked the side of his jaw and tangled my fingers in his hair, tugging his face down for another kiss. Then Adam leaned back to take my hands in his and sat upright again, his slow lifting and lowering of his hips now becoming full- on bouncing on my cock.

"You feel so fucking good," I groaned and he dropped his head back, stretching his body so I could find different angles and sweet spots inside him.

"Jake, I'm close," he choked out and I returned the words to him.

"Me too." A few strokes later he came, spilling on to my stomach and the clenching of his ass triggered my orgasm a few seconds later.

I whimpered at the loss of him as he rolled onto his side and off me, grabbing a towel from the floor to clean us up and taking care of the condom for me. "Are you okay?" I whispered as he tucked his head into my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry," he said and tried to hide his face from me.

"Hey, why are you apologizing?" I asked, pulling back and forcing him to look at me. "That was amazing."

"We were supposed to be waiting," he said softly and I pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"I love you," I murmured as I held him close. "I love making love to you. I love holding you, I love touching you. Don't ever say sorry for loving me."

"I do love you," he said, "I just don't seem to be able to control myself around you."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing," I laughed and yawned loudly. "Abstinence is overrated," I muttered as Adam settled back down with his head on my chest. "Nothing good ever comes from it."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 6

I had known for a while that I would need to get back in contact with Bella at some point; the way that I had left was so unfair to her and if I hadn't been dealing with so much of my own shit at the time would have been completely unacceptable. I knew Seth was keeping in regular contact with Edward and from his thoughts had learned that Bella was doing okay, she was learning about being a mother and what that entailed at the same time dealing with her new life as a vampire and I imagined it must be overwhelming for her.

For whatever reason Edward hadn't told her that I'd imprinted. I supposed he thought it was none of his business and I was glad. If I she was going to know about me and Adam then it was going to be because I told her, not because she heard it on the grapevine.

Adam was being ridiculously silent on the whole issue which was so not like him. It was like he was trying to kill me with his determination to not mention it; ever since I first admitted to him that Bella broke my heart he hadn't even said her _name._ Not once. It was like he refused to say anything bad about her, because she was my best friend for a long time, but he was sticking to the old adage 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'. That was how it felt, at least. I knew I wanted him to come with me when I eventually went to see her. I felt, in some childish way, that if she could see how much I loved him she would have a better time accepting our relationship.

I had always liked patrolling with Seth and he had my back no matter what, but it was difficult to be around him when he still had so much intimate knowledge of life at the Cullen's house. The area had been quiet for what seemed like months now, there was no immediate threat coming from the vampires despite their continuing swell in numbers and some of the pack were considering trying to stop phasing and settle back into normal life again. Seth wasn't one of them. He embraced our life so thoroughly but he was very reflective on things which often made him difficult to be around.

_Alice asked about you today,_ Seth said as we ran the north perimeter.

_Yeah? _I asked, not really caring much about what she had to say.

_She can't see you coming, but she's seen Adam._

_What? _Shocked didn't even begin to cover my reaction. I hadn't thought about that- that Adam was human and therefore not immune to Alice's talents. She could see him. _She _could see _him._ Shit.

_There was a very strange three way conversation going on between me and Edward and her, I just said he was a friend of yours and Quil's and Embry's from school. Edward won't tell her but she knows there's more than that going on._

_I'm going to have to go there soon, aren't I?_ I asked him.

_I would,_ he said. _Alice is suspicious and mad at Edward for keeping things from her. She's trying to figure it out but she's way off base at the moment. I wouldn't rely on her staying ignorant for long though._

_Thanks for the heads up._

Two days later I pulled up outside Adam's house in the Rabbit. He got into the car, leaned over to kiss me and said "We're going to go see Bella this afternoon."

"Are we?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yup," he replied, gesturing for me to start the ignition. "I got the Cullen's phone number from Seth. And I spoke to Esme?"

"Yeah, Esme is Edward's Mom. Sort of."

"And she said today would be perfect. All of the other kids have gone up to see a family friend in Alaska for a few weeks so the house is empty except for her and her husband, and Edward and Bella and Grace." Adam must have seen how tightly I was gripping the steering wheel in fear because he reached up to rest his hand on the back of my neck.

"Jake. It's gonna be alright. I'm going to get you through this, like I promised I would."

"Okay," I whispered. "Okay."

Adam leaned over and kissed me again. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah," I told him. "I love you too."

"Then let's do this thing."

-x-X-x-

Edward was pacing the front porch of the house as Adam and I pulled up, bouncing a bundle of blankets in his arms that I assumed held his daughter. I sensed a rush of movement from the corner of my eye which set off a chain reaction of events; I pushed Adam behind me and crouched low in a growling, protective stance, Edward twisted away from me, bringing his daughter to his chest to shield her, and Bella appeared on the porch.

She was still Bella, but _more_ somehow, more beautiful, more polished, more graceful. More sparkly. Definitely more sparkly.

"Shit, Bella," I muttered, straightening up. "You need to learn how to move a little slower."

"Jake?" she whispered, then flew at me again. I braced myself for her hug but found myself flat on my back looking up into the face of one snarling vampire.

"How could you leave and not say goodbye?" she yelled. "I will never forgive you for that Jacob Black. It's been months. And nothing? And now you turn up expecting forgiveness. Well, you're not getting it from me." She hoisted herself off me. "Come on Edward." And she flounced back into the house. Actually flounced. There's no other word to describe it.

Adam waited for the door to close then cracked up laughing. "Man, you just got seriously bitch- slapped."

"Shut up," I muttered as he offered me his hand to help me up. "She'll talk to me. She just needs time."

The front door flung open and made a loud bang as it hit against the wall of the house.

"Time?" she shrieked at me. "No, I don't need _time, _Jacob, I need a best friend who will support me in my choices, not take off when I need them most. " I opened my mouth to talk then shut it again quickly. Bella turned to Adam and glared at him. I felt my balls retreat up into my body with the ferocity of her stare. "Who the hell are you?" she demanded.

"Adam Hawk," he managed to look polite and bemused at the same time. "It's nice to meet you at last Mrs Cullen, I've heard an awful lot about you." He was such a creep.

Edward appeared at the door, still holding the snuffling baby and held a similar expression to Adam. "Bella, honey, why don't you invite Jake and his friend in so we can all talk like adults?" he said in a soft voice.

She shot me another death- glare and smiled sweetly at Adam. "Mr Hawk, won't you come in?" she asked nicely, then pointedly ignoring me she spun on her heel and marched back into the house. Edward looked like he was desperately trying not to laugh. So was Adam. Traitor.

_I'm going to need therapy after this, aren't I? _I pointedly looked at Edward as I followed Adam into the house. He nodded and looked like he was about to die again trying to stop himself from laughing. Edward followed me through to the family room where Bella had slumped into an armchair in a sulk and Adam had taken a seat on one of the long white couches. I sat next to him. Edward sat next to Bella. The battle lines had been drawn.

"Go on then," Bella said, gesturing to the space between us. "If you want to talk to me, then talk."

I looked at Adam and he smiled in encouragement. I took a deep breath, hoping that she wouldn't interrupt me while I tried to get all this out without cocking it up somehow.

"Okay." I looked at Bella. She was still pouting. "Bells, two weeks before you gave birth to Grace I imprinted." She looked at like she was trying to make sense of my words as her mouth made a little O of shock. "I dealt with it without burdening you with all of my problems because I knew you were going through so much, and I didn't want you worrying about me what with all of the stress of the baby and not knowing if both of you would make it. I was fucked up, Bella, when I figured out what had happened to me because I was pretty sure that once again I wouldn't be able to be with the person that I loved and I was convinced that I was going to lose you on top of everything else. And I was scared of being left with no one.

"The night you had Grace Alice told me that Edward had changed you, and I found out that Sam and the pack had told the person I had imprinted on all about the wolves and what happens to us. I told that person, then, what had happened to me and I hoped and prayed that we could find a way for our relationship to happen. I knew it was going to be harder than anything I had ever done before and I'm sorry for hurting you by not accepting your change, but I really couldn't handle losing my best friend on top of dealing with imprinting and the possibility of my feelings being unrequited."

I had shocked Bella Swan. I deserved a fucking medal. Edward heard my thoughts and nodded minutely.

"Oh," Bella said as she processed my words. Then she shook her head as if she was trying to figure something out. "Who did you imprint on?" she said.

I looked at Adam, begging him with my eyes to help me on this but he looked as lost as I felt. Bella's voice broke me out of my internal struggle.

"No way." She was looking between me and Adam like some Tom and Jerry cartoon, trying to make sense of the scene in front of her. "No freaking way. You have to be joking." She looked at Edward for confirmation. He nodded.

"They've been together for a while sweetheart," he told her.

"But you're not gay," she whispered.

Adam laughed and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "He is now," he said, joking with her but I was afraid he was going too far too quickly.

"Is it even possible to imprint on another guy?" she asked, still incredulous at our revelation.

"Apparently so," I said, rolling my eyes. "No one had even considered the possibility until Adam came along."

"So you're…" Bella said, then faltered. "He's your… you two are… wow." She fell back into her seat and Adam smiled.

"Bella," he said, calling her attention. She looked at him and frowned slightly. "Jake and I are just dating at the moment. We've discussed the future because it's important to consider where we might be going, but right now I'm just happy that I get a chance to be with someone as amazing as him." I looked at this great person that I was lucky enough to be in love with and went to take his hand, but he pulled back slightly. I remembered we were with company and tried not to be mad at him.

Dr Cullen and his wife chose that moment to come in from the back yard and I immediately stood to greet him. The Doc had saved my life and I owed it to him to be at least polite, even if he did stink.

"Jacob," he greeted me with a smile and shook my hand. "It's nice to see you again. How are you keeping?"

"I'm doing well," I returned his smile and shot one at Esme as well for good measure. Never hurt to be in her good books. "Dr Cullen, Mrs Cullen, this is Adam Hawk."

Adam stood and shook their hands as well; I had prepared him for the coldness of the vampires and I watched him hold back his flinch of surprise with some measure of pride. "Pleased to meet you," he said easily and smiled at Esme. "It's nice to put a face to a name."

"You too, Adam," she said and gestured for us to sit back down. "Can I get you boys anything to drink?"

We fell into comfortable conversation without the Cullens having to mention mine or Adam's relationship at all. They welcomed him into their house without question even though it must have been difficult for them to have a human in the house again. Edward seemed content to have his daughter sleep in his arms; he held her there after he had rocked and soothed her back to sleep and didn't make any move to go and put her in a crib or something. I wondered, while looking at them, what… species (for lack of a better word) she was, what with having a human mother and vampire father. She was sleeping, after all. I supposed it wasn't really something that was polite to ask, at least, not until I came up with a better word to use than 'species'.

After a while she woke up but wasn't fussing for anything, Esme took her from Edward for a bit and Bella crawled into his lap to take her daughter's place. Esme was bouncing the baby a little bit and making cooing noises and looked over to find Adam smiling at her. "Do you want to take her for a bit?" she asked, surprising the hell out of me. "I'm a spoiled grandma, I get to hold her all the time." I laughed at the idea of Esme being a grandmother, she couldn't have been older than23 or 24. Adam shocked me further by saying "sure," and holding his arms out to take her.

Esme placed the baby carefully in his arms and he rocked her a little to make sure she was comfortable. Edward laughed and everyone turned to look at him.

"She's confused," he said, still chuckling. "You feel very warm to her. You must be the first human to ever hold her."

"I'm honored," he said seriously. Grace pulled her tiny hand out of her blankets and rested it on top of Adam's huge one, almost like she was trying to get a better feel of their heat differences, or waving hello. "She's beautiful," Adam said softly.

"Of course she is," Bella said. "Look at her Dad." Edward laughed and kissed her head, and I considered it a major achievement that I wasn't jealous or pissed at him for doing it.

"She's warm too, though," Adam said absently while stroking Grace's cheek with the back of his index finger.

"Mmm," Dr Cullen noted, leaning forward in his chair. "She's part human, part vampire. None of us are entirely sure what that means yet. She might be the very first of her kind for all we know. We're working completely blind and I'm doing all the tests I can think of to try and figure out what her genetic makeup actually consists of."

"What does she eat?"

"Everything!" Bella sighed. "She drinks blood like us but Carlisle insists on trying her on formula too. I'm going to try to get her to eat human food I think."

We left shortly after that, Adam safely depositing Grace back into Edward's arms. We did the obligatory hand shaking and cheek kissing and Esme and Bella waved goodbye from the front porch. I stopped Adam when we got to the car, putting my hand on his arm and whispering "thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"Bullying and blackmailing me into this," I laughed and kissed him lightly on the lips. When I got back into the car I noticed Bella still looking at us with a mixture of shock and surprise and strangely, happiness on her face.

"You were amazing with the baby," I said to him once we were out of hearing range of the Cullen's house.

"I like kids," he shrugged.

"But she's not really a kid," I pressed, not sure why I wasn't dropping the subject. "She's a _baby._ A really little baby."

"Does that bother you?" he asked, and I could tell he was confused by my reaction.

"No," I laughed. "I suppose I've never really been around kids before. You seem so natural with them."

"My mother gives a lot of music lessons from home," Adam said, taking my hand as I drove and winding his window down to let some air in. "There have always been a lot of children around our house even though I'm an only child." He switched on the radio and turned it on when a bluesy, rocky song came on, rocking in time to the music. He was so gorgeous like this.

"I'm surprised at how well that went," I said as we approached La Push. "I thought Bella was really going to freak on us."

"She did," Adam laughed. "I think you could have told her you had joined a cult and were moving to LA to live in Tom Cruise's backyard and she would have taken it better."

I smiled at him. "You think?"

"Bella has lived a very sheltered life," Adam said seriously. "I mean, she was married a virgin at eighteen years old to her first boyfriend and now she has a baby; there's nothing wrong with that," he said quickly as I frowned at him, "but she's not exactly a worldly kid. There are no gay couples anywhere around here, not openly gay I mean. Look at me. I've kept my sexuality a secret for a reason."

"Are we going to keep this a secret?" I asked, not really caring what the response to my question would be but interested nonetheless.

"I would prefer to keep it that way," Adam said carefully. "At least until we're out of High School. I don't want to deal with that kind of drama right now." He sighed and I knew how difficult this was for him. "It's okay for our friends to know, but I'm quite happy in the closet."

"I feel the same," I told him. I reached the turning for my house. "Your place or mine?"

"Yours," he said and I indicated to turn off. "My place is empty right now."

"And you want to go back to mine?" I laughed at him and couldn't help but keep the incredulity out of my voice.

"I don't want to be alone," he said quietly and I squeezed his hand.

"Lets go get hounded by my sisters then," I said. "They're going back to college soon and they'll be upset if they can't torment me some more before they leave."

"Oh yeah, and I need some retaliation for the whole 'Eric' thing," he said and poked me in the ribs.

"On second thoughts," I muttered but he laughed and grabbed the wheel to keep me going straight.

"No you don't," he teased. "We're going to have a nice evening with Becca and Rachel, okay?" I pouted at him but didn't turn and too soon was pulling up in front of the house.

"My dad will be home soon," I realized after I turned the engine off. "Are you okay to meet him?"

"Of course," Adam said immediately. "I want to meet him."

"Good," I smiled and he leaned over to kiss my cheek.

I reached instinctively for Adam's hand at least twice as we walked to the house but pulled away each time, not wanting to freak my dad out if I could avoid it. I let myself in and yelled out to see who was in; Becca called from the kitchen and I could smell her cooking so I grabbed Adam's wrist and dragged him through the house to meet her.

"Hi Jake," she said, looking up from decorating a pan of cupcakes. "Oh, hey, you must be Adam."

"Yes," he said softly.

"Yeah, Becca this is Adam, Adam- this is one of my annoying twin sisters."

"Who says we're annoying?" another voice came from the doorway and I smiled at him.

"And behind me is my other sister Rachel."

"Nice to finally meet you, Adam," Rachel said as she came and hopped up onto the counter next to Becca.

"You too," he said and I thought he might be a bit overwhelmed by the two of them.

"I thought you'd be with Paul," I said to her as I tried, unsuccessfully, to swipe a cake.

"Just came from over there," she said and went to the fridge, throwing both me and Adam a coke before getting her own.

"Rachel is a fellow imprintee," I said to Adam. "She's with Paul."

"Oh, what was it like for you?" he asked, sitting down at the kitchen table and opening his soda. I sat next to him, interested as to what Rach would say. I hadn't really talked to her about it before.

"Strange," she laughed. "I've known Paul for years really and more recently since the pack evolved. Then this strange, incredible pull to him happened and I wasn't really sure what it was or why these feelings had developed.

"We made a conscious decision not to let everything overwhelm us and to try and take things slowly. I'm still jealous of Becca in a way; she has this free will to choose whoever she wants and it feels like it's in my instincts to fight it, but I know it's impossible. I know me and Paul are just right for each other."

"I know what you mean," Adam said and Becca tossed him one of the finished cupcakes. I went to protest but she gave me this look that said 'guests first' so I just pouted at her. Adam took a big bite out of the top of it then poked his tongue out at me, making my sisters laugh. "I was freaked out at first when Jake told me about imprinting, it kinda felt like _what about my say in this,_ you know?"

"Oh yeah," Rachel said and nudged Becca to give me a cupcake. She passed me one with pink frosting and I glowered at her a bit. "You get over that pretty quickly though, right?"

"Yeah, of course," he said and I only just caught what he was saying: my focus was on his tongue which was occupied with licking frosting off his top lip. "I wouldn't ever tell him this, but I had a bit of a crush on Jake a while ago," Adam was talking directly to my sisters, acting like I wasn't even in the room. "I was pretty much over it, I mean, everyone knew that he was fighting for Bella at the time so I thought he was straight and that was it. But when he told me that he had chosen me, or whatever it is that causes him to chose me, I was over the moon."

He'd obviously never told me this before and I knew I was blushing. I grabbed his hand under the table and he squeezed it back, looking at me now and winking.

"Aww!" Becca and Rach cooed in unison and we both rolled our eyes at them.

"You two are just too cute," Becca sighed.

"What's your feelings on it all, Becca?" Adam asked and she shrugged.

"It's difficult," she said slowly. "I know Rachel says she's jealous of me, but in some ways having everything taken out of your hands is sorta appealing. I mean, there's no more dating awful guys, none of that awkwardness of looking for someone or the pain of being single when everyone around you is hooking up." She gestured at us. "But that's only when I'm home. When we're at college I love being single. I'll find someone one day, I know that." Becca smiled slowly and I wanted to hug her. She deserved the kind of love Rach and Paul and me and Adam had.

"Are you two staying for dinner?" Rachel asked and I looked to Adam.

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Who's cooking?" I asked.

"You can, if you like," Rach snarked at me. "Chili?"

"Chili sounds good," Adam smiled. "Do you want some help?"

"I love him." Rachel said directly to Becca. "Can I have him? I want him."

"Mine," I said smugly. "So there."

The four of us went about making dinner; me and Becca washed up the pans and things from her baking escapades and Rachel and Adam made the chili. I knew he was a pretty good cook, he'd learned from Carrie and she was amazing in the kitchen, but it stirred up some unnamed emotion in me to see him getting on so well with my sisters.

"What time is Dad due home?" Rachel asked as we finished up the last of the dishes.

"I don't know, why don't you call? He's round at Harry's." Becca was chopping tomatoes as Adam manned the large frying pan on the stove. Rachel made the call from the phone on the wall in the kitchen and I sat on the counter next to Adam, chatting and flirting with him as he cooked.

"Ten minutes," Rach said as she hung up the phone. "He's on his way. I told him Adam was here."

"Is that okay?" Adam asked sounding worried.

"Of course," Rachel soothed. "He really wants to meet you."

My sisters grabbed the things to set the table in the dining room, it was the only place big enough for all of us to be able to eat together. I jumped down from the counter and Adam caught me, tugging me into his lips and his soft kiss. He tasted spicy from where he had been tasting the sauce as he cooked so I pulled away, giving him a couple of quick, chaste kisses and one on his nose before pulling away to grab the bread out of the oven.

I was dumping the rest of the condiments on the table when I heard the familiar rumble of Harry's truck outside and called to Rach to let her know I was going to help him in. My dad has always been hugely independent despite his physical limitations, so it was usually me rather than either of my sisters who ends up helping him. He has too much pride to let them take care of him in that way.

As soon as he was out of the truck he wheeled himself into the house and I reiterated to him that Adam was staying for dinner.

"Jake, it's fine," he said and grimed at me, smug bastard.

"Just… be nice, okay?" I begged him. He just laughed.

Becca, Rach and Adam were all in the kitchen so of course Dad headed straight in there.

"Hey, Dad," the girls called and Adam echoed them.

"Hey, Chief Black," he smiled easily and didn't catch my eye from just behind my Dad. Keeping eye contact- always a good thing.

"Good to see you again Adam," Dad said and nodded. "Call me Billy. I feel old when you kids call me Chief."

"Ready to eat?" Becca asked as she pulled the rice off the stove.

"When you are," he agreed and went around to the fridge to grab a drink.

I carried the food through with Rachel and we served up, laughing and messing with each other about how much I still eat.

"This is good, Rach," Dad complimented as he took another bite of the super- hot chili and I smiled at Adam.

"Adam cooked, actually," she said around a huge mouthful of bread and I shook my head at her.

"Really?" he said and Adam nodded. "Shit, can you teach Jake how to cook?"

"I can try," he laughed. "I've never been much of a teacher, I leave that to my Mom."

"How is Carrie?" Dad asked and we fell into an easy conversation about our families. Rachel was heading back to college on the weekend and Becca wouldn't be far behind her so annoying as they were, I was appreciating the time I had left with my sisters. I told Dad about going out to see the Cullens and he seemed interested to know how Bella was doing with the baby. Charlie was missing her, but they were still talking on the phone and the 'going away to college' story seemed to be holding. Dad was really the glue holding their story together and I was aware that Bella didn't yet realize this.

"So, what are your kids plans for tonight?" Dad asked and the girls launched into a story about some bar they were going to with some of the other kids from the rez. It sounded like fun and they did ask me and Adam if we wanted to go, but I turned them down.

"I think we would be too conspicuous," I told Becca. "I don't want to get into that yet."

"I can't blame you," Dad said carefully. "You're gonna want to avoid that kind of nasty as long as you can."

Adam and I sat on Becca's bed while she and Rach got changed for their evening out. Adam kept his arm around my shoulder and offered comments on their outfit choices, a talent I was jealous of. They had been asking my opinion for years and I've never been able to lie quick enough to give them the sort of answers they were fishing for.

"It's easy," he whispered to me conspiratorially, "Compliment the first outfit, tell them the second one sucks and be definite about the third. It's a scientific fact that a woman will want to change three times before she makes her mind up."

I cracked up and couldn't hold in my giggles as the girls straightened each other's hair and did something to make their eyelashes look longer. Adam laughed with me and tickled my sides, then kissed me quickly as I caught my breath. I pulled him in for a longer kiss, still innocent by our standards but enough that when I opened my eyes both sisters were staring at us.

"Uh, sorry," I mumbled, sure I was blushing and wondering how far I had freaked them out.

"They are too cute," Becca said as she turned back to the mirror.

"I know," Rach agreed. "I want to hate them, but they're adorable."

Adam laughed and kissed me again, pressing my chest down into the bed. He rubbed his nose against mine, kissed it quickly then sat up. I followed his movements more slowly and he looked at me with a knowing expression, as if he understood what was going through my head. Again it felt like we were connected by something stronger than just love.

"Rach," I called to my sister hesitantly.

"Yeah?" she said, catching my eye in the mirror.

"Uh, this might sound a bit weird…"

"Oh, spit it out, Jacob," Becca sighed, brushing through the next section of Rachel's hair to run the straightening irons over it.

"Do you and Paul ever get this sort of, not mind reading exactly, but the impression that you're both thinking and feeling the same thing?"

Adam looked at me as if to say, _you get that too?,_ proving my point perfectly.

"No," she said and laughed. "Not really. Except for the obvious…" she looked at Becca and giggled.

"Let's not talk about the obvious, please," I begged quickly making them laugh harder.

"We've always had a connection which is a bit like the 'twin' intuition, if that's what you mean?"

"No, not really." It was hard to explain. Their 'twin thing' has always been a source of great entertainment to the family; Becca and Rach could play 'paper, rock, scissors' and pull the same thing as each other again and again with no other planning than looking at each other. It was spooky for about 5 minutes then it got boring. I saw it a lot during my childhood. "The closest thing I can compare it to is being able to hear the thoughts of the rest of the pack. But it's not as strong as that, it's more like our thoughts and emotions are running along the same track but not touching or crossing. Does that make sense?"

"Hmm." Becca turned and sat on the bed opposite us, her chin resting on her hands. "Adam, you're Quileute, right?"

"Yeah," he said. "Well, my mother is Quileute, my father was white; I think his family was English originally. Most of my mother's family moved up to the Makah res in the eighties, before I was born. One of her sisters married a guy up there and my grandparents moved with her."

"I don't know, Jake, maybe Adam has the werewolf gene from his mother's side of the family, but it's not strong enough to cause him to phase. It might be why you imprinted on him and why you have that connection. He's got close enough to the wolf gene to create that subconscious form of communication."

"She's good," Adam turned to me and nudged me in the ribs. "That would make sense. What are you studying at college?"

"Not ancient Native Indian folklore, certainly," she laughed. "Maybe I should change my major. No, I'm studying pharmaceuticals."

"Are you ready?" Rachel asked and the three of us nodded.

We called our goodbyes to Dad and headed out to the car; Adam wrestled good- naturedly with Rachel to ride shotgun, eventually picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder to deposit her in the back seat. She retaliated by poking him in the shoulder for most of the journey.

"Sure you two don't want to join us for a bit?" Becca asked as we dropped them off.

"No, but thanks," Adam said out of his open window. "I'm sure I'll see you lovely ladies again soon though." I think he winked at them.

"I'm so having him when Jake's done," I heard Rachel say as they walked off and I let Adam's laughter soothe me as I drove off, back to the relative calm of his house.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I (still) do not own Twilight.

Chapter 7

I thought it was going to be more profound than it was. Not that the experience wasn't fucking amazing, I guess I just thought it would have come after some big revelation or something that was important to us. But it just happened one night, I was staying at Adam's like I did most weekends and we took it to the next level.

Carrie had gone to bed early, claiming she was tired from a long day at work but me and Adam stayed up watching some old eighties action movie and drinking a couple of beers. Adam flicked the TV off when the film was over and he moved over to my side of the couch to snuggle in my arms. I liked it when he was affectionate like this and I leaned down to kiss him softly. Neither of us seemed to be in a hurry to deepen the kiss or increase our intimacy at first, but too soon the deep sexual and physical attraction took over and I felt Adam's cock stirring against my thigh.

"You want me," I said then bit his bottom lip gently.

"Oh god yes," he murmured, his hands coming up to press against my chest.

"Take me to bed?" I asked him, not sure what his response would be. Adam pulled back and looked at me for a moment before smirking and taking my hand to pull me up off the couch.

We made our way upstairs quickly and Adam shut the door behind us. I started to pull off my t shirt and Adam copied my movements, shedding his shoes and socks when I did. Adam went to reach for the button of his jeans but I stopped him, dropping to my knees and doing it for him. His fingertips tangled in my hair as I pushed his jeans and boxers to his knees and marveled at the length of his cock that was standing straight upright, all proud and strong. I kissed from his knee back up his thighs, then ran my nose up the underside of his cock. Adam hissed as I ran my tongue around the head and finally took it in my mouth, sucking lightly and using my tongue to tease him. I took him almost to the brink and stopped, knowing that if I let him come I wouldn't get my way.

I had spent a long time thinking about what he had told me and knew that he was right; the first time I asked him to fuck me I wasn't ready. But I was now. We had worked our way up to this moment slowly and I knew that he would be gentle and loving with me because that's how he is. Adam kicked off the rest of his clothes as I stood and he unbuttoned my jeans for me and tugged them off, but made no effort to get to his knees. He pushed me slightly back towards the bed and I went willingly, lying down in the center of the bed and propping myself up on my elbows. Adam followed me and we ended up laying side by side to kiss slowly and passionately, our tongues battling each other while my hand played lazy circles on his abs and his free hand tangled in my hair.

I broke our kiss and pressed my forehead to his, keeping my eyes tight shut. "I'm ready," I whispered to him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, brushing his lips against mine softly.

"Yes," I told him but my voice was hoarse with want and nerves.

"I love you," Adam said and I opened my eyes to look at him; his eyes met mine and I could see it there- his love.

"I love you too," I whispered and kissed him softly.

Adam rolled over to the same drawer in his bedside table he had gone to our first time together and pulled out the things he'd need. I ran my hands over my face quickly and he smiled at me as he dumped the stuff on the bed.

"Nervous?" he asked with that same gorgeous smile on his face.

"No," I said quickly then amended my thought as his smile spread, "Maybe a little bit."

"That's okay," he said, taking me in his strong arms. "I'll take care of you." Adam rolled me on to my side so I was facing away from him and wrapped his arm around me; we slept like this sometimes and the position was comfortable and familiar. He kissed my shoulder and the spot below my ear that drove me crazy as he took my cock in his hand and stroked me firmly a few times. I was starting to get into the movement of his hand when he let me go and found my hand and guided it to stroke myself.

"It'll feel better if you keep that up," he said and bit my earlobe and I was grateful that I wasn't looking at him so he couldn't see me blush. I kept my eyes closed and followed his instructions, pumping my cock in the same rhythm he had been using. I could hear him opening the condom and rolling it on and then felt his fingers on my hip making me jump slightly.

"Jake, relax," he said sounding concerned. His fingers probed me slightly and I could feel him working the warming lube around my entrance. I couldn't help but tense up, it's a reflex action but Adam didn't seem to mind, he was going so slowly it was almost torturous but this was better than him rushing things. He spread more lube around me and then his chest pressed against my back and I could feel him pressing his cock against me.

Adam rested his head against mine and I could feel his hot breath on my back. "Take a deep breath," he instructed me and I did, feeling the increase in his heart-rate and breathing that mirrored the need in his voice. "Now let it out slowly." I did as he had said and felt him pushing inside me, stretching me past that moment of brief, burning pain and stopping so I had time to adjust to his size.

"Okay?" he asked and kissed my shoulder. I nodded, not sure if I could trust my voice right now while I was gritting my teeth so hard. Adam rested his free hand on my hip and rubbed slow, comforting circles there until I felt myself starting to relax. He moved his hand so it was resting flat on my stomach and oh, so slowly moved forward until I could feel his hips pressed up against my ass.

"Adam," I whispered and twisted my head so I could reach his lips. I kissed him hungrily as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I fought to keep them from falling. This was too much; too intense, I didn't know what to do with the love that was burning in my chest or how I was supposed to express it.

"I know," he told me, sounding as choked as I felt. "I feel it too."

I don't know how he knew what I was feeling but it was like he was another member of the pack, having access to my most intimate thoughts and needs and emotions. As we kissed he moved inside me slowly but I could feel him shaking with the control it took him to be this careful with me. He pushed at me with the hand he had on my stomach to keep me in place as I felt my hips starting to respond to him and I rocked with the motion of his movements.

My cock had deflated with the pain of him entering me but now, things were changing, it was starting to feel good as I adjusted to the feeling of him inside me and I started to stroke myself again like he had told me to.

"Shit, Jake," Adam said and I opened my eyes and saw he was watching me. "Are you okay?"

"Mmm," I hummed as he ground his hips against me. "Really, really okay."

He laughed a bit and I closed my eyes to revel in the sensations he was causing. Adam's hand nudged mine off my cock and I felt his fingers, slick with more lube start to caress me. I was hard now, more than I thought possible due to what was going on behind me but there was now a real possibility that I would come with what he was doing.

Rather than thrusting in me Adam had been sort of rocking and circling his hips, still moving with me but not pushing in and out but that changed as I started to groan with the feeling of him jerking me. He pulled back, more than he had before until only the very tip of him was still inside then pushed until he was fully sheathed inside me again.

"Oh, god," I groaned at the sensation and he did it again, and again until he had built up a rhythm and it felt good, better than I could ever have imagined and the pain was gone now, completely forgotten around everything else that was happening and without any real reason I found I was scratching and pulling at my own nipples, wanting more friction or sensation or something.

"Does this feel good?" he asked and I realized that his lips had barely left my skin throughout the whole experience. Even now I could feel the movement of his words against my neck from where he had his mouth pressed to me.

"Yes," I moaned. I was rocking my hips back and forward; back on to his cock and forward into his slick hand and the emotions were building with my orgasm, the intense pressure in my chest hadn't eased one bit. "I love you," I told him and came hard into his hand, gasping and shuddering as I felt Adam come deep inside me only moments later.

"Oh my god," he murmured. "I love you so much, Jake," he was panting with exertion and we were both slick with sweat. I winced as he pulled out of me and shuddered with the feeling of emptiness that was left. Adam kissed me on the shoulder again and I reached around to find his lips, capturing them with mine. "Do you want to share a shower?" he asked and I nodded.

"That sounds good." I rolled off the bed and felt the slight, lingering discomfort as I stood up. Adam was already in the bathroom running the water so I didn't try to hide the slight limp I was now walking with.

I pulled the door open and stepped into the shower and Adam's arms. He massaged my shoulders a few times and I relaxed into his hands, knowing that I was safe here. We had to stay pressed pretty tight up against each other to be able to fit but this wasn't about sex any more, we were trying to get as close as possible. I sighed as Adam washed my hair for me, resting my head on his shoulder and enjoying the sensation of him tugging at the roots. When he finished I did the same for him, then he took a washcloth and made sure I was squeaky- clean all over. I was saluting him at half- mast when he was done and he winked at me- I bit his nose in return.

We finished up, still not saying anything and dried off quickly, returning to the safe haven of his bed as soon as possible.

"Talk to me, Jake," Adam implored as soon as the light was off and we were plunged into darkness again.

"I'm fine," I promised, pulling him into me so his head was resting on my chest. "I was just enjoying being quiet with you."

"Tell me how it felt," he whispered and I realized that he needed this reassurance. I could give him that.

"It hurt at first," I admitted to make sure he knew I was telling the truth. "It was good that you didn't, you know," I was pleased it was dark and he couldn't see me blushing, "thrust hard into me at the beginning. When you were stroking me too, that felt so good and I don't think I've ever come that hard before."

"Never?" he asked and leaned up to kiss my chin from underneath.

"Nope," I admitted. I yawned loudly. "I will definitely look forward to doing it again."

I could feel him chuckle softly against my chest. "You'll change your mind tomorrow morning," he said. "You'll be sore."

"I don't think so," I said carefully. "I heal quickly. It's a werewolf thing. It doesn't even hurt any more now."

"Really?"

"Really." Adam sighed deeply.

"I love you, Jake, so much," he murmured.

"I love you too," I told him and kissed the top of his head. "Now go the fuck to sleep."

We did, falling into happy, contented dreams. I wish the feeling had lasted.

-x-X-x-

I was failing a Calculus test later in the week when someone knocked on the door to the classroom and handed the teacher a note, then left quickly. I ignored them, I was busy fantasizing about all the different ways I could get Adam to take me. We were definitely going out into the woods soon.

"Mr Black?" I was broken out of my daydream with the sound of my name. I looked up and met the concerned eyes of my teacher. "You're required to go to the principal's office, right away please."

I nodded and packed up my things quickly, dropping my half- finished test on her desk on the way past. I wondered if this was a follow up to the paperwork I had signed on my first day back and thought guiltily of what I had been doing all weekend instead of studying.

When I got to the office I was ushered straight in past the secretary and stopped dead when I saw Adam sat in front of the desk, looking as confused as I felt.

"Take a seat, Mr Black," Mr Carlton, our principal said and I slumped down into the chair next to Adam and stared straight ahead, determined not to let anything show on my face.

"What's going on?" Adam asked and I wanted to take hold of his hand to show him that I would support us no matter what, but thought that might be a bad idea. After all, this might be about grades or some shit. I had a feeling it wasn't though.

"This is a rather sensitive subject and I would appreciate it if we can discuss it like adults," he started and I fucking _knew_ it wasn't about grades. I started to grind my teeth in anger but said nothing. Mr Carlton sighed and went on, "You boys were seen in a neighboring town this past weekend being intimate with each other," he said carefully. My mind was going at a hundred miles per hour, trying to figure out when or where someone would have seen us. We were so careful when we were out together. "Now you obviously don't have to tell me anything but there are already rumors running around this school and I thought it best to discuss it with you both now before things got out of hand."

Silence. Neither myself or Adam said a word.

"The school board feels that on this occasion it may be best for one or both of you to consider moving to a different school for your own safety." I felt the shudders beginning under my skin from the sheer fury I was feeling and knew if I said anything it would set off a chain reaction that I really didn't want to happen.

Still without saying anything I got up, grabbed my bag and left the office, slamming the door open so hard that it cracked against the plaster on the wall behind and I'm pretty sure I heard the hinges creak in protest. By the time I was at my car Adam was jogging behind me and stopped me before I could get in the driver's side.

"Let me drive," he said, pulling the keys out of my hand. I walked around and sat with my head in my hands as Adam took us away from the school, not caring where we were going but glad to be gone. Although I'll admit when Adam pulled up and turned the engine off I was surprised to see us outside Sam's house. I'd have thought he'd want to go home.

"Come on," he said and squeezed my hand. I walked incredibly slowly to the door with Adam a half- pace behind me the whole way. I knocked lightly on the door and took a step back to let Adam in first when Sam answered the door.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked Adam immediately and Adam shrugged.

"I think he might be in shock, he's not talking," he said softly. I took his hand in mine and threaded our fingers together. I didn't want him thinking I was ashamed of us. Adam lead me through to the living room where I crashed into the couch and resumed my position with my head in my hands. My brain was still going too quickly to say anything yet.

Adam sat on the arm of the couch with one foot behind me and the other on the floor so he could run his fingers through my hair and rub the back of my neck like he knew I liked. I listened as he gave Sam a fairly succinct rundown of what had just happened and was pleased when he admitted that he hadn't said one word to the principal either. No confessions, no denial. Nothing for them to use against us.

Adam was still rubbing my neck gently when I got up. "Do you mind if I phase?" I asked him and the words came out a bit harsher than I expected. "It's just sometimes I think better that way," I said and he nodded. I kissed him quickly and heard Emily's voice from the doorway.

"Outside," she said and smiled at me, her hands full of mugs of tea that she set down and left again. I put my hand on her arm as I passed to stop her.

"You don't always have to leave when we talk, Em," I said softly. "You're part of this too."

She smiled so sweetly at me and raised right up on to her toes to kiss my cheek. "Okay," she said simply and turned to go back in with the others. I went out back and took my clothes off, phasing quickly then turning to go back into the house. It was a bit of a squeeze to get through the door and around the furniture but I only knocked over one chair in the kitchen. I considered that a major accomplishment.

Adam gaped at me as I flopped down in front of the fire.

"He's huge," he said softly and I laughed to myself. Emily did too.

"You're giving his ego a bit of a boost," she said and giggled. Adam rolled his eyes but looked like he wanted to come sit with me.

"It's okay," Sam told him. "Jake has great control, he won't hurt you." He pulled Emily on to his lap as he spoke. "I'll let you know if you need to move."

"Okay," Adam said hesitantly and moved to sit next to me, resuming his soft stroking behind my ears. It felt even better like this.

Sam was thinking, I could tell this even without being able to get in his head. No one else was in their wolf form at the moment as I was pleased, I meant it when I said I think better like this sometimes. Everything is simplified.

"He might have a point, you know," Sam said and I growled lightly causing Adam to pull his hand back in shock.

"Oh be quiet," Emily scolded me and I whimpered to let her know I was sorry. "You're okay, Adam," she said and he went back to his scratching.

"This town is very small," Sam was thinking aloud but I wasn't sure if I liked where he was going. "You both might be safer if Adam can move away for a while until everything has settled down."

I was suddenly furious that I couldn't shout at him and I wanted to phase back, and annoyed that I had invited Emily in on this conversation because I wasn't about to get naked in front of her.

"I don't know if that's a great idea," Adam said carefully. "Me and Jake spend a lot of time together. It's going to be hard for us to be apart even for a few days, let alone a few months."

I knew there was a reason why I loved him.

"I can't spare Jake at the moment," Sam said to Adam. "The vampire situation is still very volatile and Jake is one of our best runners. I couldn't let him go with you, it's just not possible." I wanted to cry, knowing he was right and the thought killing me. I didn't want Adam anywhere near here if it meant he would get hurt. "Okay, Jake?" I looked up at Sam. "Why don't you go and run the perimeter for me for a while? It'll give you time to run off some of your aggression. Adam, this is just an idea and tell me no if it's not okay, but why don't you call your mother and invite her out here? She has a right to know what's going on and I would very much like to meet her anyway. She could talk with us then about what we're going to do next."

"That sounds like a good idea," he said quietly. I let out a loud sigh and Emily shook her head at me.

"Welcome to being in a relationship, Jacob," she said, teasing me. "It's not always fun and games."

I ignored her and went off for my run, noting the change of time by the darkening sky and the disembodied voices that occasionally popped in and out of my head.

_Hey, anyone? _I called to the rest of the pack. I got about four _Yeah?_'s in return.

_What time is it?_

_About six,_ Jared told me. _Adam's mom has been at Sam's for about thirty minutes. She was spitting mad for a while but she seems calmer now._

_Thanks_, I told him, _I'm heading back there now._

_Good luck with the mother- in- law, dude,_ Jared laughed and I rolled my eyes, ignoring him and running faster now I was heading back to Adam.

I phased back on the fly as soon as I hit the boundary to Sam's property and ran the last few steps to the back porch where I had left my clothes. I changed quickly and ran back round to the front of the house, knocking on the door and waiting for Emily to let me in rather than just letting myself in through the back door. I spotted Carrie's car parked up behind mine and wondered what sort of mood she'd be in.

"Jake," Carrie got up as I walked through and pulled me down into a hug. "I'm glad you're here, sweetheart," she said and gave me a squeeze. "Gosh, you're warm."

"I am," I agreed softly and gently pried her arms from around me. Adam was sat where I was earlier on the couch and I went straight to him, sitting across his lap and burying my head in his shoulder.

"Okay?" he asked and I mumbled something unintelligible into his neck, followed by a slow kiss. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt safe again for the first time since I had left the house.

"Jake," Carrie said and I looked up at her then made a move as if to get up. "No, stay where you are," she smiled. "I like seeing you two like this." I laughed and snuggled back down. "I'm pulling Adam from La Push High, Jake," she told me and I went to argue with her but backed down with under the force of her glare. "I'm going to go into the school tomorrow and scream bloody murder at the motherfucker who confronted you this afternoon. That was completely reprehensible, he had no right to say anything and if he did want to ask you about your relationship you should have had a parent there to support you."

I sat up properly and took Adam's hand in mine, linking our fingers again and bringing them on to my lap. Carrie went on, "If you want I'm happy to call your father but I understand if that would put you in an uncomfortable position. In truth, I would think it best if he stayed out of the matter due to his position within the tribe." She looked over at Sam who was sitting silently with Emily. "However Mr Uley, I mean, Sam is willing to come and stand for you if you want him to."

"Seriously?" I asked and he nodded.

"My position is well respected in the community and it's no secret that we're friends," he said. "I agree with Carrie, I think it's best if your father stays out of this."

"Okay," I agreed. "I like that. I don't want to embarrass my father or put him in an awkward position. But why are you pulling Adam from school?" Adam's hand tightened around mine and I guessed he wasn't happy about it either.

"Adam is a hard working kid who doesn't have a single mark on his school record," Sam started and Adam rolled his eyes. "He's got pretty much an open invitation to any school he wants to go to and his education is going to be funded for him. I agree with Carrie, he can transfer now and avoid any further scandal-"

"Transfer?" I interrupted him. "Adam can't transfer, Sam, we discussed this earlier."

"Mom-" Adam started but it was her turn to interrupt.

"Adam I can't home school you, I just can't. I have a job and not enough time."

"I'll study by myself," he protested but she was already shaking her head.

"You're not throwing away your education!"

"She's right," I sighed and hated the fact as I spoke it. "Where are you going? Can I come?" I had a feeling I knew what they were going to say.

"To the Makah res," Carrie said and I thought as much, this was where she was from.

"And no, Jake, you can't go," Sam said firmly. "I told you earlier, we can't spare you."

"When?" Time was all I had left on my side.

"I don't know," Carrie said seriously. "I'll contact work tomorrow and ask for a transfer. I might be able to get a position as a supply teacher if I can't keep teaching music."

"You don't have to do this, Mom," Adam said softly. "I'm not ashamed of who I am, we don't have to go into hiding."

"We're not hiding, Adam, I'm trying to protect you." I was always amazed at the calmness of the conversations between the two of them. They hardly ever raised their voices even when they were arguing like this. "I don't have much longer to be able to do this and I'm afraid I will be pulling the Mom card out."

"Jake," Sam called my name. "I'm not going to stop you running up there every night if that's what you want. It's not going to be the same, but it'll take you less than fifteen minutes to get there." I knew he was right but it didn't mean I had to like it. "Oh, and Jake? You're not dropping out of school, not after the strings I had to pull to get you back in."

Damn. "I know," I said childishly.

"Come on, it's late," Emily started to gather up empty mugs. "Let's come back to this tomorrow with clear heads."

"I agree," Carrie said and stood up to shrug into her coat. "Will you be stopping by tonight, Jake?"

"It's okay, go now," Sam said and I sighed in relief, I was tired. "You took the early shift." He smiled and I knew he knew how appreciative I was for his support of us.

Adam and I talked about his leaving all the way back to the house. He drove so I could call my dad who was at Charlie Swan's watching a ball game, that was interesting. I hated to admit it but I knew it might be an idea to clue Charlie in on what was going on but I'd put that off until the very last second. I pulled into my house to quickly grab a change of clothes and decided I wouldn't go back to classes until I knew what was going to happen to Adam.

We were both so tired when we got back to Adam's that we just went straight up to bed. Adam let me hold him as we slept and I was grateful, I needed to feel like I was taking care of him even if it was only for a couple of hours.

-x-X-x-

Carrie seemed tired the next morning when we went down for breakfast. She claimed she was okay, just hadn't slept too well but if felt guilty that it was my relationship with her son that was making her sick.

She drove into school separately to us after briefing us over the breakfast table that we were to go to classes as normal and wait to be called into the office. I was annoyed at this but agreed, deciding not to push the issue when I saw Sam waiting at the main entrance to the school.

I felt like I was going to throw up as I sat tapping my pencil against my desk and bouncing my knee in frustration. It took almost an hour before I got called and this time I was the one waiting for Adam to turn up. Carrie met me in the main office and told me she hadn't had the chance to talk to anyone yet, she had been waiting too for the principal to become available.

As soon as Adam turned up the four of us got called in. We sat down in the four seats that had been set out in front of the principal's desk; Sam, then me, then Carrie, then Adam closest to the door.

"I would firstly like to express my extreme dissatisfaction of the way my son has been treated," Carrie started before we were even all sat down and I knew that tired or not, she was going to be on fire today. "Adam's personal life is of no concern to this school and I would like to know the source of the information you confronted them with yesterday."

Give him his due, Mr Carlton had the decency to look embarrassed. "Ms Hawk, I do apologize for any distressed caused," he said. "One of my faculty witnessed your son and Mr Black together on the weekend and were very uncomfortable with the thought of them continuing their relationship while in school. They have asked for anonymity in the matter."

"Is it against school policy for two students to be together outside of school hours?" Carrie asked sweetly. "They have committed no crime according to your 'source' so far."

"Ms Hawk, are you sure you want me to continue?" Carlton's face was now flaming and he looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Absolutely."

He sighed. "Mr Black and Mr Hawk were seen together, holding hands and kissing in public." Silence.

"As I am sure you are aware, Mr Carlton, homosexuality is not a crime." Carrie's voice was icy.

"No one is accusing them of any crime, Ms Hawk," he said. "However I have to listen to the concerns of my faculty and think about the boy's safety within the school…"

"Where exactly were you on the weekend?" Sam spoke for the first time.

Adam's face changed into a slow smirk. He leaned forward in his chair and turned his head to speak directly to Sam. "Capitol Hill, in Seattle." The centre of Seattle's Gay community.

Sam laughed and shook his head. "Maybe Mr Black and Mr Hawk should be more concerned about the member of your faculty who spotted them than anything else," he said and raised one eyebrow.

"But back to the matter at hand," Carrie spoke before Carlton could get a word in. He looked furious now. "Adam will not attend any further classes at this school; I am pulling him with immediate effect. Jacob will be staying here and I am making it _your_ responsibility, Mr Carlton, that word of his sexual orientation and relationship status does not become a talking point amongst faculty or students. Do not doubt my anger on the subject and I will take this as far as I can if I feel he is discriminated against in any way.

"Mr Uley, do you have anything else you would like to add?"

"No," he shook his head.

"In which case, Jake will be leaving with me this morning but will be back tomorrow. Good day to you, Mr Carlton." She was out of the door before any of us realized that that was the end of the meeting.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Long ass A/N follows. Skip if you don't care.

A/N: Oh, I do love a controversy and the fact that you guys care so much about what happens to my boys really warms my heart. Some people loved Carrie in that last chapter, others are mad at me for not letting Jake and Adam battle it out in school. Yes, their principal acted like a complete dick and he had no right at all to ask one of them to leave. Carrie went all ferocious mama- bear on their asses because she was trying to protect her son and she did what she thought was best. I would have done the same, personally. I was trying to show how sometimes, loving each other _isn't_ enough. That's reality. They're going to have to stand for worse prejudices from bigger idiots than Carlton later on but this was their first taste of it. Slash stories sometimes romanticise the concept of homosexuality but the reality isn't always pretty; I wanted to get to the core of that. I'm honestly sorry if I upset anyone, but things are going to be FINE!

-x-X-x-

Chapter 8

Carrie met us in the parking lot, leaning against her car. "I'm going to go home and get some sleep," she said and I pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you," I whispered into her ear.

"No problem, kid," she told me and I smiled. "I'll see you two at home later?" Adam nodded and kissed her cheek, echoing my thanks. "Take care, Sam," she said, offering her hand. He shook it and then pulled her in for a hug as well. "I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."

"Me too. I think you're the only other person who can keep these two in check."

Carrie smiled and got into her car; the three of us watched as she pulled off safely into the road.

"What do you two have planned for today then?" Sam asked as we walked over to our cars.

"Nothing," I said with a wide smile but Sam raised an eyebrow at me. "I suppose I could catch up on some homework," I muttered and he nodded. "A little birdie told me you're falling behind in Calculus," he said and I shook my head, not even bothering to ask how he knew that. "I'll see you tonight, Jake," Sam told me and got into his own car. "Later, Adam."

"So," I said, turning to Adam. "My place or yours?"

Adam laughed and got into the car. "You need to study, bro."

"I know," I groaned, bashing my head against the steering wheel. "Let's swing by my place so I can pick up some books then go back to yours."

"Okay," Adam agreed and I made a mental note to ask him what he was really thinking about all this. He had been incredibly quiet about it so far.

We spent most of the day catching me up with the work I was behind on. Which was a lot. Adam seemed tired as well and I wondered how well he had slept last night; I had to leave after dinner to go out to patrol and he walked with me to the edge of the trees and collected my clothes for me, waiting until after I had phased and started to run before walking back to the house.

I grabbed a spare pair of shorts that were over a tree branch and pulled them on before wandering into Sam's place; Paul, Embry and Seth were already there and finishing off one of Emily's famous apple pie's.

"Any left for me?" I asked. Paul laughed.

"No chance, dude. Should have got here earlier." I sighed, annoyed because he was right.

"I need to talk to you actually, Jake," Sam said and I grabbed a chair to sit at the table with them.

"Go ahead," I told him, knowing there was no point in asking for privacy around here.

"I think we need to work on you controlling your urge to phase," he started. "So far you've shown unbelievable self- restraint but I have a feeling that you're going to be a lot more pissed off with people in the future and it's important that you know your limits."

I nodded in agreement. I had been closer than ever before to losing it over the last few days and knew I needed to test my limits to make sure Adam was kept safe. I knew Sam was only trying to prevent anyone ever getting hurt like Emily had.

"And I think the best way of doing that is with vampires," Sam finished.

"What?" I exclaimed.

"If you can learn to fight the urge to change around them, I know you can do it successfully around humans," he reasoned.

"I don't know, Sam," Embry said. "Don't you think that's a bit risky? Jake might tear one of them up by mistake." The others snickered. Sam rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure they can handle themselves," he said.

"Who, uh, were you planning on asking to do it?" I asked, already knowing what I wanted the answer to be. I couldn't fight Bella, even if I was trying to do this for me and Adam. Jasper would be my number one choice; firstly, he was a natural fighter and secondly he was less intimidating than Emmett. Emmett would be next on the list though, I couldn't fight Carlisle or one of the girls and it would be really dangerous to put me and Edward in any kind of arena together.

Sam rolled his head and shoulders to loosen off the tension and Emily came up behind him to massage his muscles. "I've already spoken to Carlisle," he said and I rolled my eyes. Sam always worked half a step ahead of where the rest of us were thinking. "He suggested Jasper and Emmett, which I thought was good." There was nodding around the table, the rest of the pack were obviously thinking along the same lines. "But, if you're interested, Rosalie offered to help as well."

"Rosalie? Blondie?" Seth laughed.

"If the intention is to provoke Jake you probably won't get anyone who can do that better," Paul laughed. "Girl is a first rate bitch."

"Emmett would be there to back her up," Sam said and I laughed.

"Good," I told him. "Someone would need to hold me back because I would quite happily tear her head off."

"She's already getting you riled up," Paul teased. "I think it's a great idea."

"Fantastic," Sam said. "Let's go then."

"Tonight?" I asked him.

"Yeah," Sam smiled. "I've got Quil and Jared on patrol, we're free to go fight. Or not, hopefully."

The others got to their feet with wide smiles on their faces. It wasn't often we got to confront the vamps and even if it was me in the line of fire, they were excited. Emily kissed Sam on the cheek and we took off out of the house and at a jog in human form towards the baseball field where the newborn fight had occurred.

It didn't take too long to reach the field even though we hadn't phased, I had the impression Sam wanted us all to stay in human form for as long as possible. We could have probably made it quicker if Paul didn't keep tripping people up and if Seth cut out all the annoying races he kept initiating causing the rest of us to stop to pull him off whoever had beat him.

When we arrived the field was empty but Sam seemed convinced that the vampires would be on their way so he started to brief us on what was going to happen. "Jake, we'll leave you in the middle with Rosalie, probably, and me and Paul will back you up. I'm going to get Seth and Embry to phase just in case anything gets nasty but hopefully it won't come to that." He turned to the others. "Remember, guys, don't get involved unless it's completely necessary. Jake needs to learn how to keep his cool under this kind of pressure, we're only here to stop anyone getting hurt. This is neutral territory but I don't want to initiate any further conflict from this meeting. Get happy with the idea of sitting around and not doing a lot all evening because I have no intention of letting it get out of hand."

I caught a movement from behind Sam and immediately crouched into a protective stance, preparing to fight even though I should have been expecting them. Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie appeared from the tree line, Rosalie looking like all her birthdays had come at once. Sam ignored my reaction and those mirrored by my brothers and took a step towards the vamps.

"Thanks for coming here tonight," he started and Rosalie smirked at me.

"Oh, no, it's my pleasure," she drawled and I believed her.

"I'm sure you're aware of what we're trying to do," Sam said and the vamps all nodded. "Jake and Adam are going to be under a lot of pressure over the next few months and Jacob needs to know that he can stay in control. The idea of tonight is for you to try and provoke him and for Jake to resist the urge to phase." Sam gestured to where Seth and Embry had changed into their wolf forms and were waiting back from where we were standing. "I'm sure you understand that this is merely a precaution."

"That's fine," Jasper said but Emmett looked concerned.

"If someone attacks Rosalie then I'm not holding myself accountable," he said and Sam put his hands up in a show of surrender.

"No one will be attacking Rosalie," he said with firm authority. "I can guarantee you that." Emmett nodded once and backed off as Sam did, leaving me in the center of the field with Rosalie.

"Mutt," she said in a falsely courteous tone, batting her eyelashes at me as if she was flirting. "Oh, right, I forgot- you don't like girls."

I rolled my eyes at her and crossed my arms over my chest. Rosalie started to toy with the ends of her hair that fell past her shoulders and past the peaks of her breasts, drawing my attention to them. She had nice boobs, I would give her that much, but I would prefer to die an agonizing death than be intimate with her. I shuddered internally at the thought.

She walked slowly in a circle around me, trailing her fingertip from the center of my chest, across my bicep and between my shoulder blades, back across the other bicep until she was close enough for me too smell the sickly sweet stench of her breath as she pushed her index finger into my breastbone. She jabbed me once, hard and laughed, a sick, mocking sound before stepping back. I've always known that this girl could be mean, but hell, she was being really, really _mean._

"Can I ask you something, Jakey?" she asked, leaning in close to breathe the words into my ear. I stayed completely still, determined not to let her provoke me. "Who's the bitch in the relationship?" I started to grind my teeth together and she heard it, of course and smirked as she stepped back. "I mean," she continued, "one of you has to be the one who gets on his knees. I'd like to think it was you, 'cus that would just be funny, but I'm thinking _he_ might be the bitch.

"Is your boy a cocksucker, Jacob? I think he is. Is he the sort of gay man who flounces around in pink shirts drinking martinis? Or is he a big gay bear of a man?" she raised one eyebrow and glanced back at the other two vamps over her shoulder.

"Which one do you prefer, Jake? Do you like them thick and muscled like my husband? The sort of man who would bend you over and ram you from behind?" her voice dropped so I was sure I was the only one who could hear her. "_Doggy style?_" she whispered. "Or do you like them lean and pretty like Jasper?" she raised her voice again, "He's pretty strong, too, you know. He could match you stroke for stroke, if you know what I mean.

"You've always had control issues, it started with Bella, of course, and I think you like to dominate him. You're the _top_ in the relationship because you weren't gay before you met him, so you must have been looking for a bitch. Was losing Bella to Edward really that bad that you had to go and console yourself with another man? I mean, that's low, Jacob. Really low. There are plenty more fish in the sea… did you not ever hear that expression? You could have kept up the fishing for a bit longer, dangle your little worm in the water, so to speak and eventually you might have got a bite from a girl. Aren't there enough women on that reservation to go around?" She had started pacing back and forth slowly now, tapping her finger against her cheek in mock thought. I was holding myself together; there were some things that hit harder than others and in the rational part of my brain I was processing this information, the stuff that had me close to losing control compared to the shit that I didn't really care about.

"You could always come up to Forks," she said, patting my arm in a patronizing way and giving me a sad smile. "There are more girls in this town. You're not a particularly _bad_ looking guy, you shouldn't have too much trouble getting a date. Or do you like getting screwed in the ass?" she looked shocked for a moment. "Maybe that's why you stopped fighting for Bella and let Edward have her. You've always been gay, haven't you Jacob? There was that something missing when you kissed a girl so you thought one day you'd just try it out with one of your buddies, doesn't make you gay, right? Just a little kiss, experimenting, everyone tries it out at one point or another. I know I have." The thought of her kissing another girl repulsed me and I outwardly shuddered. Rosalie just laughed and I fucking knew she was enjoying tormenting me.

"Is he here, Jacob?" she asked in a low voice and I realized that she didn't know all the details at all. "I wonder which one he is. If I could chose one, I'd probably say…" she tapped her lower lip, "that one." I didn't follow her pointed finger but knew where Paul was standing and managed to hide my amusement before she turned back to me because, well, ew. "He's pretty. Maybe he's the one who's going to take you home to bed tonight. Or maybe he's not here after all. That would be a shame." She walked back until we were nearly nose to nose, only a breath of space separating us. The girl was tall so she could nearly look me in the eye as she smirked and cocked her head to the side, "I was so looking forward to meeting him."

That was it, when I finally nearly lost my cool. I growled low in my throat and before I could react any further Emmett was there and pulling a laughing Rosalie back behind him and crouching low, growling right back. Seth and Embry bounded over and Jasper was there as well, not in a fighting stance but wary of the others nonetheless.

"Okay, I think that went well," Sam said and Rosalie continued to chuckle from behind her husband.

"Excellent," she agreed. "I had a lovely time. If you need me again some other time just let me know. That was hilarious." Emmett had recovered now and took her hand looking slightly concerned and so he should be, poor guy was married to an absolute witch.

"Jacob?" Sam asked and I rolled my neck and shoulders.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Oh, you are so not!" Rosalie exclaimed and a couple of people laughed.

"You have excellent control, Jacob," Jasper told me. "She didn't hold a lot back there."

"Tell me about it," I muttered.

"Bella has asked me to extend an open invitation to come back and see her again any time," Jasper continued. "That obviously includes Adam as well. Alice is excited to meet him."

"She isn't the only one," Rosalie smiled sweetly but Emmett glared at her. Hmm. Interesting.

"Seth mentioned something…" I said and Jasper smiled and nodded.

"Yes, Alice has had a few visions of Adam. The first one was of him holding Grace; that was a big moment in her short little life so Alice picked up on it."

"Tell Bella we'll try and stop by again. But Adam is moving out of town soon so I'm not sure when we'll get chance."

"Long story," Sam interrupted before Jasper could ask more questions. "Jake I'm sure I can spare you one evening to go and see Bella before Adam leaves. I need to let these guys go and patrol," Sam said to Jasper and Emmett, "So we're going to have to go. Thank you for your time tonight."

"No problem," Emmett said at the same time Rosalie replied- "My pleasure."

I rolled my eyes at her and nodded to Emmett and Jasper, then waited for them to leave before turning back to the pack and let out a long breath.

"Dude, that was intense," Paul said and I nodded at him. "Especially the part when she thought I was your boyfriend." I laughed at the memory but he didn't look too amused. Seth and Embry jogged towards us having changed back to their human form and joined in with my laughing. "I'm never going to live that down," he muttered and Sam slapped him on the back.

"Take it for the team, Paul," he said which caused another round of snickers.

"How did you keep a straight face through that?" Seth wanted to know and I shrugged.

"It wasn't as hard as some of the other stuff she threw at me."

"I can't imagine it getting a lot worse than that unless someone starts a physical fight with you," Sam said and I agreed. I knew the next step in this would be bringing Adam out with us and the thought terrified me.

"When are we going to do that?" I asked.

"Sooner rather than later," Sam said. "Like you said, we don't know exactly when Adam will be going out of town."

"Okay," I agreed as we all broke into a jog.

When we got back to the house Sam gave us the patrol schedule for the next few nights which I committed to memory. Because of the newborn situation that we had successfully evaded there were now more werewolves around than there really needed to be, seeing as most of the threat had passed. Not that any of us were protesting, it meant that we didn't have to do nearly as many patrols any more. And the Cullens weren't really a threat as long as they weren't bitching on my boyfriend so we were really doing it out of habit and to make sure our territory was well scent- marked, just in case any of them decided to have visitors to stay.

I had the rest of the night free so I decided to go straight over to Adam's, knowing that he'd be asleep already but liking the idea of crawling into bed with him. I knew where the key to the back door was hidden above the frame and I could easily reach up to it to let myself in. I locked the door securely behind me and crept up the back stairs. Adam was sleeping when I closed his bedroom door behind me and I stripped down to my boxers quickly and climbed into bed behind him.

"Jake?" he asked sleepily as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Ssh," I whispered. "Go back to sleep." I kissed his shoulder softly and he took my hand and pulled me closer to him.

"Love you," he murmured but was asleep before he could hear me return the sentiment.

-x-X-x-

Adam woke me up the next morning by lifting my arm and snuggling under it and into my chest. I groaned and pulled him in tighter, lifting my head off the pillow enough to see that we had about five minutes before I needed to get up for school.

"Don't wanna move," I mumbled.

Adam laughed into my chest. "Me either. When did you get in last night?"

"About 2am," I told him. He moaned sympathetically.

"How did it go?"

"Fine," I said. "Went out and had a bitching match with one of the vamps. Rosalie. You didn't meet her yet. Sam wants to test my control. Girl is a bitch. Alice wants to meet you." Short sentences were all my sleep- muffled brain could cope with.

"Let's go after school," he said and kissed my cheek. "I want to meet Alice too. She sounds fascinating."

"She's annoying as all hell," I corrected him. "But yeah, we can go later." I yawned widely and the alarm clock started to beep, Adam rolled over to turn it off and I stretched out in bed. "You go in the shower first," I told him and curled back into a ball clutching a pillow to my chest.

"You little bitch," he laughed and got out of bed. He went to go into the bathroom but stopped when he saw my expression. "What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just… don't call me that, okay?"

"Rosalie?" he asked, tapping straight into the source of my discomfort.

"Yeah," I said immediately.

"Okay," he said and smiled softly. He went into the bathroom and I was glad I said something to him and didn't try and hide it. I suppose I really was getting somewhere with this whole relationship thing.

After school Adam met me by his car. I had left mine at home when I went to Sam's the night before so he had given me a ride into school, so I supposed he would have to drive out to the Cullen's. I wondered how that would go down.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah," I said and gave him general directions to the house. We chatted about school as he drove; I had got a B+ back on an English paper that I was really happy about since my grades had been so shit since I went back. "Just up here," I told Adam and signaled to the turning.

"Shit, they keep that well hidden," he said.

"They're good at hiding," I agreed.

He pulled up outside the house and Alice skipped out onto the porch as we got out of the car.

"Jake!" she said. "I saw you coming." I raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed. "Okay, I saw Adam coming."

I laughed and took Adam's hand to walk into the house. "Adam, this is Alice Cullen, Edward's sister. Alice this is Adam Hawk."

"Nice to meet you," he said and offered his hand. Alice shook it and gestured into the house where Bella was sat feeding the baby out of a bottle that had been painted pink, presumably to hide the contents.

"Hi Jake," she called from the couch. "Alice said you'd be coming over. Hi Adam."

"Hello," Adam said and looked far too comfortable in the vampire house for my liking. "How is everyone doing?"

"Fine, thanks," Alice answered for the family. "The others are out hunting at the moment, they should be back soon. Hang on and I'll get Jasper."

"It's okay," a voice behind us said and I nearly jumped out of my skin, catching myself just before my instinct to phase took over. "Sorry, Jacob."

"Don't worry," I said as I tried to calm myself. "Just don't sneak up on a guy like that!"

"Sorry," he repeated then introduced himself to Adam. "Jasper Cullen," he said but didn't offer his hand. I knew he had more trouble around humans than the others and appreciated that he was being so civil to Adam. He could have just hidden out in his room or something.

"Jasper said last night was very entertaining," Alice said as we all sat down around Bella. Jasper at least had the decency to look slightly embarrassed.

"For him it was," I said and she laughed.

"I saw bits of it but it nearly killed me," she said, still giggling. "You were staying so still and not moving but the effort was huge."

"She was a pain in the ass all night," Bella said, now rocking a grouchy baby to sleep. "At one point I thought I was going to need to hold her back."

"Did Jacob fill you in on it, Adam?" Jasper asked.

"Parts of it," Adam said and looked at me quizzically. "Not everything, I don't think."

"Definitely not everything," I told him and he shook his head. "Trust me, Adam, there were things you don't want to know."

"I'll second that," Jasper interrupted. "Rosalie was certainly bringing her A game to that particular confrontation."

"Sam wants to test me when Adam is there," I said to Jasper and he raised his eyebrows.

"That's going to take a lot of trust on your part," he said and I shrugged.

"Not if the pack is there," I reasoned. "That's all the backup I need."

"Would you try it now?" he pressed.

"No way!" I laughed.

"Could you fill me in on this please? I'm lost," Adam said and I quickly apologized.

"The point of last night was for Rosalie to provoke me as much as possible and for me to resist the temptation to phase and rip her head off, which was huge." The vamps didn't look that impressed. "The next thing they want me to know is if I can continue to stay in human form even when I'm being physically provoked, you know, just in case for whatever reason we get in a fight. Jasper wants to try this now, without the backup of the pack and I'm telling him to fuck off."

I expected him to be offended by this but Jasper laughed.

"Fair enough," he said. "I don't blame you, I know how hard it is to let Alice stand up for herself in a fight even though I know she has talents beyond the norm."

"Who would do it?" Adam asked and I looked at him. "The provoking," he clarified.

"I don't know," I said. "Carlisle, maybe?"

"Possibly," Jasper agreed. "I don't know if I'm strong enough if I get into proper hunting mode, same goes for Bella."

"Oh, god, no," she said quickly. "I'm a lover not a fighter." She bounced the baby as if to prove a point.

"Edward could do it," Jasper suggested but Alice shook her head.

"Too personal," she said quickly. "I can do it, if Jake's okay with that?"

"No, not without the pack," I said firmly. "I can't put Adam at risk."

"Jake, sit very, very still," she said softly and I did, knowing what she was doing.

Adam looked at me and silently asked what she was doing. "Alice can't see werewolves in her visions," I said softly. "So to be able to see your future she has to look around me, which is going to be difficult because of how closely linked your life is to mine."

"Oh," he said and nodded. Alice's eyes were unfocussed and Jasper looked impressed at how well I'd just explained what was going on.

"Adam?" Alice called his attention back."By the end of this afternoon you will have had a conversation with Edward about Grace, he wants you to hold her again and see how she reacts. Jake, I've made my mind up about going ahead with Sam's plan and it doesn't change that happening at all. He's perfectly safe."

Adam turned to me and grabbed my hand, pulling us ever so slightly closer together on the couch. "I think you should do it, Jake."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, I trust her," Adam said and I sighed.

"What is it with people around here and trusting the vampires? Has the whole town gone freaking mad?" Bella snorted with laughter and I glared at her.

"Come on Jake. You're doing this for us, right?" I glared at him now then sighed, resigned to a fate they had all chosen for me. I rubbed my hands over my face then through my hair in frustration, then got to my feet.

"Let's do this before Blondie gets back, then," I said. "Last thing I want is her around."

"I'll just put Grace to bed," Bella said excitedly and I groaned, the whole thing was getting far too out of hand.

I took Adam's hand and followed Alice and Jasper through to the back of the house and out into the garden where Bella's wedding reception had happened. Adam looked far too eager about the whole thing, he obviously didn't know enough about vampire attacks and I resolved to explain the danger more clearly to him later. Although it might be too late by then.

"Alice has incredible control, Jacob," Jasper said as Alice bounded into the clearing. "She's never hunted a human before, never drank human blood. She won't hurt him, I guarantee it." I believed him but it didn't mean I had to like the situation.

"I know," I told him. "How should we do this?"

"Adam, if you go and stand in the middle of the garden, Alice is going to come up and touch you on the shoulder a couple of times. You're not going to be able to see her but if at any time you get too uncomfortable just shout 'stop' and we'll back off. Is that okay?"

"Fine," he said and kissed me on the cheek; I swatted at him as he walked down to where Jasper had indicated.

"The most she'll do is tap him on the shoulder, Jacob, but she's going to make it look like an attack. The same thing I said to Adam applies to you, if you get overwhelmed tell her to stop and she will."

"Okay," I nodded and Bella appeared at Jasper's side to watch from the porch.

I walked down to where Adam was chatting easily with Alice, he trusted her which was helping my confidence. He smiled as I approached and asked me "Ready?"

I nodded and leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. "I love you," I whispered as quietly as I could manage, knowing the vamps could hear me anyway.

"Love you, too," he said and grinned. By the time I pulled away Alice had gone and I was immediately alert, waiting for her attack. She came out of nowhere the first time; appearing right in front of me and reaching around to tap Adam on the shoulder. I tensed up and growled at her while fighting the shudders below my skin that was my natural warning of danger.

I crouched low as I spotted her moving among the trees on the edge of their property, she was looping around to come at us from behind and I spun around so I was behind Adam and got there just in time to see Alice run up to us, her movements a blur and sidestep me to tap his shoulder again but was gone before I could snap at her.

I could feel myself getting more and more worked up; this was what we wanted but I was feeling distinctly out of control being in _human_ form during a _vampire_ attack, for fuck's sake! I straightened up and took a deep breath, trying to figure out where she was and managed to spin around again only to collide into her, she was poking Adam in the middle of his chest and they both laughed as I almost tripped over her little body. I growled and she was gone again, twirling off into the tree- line. I was standing in front of him now and he reached forward to rub my shoulders a few times.

"You're doing amazing," he said and I nodded tensely, knowing it wasn't over yet. I stood completely still, listening to Adam's thumping heart and trying to _feel_ out her movements because I couldn't see her as well as I would be able to if I was a wolf.

For some reason my instincts told me she was going to come from the front again so I stayed exactly where I was and waited for her. She walked out of the trees at human speed this time but her eyes were focused over my shoulder on the man I loved. I tensed every muscle in my body, preparing to pounce at her but she continued to walk forward.

"Alice," I warned in a low voice and she took the last few steps to us at a light jog, running right around me and hopping up onto Adam's back.

I roared at her and my mind went through all the different ways I could kill her without hurting him, not noticing or caring that he had caught her in a piggy- back or that she was making no attempt to attack him. Jasper was beside me in an instant, pinning my arms back as I struggled and he spoke to Alice, quickly telling her to back off.

Jasper let me go and grabbed Alice's hand, pulling her towards the house as I collapsed in Adam's arms, still shuddering a bit from fear and anger and the tense emotions I didn't know how to vent. "It's okay," Adam said and pulled me to his chest with one arm while the other stroked my hair. "It's okay," he repeated and kissed my hair. I took a deep breath, smelling his familiarity and reveling in his comfort as I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Are you alright?" he checked and I mumbled something against his chest. "You did so well."

I straightened up and he smiled at me, cupping my face in his hands and kissing my lips quickly. "Come on, let's go talk to them." I looked at him as though he was mad but he took my hand and tugged me back to the house.

The vamps were all sat around on the couches again and Alice was curled up on Jasper's lap. I sat down on the floor between Adam's legs so he could stroke my hair for me, knowing how well this worked in calming me down.

"That was amazing, Jake," Bella said as we settled down. "I've never seen control like that before. Hell, I was about to go and rip Alice off him at one point!"

I laughed humorlessly, once, and Adam put his hands on my shoulders.

"How did you think that went, Jacob?" Jasper asked and I nodded slowly.

"It was terrifying," I said honestly. "I've never had to fight my instincts like that before. With Rosalie, it was just words and I could tune her out to a certain extent, but having to physically protect him without using the strength I know I have…" I trailed off.

"You did very well," Alice echoed Bella's words. "I hope it helps. And think, if you ever did get into a fight you're not going to have the vampire aspect to contend with either, so it should be easier for you if anything."

"Hello?" a voice called into the house and from the smell I figured the rest of the Cullens were home.

"In here," Bella called and Edward came through to give her a kiss.

"I can't believe I missed that," Edward smiled as he looked over to me and Adam. "Nice to see you again," he nodded at us.

"You too, man," Adam said and I looked at him, incredulous, and rolled my eyes. I _definitely _needed to have a talk with him about getting friendly with the vampires.

"Where's Carlisle and Esme?" Bella asked as Edward hopped over the back of the couch to sit next to her.

"Carlisle has gone to the hospital and Esme has gone to the store to pick up a few things for Grace."

"Okay," Bella said and snuggled into his side.

"Where are the others?" I asked and suddenly Blondie appeared in the doorway.

"I'm right here, Jakey, did you miss me?" she asked and I groaned.

"Not particularly," I muttered and the others laughed. "Adam, this is Rosalie Cullen." Emmett appeared behind her and came to sit down with us. "And Emmett, her husband. Guys this is Adam."

"Hi Adam!" Emmett said far too enthusiastically as he jumped into an empty chair.

"Hey," he said back and I wanted to drag him the hell out of there. There were officially too many vampires around my man and I didn't like it one bit.

"I'm glad you're here, actually, Adam," Edward said. "I was hoping to try something out with Grace."

"I know," Adam said with a smile and Edward looked confused for half a second before he read Adam's mind and caught on.

"Alice," he said and Adam laughed.

"You got it."

"She's sleeping at the moment," Edward said, "But that's good, I want to try that too and see how it registers with her. Mostly I'm concerned about her bloodlust around humans. It wasn't something she was interested in before, but that was probably because she had just fed.

"She can't hurt him," Edward said quickly, probably seeing a look of 'no fucking chance' on my face. "She isn't venomous, we know this already. Carlisle has been testing her."

"Okay," I said, still not convinced because if that kid bit my boyfriend, someone around here was going to get hurt.

"She won't bite him," Edward reiterated, obviously reading my mind but I didn't care. He left to go and collect the baby and I turned my attention back to the other conversation in the room, the one Alice and Rosalie were having comparing styles of attack.

Adam pulled me up on to the couch next to him as Edward came back downstairs with the baby wrapped in a blanket, still sleeping I assumed.

"What are you doing with my daughter?" Bella teased from the couch.

"Just giving her to the human," he said and blew her a kiss. I felt nauseous but held it in. "Guys, can you give us some quiet here for a bit?"

"Why, what are you doing?" Rosalie asked and I rolled my eyes at her ever- present rudeness.

"If you're quiet, you can watch," I told her making my voice as patronizing as possible. She went to retaliate but Emmett pulled her on to his lap and she shut up.

Edward gently deposited the baby into Adam's arms where she continued to sleep and suck her thumb. He adjusted her slightly but she seemed happy enough, nothing was happening to be honest.

Edward obviously had other thoughts; he had a notebook out and was making notes at a furious pace. "This is interesting," he muttered and I looked to Bella for some kind of clarification but she just shrugged, as confused as me. "Okay, Adam, could you just jostle her a bit? I want her to wake up."

Adam bounced her a bit and her little face screwed up in a pout before she let loose an almighty scream. "That's good," Edward said and Bella looked at him like he was mad. I probably had a similar expression.

"Do you want me to rock her a bit?" Adam asked in a sorta panicked voice. "I can get her to go back to sleep."

Bella smirked. "The only way she'll go back to sleep now is if you stick her thumb or your pinkie finger in her mouth."

"You are _not_ sticking your finger in her mouth," I told Adam in a warning tone and Alice giggled.

"She can't hurt him, Jake," she said over the continuing screams coming from the baby. Adam got to his feet and started to bounce and rock her a little bit, shushing her and smoothing her hair back.

"She knows you're not like us, she can tell that already," Edward said, obviously fascinated with what was going on. "But she's not threatened at all. She knows she's safe with you."

Adam smiled at me as the baby still whimpered but started to quiet down.

"What about the bloodlust?" Jasper asked as Adam started to pace slowly in front of the vampires. They all had varied degrees of interest on their faces, from Edward who was completely absorbed with his daughter's thoughts to Rosalie who didn't seem to give a fuck.

"She doesn't seem to have any intention of biting Adam at all," he said sounding confused. "But she's definitely hungry. It's almost as if she doesn't equate human blood with humans as food."

"Well that's good," Emmett responded and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"She's still only two months old, Edward," Bella said. "She has a lot of developing to do yet. At the moment she only has a few basic instincts."

"How is she…" I tried to figure out what I was asking. "Is she a vampire?" I asked and Jasper and Bella groaned.

"Alice and Edward have been debating this for ages," Jasper said. "Alice doesn't think so because she can't see Grace's future; she's like the werewolves in that way. Edward thinks she is because she refuses nearly all human food and will feed exclusively on blood if she can."

"So what about the future?" I asked. "Will she grow up?"

"We don't know," Jasper supplied as Adam finally got her to go back to sleep. "Edward and Bella's situation was pretty… unique. I've never heard of a vampire/ human half- breed before."

"We're preparing for the fact that someone might have to bite her in the future to change her into a fully- fledged vampire and make her stop growing," Bella said quietly. "I'm in the same position as Edward was before. It will be Grace's choice, of course, for all we know she might fall in love with a human and want to grow old with them," her eyes sparkled as she found Edward's but there was sadness there too. Her baby was still only a few weeks old and she was already thinking that she might lose her.

Edward put his notebook down and kissed her softly. "We've got years before we need to worry about that," he told her and she nodded. I felt so sorry for her; her future was even more uncertain than my own.

"Jake?" Edward asked and I tore my eyes away from the sight of Adam cradling the baby. It was something that caused strange longings in me. I looked over at Edward and he looked like he was hiding a smile- I knew he had been reading my thoughts. "I was wondering if you would mind taking her for a bit. I don't know if she'll have the same reaction to werewolves as the rest of us do."

"Oh, I uh, I don't know," I told him. "I'm not really that great with kids."

Adam came and sat next to me. "It's fine," he said quietly. "She's tiny so just curve your arm around…" he carefully moved the baby into my arm. "And support your arm with the other one. There," he said as I got a hold of her. "Not so difficult, right?"

"If you say so," I told him, still a bit mad that he had coerced me into this. I didn't know what to do with fucking babies. "Now what?" I asked and a few people laughed.

"That's it, Jacob," Jasper laughed and I looked up at him. "Don't worry, I was terrified when they first gave her to me. I'm 165 years old and I've not been around children since I was one."

"What is she thinking?" Alice asked Edward.

"She's very warm now, almost uncomfortable. You'll have to give her back to Adam in a moment," he said as if I was going to contest this. I went to move her but Edward stopped me.

"Give me another minute," he said, telling the others to be quiet so he could focus on her thoughts.

I couldn't help but watch this little person while she slept; she had the prettiest little pink mouth that was all puckered out and she was blushing just like Bella used to, although I realized that this was more likely to be from my heat than from embarrassment. I stroked the side of her cheek like I'd seen Adam do and she yawned, her face scrunching up before she snuggled back down into my arm.

"No, she has absolutely no reaction to the werewolf thing at all," Edward sighed.

"She must get that from her mother," Adam joked and Bella laughed.

"Give me my daughter back before you corrupt her further," she said to me.

"Hang on, she'll be too cold if you take her now," Edward said. "Would you mind taking her to bed, Adam?"

"Of course not," he said and I twisted around so he could lift the baby from my arms. He held her upright this time with her head resting on his shoulder and stood up, stretching and rubbing her back at the same time.

"Yeah, she definitely likes you," Edward said on a laugh.

"I'll show you her room if you like," Rosalie offered and I growled low in my throat so only the vamps could hear me. "Oh, quit the pissing match, Jacob, I won't hurt him. He smells like wolf." She wrinkled her nose although Adam looked at me with humor and question in his eyes. I shook my head and he followed Rosalie to go and put the baby back to bed.

"She won't hurt him, I won't let her," Alice said and I nodded.

"You can't blame the guy for being wary, though," Jasper added, "Not after his last encounter with Rosalie."

I saw Bella roll her eyes. "Adam is a great guy, Jake," she said softly. "I'm so happy you found him." For some reason her words made me incredibly sad.

"He has to move away, soon," I told her. "There are rumors about us going round school, apparently, and his mom wants him away from the possibility of us getting found out."

"That doesn't sound fair," Emmett said. "I mean, shouldn't you just fight it out together?"

His words riled me for some reason but I tried not to let it show. "Adam has a scholarship to a great art college," I said carefully. "We don't want any controversy on his record that might jeopardize that."

"You told them about me leaving," Adam said as he came back into the room, catching the tail end of my conversation. I nodded and he sat down close to me. "It sucks," he agreed, "But my mom isn't giving us much of a choice. Jake can still come see me most nights and I can maybe come back to La Push before Christmas if things work out okay."

"Why don't you just transfer to Forks High?" Bella asked and I looked at Adam. He was frowning too.

"Why _don't_ you just transfer to Forks High?" I repeated and he shrugged.

"I suppose my mom's natural reaction was to take me back up to where her family live and far enough away that we wouldn't get caught."

"Have you been caught?" Bella asked and I looked at Adam to answer that one.

"Uh, yeah," he said and looked a bit embarrassed. "We went out in Seattle and managed to be seen holding hands by one of our teachers."

"Nice," Emmett said and Rosalie smacked him on the arm.

"I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have to hide what you have," Alice said quietly. "You look so comfortable around each other."

"It's good to have friends we can be ourselves around," Adam said easily and I loved him a little bit more. Especially because he was referring to the vampires as friends which was creepy but cool. "I think that's part of the problem with living in this area. We're too used to being open about our relationship everywhere but in school so it's only going to be a matter of time before someone we'd prefer not to know figures us out."

I noticed it was getting dark outside and checked my watch. "Shit, Adam, we need to move to get back in time for dinner."

"Sorry to have kept you here so late," Jasper apologized but Adam waved him off.

"It's fine, we just agreed to catch the Seahawks game and a pizza tonight with Billy," Adam said.

"Do you want to know who wins?" Alice asked with a wink. "'Cus I can find out if you want." Her eyes flickered closed and I laughed at Adam's expression, he seemed completely amazed with nearly everything Alice said.

"Is she for real?" he asked and they laughed.

"We've been wondering that for years," Emmett said. "But no one bets against her any more."

"So, do you want to know?" Alice asked Adam impatiently, back from her little trip to the future.

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Seattle win, 27 to 13."

"I'll bear that in mind next time I see you," he laughed and I wasn't sure if he believed her or not.

"Thanks for everything, Alice," Adam said and gave her a smile.

"Yeah, thanks guys," I echoed and Adam took my hand loosely in his. "I'm sure I'll see you soon, Bells."

"Take care, Jake," she said and the others called their goodbyes as we let ourselves out.

"So, do you want to make a bet on the game tonight?" Adam joked as he started his car. "I've got this odd feeling the Seahawks are going to win.

"Fuck off," I told him but I was laughing and so was he. "I have to agree with Emmett, it's just not worth betting against Alice."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (just a question, does anyone know if like, the world implodes or something if we don't put this at the top of every chapter? Maybe black turns into white, innie belly buttons become outies, RP and KS stop dating or at least admit they are… I might try it. Watch this space.)

A/N: The song Jake is playing at the end is _Heartbeats _by Jose Gonzales. Listen to it here: http:/www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=WrZbhJ-Qc_c

-x-X-x-

Chapter 9 

"Remind me to never, ever bet against Alice," Adam laughed later that night.

"I wouldn't ever let you, anyway," I tease him and walk out to the kitchen to grab us another couple of sodas, we had finished off the last of the beers earlier in the evening. My dad never minded me drinking as long as I was in the house and we'd occasionally crack open a couple if we were watching a game or something. He had been spending more time out in Forks with Charlie Swan recently; the story at the moment was that Edward and Bella were having an extended honeymoon then heading straight out to Alaska for college. Charlie didn't even know that his daughter and granddaughter were living a couple of minutes drive away but he seemed to be coping with everything pretty well. I was mad at Bella for hiding everything from him but it really wasn't my place to say anything, especially since she was being so supportive of my relationship with Adam.

It did mean though that Dad was home less and less; Sue Clearwater seemed to have taken both bachelors under her wing and was cooking for them both most nights, it made sense for Dad to eat out at the Swan's and he was happy for me to be spending time at Adam's house. We'd run into each other most afternoons in between me coming home from school and heading back out to catch up with Sam and the pack or Adam but he was used to me not being around much from when all the vampire shit was going on earlier in the year, so he said he didn't mind.

We were chilling out and watching the post- game analysis for lack of anything better to do, Dad had just gone to bed and told me to go back to Adam's rather than have him stay over because I have the smallest bed in history that I barely can sleep in on my own. We had made vague comments about Adam going home by himself but we both knew that wouldn't really happen.

It was taking Dad a bit longer to get comfortable with our relationship than Carrie had, but I was trying not to let that bother me. Carrie had sort of known about Adam being gay before he got involved with me so it was understandable that she would be okay with it more quickly, but Dad knew about imprinting and all of those complications though I barely even thought of that any more. It felt like the whole imprinting issue didn't even exist now; Adam obviously returned my love for him and my struggle to consider us equals was dying out.

I tossed him a coke and he got up so we could sit on the couch together. We had been sat apart all evening to make my dad more comfortable although he had been laughing and joking and being fine with us since we got in. I'm not really sure why we decided not to be affectionate around him, it just seemed like the right thing to do until we were sure he was okay with us. But now Adam could get up and join me and we stretched out along the couch; my back wedged into the corner and Adam lying in front of me, our long legs tangled together and me pulling him tight against my chest so he wouldn't fall off. We're not exactly short.

We turned the TV down quieter so it wouldn't disturb Dad and I kissed his neck some, the uninked side where I could draw my own patterns on his skin with my nose and lips and tongue. I could tell Adam was tired from the way he was breathing so deep and yawning and I was getting ready for us to move out back to his when I heard my dad moving.

I couldn't be bothered to tear us apart, thinking he'd probably just go to the bathroom then back to his room but he came right past the living room on his way to the kitchen, probably getting a glass of water. He was in his chair, so he wouldn't be able to carry it if he used his walking sticks.

"You two still here?" he said, stopping in the doorway on his way back. He had already seen us together when he passed the first time so there was no point in pulling away from each other now.

"Yeah, just about to leave," Adam said softly.

"Okay, well, goodnight," Dad said and we echoed his words as he wheeled himself back to his room.

"That was weird," I whispered into Adam's ear then bit it.

"He didn't freak out," he agreed.

"He seemed… okay, with us being intimate."

"Yeah."

"Huh. Let's go so we can be some more intimate alone."

"Okay," Adam smiled and kissed me softly.

It had been a long night, followed by a long day and it was almost midnight by the time we stumbled into the Hawk's house. I was so tired my eyes itched and I just wanted to sleep, but more than that I wanted to wash the lingering smell of vampire from both mine and Adam's skin. We undressed each other slowly, taking care of each other in the loving way we could be when we were alone like this. Adam turned the shower on to heat up and we brushed our teeth together while we waited.

I had my own toothbrush here now. I had kept the red one from my first morning and Adam had a green one that sat next to it. In some ways it seemed so long ago when we first got together but the reality was only a few weeks. Or maybe it was months, time seemed to be running into itself now and Bella getting married was only August but that pain was emotionally so far behind me that it didn't make sense that it was physically not that long ago.

The shower was ready so we squeezed in there together and soaped each other up lazily, neither of us up for anything too energetic but needing that connection to each other. I ran my fingertips over the last section of the tattoo that Katie had done; it was nearly fully healed now and only slightly raised as you touched it. I wanted to ask him again about us getting matching tattoos but it was probably too soon to do it. Maybe we could do it for wedding presents to each other.

"Do you want…" Adam asked as my erection grazed against his but I shook my head. Being close to each other was all I wanted and I was too damn tired to take care of us both tonight. I kissed him softly, sucking his lower lip into my mouth and we groaned together, Adam reaching around me and shutting the water off so we had to get out whether we liked it or not.

We dried off quickly and Adam stuck a CD in his player on low as I crawled into bed with him. He liked having music on when he went to bed, especially if he'd had a hard day. He said it helped him relax and let things go before he went to sleep.

I rolled on to my side of the bed and faced away from him so Adam could spoon me. He sighed deeply as we curved around me and whispered 'I love you' as I took his hand and laced my fingers in his.

"I love you too," I told him, then fell quickly into sleep.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee and groaned as a familiar rumble worked its way through my belly. Adam had rolled over in the night but we had slept with our backs pressed up tight against each other so I could still feel his heat. It felt just as intimate as sleeping in his arms.

I left Adam sleeping and grabbed a pair of his sweatpants so I could go downstairs and see Carrie.

"No fair," I muttered as I entered the kitchen. "You left the door open on purpose."

"Me?" she said with mock innocence. "I wouldn't do something like that." I gave her a kiss on the head and helped myself to a mug of coffee. "You two were late last night," she said and I nodded, taking a sip of the bitter coffee.

"Yeah, we watched the Seahawks game with my dad. I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't worry," she said as she started another batch of pancakes. "I was just wondering where you had gotten to." I made a mental note to text her in the future if we were out late and made another mug of coffee to take up for Adam.

"I'll go get Adam up," I said and she nodded.

"Give me ten minutes and this will be ready."

"Thanks, Carrie," I said and wandered back upstairs.

Adam was still sleeping and snoring softly so I kissed his head and stuck the mug on his bedside table. "Wake up," I stage- whispered to him and nudged his shoulder. "I brought you coffee."

"Mmm, thanks," he mumbled and I kissed him again before going to use the bathroom. I couldn't even remember what clothes were mine and which were Adam's any more; Carrie ended up doing more of my laundry than I'd like to admit and since the two of us were pretty much the same size, we shared clothes. I was worried at one point that someone would notice, but when I mentioned it to Quil he'd looked at me like I was fucking stupid and said something about me turning into a woman. So I just grabbed a plain grey t shirt and some jeans from the dresser and poked Adam again, telling him to get up for real this time and that his mom was making us breakfast. He moved then, taking big gulps of his coffee as he got dressed.

"Breakfast!" Carrie yelled up the stairs and I pushed him away, play fighting to be the first one to the kitchen.

"Can I borrow your car today?" Carrie asked Adam as we settled down at the table. "My fuel gauge is playing up and I'm not sure if I can get to work and back or to Seattle and back."

"Sure," he said around a mouthful of eggs. "Hang on, shit, I drove yesterday."

"I could drop you off at Jake's to pick up his car?"

"That works," I said. "I can take a look at your car over the weekend if you like, Carrie."

"Oh, that would be great," she said then checked her watch. "You need to hurry up if Jake's going to get to school on time…"

"I'm moving, I'm moving," he muttered, running back upstairs to put some shoes on.

"When do you find out about the new job?" I asked Carrie now that we were alone, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice and fishing for any information I could get to help me through this nightmare situation.

"Hopefully today," she said softly. "I'm sorry, Jake-" she started but I cut her off.

"Carrie, it's fine, I understand," I said. "Just, can I ask one thing?"

"Go on," she sounded reserved.

"Why couldn't Adam just transfer to Forks High? It was something that Bella mentioned and I know it would mean him not going to a reservation school but you could stay in the area then and keep your job…" I trailed off at the look on her face.

"I had considered it, Jake, and it's a possibility but Forks High isn't willing to take Adam at the moment, they don't have enough places. We'll go up to Neah Bay for Christmas vacation. But I'm in contact with the administrators in Forks and as soon as they have a place we'll come back."

"Why haven't you told Adam this?" I was fighting my instincts to get mad again and tried not to be disrespectful; she was Adam's Mom and could do whatever the hell she wanted.

"I didn't want to get his hopes up," she admitted. "I will tell him though, I promise."

I nodded in response, not wanting to say anything with Adam's boots thundering down the back stairs.

"Come on!" he groaned and I smiled sadly at Carrie as she grabbed her teaching things and we all piled into Adam's car. By the time we changed over into the rabbit I was very nearly running late and Adam floored it all the way to school, offering me the keys but I shook my head and told him to pick me up later. He seemed okay with this and brushed his thumb over the back of my hand before leaving the parking lot.

I had to run to make first period and collapsed into my seat just as the bell rang. Embry rolled his eyes at me but didn't ask why I was so late. The morning dragged by; I was still doing really bad in Math but my grades in everything else were picking up in all my other classes, almost to the point where they were better than before I left and it was a relief not to be struggling at school any more. It was good to catch up with my friends over lunch, I told them to just let the rumors circulate about why Adam had left and not let any of the real reasons get any airtime. Apparently Carrie's confrontation of the principal had been hyped up to monumental proportions and his being hiked out of school with no notice had caused a lot of fuss. Adam was well known and popular around school but despite what Mr Carlton had said, no one had even mentioned the possibility of him being gay.

-x-X-x-

Adam collected me from school, as promised.

"Hey," I smiled at him but he seemed tense, somehow.

"Jake, can I take you out tonight?" he said in a rush, not looking at me.

"Like, on a date?"

"Yeah," he looked over now, his expression sheepish.

"Adam, it's my night to patrol tonight." I was devastated. Going on a date with him sounded amazing.

"I already called Seth and he's covering for you."

"Oh. Then yeah, of course."

"Really?" his eyes lit up.

"Yeah," I smiled and leaned forward as if to kiss him but he leaned back instinctively and I realized we were still sat in the school parking lot, although most of the cars had cleared out. "Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Mom still has my car," he said apologetically. "I made reservations for seven- thirty, can you pick me up at a quarter to?"

"Okay," I said and wondered what lengths he had gone to to organize this.

I dropped him off outside his house, kissing him for real this time and slipping him a little tongue too because I could, then pulling away and leaving him frustrated and straining against his jeans. I hummed to the radio on the way home, something I never usually do because of my _terrible_ singing voice and tried not to make a big deal about The Date when I told my dad about it.

"You're going on a date _now_?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, why not?" I asked him, defensive.

"Because you've been dating the boy for over three months already!"

"Is it really that long?" I said, mentally counting back to when we first got together. Dad laughed and groaned at the same time and shook his head at me.

"Just… be careful," he said and turned the volume back up on the TV.

"I know, Dad," I whined at him. "Keep it wrapped and don't knock 'em up, right?"

"Oh, Lord knows I wish I was talking about that kind of careful," he sighed and I laughed, happy that I could joke with him about this. I went straight to the bathroom and pretended I didn't hear him shout "You're too young to be having sex!" slamming the door and turning the water on as hot as it would go to disguise my embarrassment.

I stood in front of my open closet ten minutes later, finger- drying my hair that was now too short after I let Emily cut it and wondering what to wear. I had talked myself out of texting Adam and asking him what he was wearing twice already, not wanting to be Rosalie's 'bitch' in the relationship and reasoning that I've been dressing myself since I was four years old and no longer need help with the task.

I eventually pulled on a pair of jeans and a plain white shirt, hoping it wasn't too casual and rolling the sleeves up like I usually did. I put shoes on, rather than sneakers just in case I did need to be more smart than casual and tried to gel my hair some so it didn't look quite so shit. I checked my watch and saw I had about ten minutes before I had to leave but I didn't want to be too early so I braved my dad.

"Hey," I said and flopped down on to the couch.

"You look nice," he replied, making fun of me.

"Ouch," I said and rubbed my chest. We were quiet for a moment, then he asked "When are you going out?"

"In a minute." I waited a beat, then before I could back out continued "Dad?"

"Jake?" he said, smiling at me as he finished his coffee and set it down on the table.

"Are you okay about me and Adam?"

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I'm not gay, Dad, and I know that sounds weird because I'm dating a guy. But I have no interest in other guys at all. Or other girls."

"That's because you imprinted, son, you didn't fall in love."

"I know," I ground my teeth together, a bad habit when I'm frustrated. "But I am in love with him, too. I love him on a scale I don't even really want to think about because it's too huge. It's just, I know no man wants his son to grow up and be gay, and I feel like I'm letting you down."

"You're not letting me down, Jake," he said confidently. "I meant it when I told you I just want you to be happy. I can't say I'm not afraid for you, because I am. I've spoken with Adam's mom and I know why she's pulling him from school and I can't say I blame her. I have the same instinct to protect my child as she does."

I shifted my weight so I could rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. "I'm so scared. I love him so much and I don't know what's going to happen."

"Do you think any couple does?" Dad laughed and I looked up at him. "Shit, Jake, when I met your mother I had no idea what would happen. Her father hated me. _Hated _me. We dated in secret for nearly a year, sneaking around this reservation behind his back before he found out and I can remember saying to her, 'Baby, we had a good run. I love you, but I'm going to die now. Have a good life.'" He laughed again. "Your grandfather, my Dad, told me to man up and go and do something about it. So I went to Sarah's father and asked him if I could marry her. But that's being in love, kid. You do stupid stuff."

"How old were you?" I asked.

"Eighteen," he sighed and shook his head. "Don't go getting any ideas. I've already told Paul to back off until Rachel finishes college."

"Really?" I laughed. "I didn't know that."

"I'm worried about your safety more than anything," he said softly. "This isn't an easy world to live in as a young gay man. I wouldn't blame you if you moved off the res and never came back."

"I couldn't leave forever," I went to protest but he shook off my words.

"My standing in the community would only protect you to a certain extent," he said. "I can't stop everything, no matter how much I'd like to think I could."

I checked my watch. "I need to go," I told him.

"Okay," he said, passive as ever.

I checked my keys and wallet in my pockets then went to the door. "Oh, Dad?"

"Yes, Jake," I could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

"Thanks."

"No problem, Jake."

As soon as I got in the car I sent Adam a text to let him know I was on my way, then floored it over there because I was running late. Adam was just locking the door behind him as I pulled up and I relaxed a little; he was wearing jeans and a shirt, too. He slid into the car next to me and pulled me into a kiss, hovering a bit longer than he usually did.

"Okay?" I asked him and he nodded. "Where are we going?"

"Port Angeles," he said. "There's supposed to be this great little Italian restaurant there."

"Sounds good," I told him and took his hand as I drove. We were still early when I parked up, shrugging on a jacket out of the back of the car because it was getting cold now.

The hostess girl was quite obviously eye- fucking both of us as Adam gave her his name for the reservation and I had to work to hold in my giggles as she showed us to a table in a quieter corner of the restaurant.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked after we were handed our menus and left in peace.

"If you change your mind about me, I think that girl is going to slip you her phone number later."

"Oh, shut up," he said and blushed. I loved how shy he was and unwilling to admit how steaming hot attractive he could be, especially tonight.

Adam continued to blush as the waitress flirted with him as he placed his order, asking for a bottle of wine for us to share and unbelievably getting away with it. I was aware that we both look older than seventeen but in no way could we pass for twenty one.

"Nicely done," I said as the waitress walked off, swaying her hips as she went. I snorted into my glass of water.

"Don't start this with me tonight, Black," he said, waving a breadstick at me in warning.

"Scary," I taunted him and bit the end off it.

We teased each other and joked through most of the meal, sharing bites of pasta when there wasn't anyone else around to notice us. It was a Friday night, though, so soon enough even our quiet little corner started to fill out and we toned back instinctively, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves.

"We're leaving," Adam said after the waitress had cleared our dishes and we had refused dessert.

"I know," I assured him, reaching across the table to take his hand, not caring if anyone saw. "When?"

"Sunday," he whispered.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I admitted and he nodded.

"This fucking sucks."

"I know."

"Can we go home?"

"To bed?"

"Yes," he smiled.

"Yes," I told him and he smiled wider. He paid the bill, not letting me split it with him and we walked to the car holding hands- a dangerous move but a necessary one.

I drove back to his house faster than I've ever pushed the rabbit before, but I don't think he even noticed. We stumbled into the house and up the stairs, stealing kisses wherever possible and tugging at each other's clothes, desperate for skin to skin contact.

I could tell how much Adam was struggling to keep in control and pulled him into my arms, holding him tight to my chest while his head found the spot between my neck and shoulder and snuggled in there. I stroked his hair while he breathed deeply, for control or comfort I couldn't be sure. Eventually he turned his head and started to kiss my neck, licking and sucking the skin there then biting my earlobe.

"I need you," he whispered, his voice harsh and raw.

"How do you want this?" I asked, breaking our unspoken rule that we didn't plan ahead, we just let things happen naturally.

"I need _you,_ Jake," he said desperately and pressed his lips to mine.

"Then have me," I told him.

I didn't need to tell him twice. Adam started to unbutton my shirt, slowly kissing the skin he exposed on his way down and lightly biting and pulling at my nipples. He knew how crazy this made me and I groaned under his teeth and tongue, at the same time craving more and not wanting him to stop.

I shrugged my shirt off and unbuckled my jeans, then reached for Adam to start removing his clothes too. He found my lips again and we were frantic as we kissed, searching for answers or something deeper as our mouths clashed against each other, nipping and licking and biting. I took a half step backwards to kick off my shoes and socks, then pushed my jeans and boxers down off my hips as Adam mirrored my movements.

"Bed," he said, his voice husky with desire. "Face down."

I felt my cock twitch at his words and nodded once, then kissed him quickly before following his instruction. He took his time coming over to me and I heard him collect what he needed from the drawer before his weight caused me to roll towards him slightly.

Adam grabbed a couple of pillows from the bed next to me then slapped my ass, hard enough to make me yelp then growl at him. "Lift your hips," he commanded, then pushed the pillows under me when I complied so my ass was stuck up in the air, waiting for him.

Instead of diving right in, so to speak, Adam started running his hands up and down my back; long, smooth caresses that stoked a fire that was already smoldering under my skin. He massaged the muscles in my neck and shoulders, gently rubbed the planes of my back and teased my lower back and ass cheeks with soft fingers. I felt liquid underneath him, silky and loose and ready for what happens next.

"Hmm," Adam murmured, placing wet kisses over my lower back. "I want to try something."

"Okay," I answered nervously.

"If you don't like it just say, and I'll stop. But I think you will."

Now I was nervous.

He started kissing the backs of my thighs, which were a lot more fucking sensitive than I ever realized, liking and slurping my skin and the bottom of my ass cheeks. I laughed as he bit me there then rubbed the sore spot with his nose, then he pulled back and blew on the wet spot.

And then, he sucked one of my balls into his mouth. From behind.

"Oh, sweet jesus," I moaned into the duvet, hoping that the layers would hide my groans of pleasure. His tongue was wet and knowing and found out all of the spots that I needed; licking the spot behind my balls that felt so motherfucking good, tickling the right places and sucking hard where I needed it until I was grinding my cock into that pillow like it was gonna make me come. "That was amazing, Adam," I sighed as he pulled away and started to massage my ass cheeks again.

"Oh, that wasn't it," he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "That was just the warm- up." He started to lick my balls again, then his fingers started to prize my cheeks apart and his tongue started to lick higher and higher. I gasped at the sensations, sure all my muscles were tightening up underneath his hands.

"Fuck," I muttered as Adam's tongue finally found its target. My target. Fuck. "Fuck, fuck!"

"Does that feel good, baby?" he asked in a rough voice.

"Yeah, don't fucking stop," I told him and he laughed before his tongue got back to work. It was an odd feeling but good, really good, and really intimate, too. I didn't know if he'd ever done this before but it wasn't the sort of thing you'd do for just anyone so I hoped not. I tried to stay still and get lost in the sensations and not buck my hips too hard, but the pleasure was pooling in my belly and even though no one had touched my cock at all all night, I felt like I was gonna come soon.

"Please, Adam, I need you," I moaned and he kissed my ass cheek quickly.

"Oh, Jake, I hope you're ready for this," he said and I moaned again.

His fingers quickly did their welcomed dance over my entrance, spreading the lube there and then pushing it inside me softly. I was grinding my hips back into him with an enthusiasm I barely recognized in myself, begging him silently to just hurry up and take me.

Finally, _finally_ I felt his weight behind me and he removed his slick fingers from my ass, only to press the head of his cock there and immediately started to push forward. I could tell this was different than it was before; it was only our second time like this but I could almost feel his desperation and I cried out softly at the pain as he pushed in and he stopped immediately.

"Are you okay? Shit, Jake, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I panted, him stopping for that moment was all I needed to adjust to him. "I'm fine, Adam, I promise, please don't stop."

His big hands rubbed up and down my back carefully, relaxing me again so he could continue to push forward. I felt him move as his hips met the back of my thighs, I think he spread his legs wider apart because his chest came down to rest on my back, pinning me to the bed and trapping me in his arms. His lips found my neck as he slowly pulled back and bit down on my earlobe as he thrust into me with another long stroke.

Something was different with this position, I felt him deeper than before and it felt just as intimate as we were the last time but I was truly bottoming for him, submitting completely to his strength and dominance over me.

"Do you want to touch yourself?" he growled into my ear. I hummed in response, I did, sort of, but I could think of better options…

"Do you want me to touch you?" he asked and I couldn't help my gasp.

"Oh, yes!"

"Tough," he said and bit my shoulder. "I'm going to make you come just from fucking your ass."

His words nearly did make me come, right then and there but I was distracted enough by his movements to be able to hold back; as he spoke Adam had pulled back into a kneeling position and hooked an arm around my waist to pull me back into him. I ended up on my hands and knees as he continued to move, now slightly faster because the position let him.

This position didn't really do it for me, it still felt good but I was too detached from him. I leaned back, pressing my back against his chest so I was sitting on his lap facing away from him. We couldn't move as fast in this position but I could twist my head round and kiss him and Adam responded so explosively, his tongue and mouth consuming mine as we made love.

He kept his promise and didn't touch my cock, but his hands came to rest on my thighs and his thumbs rubbed circles into my hipbones. "Fuck, Jake, close," he whispered but I wasn't so I took his bottom lip between mine and bit it, tugging it towards me and relishing the feeling of him coming deep in me. He shuddered and his hands clenched my hips but he _still_ didn't touch my fucking cock and I was about to do the job myself when he noticed.

"Shit, baby, I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't worry," I moaned as my hand started to wrap around it and began a familiar rhythm.

"No," he said sharply and I winced as he smacked my hand away. He pushed me off his lap softly and dealt with the condom, I couldn't even care that he was done because I was so fucking desperate to come.

I was lying on my back on the bed, aware that my hips were twitching forward trying to find some kind of friction from fucking _air_ with an arm thrown over my face when I finally felt his mouth lower over my cock. I was hoping he would do this and moaned his name, lasting for an embarrassingly short amount of time while he licked and sucked me vigorously before I came in his mouth.

It was relief but short lasted. Adam kissed the line of fuzz that lead from my bellybutton downwards and laid his head on my stomach as I caught my breath, my arm still over my face. I ran my hand through his hair and it wasn't long before I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't believe he was actually leaving.

He shifted on the bed and I was pulled into his arms, cradled against his chest so I could hear his heart beating as he kissed my head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been that rough with you," he murmured.

"It's not that at all," I croaked into his smooth copper skin. Adam lifted me easily and laid himself out on the bed, pulling me on top of him and tugging a blanket over the top of us. "I don't want this to break us," I admitted as soon as we were settled with my head still pillowed on his shoulder.

"We're unbreakable," he told me and I absorbed his words, taking them inside me and making them mine, not wanting to say anything else before we fell asleep so I could meditate on that feeling.

I didn't go to school the next day, I called the office and told them I was sick. I felt it; there was a burning in my chest that wouldn't shift for antacids or flat soda or Adam's kisses. We lay in each other's arms for hours, listening to his music and talking about stuff. At one point we wandered downstairs to grab some food and I found Carrie's acoustic guitar on the couch and commandeered it, taking it back up to his room so we could take turns picking out different tunes.

We made love over and over, of course, losing ourselves in the physical aspects of our relationship, cementing ourselves in what was real and tangible and not feelings and emotions that neither of us knew how to express. We slept in short bursts with our foreheads pressed against each other, desperate to share our closeness even in sleep.

It was getting dark again and Adam was sketching, stretched out on his stomach on his bed with his fingers dirty with charcoal; I was sat upright on the bed against a pile of pillows and trying to pick out the complicated notes to a song, _Heartbeats,_ that I like and that felt appropriate. Carrie knocked lightly on the door but called out before either of us could tell her to come in.

"Don't say anything! I don't need to know if you're naked. I just wanted to say that dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes if you want some."

"Mom, you can come in," Adam laughed. We were both only wearing t shirts and boxers but at least we were clothed.

"Oh, thank god for that," she sighed dramatically as she opened the door. "I was terrified of coming up here."

"Don't be," I smiled. "We're 'Just Good Friends', remember?"

"Of course," she deadpanned. "There's my guitar!"

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "You can have it back."

"No, keep it," she said. "I was just wondering where it went. Are you both okay?"

"I'm fine. Just sad."

"I'm going to miss you, Jake," she smiled with tears in her eyes and turned to go back downstairs, leaving the door open.

I set the guitar down leaning on my bedside table and pulled Adam on top of me so we could kiss some more, tangling my hand in his hair and stroking his skin where his t shirt had ridden up over his lower back. We couldn't take it any further or be any more passionate while Carrie was so close and expecting us in a few minutes but being with him like this was nice, no pressure, no worries, just me kissing the boy I loved.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered back. I went to move to go down for dinner but he kept me pressed into the bed; his strong arms pinning my hands and his chest hovering over mine, his hair brushing against my cheek.

He had his eyes closed and looked troubled, he was frowning and his lips were working a bit like he was trying to say something, or trying to hold himself back.

When he opened his eyes my love for him hit me again like a punch to my stomach. His eyes, dark brown and gold framed in his lightly bronzed skin, shining with love for me right back. "Jake, will you marry me?" he asked. I waited a short moment, closing my eyes to rub my nose against his, brush my lips over the corner of his mouth, lace my fingers with his.

"No."

-x-X-x-

A/N: Trust me?


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 10

It didn't take long for Adam to pile his essential things into his car; he'd packed up most of his clothes and his school and art supplies but he was keeping a lot of his stuff at the house in La Push, a silent signal to Carrie that he wanted to come back as soon as possible.

Carrie had loaded her car too, it hadn't taken me long to fix it and her things were packed into boxes and suitcases and stuffed into the back seat. The house was locked up tight, the curtains drawn against the windows and the spare back door key added to the keyring I kept my house and car keys on. She had hugged me tightly and promised to come home as soon as she could get Adam into a local school, then kissed me on the cheek and drove on ahead.

I stood in front of Adam, at a loss as to what to say or do or how to make this okay. I dropped my head and pressed it against his chest, my hands gripping at his t shirt. I could hear his heart beating.

"I'm sorry, Jake," he murmured and rubbed my back.

"I love you so much," I choked out and he pulled me up so he could cradle my head into his neck.

"Ssh, it's okay," he whispered. "We'll make this work, I promise." His lips found mine, sealing his vow and he pulled away, taking the half- step forward to his car. "I'll call you when I'm there, okay?"

I nodded mutely and standing in front of his now empty house, watched him drive away.

-x-X-x-

I was laid out on my bed when he called about two hours later.

"I'm here," he said as I answered.

"I guessed that," I teased him. "How is it?"

"Fine. I have my own room."

"That's good." It was too awkward.

"It's not as secluded as my room at home."

"Oh." Shit. Conversation, Jake, remember that? "How's your family?"

"More pleased to see Mom than me. I'm the troublemaker, remember?"

"Yeah, I learned that." Silence.

"I miss you Jake, already. I know it's soon, but…"

"I miss you too. Do you want me to run out to you tonight?"

"Not tonight, I've got to spend some time with my family. I'll give you a call after school tomorrow, yeah?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you."

I cried myself to sleep.

-x-X-x-

The next day I was forced to go to school by my dad pounding on my bedroom door at a stupid hour of the morning. I have no recollection of what I was supposedly taught in the first few hours there, I might have physically been in class but my mind was miles away; thinking of Adam, how his first day at a new school was going, how long it would be until I could see him again.

That night I ran for Seth to make up for the night he covered for me. It wasn't painful or annoying or tough, it just was. I ran, patrolled the perimeter of our land and then went to Adam's house and slept in his bed because the sheets smelled of him. We still hadn't talked.

I went to school the next day in the same clothes I had worn the day before and a black zip hoodie I had found left in Adam's closet. It smelled of him too. I couldn't face my friends at lunch so I grabbed a sandwich and an apple and went down to the motor shop, sitting on a bench and chatting with a couple of guys reconstructing an old Harley. I had some experience in this and they seemed happy for me to just sit and comment on what they were doing with no pressure for me to talk about my _boyfriend _or my fucking _feelings_.

I drove home from school with the radio off, my head too full of fuzz to be able to deal with music or my own thoughts. I pulled up and noticed Sam's truck in front of the house.

"Hey," I called as I climbed out of the rabbit. "Is everything okay? I didn't expect to see you here."

"Jake," Sam said and got up from the old rocker on our front porch. "I need to talk to you."

"Sure," I shrugged and sat on the railing opposite him.

"The pack are worried about you," he went straight to the point. "You've been like a zombie these past few days. Is everything okay with Adam?"

"Not really," I said, a bit pissed off at him. "He's not here."

"I know that, Jake, but you're more upset than just that. Why haven't you called him?"

"He hasn't called me." I shrugged him off.

"I think you should go up there," he insisted.

"He might not want to see me."

Sam sighed and checked his phone. He quickly answered a text message then turned back to me. "Why did you tell him no, Jake?"

"Because it wouldn't mean anything," I was arguing this point way before I needed to. "I can't marry him, not really. Same sex marriage is not recognized as legal in Washington State, Sam, so what's the point?"

"Is it about the piece of paper to you? Or is about a commitment?"

"I've already committed my life to him!" I threw my hands in the air, shouting now. "I imprinted on him! There won't ever be anyone else, not ever."

"Does he know this?"

"Of course he does!" I yelled.

"Then why did he ask you to marry him?" Sam got up and clapped me on the shoulder. "Go speak to him, Jacob." Then he left.

I stood rooted to the spot for a few moments running my hands over my face and through my hair in frustration before a literal pull began to tug at my stomach and I realized that Sam had issued that last sentence as a command, as Alpha. I _had_ to go and speak to Adam, he hadn't given me a choice in the matter. Bastard. I went inside and stripped my clothes off, finding a familiar piece of leather cord and tying my jeans to my leg.

I took a deep breath as I walked outside and phased, then began the run north.

Carrie had given me the address of where they were living and I'd memorized the routes there both by car and the easiest way to run there too. Carrie's sister's house was on the outskirts of town but even so, I made sure I kept out of sight until I got to the edge of the forest that bordered the house. I knew that I'd be able to get this far undetected, but it was the next bit that scared me.

I phased back and pulled my jeans on quickly, not wanting to be caught and the police get called because of a naked guy prowling through the fucking trees. Adam was sat outside the house on a summer lounge chair, layered up because of the cold I couldn't feel and sketching with a pot of charcoal resting on the chair next to him. He had bags under his eyes and his hands weren't as sure or steady as I'd seen them before. The house was big and solid and close to the edge of the forest so a lot of daylight was being blocked by the trees and what was left filtered through the green.

Stepping out from the tree line took courage but he didn't see me at first, still concentrating on the paper in font of him and the shapes he was smudging together. The next time he looked up he saw me, leaning against a tree and watching him and he gasped, not sure, I think, if he believed it was actually me.

"I missed you too much," I told him and he nodded.

"Me too." Neither of us made to move towards each other. We watched each other as long seconds ticked by, then he sighed and breaking the magic, closed his eyes and rubbed them, putting his sketch pad down on the grass next to him.

Adam stood up and turned to go back into the house, my heart was beating so hard in my chest I thought I would actually have a heart attack and die.

"Adam," I called out to him. He stopped and I took the opportunity to run up to him and slipped my hand into his. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

I tugged his hand and lead him back to the lounge chair and he settled back into it, opening his arms to welcome me into them. I crawled into his lap and into a ball, tucking my head under his chin and clutching his sweater with both hands. His arms wrapped around me and held me tight while we both offered silent prayers of thanks for each other.

-x-X-x-

"What time does Carrie get home?"

"About six. We're okay for now."

"Good." Pause. "I spoke to Sam.

"Oh. What did you say?"

"Adam, I need to explain," I fidgeted and changed our position so he was sat on my lap, leaning back into the other corner of the chair so we could face each other. "I've been on the internet, researching same- sex marriage. In this state, it doesn't exist. We're not allowed to be together, not even in a civil partnership which _isn't _a marriage. It's so fucking wrong, and according to the law we _can't _be married. So it's not that I don't want to be."

"It's not about a legal marriage Jake," he said softly, unconsciously echoing Sam's words to me earlier. "It's something that we do for each other to make this real. To show the people we love what we have here, how important it is to us. I know there's not a legal ceremony, but so what?"

"What would you want?" I reached up and stroked his hair back off his face, needing to touch him and make him real to me again.

"I spoke to Emily about it, actually," he said softly looking embarrassed.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I want to know. I don't even know where we would start."

"We can change our names by deed poll which is practically the same thing as changing it by marriage anyway," he said and I nodded. I definitely wanted to take his name. "And I thought we could get Sam to do a traditional Quileute marriage ceremony for us. It would normally be done by the Chief, but because Billy is your Dad it changes the rules."

"Go on," I told him.

"That's it, really," he said. "I don't know about rings, I think they would attract too much attention. But I want the black hawk tattoo."

"Yeah, so do I," I told him and poked him in the ribs. "I changed your mind."

"About what?" he laughed.

"More tattoos."

"Yeah, I suppose you did. It's for a good reason, though." He shuddered a little bit and I drew him closer to me.

"Cold?" I whispered.

"Not any more. God, Jake, you're so warm."

"It comes in handy at times like these," I agreed. We were quiet then, enjoying being wrapped around each other. Adam tucked his head under my chin and I ran my fingers through his hair in the slow, rhythmical pattern that he liked and usually sent him to sleep.

I brushed my lips gently over his earlobe, taking one of his earrings in between my teeth and tugging on it then kissing the spot behind his ear until I heard his sigh. "We both need to be eighteen before we can change our names," he said, sounding sleepy.

"I know, but that's not long now," I assured him. "I think we should do it before we leave for college."

"Okay," he agreed easily. "Thank you, Jake,"

"For what?"

"Agreeing to this."

I pulled him up so we were face to face. "I'm not doing this because I feel like I should, Adam," the words came out sharper than I had intended. "I know we're too young for this, I know it's too early in our relationship to be talking about this, but it's my future. You're everything to me, Adam, literally my whole life. I'll be with you, forever."

He rubbed his nose against mine. "You don't have to tell me yes tonight, or tomorrow, or for years if you're not ready. But knowing that one day you want this is enough. For now."

I nodded, knowing I'd told him enough already, and knowing I needed time before I could give him his yes. But I would, as soon as I figured out how.

Too soon it was time for us to break away from our lazy kisses and say goodbye before Carrie arrived and caught me there, bare chested and without a vehicle.

"Come back soon?" he begged against my chest and I nodded.

"I'm not going to leave it this long without seeing you again," I promised. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I want to tell my aunt about us," he said quietly. "Then we won't have to hide from them."

"That sounds good," I said, two forces at once pulling me away and pushing me closer to him. "I love you," I murmured quickly, insistent that his knew this.

"Love you too," he said and I took off, needing to move before I fell apart again.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 11

A week before Christmas and Adam and Carrie still weren't home. It was four days until Adam's eighteenth birthday and he was going to be spending it in Neah Bay; although most of our friends were going to drive up there to join in the party his aunt was hosting. He had come out to the rest of his family and admitted he had a boyfriend, apparently they had all taken it rather well and no one seemed to have a problem with it. Since Adam had gone for years without bringing a girlfriend home or even showing any interest in girls, a few of them had suspected he was gay anyway. The only person who had shown any animosity was his grandfather who was a bit harsh with him for a few days, then Carrie spoke with her father and it had been okay since.

I had been agonizing over his birthday present; being only four days before Christmas made it difficult and I knew I wanted to get him something special since it was his eighteenth, not just a shirt or a CD or books. In the end I called a newer friend for help, and they provided, big time. I was pretty sure he was going to be stoked and I'd wrapped the gift and set it in the bottom of my closet days ago.

The days were passing slowly, dragging to the point of exhaustion at times but the weeks seemed to pass quickly. I was welcome at the Hawk's home on the weekends even though they made me sleep on the fold out couch in the den; what Carrie's sister didn't know was that Adam snuck down on those nights and slept in my arms. Carrie knew. She covered for us a few times. Although accepting, Adam's family were not enamored with the idea of under age, premarital gay sex. It was a lot to take in all in one go.

We had arranged for a couple of cars to drive the couple of hours up to Neah Bay for Adam's birthday party; I was riding with Sam and Emily because I wanted to stay after the party. The rest of the pack and a couple more of our friends from school were coming and Bella had given me a card when I had seen her earlier in the week to pass on. I was really touched; she knew that I couldn't invite her to the party, she was still too young a vampire and what with all the werewolves there it just wouldn't work. But she still wanted to do something nice for my boyfriend. I guessed we really were on our way to being friends again.

My leg was twitching during the entire drive up and Emily had a couple of sympathetic smiles for me as I ground my teeth in frustration. Sam wasn't quite as patient, he kept smacking my leg. As soon as we pulled up in front of the house I was out of the car; others had arrived in front of us so Adam was already outside. He was dressed casually; a white t shirt underneath a plaid shirt and jeans, but he looked so fucking hot it hurt. His hair was pulled back and he looked like he hadn't shaved in about a week, he was all fuzzy and I wanted to lick it. He jogged up to me and pulled me tightly into his arms.

"I missed you," he breathed into my ear, a familiar greeting.

"Happy Birthday," I smiled and he kissed my neck a few times.

"Thanks. Come in."

We sat around the huge kitchen, me on the counter leaning against the fridge as Adam opened the gifts people had bought him. There were kids about so it wasn't really a big drinking sort of party but I had a beer anyway, needing to relax a bit around all the people. We hadn't been out as a couple long enough to have learned how to cope in this sort of situation; I didn't know where our boundaries were.

I didn't want a massive deal made out of me giving him my gift so I called him over after he'd opened a set of oil paints from Emily. "Here," I said, holding out a card file wrapped in silver paper.

"Thank you," he said and settled between my knees to open it. We were close but not offending anyone, or at least I hoped. Adam pulled the sheet of paper out and his eyes went wide as he realized what I had given him.

"Katie sends her love," I whispered before his lips came crashing down on mine. I laughed at his enthusiasm and kissed him softly then pulled back. "Do you like it?"

I had called Adam's tattoo artist when he had mentioned getting tattoos as a symbol of our relationship instead of wearing traditional wedding rings. She had designed a black hawk that fit with both my wolf and Adam's tribal design; it would blend the two styles perfectly. She had emailed me a couple of rough sketches and when I had picked one she drew it up to scale and sent me a hard copy to give Adam.

"It's perfect," he said and pulled me into a tight hug. I relaxed in his arms and went to kiss him again before I saw Carrie looking at us and smiling happily.

"Let me see?" she asked and Adam showed her the sketch. "Really, Adam, more tattoos?"

"Mom, it's a black hawk," he said slowly and her face changed as she realized what that meant.

"Oh. Oh, I see. That's such a nice idea, Jake," she said and I gave her a hug.

"Thanks Carrie," I said and kissed her cheek.

"Where are you going to put it?" Carrie asked, looking at the design in more detail now.

"I don't know," Adam mused as his fingertips gently traced the design.

"I want it here," I said, slapping my hand on the opposite arm to my wolf tattoo. "I'll be balanced then."

"Why don't you get it down your ribs?" Carrie suggested to Adam, surprising me. "Then it'll blend in with the one you have already."

"I like that idea," I told Adam and he nodded.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Sounds good."

He carefully slid the sketch back into the file and set it on the table where it wouldn't get knocked. "Come on," he told me and dragged me off to meet his family.

There was quiet acceptance rather than a big production made of my introduction to the Hawk's, it was nice, no one went over the top or anything and even his grandfather was polite. Carrie's sister had set up big heaters on the patio so the party spilled into the back garden and me and Adam ended up on what was becoming 'our' lounge chair. We were waiting on his new friends from Neah Bay to turn up so it was mostly the pack hanging out outside and the family inside with the kids, but the two groups were mixing in between and Emily seemed to be getting on well with one of Adam's cousins, Hannah while I talked to her husband Ethan.

"Adam!" Carrie called out of the back door after a while. "People are here!"

"I better go see who that is," Adam said apologetically and I shrugged and gave him a small smile as he got up and I turned to Ethan to continue our conversation.

Three guys and two girls followed him back out with beers in hand and Adam went about introducing the assembled people. "Don't worry about remembering everyone's names," he laughed. "I know there's a lot of people here. This is Jake, by the way," he said and gestured to me. "He's probably the most important person to remember." He winked at me and I frowned at him, not knowing if he was out to these people or not. After all, he had left La Push because Carrie didn't want him to face that kind of pressure. "Guys this is Shell and Georgie, and Callum, Gray and Ash."

The two girls were clearly with two of the guys but the third guy, Ash, made me feel uneasy. I don't know why. He was very good looking and very, slick, for use of a better word. It was a relaxed eighteenth birthday party, not a night out in a bar in LA but it appeared no one had told him that. He also stood too close to Adam.

I wanted to pull Adam back down to share our chair again and kept chanting to myself _I am not an animal. I do not need to piss on his leg to stake my claim._ It started to work, then Ash touched his arm and I was back to being an animal again.

So, I drank. More than other people. I took Emily's warning glares and smiled back at them sweetly. I found Carrie and hugged her for a bit. She was drinking too and more than happy to share the love. And the vodka. The children were carted off to bed, or to their own houses where they would torment their parents with the cake- induced sugar comas everyone under the age of eight seemed to be enjoying in lieu of alcohol. I had some cake too, but I preferred the alcohol.

Eventually the adults dispersed as well, most of them going with the children or to their own beds and leaving me, Adam, the pack and the Neah Bay kids huddled around patio heaters in the middle of fucking December. I had stayed inside with Carrie and her sister, still feeling uncomfortable about the new kid and knowing that I couldn't be as affectionate as I wanted to be around Adam. It was easier to stay indoors than to be outside and hold back.

I stood at the back door and leaned against the door frame, it was helping me keep upright if truth be told but I had a mental image of looking _very_ James Dean. Adam was talking animatedly with Ash about some teacher they had for a history project who looked something like a female version of a professional wrestler and I was almost aware of the emotion bubbling in my stomach because it was something like what I had felt when I saw Bella with Edward. But with the added tinge of white hot rage.

Ash was almost crying with laughter at something Adam had said and the girls were giggling too; all hanging on to his words like he was the fucking Pied Piper or some shit. Then Ash hit Adam's arm, his forearm, a gently slap really but his hand stayed there and started to lightly fucking caress my boyfriend. I was so close to snapping it was unreal.

Suddenly four arms yanked me back into the house and through to the kitchen and I struggled and growled but they were stronger and I was drunker so I was at a definite disadvantage. I eventually broke out of their grasp and turned to Quil and Embry.

"What the fuck?" I slurred at them.

"Can't do it, dude," Embry said, grabbing a bottle of water and throwing it at me. I nearly dropped it, the drunk was affecting my coordination.

"Can't do what?" I argued but took several long gulps of the water. I needed it.

"Can't get jealous, Jake," Quil laughed and I swung for him. He easily caught my fist and smacked my cheek, all patronizing that he was quicker than me tonight. "You can try to fight me, but I'll fucking pummel you," he teased.

"Not the fucking time," I growled at him. Embry pulled out one of the chairs around the kitchen table and shoved me into it, spilling my water down my chest a little.

"Jacob, we've both dealt with this shit already," he said carefully. "I know what you're feeling right now, and it sucks, but you have to be cool or you're going to blow a lot more than just our secrets."

I snickered when he said 'blow', but sobered up when I realized what he was saying.

"Adam already had to move once," Quil said, sitting down opposite me. "Don't fuck it up for him again."

"I didn't fuck anything up," I said, indignant. "Someone else fucked it up for us."

"Do you think _any _of us have it easy?" Quil seemed angrier than Embry. "My girl is asleep right now and the only place I want to be is next to her crib, making sure she doesn't get nightmares. But I can't, because I don't get to love her for years yet. Fucking _years, _Jake. So you need to get over this jealous bullshit because you did not get the worst deal when we all imprinted."

"Yeah, but you still got a _girl,_" I sneered at him, then turned too quickly as I heard a familiar gasp from the doorway.

"Adam…" I called to him but he was already out of the door. I vaguely noticed that Quil had his head in his hands as I ran to the front door, away from the sounds of the party out back. I had sobered up quickly.

He was sat on the hood of his car quickly rolling a cigarette between his long fingers. I thought he had quit. He didn't look up at me as I walked slowly over to him, didn't even acknowledge my existence as I stood between his legs.

"Adam I'm sorry," I said carefully, hoping he knew I meant it.

"Okay," he said, sticking the cigarette in his mouth and lighting it. The flame brightened his face for a moment, throwing his cheekbones and strong jaw into sharp relief.

"I don't want to leave it at just 'okay'," I said honestly. "Can I talk to you?"

"What is there to say?" he said harshly. "You don't spend any fucking time with me on my birthday, then you admit to Quil that you'd prefer to be with a girl. What am I supposed to say to that, Jake?"

"You've got it wrong," I muttered, running my hands through my hair. "I didn't mean-"

"You were fucking rude to my friends and got wrecked with my mother," he was obviously not finished. "And I get the impression you'd rather not be here. So why don't you just leave." He huffed out a long breath, blowing smoke at me but I didn't care.

"I want to be here, Adam," I said in a low voice. "I'm just having a hard time tonight."

"Why?" he demanded. "It's not about you, Jake, you're supposed to do something nice for me tonight."

"I don't like Ash," I said bluntly. "He touches you. And I don't like it."

"Okay…" he made the word sound like it had twelve syllables.

"I really did want to sit with Carrie for a while. I miss her too. And I didn't want to be a jerk in front of your friends. It hurts that I can't touch you when I'm around them." I tried letting each emotion out, one at a time. Longing, need, embarrassment, pain. "I want things to be easy for us." Desire. "I miss you so much." Heartache. "I need to kiss you so bad." That last one came out before I realized what I was saying. "I haven't kissed you yet tonight, and fuck, Adam, you look so good, and I need it…" He leaned forward, flicking the cigarette into the wet grass where it hissed softly. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and used it as leverage to pull my mouth to his.

My hands went to his hair instinctively, cupping his head and guiding his face to mine, his lips to mine. He kissed me hard, pushing his mouth to mine and holding me there for a few seconds then easing back and working his lips to suck my bottom one between both of his. I gasped into his mouth as he started a softer rhythm, sweeping his tongue over my lip so I could taste his smoke and it was so fucking sexy it hurt.

"Why don't you just tell me these things?" he growled against my mouth.

I shrugged. "I guess I don't know how." He sighed and kissed me again, lightly this time and dropping his hands.

"I'm still mad at you," he admitted, trying out the whole 'honesty' thing I guess. "You have no reason to be jealous, Jacob. You're the one who doesn't want to commit to me."

"That's not fair," I argued with him, "You know my reasons for that."

"Fine, you have reasons," he said a bit sarcastically. "But that doesn't change the fact that you won't do it. Everything I try to do to bring us closer together only ends up pushing us further apart. I don't know how much more we can handle."

"We can handle anything if we _want_ to, Adam," I reasoned. "If it's worth it, we'll put up with it."

"Am I worth it?" he asked, frowning at me.

"Of course you are," I whispered. "How can you even ask me that?"

"Because sometimes you make me think I'm not."

I dropped my head and ran my hands roughly over my face. "Is the bullshit worth it?" I asked the hood of the car, "No. Is the hiding worth it? Fucking, no, Adam. Are _you _worth it? Don't ask me that. I have enough trouble trying to tell you how much I love you, let alone trying to tell you how much you mean to me. Everything isn't it any more. You're more than everything to me."

"Then why don't I feel that way?" he yelled at me. "Why do you pull back so much?"

"Because I'm fucking scared!" I shouted back. "I'm scared of seeing you hurt because you're with me. I'm scared that one day I'll snap and rip some motherfucker's head off because they look at you wrong or say something about our relationship!"

"But we can't live like that, Jake, we can't spend our lives scared of what other people may or may not think." He scooted to the edge of the car and pulled me into his arms.

"One day I'm going to lose it and phase in front of you," I whispered into his shoulder, my arms still hanging limply by my sides.

"So what if you do?" he asked.

"I could _kill _you, Adam," I growled. "I was so jealous earlier it took both Quil and Embry to calm me down. I was about to lose control and I can never do that around you. You've seen Emily, you know what can happen."

"I understand," he said and picked up each of my arms in turn, wrapping them around his waist then kissing my temple softly. "I don't like arguing with you Jake, but you need to chill out."

"I know," I told him.

"How would you feel about stopping phasing all together?" he asked softly. "It might help calm your mood swings."

I was quiet for a moment. "I don't know if I can," I admitted.

"Talk to Sam," he suggested and I nodded.

"I will," I promised. "I'm sorry for doing this on your birthday."

"It's okay," he said and kissed my neck. "I just wish we could talk without resorting to arguing sometimes."

"Loving you is the easy part," I told him. "It's the whole relationship part I have trouble with."

"And the gay part is even worse," he said. "It's okay," he interrupted my protests, "I don't mind that you're struggling with it. I just wish I knew how to help you."

"I just can't find that place yet where I can define myself that way," I admitted. "In my head being gay and being in love with you are such different things."

"Uh, this might be a very unpopular idea, but have you considered maybe talking to someone about it?" he suggested, toying with the ends of my hair. "Like a counselor."

"Yeah, I can see that conversation," I scoffed. "Yes, doctor, I'm a werewolf you see, and I imprinted on another man…"

Adam chuckles lightly into my neck, the sound vibrating against my chest. "Hmm, maybe not," he agreed. "Or you could call one of the LGBT helplines. You can just talk to someone about your difficulties accepting your sexuality, you don't have to mention the word werewolf at all."

"What's LGTB?" I ask.

"LGBT," he corrects. "It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender. There's lots of help out there Jake, if you want someone to talk to. You just need to know where to look."

"Have you ever called one before?" I asked in a small voice.

"A couple of times," he admitted. "Most recently when I found you. I had a hard time accepting that someone could love me so thoroughly as you do. There was a girl who just listened for a while, which was all I needed really."

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll try it."

"Good," he said and nuzzled my neck. "Come on, people are going to be wondering where we are."

"Adam?" I asked, suddenly shy. "Kiss, me, please."

"Oh, baby, you never have to ask," he whispered and laid his lips softly over my own. I pulled him a little tighter to me and sucked his lower lip between mine. Adam's bottom lip was fuller than his top one and I ran my tongue over it a few times before easing back to brush innocent kisses over it again. He wanted more, though, and soon it was his turn to lick my lips, teasing me into near incoherence as I tried to take things further but he pulled back before I had the chance. Suddenly he was almost rough with me, his teeth nipping then tugging at my bottom lip as his tongue snuck out and flicked against the tip of mine once, then again, then releasing my lip his whole mouth closed over my own wanting kiss .

I was in heaven. _This_ was kissing, being completely owned by someone else's lips. I slid one hand underneath the hem of his shirt to stroke his lower back, and the other one up to his hair line so I could try and get him to kiss me harder. Our tongues stroked each other as our lips collided and teeth grazed pouting lips; my heart beat surged against my chest as I let myself get lost in him, not caring about anything else again, just the sheer eroticism of the way his tongue licked my teeth and his hands gripped my arms.

He slowed his movements, sinking us both lower into the moment although the actions were the same, warm, wet, slick, wanting. He licked my lip again and our heads twisted, finding new angles and sensations as our mouths moved together and our hips unconsciously ground out the same rhythm. We slowed further, pressing our mouths against each other for long moments as our breathing evened out again and I rubbed my nose softly against his in what I hoped was a loving, comforting gesture.

His hands loosened their grip on my biceps and slid round to envelop my back and I finally tore my swollen lips away, peppering kisses over his jaw and down the inked side of his neck to rest my head on his shoulder.

"That's what I call a kiss," I mumbled, suddenly sleepy.

"I'd say," he agreed with a laugh. We were quiet as we both gathered our breath and our thoughts. "Please don't pull away from me, Jake," Adam said quietly."If you need me, or need to tell me something just say. You know I'll always come with you if you ask."

"I know," I said, feeling like a complete dick. I seemed to have a habit for messing stuff up because I was scared of telling him about shit. I pulled my hand out from under his t shirt and took his hand, helping him off the car and preparing to build some bridges with his new friends.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: Just a bit of trivia- Adam happens to share a birthday (21st December) with a certain Mr Rathbone. Special mention goes to ArcadianMaggie for telling me that "Adam's birthday falls on the winter solstice. A full moon on that day is called the Wolf Moon." How cool is that?

Also, a little bit of this chapter is for vampireisthenewblack.

We're going to relieve those blue balls ;)

-x-X-x-

Chapter 12

It was only a few weeks after Christmas but my birthday was next, two weeks into the new year. I had told my family I didn't want to make a big deal of it, that I would have a party for my twenty first when I could have all my family together. Becca didn't think she'd be able to make it back from college because she had some big assignments to hand in soon and Adam wasn't going to be able to stay long, so I really wasn't in the mood to celebrate.

I had been speaking to Bella more often on the phone and Esme, surprisingly, always wanted to come on the line and say hi. I didn't mind, after Bella she was the one I spent the most time talking to when I was at the Cullen's house. She kept food in the house for me still, it was sweet really.

Adam had arranged to drive down to La Push on Saturday morning to meet me and Carrie was going to follow him down after she had done her private piano lessons for the day. They had arranged to do dinner at the Hawk's house that evening and that was it really, we had left Sunday free in case anything came up but I wasn't that enthusiastic.

_Friday the thirteenth._ I laughed grimly to myself as I finished off my homework, wishing in a way I had to go somewhere or do something tonight. But Sam wouldn't let me patrol because it was my birthday so I was stuck inside by myself, not wanting to take anyone up on their offers of company. I wanted Adam, and if I couldn't have him then I wanted to be alone. We had only spoken briefly earlier, confirming our plans for the next day and our love for each other before he had to go. I tried not to be too disappointed and failed.

It was only 9.30pm but I considered going to bed. I had done all the work I needed to do for school and I had caught up in all my lessons, there wasn't that much I could read ahead for. I went and took a long shower, trying to wash away my stresses and sadness but it wasn't working. Padding back down the hall to my bedroom I tried to ignore the sounds of the TV from the front room and the sounds of the night outside but I felt fidgety.

Opening my bedroom door, I saw why. He was sat on my bed with his legs crossed, leaning back into my pillows wearing loose jeans and a black hoodie and smiling excitedly. "Adam," I whispered and threw myself at him. He laughed and caught me in his arms, pulling me in close and burying his face in my hair as I wound our limbs around each other.

"Happy Birthday," he said and I opened my eyes to meet his, which were dark with lust and wanting. I pressed my lips to his and he welcomed me in, kissing me back with so much passion and love it made my chest hurt.

"I can't believe you're here," I murmured against his lips. "Does my dad know you're here?"

"Yeah, of course," he said and kissed me again. "He suggested it actually. I'm taking you out."

"Really?" I asked, touched at my dad's idea.

Adam nodded. "I know it's not your birthday until tomorrow, but can I give you your presents now? I want you to have them when there's not other people around."

I nodded enthusiastically and he smiled. "Let me put some clothes on though before I act on this," I gestured to my erection and he snorted. I quickly pulled on a pair of flannel pants before sitting back on the bed, mirroring his position. "Presents!" I demanded, feeling childish and like all the weight had been lifted from my shoulders now he was here. Adam laughed and I could feel the excitement zinging away between us now we were back together.

"They're kinda symbolic," he said, reaching for his backpack on the floor. "But here you go." He gave me a little bundle of gifts, all wrapped in different paper and tied together with silver ribbon. I smiled at him and told him thank you, then ripped into the paper.

The first was an envelope and I carefully pulled out what looked like a doctor's report. "Trust you to pick that one first," he said and blushed. I read the first few lines then looked at him, frowning with confusion. "I went and got blood tests run," he said, still blushing, "You know, to make sure I'm safe. Clean. It means we don't need to use condoms any more."

My eyes widened with realization and I probably blushed too, then leaned forward to capture his mouth with mine. "Wow," I said. "Can we try that later?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "That was the idea." I tried to wrap my head around the idea of sex with Adam without a condom, then tried very hard _not _to think about it as other things got hard. I opened the next gift instead.

"Oh, wow," I said softly and tried to fight back my emotions. It was a small framed photograph of us, the first picture of the two of us together, taken at Adam's birthday. We had our foreheads pressed together and we were laughing, looking into each other's eyes. I could remember Carrie taking it but he had obviously done something to it with photoshop so the background faded into nothingness and our features stood out sharply. He couldn't have photoshopped the love in there, though, that existed already.

"Do you like it?" he asked and I nodded, leaning over to kiss him again. "No, this one first," he said, taking the cube- shaped gift from my hands and replacing it with another, smaller envelope. I opened it and saw a voucher for _Ink'd_, Katie's tattoo shop. "It's for that nipple piercing," he said with a wicked grin. "Katie said she'd hold it for as long as you need." I laughed and thanked him, still a bit apprehensive about having a needle stuck through that sensitive skin but liking the idea anyway. "Now this one," he said, giving me back the last gift.

I could tell it was delicate and opened the paper carefully, revealing a perfect miniature cardboard box. It was something Adam must have made himself, it was very detailed and just the sort of thing I could imagine him spending hours perfecting.

"Jake," he said, pulling my attention back to him and his bright eyes, full of emotion. "It's a symbol. I'm coming home."

-x-X-x-

Time stood still as I counted my heartbeats. _One- two. Three- four. Five- six._

"Really?" I finally stuttered.

He nodded. "Next weekend. I have one more week left of school. Then my mom has arranged for a private tutor for the next couple of months, and I can sit my exams at Forks High. She said to tell you happy birthday."

I held a finger up to him, a silent sign to _be quiet, hang on_ while I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my jeans, which were on the floor. I found the right number and dialed it quickly.

"Hello?"

"Thank you so much," I said, my voice choked as the emotion threatened to spill over.

Carrie laughed. "Any time Jake. Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Of course," she said, her voice light and sweet.

"I love you, Mom," I whispered and the first tears spilled over.

"I love you too, Jake," she said and I hung up before I said anything more.

"You called her Mom," Adam said as he rolled over towards me.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

"No, I like it," he said and kissed me softly. "I can't wait to come home."

I wiped the tears off my face and carefully placed my cardboard box on the little table next to my bed. I knew Adam wanted to go out but I needed a moment with him; I rolled onto my back and pulled him with me so he was laying half on top of me with his head tucked under my chin.

He sighed deeply and we easily found a comfortable position where I could stay like this for hours. Nothing more was needed, I had my boy, in my arms, this was it for me.

After about ten minutes I had a light knock on my door. "Jake?" my dad called. "I thought you were going out tonight."

"We are," I called back. "In a minute."

"Okay, well I'm going to bed. Lock up for me, please?"

"Of course. Goodnight Dad."

"Goodnight, Dad," Adam echoed softly from my chest.

"Goodnight, boys," he said, sounding very amused at us. I kissed Adam's head and nudged us up.

"Come on," I told him. "Let's go have fun."

Fun, it transpired, meant walking down the beach, hand in hand to Adam's house. It was dark out but the moon was bright so we could see pretty clearly and we stopped for long, slow kisses and to play fight along the way. I felt so free, so happy and he seemed to be the same. As soon as we reached the house we went straight up to his bedroom. I wanted him too much, no, I _needed_ him and his increasingly fevered touches and the knowledge that we could make love with no barriers only stoked our mutual desire.

The moment we reached his bedroom Adam unbuttoned the shirt I had put on only thirty minutes previously and nudged it off my shoulders as we both kicked off our shoes, desperate for skin- to- skin contact and to get closer, to create something bigger than just the two of us. To make love.

I helped Adam pull his hoodie off over his head and saw that he hadn't been wearing anything underneath it which was inexplicably hot. I started to nibble at his neck, then down across his collarbone, sweeping my tongue along his skin to taste his familiar salty, smoky flavor as I roughly pushed off his jeans and felt rather than saw that he hadn't been wearing anything under these, either. I grabbed his ass and pulled him into me, grinding my cock against his through my jeans as I bit down on his nipple.

"Holy fuck, Jake," he gasped and grabbed my head. I pulled back immediately, scared I'd hurt him but he stopped me quickly. "No, I liked it, do it again."

I growled as I realized he liked me being rough on purpose, as well as when it happened just because of our mutual insatiability. Our tongues met again, licking and biting as we kissed and I pulled my own jeans and boxers off until we were stood there in a pile of our own clothes, naked and wrapped around each other as we sought pleasure in the friction of each other's thrusts.

We made our way to the bed, somehow seeking out the horizontal surface instinctively as our conscious thoughts were consumed with each other. I rolled on to my back and Adam pinned me to the cold sheets, bracing his arms either side of me as he rest his hips over mine, kissing me slower now and letting me run my fingertips up and down his sides. The action made him shiver.

I slowly removed my legs from under his and wrapped them around his waist so the gentle rocking of his hips hit a different spot.

"Wait," he said, his voice coming out rougher than normal. "I want you to top me."

"Really?" I asked him, smoothing his hair back from his face and tucking it behind his ear.

"Yeah," he said. His big brown eyes were looking into mine with so much love it took my breath away.

"Okay," I said carefully.

"Unless you don't want to…"

"No," I interrupted him. "I do, I just thought you'd want to do it first."

He laughed and lowered his chest so he could nuzzle in to my neck, kissing the spot just under my ear that drives me fucking crazy. "I do," he said in between kisses. "But I want you to get to feel it first. And Jake? I really want you to make love to me. It's been too long."

I mentally counted back and realized he was right, it had been weeks since I topped for him. When we were together recently I had needed to feel protected by him so he had naturally taken the top, making me feel safe and loved in his arms. Now he needed the same from me.

Very carefully, I rolled him over on to his back so I could pin him to the bed like he had for me. I knew how it felt to have strong arms holding me down, strong thighs wrapped around mine, the freedom of handing over your body to the protection of another. I took the responsibility seriously.

I kissed his lips softly once, twice then again; more little kisses and the sharp sting of teeth along his jaw and a wet tongue down his neck; teeth on his nipples because he liked that, more tongue tracing the strong line between his abs and down to where his cock twitched in anticipation.

I knew I was good at giving head now. There was no hesitation as I licked around the tip of his cock, tasting his familiar flavor before sinking down to take the first part of him in my mouth. I had never deep throated him before, had never tried, instead I worked the top third of his cock as much as I could until he was so wet and desperate he was bucking into my mouth. Then I took the rest of it in my hand and pumped him to the same rhythm of my tongue and he would come hard on my tongue, gasping out my name as I swallowed around him.

"God, Jake," he muttered as he stretched his arms above his head to work out the kinks in his back. "So fucking good."

"Thanks," I said, still a little embarrassed at his praise. He reached over and collected the lube from his nightstand and the feeling of the cool liquid against my naked cock was unbelievable. I hissed in appreciation as he applied plenty of it to my straining dick, then handed me the bottle to prep him.

He rolled back on to the bed and closed his eyes, one arm falling across his face but I knew he was okay. Adam still had a few psychological issues with bottoming but he got over them quickly as long as I was gentle with him. I let him take a few deep breaths to prepare himself as I spread the lube over my first two fingers, then pressed the first one against his opening.

I slid in with practically no resistance and he moaned at the wet intrusion. I kissed his belly button as his cock slowly got hard again underneath my chin, then I licked the head again as I used another finger to prep him.

"Okay?" I asked him softly.

"Mm, good," he said huskily. I chuckled and licked him again, then sat back to press my well- lubed cock against his entrance. I was used to watching his face carefully for any sign of pain as I slowly eased inside him but there was none, only the twisted expression of pleasure as I gently stretched him. "Come here," he said, opening his arms to me.

I repositioned my weight so I was lying on top of him again and he wrapped his legs around my waist and his fingers clasped my head gently, finding my lips as I started to carefully thrust in him.

"How does it feel?" he asked, drawing my attention away from his welfare for the first time. I concentrated on the new sensations; it was hotter, wetter, I could feel more of him now that there were no barriers between us.

"Amazing," I whispered. "Perfect."

He smiled and leaned up to capture my lips again and we kissed slowly, all lips and tongue as we made love in the truest sense. I dropped my forehead to his as my thrusts became shorter and shallower, driving me towards orgasm. Adam was gasping underneath me and I knew he was close as well but I wanted us to finish together.

I wanted to hit his spot, the good spot deep inside him so I unhooked his legs from around my waist and rested his knees in the crook of my elbows, rolling him back slightly so I could find the right angle inside him. I felt it, and knew the moment he did to because he cried out softly and his dick was so hard; I was rubbing against it with each thrust and then I came inside him, so hard, more than ever before and it felt so amazingly good feeling him come with me.

"Oh my god," I murmured as I collapsed on to his chest.

We caught our breath together, kissing the skin closest to where our heads had fallen as our heart rates slowed back to normal.

"Okay?" I asked again as I carefully pulled out of him. He groaned with the sensation but nodded and laughed breathlessly.

"That was unbelievable," he said and I nodded, still snuggled into his chest. Then I realized we needed to clean up.

"Ew," I said quietly and he laughed harder as I reached down to collect a towel from the side of the bed.

"Well, it's certainly messier," he told me and swatted my ass as I leaned over.

"Don't be gross," I scolded him. "I just made love to you. The joining of our bodies and souls and you just talk about the mess? You heathen."

I was teasing and he laughed as I cleaned us both up. "I love you," he told me as soon as I was done and we were back in each other's arms.

"I love you too."

Lying in bed later, I found myself unable to sleep. I didn't want to let go of this night, the connection that was forged between us and only strengthened each time we made love.

"Who's going to be tutoring you?" I asked after a period of prolonged quiet. Adam's head was resting on my stomach and I was measuring the extra quarter of an inch his hair had grown by running it through my fingers. It reached past his shoulder blades now, longer than mine used to be before I cut it all off.

"Hmm. I need to talk to you about that," he said lazily. "You might not like it."

"I don't care," I told him truthfully. "If you're coming home, that's all that matters."

"Okay," he said and yawned, turning his head so he was looking at me. "Esme. Cullen."

"What do you mean, Esme Cullen?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice neutral as my hands stilled their travels.

"Well, my mom found out she's a qualified teacher, she's only ever lectured before at college level but she can teach High School as well."

"You can't, Adam, no, you just can't." I was battling all of my instincts now not to start screaming at him about how dangerous this was, trying to remember previous lessons I had learned about not getting angry.

"This is the reason why I can move back to La Push, Jake, if it weren't for her I would still be living two hours away." Adam sounded upset.

"I want you home, of course I do but I won't put you at risk like this. It's too dangerous baby."

"We've spent time with the Cullens before," he reasoned. I shifted on the bed and he sat up to face me, sitting cross- legged, mirroring my position in front of him.

"When I was there with you!" I interrupted him. "When I was there to protect you. They're vampires, Adam, all it would take is one paper cut and you'd be dead. I can't let you risk that, you're too important to me."

"Alice has offered to be there for support," he said in a small voice. "It wouldn't just be the two of us alone."

I dropped my head in my hands. "Where are you planning on doing this?"

"Their house." I didn't know if that was better or worse than at his house. "The Cullens aren't allowed in La Push."

"No," I agreed, "They're not." I took a few deep breaths, trying to think this through. "I need to talk to Sam about this," I told him.

"It's already been organized, Mom has agreed a price for my tuition and everything."

"Humor me?" I begged, looking up into his eyes. "Please let me think I have a say in this for now."

"Okay," he said and took my hand, bringing it to his lips to brush a kiss against my knuckles.

"Okay," I agreed and leaned in to seal the kiss properly. "You know I'm only doing this because I love you, right?"

"I know," he said and pulled me back down to lay out on the bed, reversing our previous position so my head was on his chest. I relaxed into his embrace. "Did you talk to Sam yet? About quitting phasing?"

"Yeah," I told him and started tracing the pattern of his ink. "He said to prepare myself that it might not be easy at first and my mood swings will likely get worse before they get better, only because I'll be fighting my instinct so much."

"Do you want to do it?"

"I didn't, at first," I admitted, "But I've come to realize that I want to start my life with you and I have a lot of issues I need to let go of to be able to do that."

Adam nodded and ran his fingertips lightly over my frowning eyebrows, then down to brush against my lips. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand which was glowing 12.20am. "Hey, we're both eighteen," he said with a cheeky smile. "You know what that means?"

"No," I said, shuffling up the bed to lay on the pillow next to him. "What?"

"We're adults," he teased, pulling me into his arms. "Do you want to run away and join some utopian commune?"

"Gay utopian commune?" I asked and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Absolutely not," he said, mock horrified. "I'm not sharing you."

"Good. I don't want to be shared."

"Plus, we've always got San Francisco." I laughed and reached down for my favorite fleece blanket to cover us.

"That we do," he said and tangled our legs together. Adam smoothed my hair back away from my face and kissed my cheek softly, his eyelashes tickling my skin as he lingered there. "I never knew I could love someone like this," he said in a quiet voice. I squeezed him harder.

"I think it's different," I admitted. "It's more than being in love, it's more than imprinting even." We shifted on the bed so we were lying face to face again. "Remember the first time you met my sisters? And I asked Rachel if her and Paul had that connection where they think the same thing sometimes?"

"Yeah," he said, searching my eyes. "It's grown."

"I know," I told him. "We have a deeper connection that any of the other pack who have imprinted on a girl. And I think it's because from your mother's side, you were supposed to be a werewolf too. You were supposed to imprint on me back and each time that love gets reflected from one of us to the other, it gets stronger."

"It's a nice idea," he agreed.

"No, it's more than that," I argued lightly. "I keep waiting for the way I feel about you to become normal. But it doesn't. Every time I look at you I love you more."

"I feel the same way," he promised.

"And I know you feel the same way," I laughed.

"Will it be like this forever?" he said, his eyes dropping closed from the tiredness.

"I hope so," I told him and followed him into sleep.

-x-X-x-

I woke up early the next morning and left Adam sleeping while I ran out to Sam's. I didn't want to leave him, especially when he looked so peaceful in sleep but I knew I wouldn't be able to relax until I'd talked things through with my Alpha.

I debated internally about phasing to run out to his house or driving; running shaved about 10 minutes off the time of the journey but I was supposed to be quitting. In the end I decided to do it, mainly because I couldn't be bothered to shower and dress before going out in the car. I felt guilty as I ran but forced myself to shake it off. I needed a clear head for the conversation.

Sam and Emily were alone when I arrived and I felt guilty for interrupting their Saturday morning but Emily welcomed me with a hug and a 'happy birthday'.

"Thanks," I said and squeezed her tighter. I had forgotten about my birthday with all of the stress over Adam- he was at the front of my mind all the time now. "I'm sorry to come out so early…" It was barely 6am but she was up and dressed.

"Don't worry," she waved me off. "I'm getting up early at the moment anyway."

I took a seat in the kitchen as Emily started breakfast and Sam came in to join us. "What's up, Jake?" he said warily as he sat down. I thought of asking him what was going on with _him,_ he looked like shit and had deep bags under his eyes. But it was none of my business, so I let it go.

"Carrie has asked Esme Cullen to tutor Adam through the last few months of high school," I said bluntly. "They're moving back to La Push next weekend and starting his tutoring a week Monday."

"Great," he muttered and ran his hands through his hair. Emily came over and set mugs of coffee down in front of us both; Sam snaked his arm out around her waist and pulled her down onto his lap. Emily squeaked a bit in surprise, then enveloped him in a big hug.

"Are you guys, you know, okay?" I asked hesitantly, still not wanting to intrude.

"We're fine, thanks Jake," Emily said and kissed Sam on the forehead. "Just working through some stuff. Don't worry."

"Okay," I said quickly.

"Right, Adam," Sam said in his 'business voice' as Emily hopped off his lap to finish making breakfast. "Esme. School." He ran his hands over his face again. "How about supervising the lessons?"

"I don't know how Adam would feel about that," I said cautiously. "And Alice has offered to sit in and watch out for him."

"Okay," Sam said slowly, taking a mouthful of coffee. "What have you two discussed so far?"

"I've told him I'm not happy about it," I said, "And told him I'd talk to you. I don't know what wins; my desire to keep him safe or my need to have him home. I want both."

"Of course you do," Sam smiled over his mug. He seemed happier now he had coffee. "I know you wanted to come to me about this and thanks, I appreciate you thinking of me first, but what would you do if I weren't about?"

"What do you mean? Are you leaving?" I was instantly worried.

"No," he shook his head. "I'm not leaving, I'm just trying to get you to think outside the box. Who's the next person who you could go to?"

"My dad," I said automatically but Sam shook his head.

"Billy stays separate from the pack," he said carefully. "We've kept it that way on purpose. He's too important to this community and to you as a father. Who else?"

I spent a moment thinking about his comment about my dad and realized he was right, Dad never got involved in pack business, that was Sam's job. Sam must have had someone in mind to push me like this, and I tried to think of who else. Obviously not Carrie, she didn't know enough; maybe one of my brothers but they wouldn't necessarily give me a definite answer even though they could help me think it through, not Bella but maybe…

"Doc Cullen," I said suddenly. "He, well, he knows shit."

"That's what I was thinking," Sam nodded, smiling now. "He knows more about Esme's strength and restraint than anyone else and he knows what Alice is capable of. They've probably already discussed what they're going to do to make Adam comfortable and most importantly, how they're going to keep him safe.

"The Cullens don't hunt humans," he said frankly. "We exist to stop their kind hunting our tribe, but we've spent enough time working alongside Doc's family to know that they're not going to come down and slaughter our entire town. We will continue to exist because I don't trust the rest of their kind and as long as they live in Forks, we're at risk."

Emily came and sat with us, sticking a plate of bacon and eggs in front of each of us with her own plate of toast. "You need to widen your circle of people you trust, Jake," she said as we all started to eat. "One day soon you're not going to have the protection of the pack and La Push is an incredibly insular community."

I hummed in agreement. "Adam wants to move to California for college," I said, remembering I hadn't discussed this with them before.

"You'll like it there," Emily said with a smile, munching on her toast.

"We'll probably end up in the San Francisco area," I said absently.

"Well, you've only got six months left of school and then you're going to need to make those kind of decisions," Sam said.

"Are you going to apply for college?" Emily asked.

"No," I shook my head. "I could, my grades are good enough now but I want to do something different. Education never really agreed with me."

She laughed. "Mechanics?"

"Probably. I'm hoping to get an apprenticeship."

"I wouldn't say this to many people, but I think getting out of this town will be good for you."

"Thanks," I smiled, getting up to dump my dishes in the sink. "I'm going to go home and find Adam, then go out to see the Doc. I'll call you later and tell you how it goes?"

"Figure this one out yourself, Jake," Sam said, laughing now. "Just go with your instincts. You'll be surprised how often they're right."

I ran home to Adam and crept back into bed just as Adam started to wake up.

"Mm, where did you go?" he mumbled sleepily.

"I needed to talk to Sam," I said, rubbing his bare back to reassure him. "It's okay, I wasn't gone long."

"I missed you," he said and I rearranged myself on the bed so he could snuggle into my shoulder.

"I was only gone for half an hour," I laughed. "And you were sleeping."

"I still missed you," he argued sleepily. "I know when you're gone, even if I am asleep."

"Love you," I told him as he fell back to sleep on my chest. I couldn't nap again now, I had too much to think about. But I kept rubbing his back as he slept and it made me feel better that I could comfort him like this.

The weight of him sleeping on top of me solidified me somehow, like he was the anchor of reason pulling me back from the cliff edge our relationship seemed to dance along. My thoughts were fractured as I lay there, watching my boyfriend sleep. It scared me that we would never get the time back that we had been forced to spend apart, even though we had the rest of our lives ahead of us. I was at once terrified at what was to come and desperate for the next six months to hurry up. And I was desperately horny for him again.

Adam shifted in his sleep, snoring slightly and kicking off the blanket so his bare ass was exposed to the world. His arm was wrapped around my waist and tucked under my ribs, holding me close as I memorized the way his skin felt, the dents and curves of his muscular back. He must have spent lot of time working out up in Neah Bay; he was more toned now than when he left.

Around eight thirty I felt him start to stir, then sure enough he was hard and rubbing against my thigh, which only made _me_ hard. He woke up slowly, grinding himself into my leg to try and find some relief and I wondered why I was acting like a fucking gentleman. Oh yeah, because I fucked him senseless last night.

"Mornin," I whispered, kissing his hair. He hummed and kissed up my jaw until he found my lips.

"Good morning, handsome," he said teasingly and shamelessly humped my leg some more.

"What are our plans for this morning?" I asked, purposefully distracting him. For fun, no other reason.

"Mutual masturbation?" he said in an innocent voice and I choked on a laugh.

"Sure," I said lightly as soon as I had recovered.

"Great!" he had far too much enthusiasm for someone who had just woken up. It was unnatural. He rolled over to grab the lube, then rolled back and poked at me until I was lying facing him on my side. "Give me your hand," he said, staring pointedly at my crotch where I was rubbing myself lightly. I chuckled and held my hand out; he placed a glob of lube in my palm then did the same for himself.

Adam's hand went straight to his cock and I ogled him as his hand slid easily up and down his shaft. I copied his movements almost instinctively, more interested in the sight of him jerking off than finding my own pleasure. After a few long (_long_) moments of watching him I caught his eye and blushed- I had been caught staring.

Adam smirked at me and leaned in for a light kiss as his hand picked up pace and he looked down to watch me. This was stupidly hot. I mean, we'd been having sex for months and I'd been rubbing off my morning glory for fucking years, why was doing this together so exciting?

He leaned in and captured my lips in his as he came over my stomach and the feeling of his hot release on my skin triggered my own orgasm.

"Wow," I whispered against his lips.

"I'd say," he agreed.

"Shower," we said together and cracked up laughing.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: This chapter is humbly dedicated to every person who reads my story. Thank you to those people who go one step further and review, or another step further and recommend it to a friend. Or lots of friends! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the diary of Adam Hawk.

-x-X-x-

_Excerpts from the diary of Adam Hawk, January to December 2006_

_January _

_Winston Churchill once said 'When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.' I may only be a Hawk and not an eagle, but sometimes being at high school surrounded by parrots makes me understand what the man was talking about._

_I know I have a reputation for being quiet and really, I'm okay with that. Part of my nature as an artist is to observe first, to step back and look at things rather than being an active participant. I like to look at people. I like to see how they act when they know people are watching, but they don't know someone is looking. Other kids jabber all day, talking, talking, talking but not _listening._ Not hearing, or absorbing, or taking notice of what's really happening around them. And if I need to be silent in order to really see, to really hear and notice, then I will._

_I've spent so long perfecting my camouflage that sometimes I don't know what parts of me are real, and which are the parts I made up. Do I really like playing basketball? Am I a good drummer or am I still doing it for my mom? Did I enjoy reading that book, or did I just think I should because it's a classic? I've never met anyone who really challenged me to meet these issues head on and work them out and I'm too happy to just live up to what's expected of me. _

_Some parts of my personality obviously false; the part of me that talks and flirts with girls, telling them that they look nice and agreeing to a dance but never anything more. I mean it, sometimes, when I tell them that they look pretty. I don't want to be a complete asshole. I've met girls who are truly beautiful before, inside and out and I want to want them. I wish I could lay awake at night thinking of soft breasts forced into tight sweaters and pretty pink lips and curly eyelashes, but I don't._

_I've spent a lot of time thinking of 'what ifs' and coming out. What if they accept me? What if they don't? What if my mom finds out? What if he sees me looking at him? What if someone sees through the façade? What if what if what if…_

_Katie started work on the next section of my tattoo today, the bit that goes down my forearm. She doesn't want to extend it on to my hand, she refuses to tattoo hands for the most part. She's also refusing to do my neck but she did put the third piercing in my ear last week. I wonder sometimes what the fascination is with ink. It's not even as if this design has some particular meaning to me. It's purely aesthetic and I like that, somehow. Art for art's sake, not for any other reason._

_I started drawing him. But not all of him. Just bits, like the curve of his earlobe or his hands. Even though we're only in one class together, I feel like he must sense my eyes burning into him, watching and memorizing so I can sketch the details much later at night when no one's watching. I dreamed of him, once._

_February _

_I kissed a girl today. Don't ask me why I did it, it's not like it was a public make- out session to 'prove' to the rest of the school that I'm straight. It wasn't like kissing other boys (men?) she was softer, sweeter, she had tiny little hands and I felt so strong, so much more powerful than her. I know I'm tall, and I know I'm strong, but having this little thing in my arms, gasping when I held her too tight- it felt wrong. That much control scared me. If I ever needed confirmation that I'm gay- that was it._

_I'll admit I was wondering how different it could possibly be. I mean, it's still kissing, right? It's the same body parts meeting the same body parts…_

_So, it was behind the gym at the Valentine's dance. I nearly didn't go, but I would seriously have been the only one in the whole school not going and my absence would be more conspicuous than my attendance. I hate Valentine's Day, especially when you don't have a valentine. _

_The girl was my date. She only asked me this afternoon if I would go with her, because she was a little scared of going on her own. She's one of those girls who is incredibly beautiful on the inside (I know this after spending a lot of time talking to her,) but not so traditionally pretty on the outside. I wouldn't be surprised if the bitchier girls at school make fun of her._

_I've known her for years because Mom gives her sax lessons and she's an incredible musician but like me, she doesn't like to perform all that much. I keep telling her she should go to New York and play the jazz bars there, but she doesn't have enough self- confidence to do that yet. I hope she gets well away from La Push and goes to college- this small town mentality is bad for her._

_She seemed so terrified when she asked me if I would take her I agreed without really thinking of the repercussions. Of course Mom went nuts when I told her that I was going and who I was taking, nuts in that motherly 'go and buy her a corsage and get your suit out so I can iron it I'll need to find my camera so I can take pictures oh god Adam you look so adorable' kind of way. In the end I bowed under the pressure and let her put a red tie on me and take pictures of us because it was easier than fighting it. _

_Lou looked really nice too; she was wearing a red dress that cut down quite low and went down to her knees. She laughed and pulled my tie when I told her that she looked nice and told me she knew I didn't think of her in that way. But she _did_ look pretty._

_I suppose for my first kiss with a girl it was okay. It's not something I would want to practice to get better at, but I suppose I can't complain. For some reason the whole experience made me feel lonely, like I need to go out there and find something to ease the pressure in my chest. I need to feel loved, I need to feel attractive, I NEED…_

_March _

_I can paint sex a lot easier than I can write about it. Sex is strong and wide and red and purple, it's thick acrylic on big canvas painted with a big brush and long strokes. It's sometimes blue, often messy and leaves me walking around school covered in paint for the rest of the day. It's aggressive, it ends up on the floor and in my hair and under my nails for hours even though I try to scrub them clean. It's a racing heartbeat at the center of the page, it's fidgety and it's never, ever perfect._

_April _

_I've been asked to play drums for a band in Seattle while their drummer is out with a broken wrist. He's probably going to be out of action for a few months while it heals and they have some well paid gigs coming up and need the cover. It's flattering to be asked, but I'm scared about performing again. I haven't done that for a long time._

_They sent me a recording of their most used songs and I've been playing them on repeat on my iPod for about a week, tapping out the rhythms on the steering wheel when I drive or in lessons, trying to get their strange, fragmented beats into my head. I think this might be the push I need to realize that I'm not a drummer; I can cross that off my list. This is something that I've only ever done for myself before and to have to work my style into a band of established musicians is more difficult than I ever gave it credit for._

_Somehow the news that I was going to be playing with a popular group of college students spread around school and everyone seems to want a piece of me now; if they're not asking about my art they're asking about my music and I've gone from being the quiet- but- liked one to Mr Popular of the day. I've never appreciated being quiet- but- liked so much before in my life. I miss being left alone, I miss being able to sit and draw or sketch with my headphones in and not be interrupted. Everyone wants a piece of me, and worse than that, everyone thinks they're entitled to have a piece of me._

_I try not to notice when he's away from school. I try not to look to close, especially while there's so many other people examining me and what I'm doing. While they're looking at me, they might notice me looking at him. And I can't allow that._

_I asked him earlier this week if he would come to one of the gigs. Just one, I mean, we're doing seven over the next couple of months, it's not like I was asking him to commit to something outrageous. But he shrugged it off, said he had a lot of shit going on at the moment and he's have to see how it goes. I tried not to let it hurt me, tried not to let the hurt show. I mean, we're supposed to be friends, right? But whatever. _

_I try not to feel so young compared to the other members of the band, but it's hard when they're at college and such good musicians. They tease me for being quiet and not drinking with them but they laugh with me and seem to like me. It's weird, not having anything in common with them outside music. I can't talk to them about school work or social stuff; they're always talking about the different frat parties that are going on and even though they invite me, I don't really want to go. I mean, I'll get to have those experiences soon enough, right? And I don't want to be the High School kid gatecrashing the party. Who knows what sort of sordid and depraved things they'll do to me. On second thoughts…_

_May _

_Mom is giving me Hell about spending so much time in Seattle. It's too dangerous apparently, there's too much going on out there at the moment. But it's good money and I don't have a regular job so it's not something I can turn down. At one point she was threatening to drive me to every gig and back home again but I talked her out of it with one of our "cutting the cord" conversations. She's had a hard time letting go my whole life, being an only parent of an only child meant we were both very protective and clingy of each other sometimes._

_I can remember her dating when I was little, I'd stay for the weekend with one of my friends and she was very open about what she was doing, so it never really bothered me. I don't know what happened because she hasn't ever told me, but it all stopped when I was 12 or 13 and since then she hardly ever mentions men, my father included. I don't expect her to become a nun or even act like one; sometimes I worry that my company isn't enough for her and she's lonely._

_I never wanted anything when I was a kid, a father included. I can remember asking her about why I didn't have one when I was really young, expecting her to tell me he was dead because I had just learned about dying and what that meant. But she said some men weren't supposed to be fathers and so she decided to just be a Mom without a Dad._

_Can you miss something you never had? When that question was regarding a father I would have said no, every time. My mom has always been more than enough for me. But when it comes to having a boyfriend? I miss having one, even though I've never had one, not really. Adrian wasn't a boyfriend, he was a fuck._

_I wish I had someone. There are plenty of somebody's in La Push, but knowing it's going to be another year and a half until I can leave for college and have the opportunity to meet a someone sucks. Working for the band and spending so much time in Seattle has kind of made me think about my life a bit more. I wish I was more spiritual and that meditation didn't just send me to sleep. _

_I think I'm pushing how long I can continue getting away with the "I'm concentrating on school/ art/ music" line and people are going to start asking why I don't have a girlfriend. I thought about dating a girl for the sake of it, there are loads of girls at school who I could take on a few dates, go to the movies and out for dinner or invite to prom but it isn't fair to them. I like them, of course, they're nice people, which is why it wouldn't be fair to lead them on like that. Plus, if it got out that I was dating them and not fucking them I would be at more risk than if I didn't date at all._

_June_

_Is there any point in pretending any more? Jacob's poster is up all over town and people are supposedly looking for him everywhere. I don't know why, but I have this sick feeling in my stomach that something's not right. It's like there's something in the air, people are changing so much and so quickly and I don't know if it's because we've never been through this before, we're living right now for the first time but this doesn't feel like before. It's not like when we were fourteen and suddenly people were growing eight inches over the summer or even when different classmates of mine all wend down with this same mysterious illness that somehow eventually caused them to bulk up like they were on steroids. Am I the only one noticing this shit? There's something going on in La Push that they're not telling us about._

_I'm aware that I sound like a Roswell/ Area 51 conspiracy theorist right now but I don't care. Whatever it is has caused Jake to disappear and I'm scared for him. Will I ever admit that? Hell no. But it doesn't stop me from asking questions. Not that any of them get answered._

_I asked Embry the other day about the search for him but he just gave me some pre- rehearsed answer about people putting in all their efforts to find him but they're sure he's okay and just needs some time._

_Bullshit. I don't think they're expecting anyone to be looking as closely as I am. But I like to look. I like to watch and to observe and to see, and sometimes I get the feeling I see things other people don't._

_July_

_I've been sent a pack of stuff to start work on more concept art and it's killing me. I swear I spend most of my life in front of my drawing board these days, it's the only thing that focuses me and makes me forget the other shit I'm dealing with. I hate how frustrated I am with everything at the moment, my grades are crap and my teachers are worried. Ms Ware pulled me out of art class today to talk to me about the violence and anger in my more recent pieces. Usually she leaves me alone and lets me work on what I want so I must be doing something to really worry her. The last time we spoke about my work was in March and the sex canvas I did. She got it straight away even though the rest of the class just commented on my use of color or my choice of brushstrokes, but she knew. I completed that canvas in one three hour sitting, missing my afternoon classes but no one came to get me. I think Ms Ware had a lot to do with that._

_Art really is my therapy._

_This new stuff though, I don't know, I can't seem to get into it. I've done about three times as much preliminary work as I usually do, trying to work out the direction I want to go in but I can't seem to get there. I have a great theme to work with and I know I should be flying through this and put my personal life to one side, but it's not as easy as that. I never realized before how much my creativity relies on my personal happiness._

_August_

_So, I heard that Bella Swan is marrying Edward Cullen. The gossip vine around school is wondering whether Jake will turn up from wherever he's been hiding and try to interrupt the wedding. You know, in the classic rom- com style "speak now or forever hold your peace"… and he comes crashing through the door of the church shouting "No! Don't marry him!". I've been watching too much TV._

_September_

_I started dreaming about him again, just as soon as I managed to talk myself out of the stupid crush I seemed to be harboring for him. What's the point of lusting after a straight guy, especially one who is so hung up on his ex- girlfriend? It's only going to make my life worse._

_But, I dreamed of him again._

_I keep waiting to be proved wrong, but I know something's going on, and I almost want to go and find Sam Uley and ask him because I know he's something to do with it. Can I wait it out? Do I have the patience?_

…

_I finally got a phone call from Embry. I don't know whether this has something to do with what's happening in La Push or not, but they're having a bonfire out in the woods somewhere and they want me to go. As far as I know, no one else from school is going except the kids who hang around with Sam anyway._

_I said I'd go if I can make it, but now it's all being offered to me I don't know if I want it. Isn't that like a metaphor for life or something? Maybe they finally caught me watching and want to know exactly what I saw._

…

_You know when something happens, and it's too much information for your brain to process all at once? You pick out the little bits that make sense and ignore the others until you've got a grasp of the first bit, then, like now, you're laying awake in bed trying to work your tired brain around what's going on. _

_He's sleeping next to me. Can I say his name yet? Will that make him feel more real to me? All I need to do is look down to my left and there he is, sleeping deeply with his nose scrunched up and his hands folded under the pillow. If I lean down bit, I can feel his breath on my arm._

_I let him top me, even though the thought of doing that with anyone else make me feel almost sick to my stomach. I'm sore now but I can't regret it. I have an ache in my heart which completely overrides that soreness; I was serious when I told him I could love him. I just wish he was awake to hear it. He was so scared when I asked him to make love to me- I could see the fear in his eyes but I think that was more to do with how quickly things were moving and the way he feels about me rather than the act itself. _

_Which takes me back to yeah, imprinting._

_I'm not a lunatic. They're werewolves. Of course. How did I not work that out? And the Cullens are vampires. Silly me. I KNEW there was something going on, but I thought it was going to be some kind of cultish thing, like returning to the Quileute roots coupled with some extreme exercise regime. _

_I can't even imagine how hard it was for Jake to tell me about imprinting on me, thinking I was straight and not going to return those feelings. I couldn't tell him about the crush I've had on him for the past few months, I couldn't. I could practically feel the tension coming off him as he struggled to find the words to tell me what he was feeling; it was intense, someone having all of these feelings for you instantaneously where in a relationship it usually takes months for that kind of connection to form._

_Imprinting is a weird term, I think. It makes me think of those stories you hear on the news sometimes about a baby duck who hatched and the first thing it saw was a cat, and the duckling imprints on the cat and thinks that the cat is its mother. It's one of those quirks of nature where something that should never happen does and no one really has an explanation for it. For some reason that makes me uneasy. _

_I know I probably freaked him out for a bit tonight, asking him all the questions about the future that have haunted my existence since I figured out that I wasn't like the other boys. I've thought a lot about what I want from my life- my career presented itself to me at such a young age I've been working towards it, consciously and unconsciously for years, but my personal life? I've had no idea where that would take me. It's appealing in some way for this to be taken out of my hands. Jake is completely in control of what happens to us right now and that's okay with me._

_You know what? I could sit here and write all night, or I could put this thing down and snuggle down in to his arms. I think I prefer the latter option._

_October_

_Sometimes a song says more than my own words. I like both the words and the melody of this one._

_Darling, don't be frightened  
There are beacons in your bones  
And when they shine it's warm and light  
like summer days back home.  
You're worried that you might be  
left as dull and dark as stone  
But if you are, then darling,  
what a wonder to have shone._

_- Ellery 'Darling, Don't Be Frightened'_

_November_

_Being apart hurts more than I could have ever imagined. Having to pack up and leave nearly broke me; I couldn't see for at least three miles through the tears as I drove away from him._

_And he said no. I wish I could have said something more than 'okay' in response, but really, what else could I say? He started kissing me again and Mom called us about ten seconds later so we never really got chance to talk about it. Why was I so fucking stupid? I should have known he was nowhere near ready to make that kind of commitment yet. I should stop being so fucking stupid and just let this relationship come more naturally. We keep pushing things and it can't be healthy for us, to push our boundaries and our limits like this._

_Missing him is a physical ache and I don't know how to handle the awkwardness that seems to have grown since we got separated. We were so ill equipped to deal with being split up, everything seems to have moved so quickly since Mom made the decision to move._

_I can't let myself be mad at Mom for moving us, even though it means being apart from Jake. I could shout and scream at her or ignore her completely but she's such a strong woman it wouldn't make a bit of difference. She's stubborn- I am too- so when it comes to situations when we should butt heads we try to talk things out. My mother has been the only person I've had in my life for so long before Jake came along; all our family live so far away so she's everything to me. I can't afford to spend my life mad at her._

_I've spent a lot of time talking to Mom about my relationship with Jake and she understands, more than I ever thought she would. I don't know what I expected when I told her I'm gay- not her smiling acceptance or her strange questions about how gay relationships work. Mom- if you're reading this- we're BOTH the guy in the relationship. I'm not telling you about anal sex, if you're that interested go to Wikipedia. NOT google- Wikipedia. Trust me on this. _

_I keep waiting for him to call and then when he does, I wish he hadn't. I don't want to ask him to come up here in case it's as weird in person as it is on the phone. I spend my days writing his name in the corner of my notebooks and daydreaming about the way he kisses me, then spend the night sleeping terribly while dreaming of giant wolves dragging him away from me. Sometimes I wish my dreams were as creative as my sketches._

_I can't work at the moment, I can't draw or create anything with a form or structure to it. I paint. Big canvasses seem to be my preferred medium right now and I feel like such a cliché, only being able to express myself with color and shape and loud rock music that my aunt won't let me play in the house. My painting has been pushed out into the garage. It's cold out there and the light is terrible but they don't tell me to turn the music down any more. I don't know how to express what I'm feeling because I don't know what to feel. I don't know how I should act._

_I've made friends at school. They're nice, but I'm trying not to get too close because I want to move back to La Push and soon. There's one guy, Ash, who's openly out. It weirds me out a bit because I can't help but think he has a finely honed gaydar and I keep expecting one day at lunch for him to turn round and say 'So Adam, are you a top or a bottom? Do you prefer twinks or bears?'. He's a nice guy though, a bit effeminate and completely not my type, but I don't think he knows I'm gay. If he suspects it he hasn't said anything, so for that alone I should be grateful._

_I can't wait to go home._

_December_

_Mom said we couldn't go back to La Push for Christmas. She has been invited to spend the day with her parents and I'm dreading it, mostly because my grandfather didn't take too well to the news that I'm gay. He got on okay with Jake though, I expected him to be at worst rude, or at best dismissive of him. Jake made sure that he wasn't overly affectionate at my birthday and I couldn't figure out why he was being so distant with me- I thought we had worked that shit out weeks ago. I suppose I can see why he's jealous of Ash or just jealous in general- he thinks his feelings for me will never change. But no one knows what the long- term effects of imprinting are; Sam and Emily have been together the longest but in the grand scheme of things, even for them it's only been about six months. What happens six years into a relationship, or sixteen, or sixty? The duckling never realizes that the cat wasn't supposed to be its mother, but he will eventually turn into a duck and have a life of his own. What happens to the cat then? Does the cat feel the loss of the duckling, even though he never wanted to be imprinted on? No one can answer those questions, because no one has lived through that yet. Jake thinks at the moment there's nothing that could make him feel any less about me, but surely every young couple feels like that at first? Like they're invincible? I don't know. I've been talking to my mom more recently about her relationship with my dad, and that was a whirlwind teenage romance that left my mother pregnant and alone in a town where she had no family, broken hearted. I know I won't end up pregnant, but I could sure end up alone with a broken heart._

…

_We spent new year's together. I snuck away from my aunt's lame ass party and got in the car to meet Jake in La Push. We lay out on the beach watching the stars and talking about the year we had coming up. I still wanted us to get married before we left for college, but it wasn't the right time to bring that up again. He'll tell me yes when he's ready and I'm determined not to push it. _

_It was cold, but Jake is so warm he just held me in his arms and I felt better. I wish I could erase all of the tension from our relationship but I know the only way I'll be able to do that will be by moving home. I've given up asking Mom when it'll happen, she just sighs and rolls her eyes at me and tells me 'I don't know, Adam, stop asking'._

_Jake seems on edge with me still about the conversation we had on my birthday and I wish he would just lighten up. Our relationship is so serious at the moment, we need to start having fun together again._

_I would write about making love under the stars and the fireworks that signaled the start of the new year, but that should go in the new diary really. Good night, 2006._

-x-X-x-

A/N: I busted my ASS and wrote the whole chapter today. One day. And I only got the idea last night. That's how much you guys mean to me! Forgive the fragmented, messy style of this; I wrote it like I do my own diary and it should be full of sketches and quotes and little notes to himself to really mimic mine, but you can fill those in yourself!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 14

Adam ate a bowl of cereal while I showered since I had eaten already that morning, then we got dressed and sat watching the Forks rain and cartoons curled around each other on the couch. It was blissfully domestic and felt right and comfortable and ours.

"Can I go and see the Cullens in a bit?" I asked Adam as Spongebob finished.

"Sure," he said and kissed my neck. "Can I come?"

"I'm not leaving you," I laughed and he kissed me again, lightly on the lips. "I'll call Bella quickly, make sure it's okay."

Bella was fine, happy to hear from me and full of birthday wishes and more than okay with me coming to see her. I didn't mention that I wanted to speak to the Doc more than her, it would only hurt her feelings. I did, however, make sure the rest of the family were home before we left.

Adam had dressed in a white t shirt and a flannel shirt and he looked deliciously tempting with the heavy desert boots under his jeans. I told him this as we kissed by the front door for long moments, my hands trying to slide under the clothes and get him naked for a hallway quickie but he wasn't having it and swatted my ass to make me move. I pouted at him but didn't mind, not really.

He filled me in on all the details of what had been planned for his home schooling so far as I drove out to Forks; the classes that had been arranged and the exams he planned on taking. Apparently Esme was quite an accomplished artist herself and would be able to tutor him through an advanced level course that would help with his college applications. It would mean a lot of extra work but he was excited about that, and a little nervous.

I rolled my eyes and pointed out how ridiculous it was that he was nervous about taking on an AP course late but not about the vampire teaching it, but he punched me in the arm and told me to shut up and that it was completely different. I couldn't see how but I shut up anyway.

The rain was really coming down now so when I pulled up outside the house we had to run to the front door and still got soaked. Bella laughed at our drowned- rat appearance as she opened the door and disappeared to find some towels as we dripped over the entranceway.

"Jacob!" I heard the Doc's voice and was glad he found me before Rosalie did. "Happy Birthday," he smiled but stood a respectable distance back from Adam. I appreciated the gesture. "Nice to see you again, Adam."

"You too, sir," he said softly and I nodded and said hello.

"I was hoping to talk to you actually, Doc," I said as Bella reappeared with some towels for us. I gratefully took one and dried off my hair. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure," he said and looked from me to Adam. "Do you both want to come up to my office?"

"It's okay, Carlisle," Alice sang as she skipped down the wide staircase. "Adam is going to come and talk to me and Bella for a while."

"Oh no he isn't," I said in a 'don't mess with me' tone.

"You're betting against Alice?" Adam teased, nudging me in the ribs. "I thought you said you didn't do that."

Bella laughed. "If Alice has seen it, it means you're going to be out of the way for a while," she said reasonably, then looked at my expression.

"Jake, he's going to be fine," Alice said sincerely. "We're just going to talk about school."

"Okay," I sighed heavily. "I can't be bothered to argue."

"Come on, Jacob," Carlisle said, patting me on the arm. "Let's get this over with."

Alice and Bella each laced an arm through one of Adam's and lead him through to the family room. I followed the Doc upstairs and tried to not freak out about leaving Adam with a room full of vampires. This was why I was here, after all, to sort out my trust issues.

"Have a seat," Carlisle offered as he shut the door of the office behind us. It was a small room compared to the rest of the house, or maybe it just seemed that way because of the bookcases that lined each wall from floor to ceiling. Doc had a big, antique looking desk and a couple of leather chairs scattered about and it was all very masculine, dark wood and leather. I half expected there to be a cigar burning in an ashtray on the desk, but of course he couldn't smoke.

"What can I do for you?" he asked as we both sat down, him across from me in his big wing chair.

"I wanted to talk to you about Esme tutoring Adam," I said in an even voice. "I have a few concerns, if I'm honest."

"Of course you do," he said soothingly. "I would be surprised if you didn't. Thank you for coming to me."

I shrugged. "I figure you know more about Esme's restraint than anyone else."

"I do," he nodded. "Esme has worked as a lecturer at college level before, which meant lecture halls full of anything up to fifty students at a time. She has only done one on one tuition a few times and that was on a fine art studies summer school. It has been about ten years since she taught last."

"What if Adam had an accident?" I asked. "Cut himself on something."

"We've talked about this as a family," Doc started, confirming Sam's theory that this had been thought through. "There will always be at least two other people in the house. Bella spends a lot of her days here with Grace, although she does go back and forth to the cottage. Edward is here whenever she is. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie are doing quite a bit of travelling at the moment but it's rare that both couples are away at the same time. I'm still working at Forks Hospital, so I'm not around as much, but on average there will be four people, plus Esme in the house whenever Adam is here."

"Okay," I said slowly. "But that doesn't really answer my question."

"I'm sorry," he laughed. "I was trying to reassure you. Esme's restraint is good. Not the best, but good. She has never hunted humans before but is aware of the temptation of their blood. On Bella's birthday last year, when Bella cut her finger, Esme was able to walk away from that and remove herself from the situation.

"Am I absolutely able to guarantee you one hundred percent that nothing will happen? No. But if you can agree to stay away, then Alice will be able to watch out for him and she's pretty good at seeing the possibilities and changing the course of the future when the need arises."

I appreciated his honesty but what he said about Alice bothered me.

"I'm trying to stop phasing," I told him. "Do you think Alice will be able to see me when I do?"

He looked surprised. "I don't know," he said, thinking about the possibilities. "Maybe. You should ask her."

"I will," I nodded. We were quiet for a moment. "I'm nervous as all hell about this, Doc," I admitted quietly.

"What you're doing for Adam takes a level of trust the Quileutes have not shown us in seventy years of history," he said. "I understand, Jacob. Especially since the biggest thing you can do to help us assure his safety is to stay away. The moment you become part of the equation in the house is the moment Alice can no longer watch for him."

It's hard not to trust Carlisle, even when he sits there looking too young and too impossibly perfect. He was wearing a shirt even though he was obviously off duty, a light gray one with gray wool slacks with that 'trust me' look on his face and you don't have a lot of choice but to comply.

"Okay," I said eventually, nodding slowly. "I think we can get this to work."

"I'm sure we can," Doc said with a smile. "Why don't we go back down and talk to the girls?"

We spent most of the morning with the Cullens and Alice did manage to answer a lot of my questions. She wasn't sure what would happen to her visions of me in the long term; my ability to stop phasing altogether was still in question. She couldn't see anything of me yet, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't be able to ever.

Alice was super- excited about helping Esme tutor Adam. She had a thing for certain types of art too, she could sketch particularly well and liked doing portraits which surprised me. She showed us some of her work and it was good, Adam was impressed at least, I don't have much of an eye for that sort of thing.

Bella seemed a little sad but I didn't feel close enough to her again to ask her about it, instead I let her fill the conversation with talk of me and Adam and our plans for college. Maybe that was what was making her sad; we had all these plans of moving away and doing different things, and she had chosen such a different path. Not that I thought she regretted it, she completely doted on her daughter, but it was something she wouldn't get to experience for a long time.

Esme joined us after a while and she seemed so full of life and excited, I had never seen her like that before. She sat down to Adam and started chattering about lesson plans and the projects she wanted him to start thinking about for his Art course.

"I've got this idea for a series of portraits, if that appeals to you," she told him, gesturing with her hands to try and show him what she was thinking. "I want to do it with you, we can work on it together. We'll start with sketches and maybe still life, there's lots of people around here who can sit still for a long time with ease! And then we can work on paints and then eventually photography, then we could mix mediums…"

"That sounds fantastic," Adam said with real enthusiasm. "I can't wait to get started."

"Jasper has agreed to help me with the Math curriculum, he has a very logical mind and he'll be good at setting that. And Alice wants to help too, so you'll be seeing a lot of her."

"This doesn't feel like school," he laughed.

"I'm jealous," I admitted, elbowing him in the ribs to tease him. "I want to quit High School too."

"Oh, you're more than welcome to join us," Esme said immediately. "I've got all the lessons planned already, one more student won't make any difference."

"Thanks," I said. "But I can't see my dad, or Sam, agreeing to it."

"Calm down," Carlisle said, sitting on the arm of Esme's chair and putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's a job, sweetheart."

She twisted in her seat and frowned at him slightly. "Yes, but it's _my _job. It's the first one I've had in nearly a decade! I'm allowed to be excited."

"I'm looking forward to it too, Mrs Cullen," Adam said and she smiled again. Damn, he was such a charmer.

"You're going to have to start calling me Esme," she laughed. "I feel too formal being Mrs Cullen. And I'm not nearly old enough for you to address me that way."

"Okay, Esme," he said. "Thank you again for doing all of this."

"It's my pleasure," she said.

It was good seeing how well Esme was firstly coping with being around Adam, and secondly her enthusiasm for teaching him. I had never really seen her as anything more than a mother figure before and now she seemed both so much younger and still so wise and experienced. And it helped that she genuinely liked and got on well with Adam, and him returning those feelings. Coming to the Cullens had helped, more than I could ever have expected it to.

* * *

I was surprised that Carrie wasn't home already when we arrived back at Adam's house and I looked to him with an eyebrow raised in question.

"I don't know," he told me. "She should be here by now."

He had left his phone inside and went straight to it after he unlocked the door. "It's okay," he called from the kitchen. "Her car broke down. She's going to wait and get a ride down here tomorrow." He walked through to the family room and smiled at me. "We have the place to ourselves for the rest of today."

It took me about half a second to process this information before I was practically on top of him, my mouth claiming his as my own as he first chuckled in surprise, then groaned as my hands found his ass.

Adam turned me so my hips could rest against the back of the couch and I spread my legs instinctively so he could stand between them. Our kisses slowed a little but became more passionate, tongues sliding against each other as our lips rubbed and teeth caught. He sighed deeply as our lips continued to tease and I felt his arms tighten around me.

The place to ourselves? It seemed too good to be true. Surely this was the situation every horny teenage couple dreams about, regardless of orientation. I wanted him, badly, and I wanted it a little bit naughty.

My hands were around his neck, stroking the soft skin and light hair that grew there so I loosened my grip and ran my hands, palms flat around to his chest, sliding them down until I had his nipples encased in my palms. We'd never really done much to each other in this way before last night, but his admission that he liked it when I bit him suggested that he liked having his nipples teased. I decided to test the theory.

As we kissed, I kept my palms flat and rubbed him through the cotton of his t shirt. He laughed breathily into the kiss as he realized what I was doing, then moaned as I built up the friction between skin and cotton, and cotton and skin. He really, _really_ liked this. I ran my hands further down to the hem of his t shirt then dipped them underneath, using the backs of my fingernails to tease the skin below his navel before scratching back up his chest.

His shirt rode up with my hands and he was barely putting any effort into the kisses now, his breath too heavy to sustain the licking and sucking of my lips. I didn't mind. I lightly scratched his nipples and he hissed and crashed his mouth to mine, thrusting his hips into me so I could feel how hard he was. It was gorgeous.

I removed my hands and he whimpered at their loss. He complied easily as I tugged his flannel shirt off his shoulders and tossed it behind me, then lifted his arms for me to remove his t shirt. Standing there half naked in front of me, in his mother's family room in broad daylight he looked too fucking sexy to be real.

It took a moment for me to stop staring shamelessly at him and I pulled myself together enough to lean forward and take one of his nipples between my lips.

"Oh, god Jake," he moaned, throwing his head back to give me better access and lightly gripping my head while I rolled the erect skin around my lips, then flicked my tongue out to taste him.

His skin here tasted different to his lips; saltier, smokier, rougher, somehow. I took it between my teeth, wondering how hard I could get it, how much pressure I could apply with them before the combination of pleasure and pain overwhelmed him.

He liked the pain there, I realized as I held his nipple between my teeth at the base and flicked my tongue over the tip. He was breathing so hard I wondered if he was getting enough oxygen to his head and he was doing a pretty good job of dry- humping my leg.

I switched to his other nipple but kept up the teasing of the first with my fingertips and nails. I took it slowly, wanting this to be good for him and loving that I was discovering something new. I wondered idly if he could come from this alone and decided that I would make it my mission to find out.

Too soon for my liking Adam was overwhelmed by my efforts and leaned down to capture my lips in his kiss again. I stopped caring as soon as our lips met- this was what I lived for. He gently removed my shirt as we kissed and our chests met with the familiar strong- on- strong clash of muscle. I later found my shirt tossed over a lampshade but I never saw how it got there.

His hands seemed to be everywhere; fingertips running up and down my sides to make me shiver, in my hair, grasping my arms, flat on my back to pull us closer together. Our kisses grew more frantic as we both bucked against our jeans, wanting more, always more.

"Let me try something?" I asked as I pulled away for air. "I want to learn things about you today."

He nodded and smiled but his dark eyes betrayed his lust. I pushed his chest and he staggered one step backwards before he righted himself. I walked around and pushed the middle of his back until he grasped what I wanted and fell forwards, catching himself with his hands on the back of his couch. The position made his ass stick out deliciously.

I reached around and undid the button of his jeans, then slid my hands underneath two layers of fabric and smoothed them down over the coarse hair on his legs until jeans and boxers were pooled around his ankles. He toed off his shoes and socks, adding to the pile of clothing and then he was naked and bent over in front of me. It took a moment for me to compose myself, but in that moment I promised myself I would never forget it.

I dropped to my knees behind him and kissed the back of his calf, running my nose up until I hit the crease of his knee then kissing him there too, licking the skin to find out what this part of his body tasted like. His knees buckled when I did that but he caught himself in time. I continued my journey kissing up the back of his leg until I reached the crease where his thigh met his ass cheek and bit it. He moaned. Then I licked there too, rubbing my nose along the crease towards his balls, then abruptly moved down to kiss the other calf and make the journey back up again.

This was new for us. This wasn't making love; it was sex, and it was _hot._ I wanted to satisfy my carnal desires, I wanted to _fuck_ and know what it felt like to be fucked. We didn't need to say 'I love you' to validate what we were doing right now, we were both eighteen and sex could be sex, even if it was with someone you love.

With that in mind I steadied his hips with my hands and leaned in to suck his balls into my mouth from behind. Adam groaned and I could feel his muscles tensing under my hands as I used my tongue to tease, my mouth to apply the right amount of suction and my lips to massage the delicate wrinkled skin.

My hands moved round so I could grope and massage his ass cheeks, pulling them apart and pushing my fingertips into the solid muscle that really didn't want to yield to me. I didn't want to use my mouth on his most intimate entrance, not really sure if I was ready for that challenge yet, but this was almost familiar territory even if the position was foreign and Adam's constant vocalizations of pleasure helped to verify that what I was trying worked- and felt good.

I flattened my tongue and started running it all over his ass cheeks, up to the base of his spine where his skin was prickled with sweat and back down to that valley above his thigh that was rapidly becoming a favorite spot of mine. I hadn't even touched his cock and he was making the same noises he did when he was about to come; his breath was deep and shaking and his heart was thundering so loud I needed no extra or heightened senses to hear it.

He turned his head to watch me and as his eyes met mine I slipped my index finger between my lips to gather enough wetness there. He realized what I was doing and moaned again, dropping his had to the back of the couch between his hands and shifted his hips apart a bit wider. He mumbled something that sounded like "trying to kill me," and I chuckled as I pressed my wet fingertip against his tight entrance.

There was a moment of resistance, then I slid in up to my knuckle. He was always so _tight._ I brought my finger back out slightly and pushed into him again, reveling in the moan of pleasure that escaped from his lips. Very, very slowly, I turned my finger over while still inside him, and beckoned with a 'come here' gesture, rubbing very purposefully against his prostate.

"Holy fuck!" he exclaimed and I almost got knocked backwards as he arched his back at the new sensations. I started a rhythm; pull out, push in, curl finger, pull out, push in… It was only one finger but he was bucking against me and I could smell his arousal and I thought I might just make him come from this alone.

I stopped abruptly on purpose and withdrew from him completely. I was so fucking hard it hurt to strain against my jeans like this and his whine of protest only caused things to hurt more. Or one thing to hurt more, anyway. I stripped out of my remaining clothes and scooted round so I was sat on my knees with my back against the couch and his cock mere inches away from my lips.

No hands were needed. I flicked my tongue out and purposefully only licked him very gently and with not enough friction to make him come. I could hear Adam's teeth grinding together and a quick glance up told me his knuckles were white with the tension of gripping the back of the couch. In the end I took pity on him; as exciting as my explorations were, I was teasing the living daylights out of the man and I knew he needed a release.

My hands went back round to his ass and I pushed him forward so the tip of his cock entered my mouth, shortly followed by the rest of it until he hit the back of my throat. I swallowed around him and carefully worked one, then two fingers back into his ass. Licking and sucking on his cock, I started the gentle, familiar rhythm with my fingers and used my tongue in every way I knew how: stiff around the head, flat along the ridge until he gasped his warning and he came in my mouth, crying out into the empty house.

I swallowed around him and felt like a fucking god as he continued to call my name and whimper with the power of his orgasm. I carefully released his cock and removed my fingers, wanting more and ready for the next bit but knowing I needed to give him a moment to recover.

"Shit, Jake, that was fucking amazing," Adam said, standing upright and offering a hand to help me stand up.

I smiled, suddenly shy and his lips came down to capture mine in an increasingly passionate kiss.

"Do you want me?" he asked hesitantly and I moaned against his mouth. It was my turn to hump _his _leg now.

"Yes," I whispered against his kisses.

"Let's go to bed," he told me, taking my hand.

"No," I said quickly, squeezing his hand. "Kitchen." He raised one eyebrow but didn't question me, still leading me through to the back of the house, both of us gloriously bare- ass naked.

"You're kinky," he teased and pushed me back against a counter. "You like being naughty, don't you?" Adam ran a fingertip down my chest and poked my bellybutton. His lips slowly teased my own, his tongue leading the dance. I reversed our position to pin him to the counter but he switched us again and suddenly my ass was pressed up against the cold steel of the fridge. I hissed at the cold but Adam just laughed and leaned down to nip at my neck and along my collarbone.

"Have you ever seen _Last Tango in Paris_?" he asked and leaned back to meet my eye.

My jaw dropped. I hadn't, but surely _everyone _knew about the infamous butter scene? Adam quirked an eyebrow and leaned around me to open the door of the refrigerator.

It felt like only moments later I was inside him.

Adam had done the honors with the improvised lubricant himself, knowing better than I did how much he'd need. I was afraid I'd come too quickly; I was in sensory overload and loving every second of it. Adam had braced his hands on the kitchen table; infinitely worse, somehow, than leaning against a counter, and stuck his ass back in the air for me. My cock was so hard that I could only pump it twice before pressing it against his entrance, it slipped in easier than ever before. Whether this was due to the new lubricant or my previous activities preparing him, I couldn't tell.

He was hard again already and I reached around to stroke him with the same rhythm as my thrusts. Adam swung his hips back to meet me each time and we soon built up a rhythm. I loved how tight he was, how warm, how well we fit together; I loved the noises he made and the smooth feel of his skin, the tight muscles of his back and how they flexed and released with the movement of my cock inside him.

Adam had clasped his hands together and rest his head on them to absorb the impact of my ever more frantic thrusting. I knew I was close but Adam moved my hand off his cock so that both of my hands were gripping his hips for leverage, then resumed his previous position as I continued to speed up.

I practically screamed as I came; three short thrusts inside him and I dropped my head to his back as I recovered. Adam hadn't come with me. I knew I should feel guilty, but I just felt weak at the knees.

I pulled out slowly, not wanting to overwhelm him with the sensation. I don't know what I expected, but it surely wasn't Adam quickly straightening up and spinning around to catch my arms.

"Come the fuck here," he whispered and I immediately complied.

He backed me up against a counter; the same counter, in fact, that still held an open tub of butter. He hooked an arm up under my leg, hitching it up so I was opened up for him, then he scooped up some of my new favorite lube and spread it around my entrance. I was ready, so ready to be fucked now and Adam knew it. He could tell what I wanted, what I craved and the only person I wanted it from was him.

Once the butter was worked inside me he lined himself up, but before he made any attempt to push inside me he rearranged my arms so my elbows and forearms were resting on the counter with my arms gripping the edge. Then he lifted my other leg and I instinctively wrapped both around his waist; his hands cupped my ass for extra support and we arranged our weight to support me properly.

Then, he worked his way inside.

The butter felt good.

He was slow but insistent and I yielded more easily now than I used to. I was becoming more aware of the little tricks to force myself to relax, what I could do to ease the moment of pain and the angles I could create to cause almost instant pleasure.

This position was good. Adam could lean forward and kiss me with wide, open mouthed kisses where our tongues could lick and tease and battle for something more. His fingers kneaded my ass cheeks every time I clenched them against the force of his thrusts and I tried to take as much of my weight as possible onto my arms to ease up the weight I put on Adam and allow him to get deeper and harder. I found myself mesmerized by the flexing of his arm muscles as he supported my body.

"Fuck, Adam, so good," I told him as we got into a good rhythm.

"I love being dirty with you," he growled and I opened my eyes to look firstly into his, and secondly to take in the surroundings. The normally boring room of domestic chores would never be the same again. Especially when we sat down for dinner with Carrie. Fuck, can't think of Carrie when her son's cock is in my ass.

"Close," I groaned as he started to rub my sweet spot in earnest and he nodded quickly in agreement. The sounds of our skin slapping against each other's and the smell of our sweat and arousal taunted me as my other senses went into overload. Neither of us could touch my cock as all four arms were supporting my weight and the downfall of this position suddenly presented itself. Adam came inside me with a roar and it suddenly occurred to me that this was the first time he had taken me without a condom. The feeling of his hot come was different now it was let loose inside me.

I dropped my cramping legs as Adam fell to his knees and his tongue had barely touched my cock and I was coming in his mouth. _Again,_ was all I could think. _I'm coming again._

My knees couldn't support me and I slid down to meet him on the floor. Adam chuckled lightly and brought me on to his lap so he could cradle me there.

"Can I tell you I love you?" he asked my hair as his hand came to rest over my rapidly thumping heart.

"Yes," I gasped out.

"I love you," he told me, tipping my chin up to his face to press a soft kiss against my swollen lips.

"You too," I agreed.

We sat on the cold tiled floor until I began to shiver, then Adam lifted me in his arms and carried me up to bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: Please let me reiterate what I said right at the beginning. This is a MA, NC-17 story. Please, please do not read it if you are not old enough. It freaks me out when I see 14/15 year olds commenting or messaging me regarding my work. This is the reason why fics keep getting pulled!

-x-X-x-

Chapter 15

About 6pm, Adam woke me up from my sex- induced slumber.

"Jake," he whispered, kissing along the back of my neck. "Need to wake up baby."

"No! Mmph."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Come on, I have something I want to show you."

"I've seen it," I groaned, teasing him now. "It's gorgeous, it's huge, it's amazing, now let me sleep."

It took him a moment to figure out what I was saying, then he hit me on the shoulder. "Jake, get the fuck up!"

"I am up," I mumbled. "It hurts."

"Fuck this," Adam muttered and I suddenly found myself in his arms being lifted bodily from the bed. He walked to the door and dumped my naked ass on my feet and took my hand. "Come on!"

I yawned but followed him. The house was warm and I didn't mind wandering around naked; hell, I know I look good. The kitchen was a mess and I caught Adam's eye and blushed. We needed to clean that up before Carrie got home.

The family room also looked like a CSI team were about to sweep into it, there were clothes _everywhere._ Adam lead me past the wreckage and through to the entrance hall then up the other set of stairs that lead to the rest of the house.

I had never been up here before, I had never had any reason to. I kind of thought of it as Carrie's domain and I didn't want to intrude on her space. It became obvious why Adam wasn't worried about his mom hearing us having sex; her room was at the front of the house and there was at least four walls in between the two rooms including her bathroom and a hallway. Even with the amount of noise we could make when we got down to it, it wouldn't travel this far.

We went past the open door of what looked like a guest room and then he stopped in front of the only closed door. "Master bathroom," Adam said with a wide smile and opened the door for me.

I took in details of the rest of the room later but at that moment all I could see was one enormous, claw foot bathtub. I may have moaned a little bit in appreciation. Adam had obviously been up here already because it was about half full of steaming hot water.

Adam laughed at my expression and kissed my cheek. "Get in," he said and smacked my ass lightly. I didn't need to be told twice. My immediate reaction was that there wasn't enough water in there; I hissed as my cold feet came into contact with the heat of the water. He'd even put bubbles in it for me.

I quickly washed my face then sunk down into the soothing heat.

"Hey, scoot forward," Adam's voice broke through my relaxed stupor.

"You're getting in too?" I asked.

"I will if you scoot forward," he said with a heartstoppingly, devastatingly gorgeous half smile.

I sat up but leaned back against the far end of the tub. "No, you come in front," I told him. I wanted him in my arms. He climbed in awkwardly and sat between my legs, I understood now why it was only half full of water.

"Are you sure this thing can take the weight of two people?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said, snuggling into a more comfortable position. "But don't ask me how I know that. I still have nightmares."

I laughed and kissed the side of his neck. My arms wrapped around his chest and he held on to my forearms as we relaxed, I almost felt like going back to sleep. Almost.

"Thank you," I said after a few minutes of blissful silence.

"What for?" he asked.

"Today," I laughed. "Not freaking out. Letting me sleep. Running a bath for me."

"I thought you might ache a bit," he said, teasing me.

"I do." I lightly bit his shoulder.

"You're welcome," he said. I wasn't sure if he was referring to the bath or the soreness. I was grateful for both.

I lazily washed his chest and arms, paying special attention to the crook of his elbow, in between his fingers and the lines in between his stomach muscles. His head twisted on my shoulder and kissed the underside of my jaw softly, his fingertips lingering on the other cheek.

"I love you, so much," he said softly. His voice was lower than normal.

"I know," I said and brushed my lips over his eyelids and cheeks. I nudged him to lean forward and washed his back, gently massaging his shoulders and tight back muscles. Something about this moment felt right, somehow, and I knew that I was ready to tell him. I pulled him back to my chest. "Yes," I whispered into Adam's hair and wrapped my arms tightly around him.

He was silent for a moment, then he turned in my arms to look at me properly. I don't know how long he looked into my eyes until he found whatever he was looking for, then he pulled me into a frantic kiss.

"Are you sure?" he asked, only pulling back enough to free his lips; his hand stayed tangled in my hair, keeping my head pressed close to his.

"More than anything," I said softly. "I love you, Adam, forever."

He laughed and sounded almost giddy with excitement. Then he kissed me again, settling back in my arms so I could hold him.

The water was starting to get cold after a while so he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist as I finished cleaning myself off. We both seemed so reluctant to let the moment end but reality was always ready to creep in to our most romantic time together. He threw me a matching towel as I pulled the plug and for some reason this made me insanely happy. As I got out of the bath he took the few steps to meet me and I almost fell into his arms. I don't know why we were so needy of each other, I was craving love and comfort from him like I was craving sex earlier.

The position was familiar; I would rest my head on his shoulder and he mirrored the position as our arms wrapped around the other's back. It was a tight embrace, one that couldn't be broken. Adam shivered lightly and I broke away, aware that he could get cold a lot quicker than I would.

As we walked back to his room I noticed a lot of his artwork was displayed in this part of the house. I stopped at one portrait, a framed sketch of his mother. The sketch was done in shades of brown pencils and even though it was a rough, loose sort of image it was undoubtedly Carrie and undoubtedly beautiful.

"I love this," I told him, carefully running my fingertip over the gold leaf frame.

"So does she," Adam said and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "It was one of the first portraits I ever did of her."

I didn't want to say anything further.

We went back to his room and I dressed in one of his t shirts so I could smell like him for the rest of the day. "I need my jeans," I mumbled once I was half dressed.

Adam shook his head at me. "We need to change the sheets too," he snickered.

We spent the best part of an hour tidying up the house, cleaning up the kitchen and changing the sheets on his bed; doing a load of laundry and generally trying to not make it obvious that we had spent all day having sex all over the damn place.

Finally, eventually, everything was cleaned and I went back to Adam's room after collecting my shoes from the family room. One was under the coffee table and the other was on the couch. I collapsed face down on to Adam's bed and moaned loudly, Adam was at his desk sketching again and he looked at me over his shoulder and shook his head.

"You're a nightmare," he said on a chuckle. I grabbed the remote for his stereo from the counter on my side of the bed and turned up his music a few notches. This was perfect for us, just being able to hang out together with no pressures of work or school or life going on around us.

After a while Adam got up and stretched, working out the kinks in his back and coming over to grab my hand and drag me off the bed. "Let's go out for a bit," he said and I agreed quickly. I had had a great birthday so far and I didn't care what we did next as long as we could be together.

"I suppose I should go and see my dad," I agreed with a laugh.

Adam kissed me softly and I took his hand so we could be a couple for just a few more minutes.

I drove back to my house which looked like it was hiding something going on inside. I chanced a look at Adam but his face was the picture of innocence. Too innocent.

He took my hand as we walked up to the door and whispered 'happy birthday' in my ear before pushing the front door open which was a pretty big fucking clue about what was going on.

"Surprise!" lots of people shouted. I tried to look surprised as I squeezed Adam's hand tightly. Too tightly.

Little kids were blasting party poppers at me and my sisters were there too like they shouldn't have been and Carrie was standing next to my dad… I didn't know who to hug first. Becca and Rach pretty much jumped me though and pulled me and Adam into group hug, solving the problem for me and allowing me to whisper 'thank you's' to them for coming back.

"We wouldn't miss this for the world," Becca told me. "Getting to throw a surprise eighteenth birthday party isn't something you get to do all that often."

"When did you get in?" I asked her.

"This morning," she said with a smile. "Fortunately someone offered to keep you busy all day while we set everything up…" she winked at Adam who blushed furiously. It didn't take a genius to work out how he'd kept me distracted.

"Well, thanks," I mumbled and they laughed at me.

The party was pretty nice; everyone was crammed into our little house and we didn't have the benefit of patio heaters like the Hawk's did so no one could go outside and there was _no_ privacy anywhere. I managed to catch up on news with Becca and Rach and thanked Carrie over and over for moving back to La Push. She made a quick announcement about it which thankfully provided people with another topic of conversation besides me.

Carrie had made me a huge cake- chocolate, with more chocolate inside and chocolate frosting. It got _destroyed_ by my pack "brothers" who were obviously not feeling all that brotherly or in the mood for sharing. Between her and Emily and my sisters there was loads of food though and I was really touched by the effort they had gone to.

I started to feel claustrophobic after a while and stepped out the back door to get some air. There was a light, misty rain falling and the moon was huge in the sky, bright and very white, lighting up the trees at the edge of our yard. As soon as the door clicked shut behind me I took a few steps out away from the house and tipped my face up to the rain; it felt nice against my hot skin.

"Too much for you, too?" a light female voice asked me.

I jumped. "Yeah," I said and turned to see Emily sat in one of the broken plastic picnic chairs. "It's nice out here. Are you okay?" I asked her.

Although we saw a lot of Emily at her house, she was pretty shy in big group situations and tended to hang back from the group. I didn't think she would ever get over the scarring that ran from her cheek down to her ribs, but we had all grown so used to it I barely noticed any more. It was only when she was around other people that it became obvious again.

"Hmm," she said softly. "I don't like crowds."

I nodded, not knowing how to respond to that. I went and sat by her feet and rested my head on her knee; this was one of those familiar motherly things that we all did with her, she immediately began stroking my hair and I wondered again about her strange behavior earlier that morning.

"Jake?" she asked and I looked up at her. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Her eyes were wide and scared so I grabbed her hand. "Of course," I told her.

"Sam might be mad at me," she backtracked and chewed on the scar on the corner of her top lip. She had told me before it itched sometimes.

"Well, if it's not your secret to tell then you shouldn't say anything," I said. "But if it's your secret, then he shouldn't get mad if you tell me."

She laughed once. "You're a very smart man, Jacob Black," she told me and took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

"Really?" I asked her. "Wow. Congratulations."

"Thank you," she said and smoothed my hair back again. "Sam is worried."

"Of course he is," I rolled my eyes. "Sam worries about everything. More so if it's to do with you."

"We don't know how his current genetic state will affect the baby. He doesn't want me to go to a doctor just in case it's not, you know, human." She sniffed a little bit at the end.

"Come here," I said, standing up and pulling her out of the chair and taking her place, then tugging her back down so she could sit on my lap. "I'm sure you'll be fine," I assured her. "But you need to go to a doctor, Emily, it's important. Doc Cullen-"

"Sam doesn't want me to see him," she interrupted me.

"Sam's a dick," I told her. "If Doc can help then you should let him. He saved my life once, Emily, he's not going to hurt you or the baby."

"I know that," she said quietly. "Would you come with me?"

"Of course," I said immediately. "Just let me know when you're ready." We were quiet for a while then, just listening to the sound of the rain.

Adam opened the back door eventually and stuck his head outside. "Are you okay?" he asked with an easy smile.

"Yeah, just talking," Emily told me. "Come on, birthday boy, lets go and enjoy ourselves."

-x-X-x-

I was a nervous wreck the first day Adam went for his classes with Esme the following Monday. I had made arrangements to meet him there at 3.30 and Alice had warned me to trust her and not do anything stupid like decide to go over there during my lunch hour or anything.

Adam sent me a couple of texts through the day to assure me he was doing okay and everything was alright. I barely paid attention to any of my classes and all my attention was focused on my back pocket and feeling for often imagined vibrations from my phone.

As soon as the last bell sounded I flew out of my class and to my car, not even bothering to stop off at my locker to dump my books. I was too obsessed with getting back to him.

At Adam's insistence I had let him drive himself out to the Cullen's house that morning. Alice had arranged for a couple of flags to be tied to a tree to signal the turn off to their drive and I had even agreed to stay at my house the night before. Apparently, according to Carrie, anyway, this was good practice for when we had kids and letting them go for their first day of kindergarten.

I was really, really hoping Charlie Swan wasn't out in the cruiser as I pushed the poor rabbit at nearly twice the speed limit out to Forks. I made it to the Cullen's house about 15 minutes earlier than they were expecting me and pulled up next to Adam's car on the front lawn. Alice was waiting at the door for me and assured me "He's fine, Jake," as soon as I was out of the car.

"I know," I said defensively. "I just miss him."

"Aw, Jake," she teased me as she held the door open wider for me. "It's good to see you like this."

"What, jealous and overly possessive?" I asked as we walked through to the back of the house.

"No, you've always been like that," she laughed. "He loves you so much, you know."

I nodded. "Yeah. I love him too."

"Good," she said and then we were finally in the same room as him again.

"Hey," I called out and Adam looked up from an open textbook.

Jasper was sat opposite Adam at the dining room table, various books and papers strewn about.

"Come in, Jake," Jasper called out and I quickly went and kissed Adam on the cheek before taking a seat with Alice. "We're nearly done," Jasper assured me.

"That's okay," I tried to shrug off his words but he of all people would know how relieved I was at finally being back with Adam. "Is Carlisle around?" I asked Alice to fill in the gap in conversation.

"No, he should be home in the next half hour or so," she said as she sketched Jasper's profile. "Did you want to talk to him?"

"Mm," I said, noncommittal. "I will if we're still here when he gets back."

"It's very annoying when you do that," she laughed lightly. "I won't be able to see anything for the next few hours now. Don't panic!" she said after looking up at me. "Adam is fine. Chillax, Jake." I glowered at her.

We hung out with Bella and Edward for a while once Adam had finished with Jasper so I could talk to the Doc when he got home. It was a short conversation; he was more than happy to have a look at Emily, like I knew he would be. He understood Sam's apprehension, especially since they'd only just had a baby in their own family and we made tentative plans for Emily to make an appointment to see Carlisle when he was on duty at Forks Hospital so he had access to all the equipment there. I promised to pass the message on and tried to figure out the best way of enduring Sam's imminent wrath.

-x-X-x-

We fell into a routine over the next few months and the familiarity of it reassured me that he was safe. I'd get a couple of texts through the day while at school then go to meet him at the Cullen's house every few days. Not every day, though, I didn't want him to be smothered since he obviously had a good relationship with Esme and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett had gone on a trip just after Esme had started teaching Adam and they hadn't returned yet; no one was mentioning it but Rosalie obviously had issues with the situation. I asked Esme one night if she regretted taking the job on because it had meant she lost two of her kids but she smiled and shook her head at me.

"I have six very independent children, Jake," she said. "They've all gone off on their own for one reason or another over the years, I don't mind."

"But this time it's my fault," I argued.

She sighed and lead me over to one of the scarily white couches. "Rosalie will always have problems when we invite humans into the house, no matter who they are," she said gently. "She had a terrible time dealing with Bella, and she was Edward's love. Adam is a Quileute; part of the tribe who have shunned us for decades and that level of hostility doesn't go away overnight. I hate that she's gone because I love her dearly, but in this situation, it's for the best."

"I'm sorry," I told her.

"Do you have any idea what this is doing for me?" she asked me softly. "I lost all confidence in my teaching ability a while ago after I had an awful experience with an overly friendly student who didn't heed my warnings to back off. He was only a child really, but I've never had to dodge that kind of unwelcome attention before." She looked slightly uncomfortable as she twirled her wedding band around her finger over and over. "It was fine," she said quickly, noticing what I was looking at. "But he said some very unkind things when I spurned his advances and it's only now that I'm working with Adam that I'm feeling better about being a teacher again."

"You're a great teacher," I told her honestly and she laughed.

"Thank you," she said.

"No, really," I said, "I'm not just saying that to be nice. Adam is a fantastic artist and he's always saying about how much he's learned from you."

"You're very kind." I swear if she could have blushed, she would have. "Have you thought any more about modeling for me?"

Esme had asked Adam and I to model for a painting she wanted to do. I was still very hesitant about it, she assured me that she would work very quickly so it wouldn't take long and Adam wanted to do it but I felt weird about taking my clothes off for her.

"I don't know, Esme," I said slowly.

"I don't want to pressure you," she said and I felt that there was a 'but' coming… "But you two are such beautiful boys. Would it make you more comfortable if I told you to leave your jeans on?"

"Yes," I said immediately and she laughed.

"That's fine. Let's do it that way then."

"Okay," I agreed, finally okay with the idea. I really didn't want to get naked in front of Edward's mom. Especially when he could see in her head. "When do you want to do it?"

"Are you free now?" she asked. "Jasper will be done with Adam in a moment and we could finish it within a few hours."

I thought about it quickly; we had nothing planned for the evening. "I don't see why not," I said eventually. It might be easier to do it immediately rather than going away and psyching myself out about it.

"Jake." Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Jake, I just saw you."

"Huh?"

"I had a vision, with you in it."

It was April and I hadn't been phasing for months now. Alice hadn't been able to see me though and we were starting to wonder if she ever would. This was huge- it meant I was human again.

"Oh my word," Esme said quietly. "Alice, that's wonderful."

"It was about the painting," Alice said excitedly. "As soon as you decided to do it, the vision came. You must have lost all of the traces of werewolf in you now."

I was excited and sad at the same time. Being a wolf had been a huge part of my life for over a year but I knew that Adam was aging and I wasn't and that meant I would never catch up with him, he'd always be older than me now. Him being older didn't bother me, but I had been concerned about how long it would take before all of the traces of werewolf were out of my system. Since I was the first one to pull away from the pack and make the effort to not phase, no one really knew how long it would take.

"I'm going to set up your studio," Alice said and disappeared.

"I suppose that's settled then," I said and Esme smiled.

"Don't worry," she said, gently resting a hand on my shoulder as she passed. "Your job is easy."

Half an hour later I found myself reclined on a couch, half naked with Adam next to me. There had been much debate about how they wanted us positioned and we moved about quite a bit before Esme found the perfect angles and light.

I sat in the left corner of the couch with my hand supporting my head and my elbow on the low arm of the couch. One leg was stretched out along the seat cushions and the other was tucked underneath me. As promised, both me and Adam were still wearing jeans but we had taken our shirts, shoes and socks off and Alice had kept tugging my jeans down lower on my hips.

Adam was lying on his back with his head resting on my thigh with his feet up on the other arm of the couch and his hands folded on his stomach. Esme was keeping us talking and it was surprisingly warm in the room so I was pretty comfortable but Alice kept telling me off for playing with Adam's hair and moving it.

Alice was also taking the opportunity to work with live models, but she was sketching instead and had a pot of charcoals and another of pencils and a large sketchbook with off- white pages. She kept moving around us, changing angles and medium quickly and was filling the pages at super speed with images ranging from wide angled drawings of both of us, to minute studies of the back of my hand. She was really interesting to watch.

Esme was working with acrylics, and fast. Like, vampire speed fast. She had an enormous canvas that she was working on and Adam had said for him to fill a canvas of that size with a portrait would take him probably a couple of months. Esme had the advantage of never getting tired as well as her speed but it was a bit disconcerting watching someone move that quickly. The weirdest part was how she could talk at human rate while she moved at vampire speed.

"How is it going?" I asked Esme but Adam shushed me.

"You should never ask an artist that," he said and I heard Esme's laugh from behind the canvas.

"Really well," she said. "The light is lovely and I've managed to get the variations in your skin tones right which was worrying me at first."

"When did you start painting?" I asked.

"When I was human," she said and poked her head around to look at us. She was spotless which shouldn't have surprised me. Adam always seemed to wear more paint than got on the page when he used acrylics but then, he wasn't a vampire. "I had a wonderful art teacher at school and it was the sort of activity my first husband approved of so I never really stopped. Once I was through the first difficult years of being a vampire it became my most favorite hobby."

I looked down at Adam again and his lips twitched in my direction, sending me a silent kiss. I sent the action back to him and he smiled, then noticed that Esme had been talking to me.

"I'm sorry, say that again?" I asked her.

"I said, how is Emily doing?" she laughed.

"Fine," I said. "She's getting, you know, chunky."

The girls immediately cracked up. "You can't say that!" Alice exclaimed and Esme leaned around the canvas again.

"I'm sure she looks wonderful. There's something so magical about pregnancy."

"It's a girl thing," Adam said to me. "I don't get it either.

Another hour passed, then Esme stood back. "I think I'm done," she said, cocking her head to one side to look at the painting from another angle.

"No fucking way," Adam said from my lap, then smacked his hand over his mouth. "Sorry, Esme."

She raised one perfect eyebrow at him, but let it drop. Alice was immediately at Esme's side, also casting her critical eye over the picture.

"You two don't move," she said sternly while they appraised the canvas. "It's beautiful, Esme," she said warmly. "You need to do the highlights, obviously, but it's perfect."

"Take some photographs for me, would you?" Esme asked, dabbing a little more paint on to the canvas. "But yes, I agree Alice. We're done."

"Can we move?" I asked as Alice finished snapping pictures.

"Yes," she giggled. "You can get dressed when you're ready."

I stood and stretched, working out all the little kinks and aches that had accumulated from sitting in the same position for so long. "Can we see yet?" I asked Esme.

"Sure," she said. "But it's not finished. I need to do some things once the first layer is dry."

I pulled my t shirt back on and wandered over to where Adam was already stood.

"Wow," I said as I took in the painting. It wasn't quite realistic, there were abstract elements to it but the two figures were clearly Adam and I. There was something… other worldly about it. We weren't two guys stretched out on a couch in an art studio, the colors surrounding us were browns and greens and shapes that had come out of Esme's memory or imagination. I didn't know who or what we represented, but it was still pretty fucking amazing.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I _get_ it, but I like it."

Adam chuckled and leaned in to stage whisper in my ear. "I'll explain it later."

"Fuck off," I laughed and elbowed him in the ribs, a move which ended up in him pulling me into a hug.

"You're very good subjects to paint, the interaction between you is fascinating."

"I thought so too," Alice said as she tidied things away. "Whenever you're ready to do that again just let us know. And as soon as you're ready to go nude, we're ready for you."

I immediately blushed. "Not my thing, Alice," I mumbled.

"Good luck with that," Adam agreed. "It might not be the best idea for us to do nude modeling together."

Alice sniggered. We said our goodbyes to the rest of the house and headed back to La Push. Things hadn't changed between us since I told Adam 'yes', in fact, we'd hardly discussed it at all. We only had a few months left of school before we were officially free and other than our initial agreement that we'd like to get married before we left for college, nothing else had been arranged. I made a mental note to start thinking about planning things. After all, I knew how quickly time could pass.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do assert my moral and creative right over the character of Adam © worldwide. I will enforce my rights as author if anyone, male or female, tries to get in his pants before I have a chance to write his 'just that one time' experimental night with me. Watch out for that one- shot, people.

Chapter 16

I never thought that on the beach at sunset was my style. We had already told our family that there wasn't going to be a big 'commitment ceremony'; we wanted something for _us_ and not anyone else. Carrie thought we were too young but was amused by the whole thing. Dad saw it as inevitable and refused to let Sam hold the ceremony when he knew that was what we wanted, even though I was his son. He was the Chief, and it was his place to do it.

It turned out that on beach at sunset was our style. I wanted to take it back to the place where I had first told Adam about how I felt about him and he liked this idea, and the symbolism of starting something as the day ends appealed to him.

Sam had gone nuts when I told him I wanted the Cullens there but Adam had grown really close to Esme through a shared love of art and Bella was like my best friend again. I couldn't imagine doing it without them there and the others, who were on the periphery of our life but still friends. It bumped the number of attendees up by seven (Rosalie and Emmett were still out of the country), though and the number seemed to be rapidly growing completely out of my control. Once you included the pack and their partners that was another twelve, then my dad and Carrie, Rachel and Becca… we were at twenty three of our closest and most intimate friends. I was relieved when Adam said he didn't want his family there and I agreed that I didn't want to invite all my cousins and aunts and uncles either. They wouldn't understand, and it was for us, not our families, which was why we weren't calling it a _wedding._

Then there was the logistics of keeping the wolves and the vamps separated and the people who didn't know about the vamps (well, that was just Carrie) in the dark, so to speak, and making sure their sparkly goodness didn't shine through at the wrong moment.

After many discussions with Esme and the Doc we agreed that simple was best, and the Cullens would just stand at the back, behind Carrie and out of her line of sight. The ceremony wasn't going to take long anyway so I was keeping my fingers crossed and not doing a lot else really.

It was a relief that me and Adam agreed with most things because we needed to present a united front against 'Team Wedding' which consisted of Carrie and Emily who insisted on calling it a wedding when it really, really wasn't. It was just our… thing. We rolled our eyes when they mentioned tuxes and walked out of the room. I told them 'no' when they mentioned suits. We cracked up laughing when some stupid fucking photos of these loose linen pants in sandy colors came out. "Jeans!" I shouted at them over the kitchen table as they tried to make me agree on dress pants and a shirt. "I'm wearing jeans when I get married. Jeans and a fricking t shirt."

"So am I!" shouted Adam from his bedroom. Carrie pouted and I turned my back on them both and walked up the back stairs, glad that my sisters weren't on 'Team Wedding' or else I'd be dead. Dead in a tux.

For the sake of saving my relationship with Carrie I let her order paper lanterns that hung off bamboo poles to light the beach. It probably would be dark by the time we were done so it was a practical thing as well. Carrie was planning on inviting people back to her house after since it was just up the beach but she was strictly forbidden from calling it a _reception_. She promised there would be beer and pizza and no frou-frou canapés or any of that shit going on. No champagne. It had taken a lot of willpower for me to say the words "no cake" because, hell, I wanted cake. It was the one crack in my armor and they did their very best to try and break me with it but I managed to stay strong and ban cake from the event. What they didn't know was that Adam had promised to let me eat cake of his stomach if I stayed strong and I wanted to eat cake off Adam's abs a lot more than I wanted a wedding cake. A lot lot more.

No honeymoon was another hard one to resist but we were going to be going down to San Francisco to look for our apartment the weekend after so that was going to be a break for us anyway. It would be nice to get out of La Push for a couple of days, especially after our non- wedding.

We left it until the middle of June to set a date for a couple of weeks after that. Emily started making noises about hand made invitations and had a proper hissy fit when Adam told her we'd already sent text messages to everyone who was invited so there was no point in them. It was so funny to watch Emily get worked up about these things; Carrie said she'd had to tell Emily what her idea of a perfect wedding was and what our idea of a perfect wedding were vastly different and that she had to chill out and calm down for the sake of the baby. She was really, really huge and due to drop the thing in a few weeks.

I had been playing it down for weeks but when the morning of July 6th rolled around I was nervous. I woke up in Adam's arms, he was stroking my back softly so I knew he was already awake and the sun was fighting it's way in around his curtains.

"Morning," he said softly as I woke up. I hummed and kissed the skin closest to my lips.

"Do we need to get up yet?" I murmured.

"No," he said, sounding amused.

"Good," I told him and pulled him on top of me. Adam balanced his weight on his hands either side of my shoulders and pressed his hips into mine before slowly lowering himself to kiss me softly. My cock was already hard and his hardened too as he rocked his hips against mine, brushing teasing kisses over my lips and cheeks as the friction built against the flannel fabric caught between us.

"Do you want me?" he growled and I nodded, desperate for him. "Tell me," he said, his voice low and sexy and dangerous.

"I want you," I whimpered.

"I want you too," he said and I didn't think he was just talking about sex.

He lowered his head back to mine and captured my lips in a kiss that talked of possession as much as love and adoration. I didn't mind. I like belonging to him. I rolled my hips, testing the way it felt to rub my cock against his like this. Adam bucked back into me and we picked up a rhythm of rocking against each other, dry- humping the living daylights out of our poor pajamas.

I pulled away from his kiss first, gasping for a breath but instead of easing off Adam turned his attention elsewhere; kissing along my jaw to my ear, biting and tugging on my earlobe before trailing wet kisses down my neck to my shoulder. I hooked my thumbs under the waistband of his pants and pulled them down roughly, Adam muttered a low 'fuck' into my neck but kicked them off then mirrored the action for me. He shamelessly groped my ass while he was doing it but I didn't care. He wanted me.

My cock was finally naked so I started the nice, familiar thrusting against his again, our tongues finding each other again as my sweat slicked skin found pleasure in his. "Adam," I gasped, hating that I was pulling away again but desperate for the next bit. "I want you," I said again.

Adam bit my nipple gently as he reached over for his lube and a condom, kissing down my chest towards my cock. "No," I tell him quickly. "I'm too hyped up," I groan as his hurt eyes meet mine. "I want to come with you inside me," I admitted quickly.

Adam closed his eyes and groaned, but kissed back up my chest and pressed short, quick kisses on to my waiting lips. I dropped my knees apart instinctively as Adam spread the lube where I needed it and immediately pressed his cock there.

He was always big, and there was always that moment of feeling like he was never going to fit but he knew about even pressure and not thrusting too soon and just letting things happen naturally so it wasn't long before he was sliding into me, slowly, perfectly and feeling oh so fucking good.

The intensity in his gaze made my heart ache but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. He kept up his gentle thrusting and leaned down to kiss me passionately.

"The next time I make love to you, we're going to be married," he said, his voice husky with emotion.

I smiled like an idiot and reached up to cup his cheek in my hand. "I love you," I said and he nodded, closing his eyes and leaning into my touch.

We were making love; the physical creation of abstract emotions that brought us closer together in our hearts by bonding our bodies. I always thought people were talking shit before when they talked about sex being beautiful, it wasn't beautiful, it was messy and noisy and about pleasure and release. But done right, this was one of the most beautiful things I had ever experienced. And there was something about bottoming for Adam that just made everything so much more intense. It had taken me a while to really appreciate how _good_ it felt to bottom and to want to do it for my sake rather than just because he preferred to top.

He was thrusting inside me with careful, measured movements and I let myself get lost in the sensations his cock was causing, the way his strong stomach would graze against my dick as he rocked forward, the look in his eyes when they finally met mine.

I knew I was going to come quickly, I was too needy to try and hold back. I let go my last shred of self- control and leaned up to kiss Adam as I came in hard spurts.

"Shit, Jake," Adam growled and I felt him release inside me. He dropped on to his forearms and kissed me again as he caught his breath.

"Mm, that was nice," I mumbled as he rolled off me.

Adam laughed. "I'd say," he agreed. He let me shower first since I needed more cleaning up than he did and he brushed his teeth while he waited for me, then we switched, exchanging a quick kiss on the pass.

I wandered back into his room and dressed quickly in my favorite blue jeans, worn in and comfortable, and a black v neck t shirt, not really paying much attention to what I was wearing. Adam followed soon behind me and seemed to be smirking at my attempt to style my hair; it had grown out a bit now since I let Emily cut it last- it wasn't so ferociously short but I hate messing with it. Adam pulled on his boxers then came up behind me, grabbing some wax and working it through his fingertips then swiftly styling my hair into a messy mohawk.

"Nice," I approved and he laughed.

"Thanks. Jake," he started and it was one of those 'Jake's' where you dread what's coming next. "At risk of sounding like my mother, what are you wearing tonight?"

"Uh, this?" I shrugged and he sighed.

"Thank god," he muttered, pulling on a pair of black jeans and his long sleeve gray t shirt. "I didn't want to turn up and you be in something smart and me looking like a fucking degenerate."

"Are you nervous?" I asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed to lace up his Chucks and I tried to find my other sneaker.

"About being married? No. About doing that shit in front of all those people? Hell yeah."

I smiled and stopped my search to briefly kiss his lips, taking his face in my hands as I did. "Shoe?" I asked.

"Behind the door," he said and I retrieved my other sneaker while rolling my eyes. We were like an old married couple already.

"Does it bother you that it's not, you know, legally binding?"

"No," he shrugged. "It's binding for us, with our culture and heritage, I don't need the US Government to approve of my relationship to make it real."

I laughed softly and rested my head on his shoulder. "Did you call Katie?" I asked.

"Mm," he agreed. "Tomorrow afternoon. 4pm. She's shutting the shop to walk- ins then so we have her undivided attention for the rest of the day. We can go to the courthouse in the morning to file the petition to get our names changed, if you like."

"That sounds good," I said. I'm not sure if we purposefully avoided making these plans or if it just came naturally for us to wait and see. The ceremony first, then the names, then the tattoos seemed right somehow. Uniting first our souls, then our names, then our bodies. Surely that was the way it was supposed to be done?

We made our way downstairs and I grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the counter as we reached the kitchen. "Do you want breakfast?" Adam asked.

"You cooking?" I teased him.

"Sure," he said. "Waffles or pancakes?" I pouted at him. "Jake I'm not doing you both."

"Please?" I said and pouted my lower lip out further.

"No. Waffles or pancakes."

I sighed. "Waffles," I said in a whiny voice. He smacked me around the back of the head as he retrieved the waffle iron from the cupboard.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that Jacob?"

"Yeah, but you love me," I waved off his insult. I offered him my apple and he took a bite as he got breakfast started; I hopped up to sit on the counter next to the stove to watch him work. I liked this easy familiarity between us, it felt like settled domestic bliss already but with the way our lives were, I couldn't imagine this being just it for us. I knew we were going to travel. I knew we were going to have interesting, challenging careers because that was what we wanted for ourselves and each other. But knowing that I had this to come home to made everything that much sweeter. It was the underlining constant in my life; no matter what happened with everything else, I would always have him. I might only be eighteen years old, but this was _right._

We ate our rather late breakfast in front of the TV watching reruns of _Ellen._ I love that girl, she cracks me up. I had a few errands I needed to run in the afternoon but we had most of the day to ourselves which was nice. There was no pressure at all and we just hung out really, not doing a lot but enjoying each other's company.

Adam made a call to the realtor to confirm the apartments we had appointments to go and see in San Francisco while I cleaned up the kitchen for him, then we drove down to the store so I could pick up some things for the weekend. We didn't talk about the wedding, but we didn't need to.

When we got back to the house Carrie was home and I decided to go for a run to try and work out the last bit of tension. Adam had offered to come with me but I really wanted to push myself and head out into the woods so I told him no. He could more than keep pace with me when we went running along the beach, but I had kept some aspects of being a werewolf, mostly endurance and agility and it came in useful when I went off the normal paths.

I don't know how long I was running for, only that I managed to scratch up my legs up really nicely on some stupid fucking undergrowth and my lungs were burning from the run and I was covered in sweat. And blood. I jogged the last few steps back up to Adam's house and he opened the door to me.

"Fuck, Jake, I was wondering where the hell you'd gotten to."

"Sorry," I heaved. "Ran… long way."

"I guessed that," he said, leading the way through the house to the kitchen and throwing me a bottle of water out of the fridge. I gulped it down gratefully. "You need a shower," he told me and I flipped him the bird. "No, really Jake, it's like 7.35."

"Shit," I muttered. I didn't have long before we needed to head down to the beach. I went straight up to Adam's bathroom and he followed me, smirking as I stripped off my sweaty running clothes and dumping them in his hamper then climbing into his lovely hot shower.

Adam sat on the lid of the toilet as I showered and scowled as I scrubbed the dried blood out of the hairs on my legs. I told him about where I had ran, the beauty and stillness of being deep in the woods and how gorgeous it was when you got so far past the normal hiking trails that you were almost lost. I could always find my way home though. I just followed the sounds and smells of the sea.

I showered quickly then dressed in my clothes that I had left on the bed. "Fix my hair?" I asked Adam in a small, childish voice and he kissed the back of my neck before toweling the last of the water out of it and gelling it like he had done that morning. By the time I was dressed and comfortable it was time to leave. Adam shrugged on his tan leather jacket but I didn't need one and didn't want to wear it anyway.

I took his hand as he locked up and we walked out the back door and down to the beach. It was overcast, thankfully, meaning the vamps would be safe from the setting sun. As we approached the beach I noticed the line of lanterns in the sand, leading the way down to the water in an inverted V shape. Everyone seemed to be there already and waiting for us, people were chatting amicably amongst themselves but there was a distinct vampire/ wolf divide. I was pleased that I had left my phone in Adam's bedroom, Carrie had probably been calling us frantically. Isn't it supposed to be traditional to be late to your own wedding or some shit?

The crowd parted as if by some silent sign as we approached and we walked down to where my dad was sat. I was holding on to Adam's hand so tightly my knuckles were white and the butterflies in my stomach had left, only to be replaced by fucking bald eagles flapping away in there.

"Friends, Quileutes, brothers, family… welcome," Dad said and people stopped talking and turned to him. There were no seats; instead people stood with their loved ones, holding hands or hugging or just watching. "There are some things in life that have no bounds. The height an eagle can fly. A mother's love for her child. The freedom of our souls. The waxing and waning of the moon, the waves meeting the beach. The way two people can fall in love.

"Adam and Jacob are two fiercely independent, strong young men and I believe their relationship has a profound impact on everyone who comes in contact with it. They won't ever let anyone or anything come between them, and we're here tonight to listen to their vows of commitment to each other."

Adam and I were facing each other as we repeated simple promises to love, protect and treasure each other, our hands joined and our fingers threaded together. My heart was beating so hard I thought it might burst right out of my chest, I loved him so much and this was it. This was the beginning of our forever.

My forehead dropped the short distance to rest against his as Dad said an old blessing over our relationship, and that was it. Carrie had happy tears running down her cheeks and I pulled Adam into my arms. There was no 'you may kiss the bride' moment, fuck no, that was way too weddingy for tonight but I buried my nose in his neck until my tears had stopped and his shaky breathing slowed against my chest.

I didn't need to tell him I loved him, nor did I need to hear it. This, everything, him being in my arms was my 'I love you'. As soon as we broke away from each other our friends crashed down on top of us, pulling us into laughter and hugs and kissed cheeks and smacks on the back. The Cullens, all of them, including Grace in Edward's arms hung back from the crowd until Carrie shouted at people to make their way back to the house.

"You're more than welcome to come," Carrie said to Esme as she passed.

"Thank you, but not tonight," Esme said politely. "My granddaughter needs to go to bed."

"Another time," Carrie said and hugged Esme lightly and followed the crowd up the beach, jogging to catch up with her sisters.

"Thanks for coming," I said to the assembled vampires.

"How could we stay away?" Bella said, her eyes full of unshed tears. "Oh, I'm so happy for you!"

"I'm pretty happy for me too," I laughed and forced myself to hold my breath as I hugged her. "It meant a lot to me that you're here."

Adam was hugging Esme and she whispered something into his ear. "We're leaving soon," Bella said, tearing my eyes away from Adam.

"Yeah?"

"To Alaska. We need to leave before Charlie finds out we're still in the area." I nodded. It made sense, it could be dangerous for Charlie to know she was in Forks.

"Congratulations, Jake, Adam," Jasper said and I shook his hand, then the Doc's and Emmett's.

"Before you leave," Adam said quickly, "I just wanted to say thank you to you all for everything you've done for us. As soon as I met you all I knew that we would be okay. I thought Jake was lucky to have friends like you, now I feel lucky to have friends like you."

"We'll stay in touch," Esme promised him. I took Adam's hand and took a half a step up the beach.

"We have something for you," Alice said quickly and a few people rolled their eyes at her and laughed. "Well, we do," she sounded put out. "I know you refused a wedding list," Alice said and I thought _yeah, of course you do, _"But we wanted to do something nice for you. And I know you're not having a honeymoon, but you're going to have a great time in San Francisco." She handed us an envelope and I nudged Adam to take it. He opened the top and Bella cringed as he slid his finger under the paper, then he pulled out a sheet of paper.

"Four Seasons, San Francisco," he read in a soft voice. "Holy shit, Alice!"

"I knew you'd like it!" she laughed. "It's a suite, for four nights. Good luck with the apartment. And everything. You're gonna be fine, guys."

"Thank you," I said to the whole group.

"Bye, Jake," Bella said and she sounded choked up, her fingertips reaching out to touch my skin but never quite meeting it.

"Bye," I told her and by the time the tears in my eyes had been blinked away, they were gone.

-x-X-x-

I turned into Adam and his soft lips found mine, our first kiss as a married couple as darkness finally fell around us and the candles burned out one by one in the lanterns. Still I kissed him, treasuring each movement of his lips, my tongue, his smell, our love. It was perfect and it was ours.

I sighed deeply as we broke apart and silently started walking up the beach. I could hear music already pouring out of his house and I couldn't keep the stupid cheesy smile off my face as I stepped up the first step up towards the whitewashed porch, then pulled him into another kiss, my hands cradling his face now.

"Stop making out and get in here!" Embry's voice carried through the screen door accompanied by the amusement of our guests and I laughed against Adam's lips as his brown eyes smiled back at me.

"Come on," he said and took my hand to drag me into the house.

Everyone was crowded into the living room, as we crossed through the kitchen I could see them all piled in there, waiting for us. Adam squeezed my hand reassuringly, sensing my nerves. As soon as we appeared in the doorway we were met with raucous applause which only made me embarrassed and nauseous. Someone passed me a beer and I took a deep pull, appreciative of the numbness that would eventually follow.

"Speech!" Quil called out and I shot dagger- eyes at him. No fucking speeches.

"I think Jake would kill me if we tried to do speeches," Carrie said and I nodded.

"Too fucking right," I told her and people laughed.

"Can I offer a toast, though?" she asked but continued before I could object. "To my boys." She raised her own bottle of beer. "My only son, and the man he loves, may I toast to love, happiness and a long and healthy life together."

People echoed her sentiment but I didn't hear them; I crossed the room to Carrie and swept her up in a huge hug. Adam came and joined us, the three of us tangled up in long limbs and 'I love you's'.

It wasn't long before some poor shit delivered about thirty pizzas to our door and the happy, relaxed atmosphere came out again but without my stupid jealousy in the way. And the fact that we could be very open about our relationship just made everything that much sweeter.

It didn't feel like a party about us, and that meant a lot to me. It was about our family and our friends and everyone coming together to just be, and have fun. The night wound down around 2am when me and Adam were crashed in one of Carrie's armchairs with a few people still on the floor or on the couches.

Paul and Rachel were sat on the floor under Carrie, Rach in between Paul's legs and he was playing with the engagement ring that she now wore. Sam and Emily were in the other chair rubbing her swollen belly with four hands and Becca was stretched out with Seth, teasing him that they could put their age difference aside and find 'true love' together. Seth had had a crush on my sister for years but no one thought to tell Becca this- it was too funny to watch him get embarrassed with her teasing.

"I want to send you to bed so I can clear up," Carrie said from her spot on the couch. "And I really, really don't ever want to send you to bed." Our friends cracked up as Adam protested at his mother's honesty.

"Carrie, please," he moaned and I wrapped my arms around his head.

"Poor baby," I laughed.

"Right, I need you kids out of my house," Carrie said, propping herself up on the couch. "Stop being so damn perky at this time of night. I love you, but go home."

We said our goodbyes at the door as we kicked our friends out for Carrie and then helped her clean most of the house up and load the dishwasher and take the trash out.

"Carrie?" I said softly as we finished up. She turned to me and smiled, still so happy about everything. "Thank you," I told her. "This was the best non- wedding in history."

"You're welcome," she told me and kissed me and Adam goodnight.

I looked over at my new husband and he took my hand, preparing to walk towards my forever with him.

-x-X-x-

The process to get our names changed was tedious as all hell. We drove down to the court early to file the petitions then were told to wait until midday when we could go before the judge. Then all we had to do was state our names and give him the paperwork, he read it, stamped it, paid the fee and we walked out of the courtroom Jacob and Adam Black Hawk. I was hoping for more, to be honest, but that was it.

Driving to Katie to get the tattoos done was far more exciting. We went for lunch in the city then made our way to _Ink'd._ The shop was still open and Katie was working on a swallow design for a pretty blonde girl so we waved at her and sat down to wait. Katie had had bright blood red hi-lights put in her hair so she looked more punk than usual but she was laughing and teasing the girl as she tattooed her hip.

She finished up and came over to hug us both. "It's great to see you again," she said, kissing each of us on the cheek. "Damn, you boys look good."

"I was thinking the same about you," I flirted with her and she laughed. "Red is obviously your color."

"Isn't it just? So, who's going first?"

"I am," I said quickly and Adam nodded.

"Okay by me," he agreed then winked at me. He knew I didn't want to be the one who wussed out.

Katie's apprentice had already prepped everything for her so I stripped my t shirt off and she went about transferring the design on to my arm. It took several attempts to get the placement right, but eventually it was perfect and I settled down in the chair, Adam on my left, holding my hand for moral support.

"So, getting matching tats, huh?" Katie said as she started the outline. "That's a pretty big deal, guys."

I looked at Adam to explain. She was his friend, I didn't want to go spoiling his moment. "We got married yesterday."

"No shit?" she said, looking at him in surprise. "Well, fuck me sideways. Congratulations."

"Thanks," I laughed. "It's not a legal thing, it's a Quileute thing. But we got our names changed this morning."

"Yeah, what to?" she was making small talk to try and distract me from the sting of the needle. It wasn't working- it hurt like hell.

"We just double- barreled our surnames. So we're both Black Hawk."

"Sweet," she said. "Oh, I get it, this is a black hawk, right?"

"Right," Adam agreed. "It's more symbolic than a wedding ring."

"And more permanent," she agreed. "And because I designed them, more fucking awesome."

"More unique," I added and Katie nodded.

"I'm being featured in a tatt mag in a few months, these should be healed by then. Would you model for me?"

"Sure," Adam agreed. I was more hesitant.

"We'd be like, half naked, Adam."

"So?" he teased. "Are you going to get jealous?"

"Absolutely," I told him. "No one gets to see you naked except me."

"TMI, guys," Katie laughed. "You don't have to agree now, I just want to showcase some of my different work and this is definitely a design I love. I think it would make a great feature, but I'll call you closer to the time."

Katie worked quicker than I had ever seen anyone tattoo before so it didn't take her long to finish the more painful outline and start filling the design in. The pain became a numb throbbing after a while as I got used to the pain, but I hardly bled at all.

"Done," she said after about 45 minutes and wiped my arm off with the cool alcohol gel, wrapping my whole upper arm to protect it.

She moved over to a different station so Adam could lay on his side on a table while she inked the design on his ribs. He winced as the needle hit his skin and I could tell it stung, a lot.

"Is it okay?" Katie asked and Adam nodded, but he was gritting his teeth and clutching my hand tightly.

"It's different from my arm, that's for sure," he said and Katie laughed.

"You got that right," she said.

"Different how?" I asked him.

"It feels more like when you did my hand," he told Katie and she nodded.

"It's closer to the bone," she said to me. "You can feel the vibrations in your bones and it really fucking hurts. Hands and feet and ribs, they hurt the worst. Arms aren't so bad because the muscle absorbs the pain."

"Do you have your ribs done?" I asked.

"Yeah," she told me and smiled. "Hurt like a bastard. One side is covered in scripture, the other side has a pinup girl. Both my feet are done too." The contrast made me smile.

"Do you even have any space left?" Adam teased her.

"Surprisingly, yeah," she laughed. "My back is empty, and my legs are too. I don't know if I'll get much more now, but I'll probably change my mind in six months. So, Jake," Katie said conversationally and I was instantly wary. She was up to something. "Have you thought about cashing in that voucher Adam got you for your birthday? You've been hanging on to it for nearly six months already." I knew it.

I glared down at Adam and he blushed. "What?" he asked me.

"I suppose so," I told her. I had been out of werewolf territory for months now so it was safe enough, it's not like I was going to try and phase with them in and end up busting the skin apart. I shuddered at the thought.

"Tell you what," she said in the same 'up to something' voice, "If you get it done today, I'll do them both for you. No extra charge."

"Did you put her up to this?" I asked Adam.

"No!" he said quickly. "I just bought the voucher for your birthday. You know you can wait if you don't want it done."

"But she's bullying me into it," I whined at him. Adam just laughed.

"You're a big boy, Jake, stand up for yourself."

"Don't you want it done?" she asked.

"Yeah, but I know it's gonna hurt," I was still whining.

"No pain, no gain," Katie smiled evilly at me. "Can I tell you a secret, Jake?" she dropped her voice to a stage whisper, _sotto voce_, as if she didn't want Adam to hear her. "I have both of mine done and they feel fucking _amazing._"

I took a deep breath. "Okay, let's do it."

Katie laughed. "I just need to finish this first?" she gestured to Adam's nearly finished tattoo and he rolled his eyes.

"God, Jake, you're so goddamn selfish," he teased. As soon as she was done Katie wrapped up Adams tattoo and lead us through to another room which was full of what looked like medical equipment; steel and surgical stuff- gloves and needles and metal and things that looked like they could cause real pain.

"Sit," she demanded, gesturing to another black leather chair. "And take your shirt off," she rolled her eyes. I did as I was told. "You come here," she said to Adam.

"So, barbell or CBR?" she said to him. "The barbell heals slightly quicker but the hoop looks better, I think. Especially on guys. And it's easier to tug on the piercing with your teeth if you get a hoop."

"Uh, why is this his decision?" I said, playfully throwing my t shirt at Adam.

"Because he's the one who gets to enjoy it," Katie said and winked at him. Adam just blushed. Bless him.

"Hoops," he said and pointed out the plain silver rings.

Katie chatted constantly as she set everything up, snapping black latex gloves on her hands and putting two hoops in a sterilizing solution. She cleaned everything off then used an antiseptic wipe over my chest and laughed at my expression.

"Relax, Jake," she said. "It's nowhere near as bad as you're thinking it is.

"Okay, what I'm going to is clamp up both of them and do one after the other as quickly as I can. Don't pass the fuck out or I won't be able to the second. Adam, turn that radio on low. How do you feel about needles?"

"They make me want to hurl."

"Then close your fucking eyes. I'll give you plenty of warning."

I closed my eyes and felt the weight of the cool metal gripping my very sensitive nipples and felt a roll of nausea in my stomach. Needles. Ew.

"Okay, Jakey, we're ready to rock. Deep breath, I'm doing the right one first." There was a bright, searing hot pain of the needle then I felt her manipulating the ring through my skin. I hissed in pain but she was already done… "Now the left one," she said and before I could tell her to wait the same shooting pain slid through my left nipple.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed as she finished attaching the ball to close the hoop. I quickly took a few deep breaths to calm my thundering heart rate and Katie leaned in close to my face.

"Okay?" she asked, her face deadly serious. She wasn't messing with me any more.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Fuck."

"I know," she said and smiled. "It's worse for girls, honey, that's all I'll tell you." She wiped off my skin again with the antiseptic that now stung like a motherfucker and I chanced a look down. My skin was red and there was a faint spot of blood but other than that, it was done. The silver looked nice against my skin color and I smiled internally- they really would look fucking hot when they were healed.

Adam leaned in and kissed me softly, his hand cupping my face. "My brave boy," he snickered and kissed me again.

"Katie, Adam wants his dick pierced, he just told me," I said loudly and she snorted as she cleaned up around us.

"Yeah, I'm gonna wait to hear his voice say that, dude. Are you boys partying tonight?" she asked as Adam got dressed.

"Weren't planning on it," I said and looked to Adam.

"We could though," he said and winked at me. "I'm in the mood to feel numb tonight."

"Where are you going?" I asked Katie.

"There's an alternative club a group of us are going to," she said as she started to lock up the shop. "I'll give you the address if you're interested. They're very… open minded there," she winked. "You wouldn't have to worry about anyone bothering you."

"I'm up for it," I looked at Adam. "We could go and change then come back out?"

"Sounds good." Adam and Katie already had each other's numbers so we took the name of the club and arranged to meet her later that night.

I rang Carrie quickly and told her we were going to stay out for the night. We had thrown a change of clothes in a bag before we left this morning in case we decided to go out for dinner so we booked into a cheap hotel in downtown Seattle and stripped off our t shirts to crash out on the bed for a bit.

Adam turned the TV on low and we leaned back against the pillows to watch some crappy quiz show. It was only when he went to wrap his arm around my shoulder that I realized when we relaxed in bed like this the two tattoos lined up against each other perfectly; my arm pressed into his ribs.

"Would you look at that," Adam laughed after we both hissed in pain at the sore flesh being pressed too hard.

"It's sort of painful but perfect," I agreed. We swapped sides so he could still hold me but it felt sort of awkward this way round.

After about an hour I went to take the dressing off the tattoo and washed it carefully before dressing in a clean shirt and messing unsuccessfully with my hair. When I was done in the bathroom Adam went in to clean his tatt while I put some shoes on and then we were finally ready to go.

We gave the address of the club to a cab driver who looked at us twice before driving off silently. I gave Adam a look but both of us seemed to find the situation amusing rather than offensive. Adam called Katie who was already at the club with her friends, she agreed to meet us outside just as the cab pulled up.

I threw a couple of bills at the driver and Katie came bursting out of the club looking pretty damn hot, considering she was a girl. She had obviously got someone to sew her into a pair of black leather pants that hugged her ass all the way down to the red boots she was wearing. She had a black tank top on that was covered in little sparkly diamond things and a bright red bra was showing underneath it.

"Damn, consider yourself lucky I married you Jake," Adam said as we both leaned in to give Katie a hug. "This woman could turn me straight."

"I was thinking the same thing," I said as her red- painted mouth split in laughter.

"Stop flattering me and come meet my friends," she said, still laughing and waving to the doorman so we walked straight past the queue into the club.

It was dark inside with pulsing lights and a circular dance floor surrounded by booths and tables. There was a long bar along the left side of the room and a wide staircase opposite it which lead up to a balcony overlooking the whole room. Katie grabbed each of our hands and dragged us to a booth where a group of similarly colorful people were assembled.

"Guys," she called to the table of people who promptly ignored here. "Guys!"

"What?" one girl said, laughing and turning to us. "Oh, _hello_."

Her eyes didn't leave much doubt as to what her 'hello' actually meant.

"This is Jake and Adam Black Hawk," Katie said. She introduced us to the table of people who had very strange names and then to a gorgeous guy who she called 'Badger', then sat in his lap.

"Nice to meet you," I said to the table in general who all scooted around to let us sit down.

"So, are you brothers?" 'hello' girl asked us.

"Oh, Vic, you wish," Katie laughed. "Jake and Adam got married yesterday."

"You're kidding," Vic deadpanned.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry," I said as Adam laughed.

"What is it with you and the women today?" he whispered in my ear.

"I know, they can't resist me," I whispered back. He laughed and kissed me quickly on the mouth. We turned back to the table and Vic and the girl next to her (who's name I had forgotten) were watching us, leaning forward with their elbows on the table and chins in their hands, head tipped to one side seemingly fascinated and enamored with our exchange.

"So fucking hot," Vic murmured, still staring at us. I blushed.

"Don't I fucking know it," her friend agreed.

"Can I get you a drink?" I asked the girls- a desperate attempt to turn the conversation away from me.

"No, just help yourself," Vic's friend gestured to an ice bucket in the middle of the table that had plenty of bottles of beer in it.

"Thanks," I said quickly and popped the top off a bottle and handed it to Adam before doing my own.

"Hang on, hang on!" Katie shouted over the sound of the thumping music. "This round is for Jake and Adam- the most fucking fantastic gay couple I have ever come across!"

"Cheers to that," Vic said and clinked her bottle against Katie's.

"And to Katie," Adam said swiftly. "The best fucking tattoo artist in Seattle."

His toast was met with whoops and cheers and much downing of alcohol. I got the impression most of her friends also doubled as clients. "You've got to show them now," Katie teased. "Now you've said that. Go on, take your fucking shirts off and give Vic and Blondie a heart attack."

I looked at Adam who gave me a 'I will if you will' look back, then decided _fuck it,_ and pulled my shirt half off, only enough to reveal my black hawk as Adam unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it to one side.

"Nice," the guy called Badger said. Adam laughed and buttoned his shirt again.

"How is it feeling?" Katie asked as she downed the rest of her bottle.

"Not bad," I told her. "It still stings a bit." She nodded and reached for her third drink.

"I want them to model for my _Tatt Life_ shoot," she told Badger. "They'd be too cute."

Adam and I ended up talking to Katie's friends for a couple of hours, finding weird things in common with them since they were all obviously older than us. The club filled up after midnight and I could see why Katie didn't mind bringing us here; there were people dressed almost entirely in leather, women hardly dressed in anything at all, gay couples, lesbian couples and what looked very much like a threesome. Lots of tattooed people, too. The music was great, no one seemed to be stopping us from drinking and there was great company. I felt, for the first time, that I really couldn't wait to move to California.

I was deep into a conversation with Lance, one of Badger's friends about Harleys when Adam leaned over and tapped me on the shoulder. "Will you dance with me?" he asked shyly. I took his hand under the table and squeezed and someone let us out of the booth.

We kept holding hands, completely unafraid as we walked to the center of the dance floor. Once we were in the middle of the writhing mass of sweaty bodies he gently took my hips in his hands and pulled me close to him. I placed my hands on his shoulders and we rocked together to the rhythm of the thumping music, our eyes locked on each other.

I couldn't tell you what song was playing, or for how long we were there swaying to the persistent beats. I was completely enraptured with Adam, the way his hands fit around my hips, the slight sheen of sweat across his forehead, the way he would drop his eyes to watch the way we moved together. My fingertips stroked the back of his neck and I eventually pressed him gently, guiding his face to mine.

Our kiss was soft, we were still too hesitant about being affectionate like this in public. His lips moved gently over my own, his tongue hesitantly licking my lower lip as our hips ground together. I cupped his head with my hand to stop him from moving away. Eventually he laughed breathily and pulled back a little, leaning in to give me short, sweet kisses instead.

"I love you," he said too quietly. I couldn't hear him over the sound of the music, but his lips making those words was infinitely familiar to me.

I took his hand and tugged him back to Katie's table. "We're going to go," I called out over the music.

"Okay!" Katie called, climbing over the top of the table to give us hugs. She was definitely on her way to being drunk. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Adam said and kissed her cheek. "We'll see you soon."

"Bye," I told her and she gave me a wet kiss. We said our goodbyes to the rest of the table and walked outside to hail a cab.

"Today was so perfect," I told Adam as we waited for our ride back to the hotel. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and for the first time I didn't feel afraid about who might see us.

"I know," he said and kissed my shoulder. "I think our first day of being married worked out pretty amazing."

"Here's to the rest of our lives being this good," I told him and under the cool Seattle night, I believed with everything I was that it would be.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 17

I was tired from the travelling down to California but excited about what was in store for the next few days. Alice booking the hotel suite for us made the whole ordeal feel like a honeymoon so I was totally in that frame of mind now.

Adam handled checking us both in under the name 'Black Hawk' and the guy on the desk didn't even bat an eyelid; he was either too used to seeing gay couples or presumed we were brothers. I didn't really care either way- I wanted the very comfortable bed I was sure was waiting for me upstairs.

I waved off the bellhop, not wanting anyone riding with us in the elevator so I could shamelessly grope Adam all the way up. I pounced on him the moment the doors closed and he laughed as I tried to sneak my tongue into his mouth. "I love you," I told him and he pinched my ass and told me 'I know.'

It was late, gone 11.30 as we headed to our room holding hands but we passed more than one couple heading out dressed for dinner and dancing. I decided then and there that this was my kinda city. I've always felt almost nocturnal and it seemed that I would fit in well here.

Adam unlocked the door to the suite and I gaped as he held the door open for me, it was beautiful, sleek and modern and _huge_. I went straight to the window where the Golden Gate bridge was lit up and Adam came up behind me, enveloping me in his arms.

"Wow," he whispered and kissed my neck.

"I know," I agreed and twisted my neck to press a kiss to his lips.

"Come on," he said, taking my hand and leading me through to explore the rest of the rooms.

We dumped our stuff in the bedroom, marveled at the enormity of the bathroom and wandered through the rest of the suite, not ready to let the magic go yet. We stopped at the same time as we rounded a corner into the dining area and burst into laughter at the sight in front of us.

There was a wedding cake on the dining table; a full three tiered, white cake with two male figures on top of it, both wearing tuxes.

"Oh my god," I gasped through my giggles.

"Alice?" Adam asked and I shrugged. "It must have been."

There was a note on the table and I went over to unfold it. "Alice," I confirmed, skimming over her unfamiliar handwriting.

_To Jake & Adam,_

_Happy Honeymoon!_

_I hope you're enjoying the room, it's beautiful, isn't it?_

_The cake is a gift from Bella and Emmett, who were appalled to learnt that there was no cake on your big day. If you try to eat it all you will__be sick. Trust me on this._

_In your room you will find a box in your closet. The following piece of information is very important:_

_I DO NOT know what it contains, nor do I intend to find out._

_A very helpful sales assistant put it together. Consider it a gift from Jasper and myself, who enjoy the services of the aforementioned sales assistant on a regular basis._

_Carlisle and Esme's gift will be delivered to your apartment when you move in there._

_Have an amazing time in San Francisco. We're going to miss you both._

_Stay in touch._

_Love,_

_Alice _

"I didn't see a box in the closet," I said, turning to Adam, then I felt a glob of something cold on my nose. It appeared that Adam, in his wisdom, had decided to swipe a finger full of frosting and wiped it off on my face.

"You really shouldn't have done that," I warned him as he laughed and leaned in to capture my nose in his mouth and sucked the sweetness off in what can only be described as a move that was incredibly gross.

"Mmm, delicious," he said and licked his lips.

"I hate you," I told him as I wiped the back of my arm across my face.

"Aw, don't pout," he teased and leaned in for a kiss. "Kiss me."

"No." I was teasing him, now. Adam kissed the corner of my jaw then my earlobe.

"Kiss me," he said again.

"No," I remained strong. He took my hips in his hands and roughly drew me to him, licking up and down the side of my neck and kissing the spot where it met my shoulder.

"Kiss me," his voice was low and rough now as he demanded it again.

My resolve was weakening. "No."

Adam quickly unfastened my jeans then slid his hands down the back, underneath my boxers to grab my naked ass in both hands as he ground himself into me. "Kiss me," he growled and bit my neck.

I kissed him. It was hot and wet and desperate, and despite our long journey, I wanted him. Adam was smug as he pulled away, raising an eyebrow in an expression that clearly said 'I win'. He took me through to the bathroom without saying another word, stripping me quickly as the water warmed up then shedding his own clothes.

I pulled him into another kiss as we stumbled into the shower. Adam hummed in appreciation as I ran my hands over his skin, washing away the stress of the day. After a moment I needed to be closer to him and simply laid my head on his shoulder, tangling our arms around each other and rocking slightly under the pulsing water.

Adam reached for the alcohol wash we were still using on the tattoos to clean them and carefully took care of my black hawk, then even more carefully cleaned my nipple rings.

"Do they hurt?" he asked.

"Not as bad as they did," I admitted. It was a couple of days since they were pierced; the insistent sting had gone out of the skin now, but they still throbbed when I put too much pressure on them and ached if I slept on my front.

Adam handed me the alcohol wash and grasped his right shoulder with his left hand, wrapping his arm across his chest so I could clean his tattoo. "It's a shame I can't play with them yet," Adam murmured as I took care of him.

"Patience is a virtue," I smirked and turned the water off.

The fizz of lust between us started to grow again as we quickly dried off. I have never felt particularly embarrassed or shy when it came to showing Adam my body, so I threw my towel over the rail and sauntered over to him, tugging his towel from his hips and leaning in to kiss him again.

"I believe there's a box waiting for us?"

"Indeed there is. Go and wait for me. Hands and knees, on the bed," he demanded in a low voice. I quickly complied and scrambled over through the connecting door and on to the bed- I like domineering Adam.

"On your elbows." I dropped down. Now my ass was stuck up in the air. Apparently this was a good thing.

Adam slapped my ass, once, hard, then kissed the reddened skin reverently. "You look so good like this," he murmured. "But I still want to play with you some before we get down to it."

"Can I look in the box too?" I asked, not breaking position.

"Mm, in a minute," Adam growled. He ran his hands from my shoulders to my hips, kneading out tense muscles on the way. "I miss touching you, even for a second."

I twisted in his grip and flipped myself over so I was lying flat on my back with Adam hovering naked above me like some erotic guardian angel. "I love you," I said.

"I know."

"I thought it was important to mention."

"Baby, it's always important to mention." He laid himself out flat on top of me so I could feel his heart beating in his chest. "Can't we do naughty, depraved things to each other if we're in love?"

"It's just hard balancing the two." I leaned into his lips.

"Let's find that box, and work out the balance later."

Adam rolled off me, grabbing my hand so we padded naked to the wardrobe and pulled out an unwrapped cardboard packing box. Adam picked it up and walked back to the bed, putting it down between us and opening the top.

There were lots of things in there that I couldn't name, let alone diagnose what they were supposed to be used for. My eyes widened as Adam pulled out an enormous black rubber penis and he laughed at my expression.

"I'm going to put this one back," he said and I nodded.

"I think that would be best."

I found more familiar things, condoms and flavored lubricants amongst the growing stock of rubber and silicone… things. I held up a chain with a small, peg- like clamp on either end and raised an eyebrow at Adam.

"Nipple clamps," he shrugged.

"Of course," I muttered and dropped them back in the box. This was way beyond my comfort zone.

"Jake, lay down on your stomach," Adam commanded softly. He obviously sensed my uneasiness and was taking control again, which I appreciated. I rolled over on the bed and he followed, straddling my hips and kissing the back of my neck.

I hummed in pleasure as he started to work down my body, kissing from one shoulder-blade to the other and back again while his thumbs massaged my lower back, then kissing down the center of my spine and running his nose over the swell of my ass. Adam carefully took my left leg and lifted it up underneath me so I was spread open for him, then he kissed down from the small of my back, over the swell of my ass cheeks to press a gentle kiss right on my entrance.

The hums of pleasure turned to low growls and groans as I realized that he was going to do _that_ again. His tongue flicked against me tentatively and my hands fisted in the sheets and my balls ached with the pleasure of it.

"Oh god, Adam, that feels so good."

He hummed in response and the movement of his tongue became more firm, probing as his hands held my hips steady and his fingertips danced lightly over my skin, tickling me so my stomach muscles clenched. I figured out quite quickly that I would be able to come from this alone; I was so sensitive.

I was getting closer to climaxing when he pulled away and I moaned in protest but didn't move as Adam shifted on the bed. I felt his fingers on me then, working the familiar cool liquid around my anus.

"Trust me," he said as he lubed me up. "This is going to feel so fucking good."

He pressed something hard against me and I flinched automatically. It was unfamiliar- not his fingers or his cock. Then it started to vibrate.

"Holy fuck," I gasped and Adam chuckled.

"Relax."

I choked out a small sob as I fought the instinct to come immediately. Adam let me adapt to the feeling, then slowly pushed the toy into me until I felt the firm base of it against my ass cheeks. Then he kissed back up to my neck, leaning on top of me so I could feel his hard cock pressing into my thigh.

"I want you to fuck me with that in," he whispered huskily into my ear. "Think you can mange it?"

"Yes," I told him. In my head I was thinking up all sorts of snarky replies but my mouth didn't seem to be able to manage them. Adam laughed and pulled me up so I was sitting on my heels, lodging the plug more firmly inside me and making my eyes roll back in my head. The feeling was intense.

Adam handed me the bottle of lube and positioned himself on all fours in front of me. It seemed that even though he wanted me to top him, he was still firmly in control of this game. I lubed him up quickly, pressing two fingers inside him and working them until I felt him relax against the pressure.

"Okay?" I asked and he nodded.

I knelt up and spread more lube on my cock, trying to avoid the most sensitive spot just below the head that would make me come before I could force myself to hold back. I took hold of Adam's hip in one hand to steady myself and guided myself into him with the other.

Adam moaned as I pressed the head of my cock inside him, holding it there for a moment to make sure I wasn't hurting him before pushing a little harder. Adam dropped to his forearms and lowered his head as I bottomed out inside him, holding there so he could adjust.

"Move," he demanded but I stayed still. "Fuck me, Jake, please."

I still didn't move, teasing him by grinding my hips a little but not thrusting like I knew he wanted. Suddenly the low vibrations of the plug that I had been successfully ignoring turned up to a much higher intensity causing me to gasp and clench my ass against the sensation.

"Fucking hell!" I pulled out and almost violently pounded back into him, then held still again. The vibrations eased off, back to a pleasant hum. "You're doing this," I panted. Adam turned to look at me over his shoulder and lifted his hand to reveal a small, palm sized remote.

"I'd do what I say, if I were you, Mr Black Hawk," he smirked. "Fuck me."

"You asked for it," I muttered and grabbed both his hips in my hands. I pulled out slowly then thrust back again hard, bucking him forward on the bed so his hands clenched at a pillow to hold himself steady. I found a good rhythm; hard but regular thrusts making sure I tilted my hips each time to reach his prostate each time.

The low buzzing would ebb and increase at seemingly random intervals, keeping me entirely on edge, never enough to push me into climax but intense enough to cause rivulets of sweat to run down my back with the exertion. I had never been kept on this plateau before, not for this long and I was both desperate to come and hoping that I could hold back for hours longer.

I slowed down intentionally. I let the backs of my hands and fingers softly stroke Adam's cock, not really teasing him but providing another layer of sensation. I rubbed his strong stomach and abs, too, and the front of his thighs and the coarse hair there. There was always so much of him to touch, so much of him to worship.

Adam turned the vibrations down to a barely- there buzz and I hooked one arm around his waist to hold him steady as I fell forward to press my aching nipples into his back. I offered a hundred kisses to the skin on his shoulder then followed the familiar line up his neck to suck his earlobe.

"Does this feel good?" I asked, not recognizing this voice as my own.

"So fucking good, Jake," he responded. "Do you like the vibrations?"

"Yeah. I like the feeling of being full while I fuck you. I get the best of both worlds." I emphasized the statement with another thrust of my hips.

"Shit," Adam muttered and twisted his head to kiss me. It was hot and wet, tongues clashing and missing the other's lips, kissing where we fell rather than delivering precise kisses to the right place. "I need to turn over," he muttered and I sat back immediately, withdrawing from him as he flipped over and settled his feet either side of my body.

I knew how I wanted him and raised each of his feet in turn to place them against my shoulders. Then I bent him in half as I positioned my cock back at his entrance and penetrated him with one smooth stroke.

"Fuck," Adam cursed again as I filled him completely, a different sensation, I knew, in this position. I leaned back in and captured his hips as I set a furious pace now; slamming into him again and again and the vibrations in my ass continued to increase until I felt like I was going to lose it.

"Adam, baby, I'm so fucking close," I said around his kisses, then sucked his bottom lip into my mouth.

His hands grabbed my shoulders for better leverage as he rocked his hips to meet mine, then my world exploded. I felt Adam come first, his ass clenching with the intensity of his orgasm and fireworks appeared behind my eyelids as the vibrating plug reached maximum intensity then abruptly shut off to let me shudder out the remains of the orgasm inside him.

I dropped my head to his shoulder as I desperately tried to catch my breath and Adam's hand wound itself lazily into my hair to hold me there. I withdrew my softening cock from inside him and Adam reached down to tug the plug out of me. It was a strange kind of soreness left behind, not as intense as after he made love to me but almost like the aftermath of pins and needles.

Adam rolled to one side of the bed to grab a strategically placed towel and I rolled to the other to find the bottle of water I had left there earlier. I gulped down half of the bottle then handed the rest to Adam, he cleaned himself off, accepted the drink and passed me the towel to do the same. Then I quickly pulled the comforter back and snuggled down under the sheets that had been warmed by our heated bodies. Adam soon joined me.

"How was that?" he asked as I opened my arms to him.

"Intense," I said honestly as he took his place with his head on my chest. I kissed his hair automatically, without thinking.

"Good intense?" he softly placed a kiss on each of my sore nipples.

"Always good intense," I laughed and squeezed him tighter. "That was very new for me and I'm glad I got to do it with you."

"Always with me first," Adam mumbled and I could tell he was close to falling asleep.

"Always you first," I agreed, and fell with him.

-x-X-x-

I woke only a few hours later, feeling strangely refreshed despite only having a short nap. Adam was still in my arms and snoring softly; I watched him in the light spilling through from the bathroom. He really was incredibly beautiful.

I could tell he wasn't sleeping too deep because of the way his eyelids were fluttering so I started to concoct my slightly evil plan. I rolled him over on to his side, slowly, gently, then got out of my side of the bed and walked through the suite bare- ass naked until I found what I wanted. It was time to see whether or not my new husband was going to keep his promise.

It only took a moment to collect what I needed, then back in our room I grabbed a couple of things that had caught my eye in 'the box' earlier. This was going to be fun.

Very carefully, I peeled back the comforter and nudged Adam's hip so he was lying on his back. He mumbled something as he rolled over and I had to fight my giggles as he palmed his cock after he had sufficiently spread out on the bed. I moved so I was hovering over him, then kissed his lips once, twice, gently nudging him awake, again, until he started to respond.

His hips bucked up to meet mine so I knew he was horny; hell, _I_ was horny again and we'd only just recovered from the last round. I kissed him more firmly until I was sure he was awake, snaking his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him and kissing me back.

"Mm, I believe it's my turn to do something new to _you_," I whispered as I kissed up his neck. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"Okay. Keep your eyes closed." He followed my direction and I reached for the long, dark scarf I had thrown on the end of the bed then carefully wound it around his eyes and knotted it at the side so it wouldn't be uncomfortable for him when he laid back.

I had considered tying his hands together but in the end I decided I didn't want this to be about restraint, more about sensations and fun. This whole weekend was going to be about learning new things about each other, and I wanted to continue that.

Once the scarf was secured I kissed his lips quickly, then bent down to kiss and lick his nipples. He was nowhere near as sensitive there as I was, but I liked doing it for him anyway. Once he was suitably aroused again I reached over to grab the plate and smeared a large slice of cake across his stomach.

"Fuck, Jake!" Adam exclaimed at the coldness of it. "What the hell is that?"

"Cake," I said and leaned down to lick some up. "It's good. You want some?"

Adam was laughing so I gathered up some of the frosting on my lips and wriggled up the bed to kiss him. He licked the sweetness from my lips and let his tongue linger there longer than necessary.

"That's good cake," he said on a laugh.

"I thought so," I agreed. I kissed back down his stomach and licked up a bit more of the yummy cake, making sure my tongue got in the deep ridges between his stomach muscles. I could feel his cock starting to react again; from my position on the bed it was hardening and pressing into my shoulder. I continued to lick and nibble as much at his skin as at the cake until he was helplessly rubbing himself against my chest muscles.

"Jake," he moaned as I started to really lap up the last of the icing from his abs. Knowing Adam as I did, I could guess that this was driving him crazy.

"What?" I asked innocently. "I'm just enjoying our lovely wedding cake."

"I need your mouth on me," he said in a low, husky voice. I started to kiss and lick him again, swirling my tongue in his belly button and down along his happy trail. "More," he groaned and I ran the tip of my tongue around the head of his cock. "Fuck, Jake, more," he demanded, his hands coming to grab my hair.

Still wanting to tease him, I took the head of his cock in between my wet lips and flicked my tongue over the tip in a rapid motion that was sure to send him crazy with need. Adam roughly pulled the scarf off his face and watched me with a familiar expression of awe and extreme pleasure as I swung my leg over his so I could properly look up into his eyes. He propped himself up on his elbows, stroking my hair now and looking like he was enjoying the sight of his cock in my mouth.

I took a deep breath and prepared to attempt another new thing for me. With my hands balanced either side of his hips I lowered my mouth over his cock, using my tongue to taste and tease him and relaxing my throat until I had taken his considerable length all the way into my mouth.

My nose buried into his soft curls as I swallowed around him, hollowing my cheeks and increasing the pressure. "Holy shit," Adam muttered. Those two words confirmed my suspicion- I was officially the king of the blow job.

I couldn't stand not getting any for myself any longer so as I started to suck and bob my head up and over his cock I took my own in my hand and started a matching rhythm. It felt incredible even though I wasn't on the receiving end of the action and despite already coming once in the evening, I could tell I wouldn't last long.

In fact, I came before Adam did, too turned on, I suppose, from the depraved things I was doing to him. Adam watched me as I lost myself in the taste of his cock as I orgasmed, stroking my hair back to better watch my expression.

"That has to be the fucking sexiest thing I've ever seen," Adam said as I composed myself then started sucking him again with renewed fervor. "Watching you come with my cock in your mouth is really fucking amazing."

I let go of him for a moment to kiss up his length, then winked and said 'thanks' as I started to tickle just behind his balls to really get him going. I sucked just the head of his cock for a moment, then his stomach and thigh muscles started to tense in what was becoming a familiar warning to me that he was about to come, so I pressed down on the spot behind his balls and deep- throated him again.

Adam cried out as he came, almost choking on the pleasure as he spurted down my throat and I swallowed around him again. He collapsed back on to the bed and threw an arm over his eyes as he shuddered and shook with the aftershocks of his orgasm. I kissed his stomach again for good measure and searched for a new bottle of water.

As soon as I was done I curled up under the sheets, truly exhausted now. Adam spooned me and pulled me back into his chest, kissing the back of my neck and tangling his fingers in mine. We didn't have time to say anything except brief 'I love you's' before a deep sleep claimed us both, the sunlight from a new day just starting to warm the edges of the horizon.


	18. Chapter 18: Outtake

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 18

_Adam Black Hawk_

There's something about sleeping in Jake's arms that always made me feel safe. Protecting me seemed to be built into his DNA, it was instinctual to the point where he didn't even realize he was doing it. I could allow myself to feel vulnerable when I was with him and not be forced into some stereotypical macho role, although I rarely let anyone other than Jake see that side of me.

I woke up on the second morning of our honeymoon with my head on Jake's chest, tucked under his chin and my leg hooked over his stomach. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and I could feel his sleeping breath shifting the hair on my head each time he exhaled. His heart was beating against my cheek and I relaxed into the security of his touch.

We were on our _honeymoon._ It was just under a year since we found each other, or rather, he found me, and so much had changed between us. There was still a whole load of nervous energy which manifested itself in freakishly good sex and blow up arguments. I simply loved him too much sometimes and I knew I had a tendency to get overprotective and annoying, or clingy and annoying. I suppose I was waiting for the next time things got shitty in our lives and he took off or closed down emotionally like when I had to move away with Mom.

Being in love with Jake was instinctive, natural, easy. Being in a relationship with him was sometimes fucking hard work. He sometimes seemed to have two functions: on or off. He was either awake and going at a mile a minute, or he was asleep. My efforts to teach him meditation and deep breathing exercises and how to calm the fuck down were, thus far, entirely fruitless. I suppose I've always ran or played my drums to vent out extra tension and I had my art from a young age to focus and calm me, so to meet someone who can literally sit on a couch and _twitch_ while we 'relax' watching TV drives me mad.

He steals my clothes and claims this doesn't bother me, but it does and he knows it. It's only annoying when he doesn't put them back in the right place afterwards, which is all the time. There's only so many times you can say 'Jake, dirty clothes go in the laundry hamper' before you want to hit him over the head with it.

And then, at the same time, he's incredibly sweet. He'll always give me the last candy in the bag. He lets me drive his car which for Jake is a big fucking deal. It doesn't matter who's around, he gives me shoulder massages when I'm feeling tense from being hunched over a drawing board. He tells me 'I love you' at least three times a day, and he wants to have sex with me all the time. My ass has never been this amazingly sore and aching in my entire life and I love it. I love _him,_ and even though it kills me to admit it, but I love his flaws too. I think when you find yourself loving someone because of their faults, not in spite of them, you know you've found the one. Like, _the one._

I got all of this at seventeen years old, that knowledge that I've found the person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. It almost feels like cheating at times. There are people ten years older than me, hell, twenty years older than me if you're a character on _Sex and the City_, still looking for the person that fills that space between your arms and makes you whole.

That's why this whole honeymoon thing was so great for us, just being alone with each other and no one hovering over us thinking or saying 'you're too young to get married, you should have waited, it'll never last'…. and so on. My family, in other words. Not my Mom, of course, just her sisters and their husbands and stuff. People who I never saw, who had only met Jake once and though that this allowed them an opinion.

Jake started to stir underneath me and squeezed me tight as he woke up, brushing kisses over my hair and forehead.

"Morning, gorgeous," I whispered and twisted in his arms to kiss the underside of his chin.

He smiled and leaned down to press his lips to mine in a soft but dry morning kiss.

"What time is it?" he asked as he stretched out stiff muscles. I rolled over to give him more room and checked my watch.

"Ten thirty," I said with a laugh. "We should get going. We're meeting the realtor at midday."

"Okay," he agreed. "You shower first."

"Or you could come with me?" I said, poking him in the side.

"No, it's okay, you go first," he mumbled and I laughed as I stood up and stretched my arms above my head, making sure I gave him the best possible view of my ass.

"On second thoughts," he mumbled and I flipped him off as I walked through to the bathroom.

"Too late dude," I called back to him. "The offer just expired."

I showered quickly and willed away my morning wood- there would be more than enough time to deal with that later. Wrapping a towel around my waist I wandered back to the bedroom where Jake was sat up and leaning against the pillows, a plate of cake on his lap.

"Yummy," I said with a laugh.

"I just ordered us breakfast," he said and rolled his eyes. "I'm fucking starving."

"Yeah, me too." I grabbed a bite of his cake then went to find my suitcase and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t shirt. "You know, you have time to shower before breakfast gets here," I said to Jake as he shamelessly watched me cover up.

"Nah, I don't think I do," he teased me.

"Jake, get your lazy ass in the shower," I laughed and crawled on to the bed to hover over him, fully dressed. "You smell like sex."

"Mm," he said and kissed me quickly. "Sex? Okay, I can do that."

"Not now!" I laughed. "Move. Go on."

"Fine," he sighed. I stood up and smacked his ass as he walked off to make him jump. Poor guy.

I found my phone that I'd dumped on the table in the foyer to our suite and scrolled through the text messages that I'd accumulated since landing in San Francisco. One from Mom, telling us to have fun and be safe and a fair few from our friends with outrageously lewd suggestions. Fuckers.

There was a light knock on the door and I jumped from being so close to it.

"Mr Black Hawk?" There was an impeccably dressed bellhop with a trolley full of food and I nodded dumbly; I was still getting used to answering to my married name. "Would you like me to serve up in the dining room?"

"No," I said, "no thanks. I'll take it from here."

"Enjoy your meal, sir."

I nodded again and shut the door behind me.

"Jake!" I yelled. "Food's here."

I pushed the thing through to the bedroom and set up on the crumpled bed sheets with two plates of bacon and eggs and pancakes, setting the fruit platter in the space between our respective sides of the bed and flicking the TV on to the news.

Jake emerged from the bathroom looking wet and steamy and delicious with a towel slung low around his hips. "Shit, that's better," he said with a slow, sexy grin and I wanted to throw the food on the floor and fuck him again.

"Yeah, I'd say," I croaked out and the grin turned into a full blown Jacob Black lopsided smirk.

"I'll put some clothes on," he said in a patronizing tone, fully aware of what he was doing to me.

"Food," I said and nodded to the breakfast, purposefully turning back to the news and only watching him pull boxers on out of the corner of my eye.

"What's the plan for today?" Jake asked as he settled down next to me to eat.

"Well, house hunting this afternoon," I said, starting on an apple. "Then I thought we could go out to dinner tonight and maybe just walk around the city for a bit."

"That sounds good," he agreed.

"Is there anything you want to do while we're here?"

"Not really," he said, shrugging. "We're here to find an apartment, right? We can do the other stuff when we move."

I could translate his meaning pretty easily. He wanted to lock us in the suite and just have sex for the next three days. That was okay with me.

When breakfast was done we brushed our teeth side by side, taking it in turns to spit into the huge glass sink. It was kinda gross, and kind of a sweet married couple thing to do. Jake got dressed in a plaid shirt, rolling the short sleeves over a few times to show off his biceps and his tattoos. He looked so hot with them peeking out from under the flannel.

At the door, I had one of those spurts of inspiration that were completely unlike the old me but seemed to happen a lot around Jacob. They made me do stupid things like turning him around and pressing him up against the wall, taking his hands in mine and holding them above his head and kissing him hard, biting down on his bottom lip and grinding my hips into his.

"Shit, Adam," he gasped and slipped his tongue into my mouth.

He never knew how much power he had over me in moments like this, even when I was supposedly controlling the situation I so totally belonged to him, he was everything to me. I couldn't be without him.

I relaxed my hands and let his fingers slip free; they immediately moved so that one hand was tangled in my hair and the other pressed into the middle of my back. Our kisses turned softer, lips moving against tongues moving against lips. I pulled back and kissed him again, then again, then he buried his head in my neck. I pulled him away from the wall and into my arms, inhaling his warm, lemony scent from the shampoo he'd used.

"Love you," I whispered.

"I know," he said and kissed my neck. He found my hand again and I checked my pockets for my wallet and the key card for the suite (I didn't trust Jake with it) and he opened the door for me. I recognized his sneaky plan: he wanted to check out my ass as I walked past him. I did that all the time, my boy was learning.

We held hands in the elevator, studiously ignoring the middle aged couple who looked at us with faint disgust. I really wanted to lean over and kiss him but decided not to provoke the issue. We'd arranged for a cab to meet us outside and jumped straight into it to head to the address the realtor had given me.

After Jake and I had changed our names we set up joint bank accounts and savings accounts. It was hard for me at first, to have the 'money talk' with him because I knew he'd flip out, for one, and because I didn't want to make things awkward between us. From my work doing concept art I had earned pretty good money, even though I was a minor and everything had to go through my mother. And I had sold a few big pieces too which bulked up my savings. Jake was okay when I told him that my college education was being paid for, in full, on a scholarship; but he hadn't thought about the amount of money I'd already made. My savings meant that we could afford to live in a nice- ish place, not that we'd be able to live in student accommodation as a married couple anyway since Jake wouldn't be a student. I managed to convince him that since he'd be the only one working while I studied, he'd be the main source of income for us for a few years so I needed my savings. I think he was still freaked to think that there were thousands in our joint account, though.

The hunt for a new home in California was exhausting. Firstly, the realtor who sounded perfectly normal on the phone turned out to be a raving homosexual and I'm allowed to say that because I'm gay. He was camp to the point of being a caricature; wearing a red silk suit with a white shirt and a black bow tie. All he needed was a riding crop and a top hat and you would be forgiven for thinking the circus was in town.

The first thing he said to us was "So, are you two brothers?"

"Uh no, not quite," I muttered.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Adam and I got married a couple of weeks ago," he said with a smirk.

"Gay couple? Really? I'd never of guessed," he said in a really bad faux- European accent.

I half shrugged as if to say 'what can I say?' Because really, what _can_ you say to that?

The first three apartments we saw were hideous. The second one had two single bedrooms, proving that Julian really didn't expect us to be a couple. And the bathroom in the third… well, let's just say that if they let loose a team of scientists in there someone might find new species of mould. It was vile.

Around two thirty he got a phone call which he took in a loud voice, saying 'yaahh' a lot.

"I've just had a call from your realtor in La Push," he said, pronouncing it Lah Poosh. Idiot. Jake looked at me with a frown, reminding me that we didn't have a realtor in La Push.

"A Ms Alice Cullen?" he said, raising his eyebrow.

"Ah yes, Alice," Jake said with a laugh. "What did she say?"

"She told me to take you to an apartment block in Nob Hill. I thought it would be a little too, ah, old fashioned for your tastes, but if you'd like to go…"

"If Alice recommended it, we'll go," I said and took Jake's hand. Things were finally looking up.

-x-X-x-

We ate dinner that night at a burger place; celebrating paying the deposit and first month's rent our first home together as a married couple. It really was perfect for us. After walking back to the hotel I went and took a quick shower while Jake just changed and wandered through to the entertainment room with another slice of cake. I was a bit worried he was getting addicted to it.

I threw on a pair of sweat pants and found Jake stretched out wearing basketball shorts and bare chested, like me, flicking through the channels on the TV.

"Come here," he said, shuffling back on the couch so I could lay in front of him. He spooned me from behind and wrapped his arm around my waist to play absently with the short line of hair that started under my navel.

I twisted my head back and kissed him quickly before turning back to the TV. "What are we watching?"

"Meh. Not a lot on. There's a couple of films, if you want to watch one?"

"You choose," I told him. I was more than content to just be with him.

We ended up watching one of the _Die Hard _films, just because it was on. I tried my best to ignore Jake's constant leg bouncing, only putting my hand on his thigh a couple of times to try and calm him down. He would whisper 'sorry' and kiss my shoulder so I felt bad for nagging him about it. When the film ended Jake wanted to watch the sports round- up so it was nearly 2am when we finally fell into bed.

I kicked off my pants and Jake joined me naked under the covers. We kissed slowly for a few minutes but both of us must have been feeling a bit sore from the previous evening because neither of us pushed to go any further. Jake put his head on my chest and I held him tight as he fell asleep in my arms.

-x-X-x-

At some point in the night I woke up, disturbed by the unfamiliar surroundings. And Jake had rolled over so he was facing away from me on the other side of the bed. I got up to use the bathroom and checked my watch on the way back to bed; it was only 5.30am.

"You okay?" Jake whispered as I got into bed and I felt bad for waking him.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep properly."

As soon as I was settled Jake nudged me on to my side and spooned behind me again like we were earlier and I finally fell into a dreamless sleep. We stayed like that until much later in the morning.

-x-X-x-

"You want to go back in the box," I accused him.

"The box scares me."

"Then you should face your fears. Good things come from the box."

We had spent a few hours during the day doing all of the touristy things in San Francisco that I wouldn't let myself do when we actually lived here; wandering through Golden Gate Park to the San Francisco Zoo, the Disney museum (which was for me, really, since I wanted to work for the company it seemed right to drop in), then to Pier 39 although we didn't really buy anything there.

But now we were back at the suite, the box between us on the couch where Jake had dumped it but refused to delve inside. His hair was wet from his shower and the water turned the neckline of his gray t shirt darker as he rubbed his hair and bounced his knee in agitation. The sky over the bridge was turning from pink to purple to blue as the sun set; the thin, low hanging fog clinging to the water.

"What is it in there that scares you?" I prompted him.

He chewed his lip for a moment, then told me "The big black thing."

I internally rolled my eyes at his inability to say the word 'dildo' but hey, that was Jake. "Okay," I nodded and lifted up the edge of the cardboard, masking his view of the contents and located the offending item, throwing it somewhere else in the corner of the room where it landed with a dull thud. "It's gone. No more scary black penis. What else?"

He laughed, thankfully. "I think I know what those metal circles are for, and if I'm right, I don't want to use them."

"They go around the base of your cock to stop you losing it in when you're having sex."

"That's what I thought. No."

"No what?"

"Just… no."

"Metal cock rings are gone," I said after locating the pair. "I'll leave the rubber ones in there though."

Jake raised an eyebrow at me but otherwise didn't argue. "I think that's it. Can I have a look now?"

"Sure," I said and sat back in my corner of the couch. It sometimes felt weird, being the more experienced partner in our relationship and I felt like I should know more than I did. In my own head I had known I was gay for years so I had had plenty of time to explore those feelings and learn more about gay sex but I got the impression Jake was learning nearly everything from me. I felt like I was under pressure to know all the answers.

"What's this?" Jake asked, holding up a yellow tub. I shrugged and gestured for him to throw it to me.

"It looks like lube," I told him, reading the label. _Boy Butter._ I snorted and threw it back to him. "Yeah, it's lube," I said. "I expect it's thicker than the stuff we normally use, less liquid-y."

"Okay," he nodded and I smirked at him as he set it on the arm of the couch instead of putting it back in the box. I stayed quiet and watched his expressions as he sorted through a few other things, smacking his hand when he absently scratched at his tattoo.

"There's porn in here," he told me in an offhand sort of voice.

"Yeah. So? You've seen porn before, right?"

"Well yeah," he rolled his eyes at me. "But not gay porn."

"Can I pick one?" I asked him, knowing that there were several DVDs in the box. And that one of them definitely contained stuff that would freak Jake out; hardcore BDSM was not his thing. At least, not as far as I was aware. He was too much of a pussy when it came to pain.

I quickly located a film and stuck it in the DVD player as Jake turned the lights down and brought a couple of beers over for us. It was surprisingly easy for us to order alcohol on room service. I opened my legs and Jake settled between them, letting me wrap my arms around his chest and hold one of his hands.

The film was pretty inoffensive; two very normal guys wearing jeans just kissing and touching each other. I was glad that it wasn't a stereotypical gay porn with loads of leather and studs, or guys that looked too young with men that were far too old and gross looking. It was pretty hot, actually.

I kept one eye on the film and started to kiss Jake's neck softly, up to his hairline and down to the neck of his t shirt. His throat bobbed and he took another pull of his beer; a tell tale bulge appearing in his jeans.

"Is this weird?" I whispered into his ear, then licked around the shell of it.

"No," he said emphatically.

"Good," I told him. "Here's the game. It's an hour long film. We're not allowed to do what they're doing until they've moved on to the next thing."

Jake laughed. "Sounds fun."

The guys in the film stopped kissing long enough to start taking each other's clothes off, so Jake turned to me and moved his face up closer to mine.

"I can kiss you now, right?" he asked. With his eyes that close to me I could see right into their dark brown depths and I don't think I could have stopped myself from kissing him even if I wanted to.

"Right," I said, hearing how hoarse my voice was before he leaned in and kissed me gently.

Jake was such a good kisser. He was sometimes really hesitant, like he doubted whether or not I was enjoying it, but then he would get lost in the feeling of it and stopped over thinking things and it got amazing. Not that it wasn't good when he was holding back; it reminded me of the first time I kissed him and how I could almost hear the gears turning in his head as he tried to figure out how it was different.

There was never a moment when I stopped feeling lucky that I had him. If it wasn't for him imprinting on me, he would surely be with a girl right now, kissing her, maybe married to her. He was stupidly gorgeous and I know there was a line of girls at La Push High who were waiting for Bella to get it on with Cullen so they could step up and take her place, mending Jacob Black's poor, broken heart.

But he wasn't with a girl. The guy I had had a crush on for nearly three years was kissing me, his lips careful as they moved over mine, his hand grasping my arm to pull us closer together. He was a beautiful man, inside and out and he wanted to kiss _me._ My breath caught as Jake pulled back a little bit, looking at me and smiling which hit me like a punch to the stomach.

"I love you," I murmured and leaned back in to kiss him again.

We played the game for a while, hands roaming when the guys on screen started getting a bit more hot and heavy with each other but I couldn't focus on anything else while Jake's lips were on me. His hand worked under the hem of my t shirt, stroking my skin and building the ball of heat and need in my belly.

I pulled his t shirt off over his head and lost mine too, shifting so I was laid out on the couch with Jake on top of me. He leaned in for another kiss but I saw him wince as he put pressure on his nipple rings. They were the cause of frequent guilt trips at the moment; my internal debate between how I pushed him to get the piercings coupled with how hot they looked on him and how I was completely convinced at how good they would feel when they were healed. He was so sensitive there and he _liked_ intense pressure, like when I bit him he went nuts. It was just while they healed and were sore for him that I felt bad.

"Sorry," I said and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Here, swap places with me."

We shifted about on the couch so I was on top of him, balancing my weight on my hands and off his chest. Jake turned to watch the TV and I licked down the exposed skin of his neck and across his collarbone, running my nose through the soft, sparse hair across his chest until I reached those little silver loops.

I didn't want him to lose his buzz so I pressed my cock up against his, pushing us together as I very, very carefully licked the exposed skin of his nipple.

"Holy shit, Adam!" I jumped at the sound of my name.

"Sorry, backing off," I muttered and kissed his chest quickly.

"Hey, no," he grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to his. He smirked and licked over my bottom lip, then kissed me. "I liked it."

"You…" my brain was fuzzy from his kiss. "You liked it?"

"Yeah. They're still sore, but that felt sorta nice."

I rocked my hips into him again as I pushed him into a searing, passionate kiss that left us both gasping for breath. The sounds of two more men's lovemaking coming from the TV only seemed to stoke our need for each other and as they became more vocal, so did we. It was amazing, not having to hold back or stifle our moans of pleasure and as I licked back down to tease his nipples again, Jake got louder.

I eased back and laid down with my head on his chest, turning to watch the film. The slightly taller, broader guy with light brown hair had just started to fuck the leaner blonde guy who was on his back, one leg over the first guy's shoulder.

"Fuck, do we look like that, do you think?" Jake asked. His hand was in my hair, stroking and tugging at it.

"Nah, we're much hotter," I said.

I could feel the vibrations of his laugh through his chest. I sighed deeply as he scratched my scalp then slid my hand down his stomach to the button of his jeans, undoing it and slipping my hand inside where I found him hard and smooth and hot. I rubbed him slowly, in time with the hot top guy's thrusts.

"Maybe one day we could prove that theory," Jake said on a gasp as I tightened my grip and stroked him harder.

"Huh?"

Jake propped himself up on his elbows and looked me in the eye. "Adam, have you ever heard of home movies?"

"Yes. And yes," I laughed. "I would want to watch it back, though."

"Deal. Now take my goddamn jeans off."

He raised his hips to help me pull them down and off. Then he was naked in front of me, fully erect and straining up to his belly button. I did the only thing that made sense: I sucked him into my mouth as far as I could get him. Jake gasped and bowed back off the couch and I grabbed his hips in both my hands to take control of his pleasure.

"So fucking good," he gasped and I smiled and sucked on the head of his cock, flicking my tongue over the head to really get him going.

It was incredibly hot, sucking Jake's cock while we watched the porn on the TV; completely not the sort of thing we'd normally do but maybe that much hotter just because of that fact. I worked on sucking him deeper into my throat, then started a regular rhythm moving my mouth up and over him, swirling my tongue around the head to gather up his taste.

"Want me to use this?" I asked Jake, grabbing the new tub of lube from the arm of the couch.

"Sure," he agreed as I fought my way into the packaging.

"Can I take you?" I asked (unnecessarily) as I worked a fingertip of lube into him.

"Oh god, yeah," he moaned and I worked more of it, and another finger inside him. "Please, Adam, I need you inside me."

My name on his deep voice, especially when he moaned it like that drove me crazy for him. My jeans were still on and I was dry humping the hell out of the couch but I knew I was ready for him. After shedding my jeans I smeared more of the lube on my dick then leaned in to kiss him again, the kisses exploding on our lips.

"Please," he whispered again.

I groaned and kissed him, gently rubbing my fingers over him again to make sure he was prepared and when his hips bucked up to me I pushed into him, just a little bit. He gasped and stretched his arms over his head, dropping his eyes back to the film again where the blonde guy was now bent over the bed and the top had his head thrown back in pleasure as he pounded into his boyfriend.

I wanted Jake aching for me, desperate; so as soon as I was sure he had stretched to me, I pulled out again. Then I pushed back in, still only just in to the head of my cock, then back out. I kept teasing him like this until I could see the muscles of his stomach straining as he held back his orgasm.

"Fuck me," he begged.

I changed my angle and shifted my hips against his, then eased into him with a steady pressure. Jake lifted one leg and threw it over my shoulder and I knelt up so I had a good view of where we were joined.

"Oh shit," I moaned and started to move inside him. Jake's eyes kept flicking between mine, to my cock, to the TV and back again. One of his hands found his dick and he stroked it loosely, only adding to the eroticism of what we were doing. "You look so good like that," I said, pulling his attention back from the film.

"Yeah?" he asked with a sexy smirk. I nodded and got a bit rougher with him in an attempt to wipe the smile off his face.

It worked. Jake bit down on his lip as my thrusts got harder, deeper and more erratic, pushing us both closer to the edge. The two guys in the film came within seconds of each other, both shooting their load over the blonde's stomach. I was watching both the TV and Jake's reactions and he was close, I could tell.

I turned my head and kissed the bone of his ankle on the inside, pressing his legs apart slightly further and thrusting faster again. Jake cried out as he came in hard spurts, his head dropping back as he caught his breath then his eyes lifting to mine. I could sort of tell what he wanted and I pulled out of him, dropping his leg and with a few strokes of my own hand I came on his abs too.

Then I ruined the moment by collapsing on top of him, causing the sticky mess to spread over my skin.

Jake laughed as he kissed my cheek down to my mouth, finding my lips in a breathless kiss.

"That was so fucking hot," he told me and I nodded, too exhausted to move or talk yet.

His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight and I stayed there until the danger of us becoming glued to each other became a real possibility.

I whimpered at the itchiness and Jake laughed. "We need to shower."

"This is fucking disgusting," I muttered as I rather ungracefully untangled myself from his arms and stood up, offering him a hand to pull him to his feet.

I grabbed us fresh beers which were set on the ledge in the shower while we cleaned each other off.

"Only two days left," I said as Jake washed my back for me.

"I know. I wish we'd had a proper honeymoon now."

"Isn't this a proper honeymoon?" I teased him.

"You know what I mean," he said and I grabbed his arms to pull them around me so his chest was pressed up to my back. "Three weeks on a cruise, or on a beach somewhere drinking pina coladas from a coconut shell."

"But we have a box here," I argued. "Can't take the box on a ship."

"Good point," he conceded and kissed my tattoo behind my ear. He did that a lot. "Can we go back in the box again tomorrow?"

"Sure," I laughed. "We can go back in there now if you want."

"No," he moaned. "Too tired. Too sore."

"Okay, tomorrow," I said and turned to kiss him under the falling water.

"Adam?"

"Yes, Jacob?"

"What's going to happen to the box when we go home?" I fought back more laughter. He was simply too adorable at times.

"We could send it to the apartment, maybe? Then it'll be there for when we move in."

"That sounds like a good idea."

…. I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure the exact same box is still in the bottom of our closet now.


	19. Chapter 19: Outtake

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: This is another chapter that was originally written as an outtake. This is where it was supposed to go in the chronology of the story, so this is where it will live from now on! It's only short, but I hope you enjoy.

-x-X-x-

Chapter 19

After our non- wedding, I unofficially moved in with Adam and Carrie. It was only going to be a few weeks before we moved into the apartment we had found in San Francisco, but now we were married I wanted us to live together. Plus, it got my dad used to the idea that I was going before I actually left. I was worried about leaving him; there was so much that I knew he still relied on me for but Sam had assured me that the community would close in tight around him. Billy was too important to the tribe for someone not to keep an eye out for his wellbeing.

About six weeks into our marriage, which felt very much the same as not being married, only with more morally- correct sex, Adam got a phone call from Katie asking if we were still up for doing the magazine spread she wanted to feature us in. I was still dubious; I mean, it was going to be a national thing and I assumed we'd be featured as a couple. There might be implications that reached further than just where we were in our lives at that moment. But Adam wanted to do it, sort of as a thank- you to Katie and everything she'd done for him and for the both of us, so I agreed with strong reservations.

It was raining in La Push in August the day we left to drive up to Seattle for the photo shoot. We had to leave early, then met Katie and Badger for breakfast before driving with them to the studio where the magazine people were meeting us.

The prep for the shoot turned out to be actually pretty nice. Katie checked both our tats to make sure they had healed well, which they had, then we were shown into a hair and makeup room where we stripped down to some fluffy robes and let an army of girls buff and paint our skin.

It turned out that in order to make all our tattoos 'pop' they were using pretty standard face paint to go over the top of the black lines on our bodies which took some time to get right, especially since they had to go over all of the tatt on Adam's arm as well as the one on his ribs. Then we both got a haircut and I begged Adam to not make me get it cut too short again, I had only just got it grown out to a length I liked. The girl laughed at me and promised she'd just 'tidy it up'. Then Adam had to say something about styling it into a mohawk again, which I was actually hoping they'd do anyway, and it felt like our wedding day again or how our wedding could have been in some alternate universe. They tied Adam's hair back in a ponytail and he looked hot. Like, really hot.

There were a few other people there too who Katie had worked on and who would also be featured; it was nice to know we weren't on our own with the whole thing. One girl, Lily, was a professional model in the alternative scene and Katie had done most of the tattoos that covered her body. Lily was a tall girl with fire- engine red hair and two lip piercings. She had half- sleeve tattoos which were dominated by loads of different, brightly colored lily designs surrounded by traditional black and grey Japanese style water. They were really beautiful. Not surprisingly, the stylist lady had her dress in a sleeveless black mini dress for the shoot.

Adam and I watched from the back of the studio with Katie as the photographer easily directed Lily into several quirky but fun images. She was obviously a good model and I was laughing as they dragged Katie into some of the pictures for the two girls to play off each other.

To save time, while Lily was changing it was mine and Adam's turn. I was nervous; firstly to be half naked in a room full of strangers (both of us had been given a pair of Levi's to wear and _nothing else_, not even shoes) and secondly because I'd never done anything like this before. The closest I'd come was modeling for Esme, and that was different. She wasn't judging us. Wouldn't judge us.

Katie came over to us to let us know they were ready. "Relax, Jake," she giggled. "You look like you're about to go in front of a firing squad."

"Aren't I?" I muttered darkly.

"Come on," Adam sighed and dragged me onto the set which had been changed to just a black backdrop.

"Okay, so who's who?" the photographer asked.

"Jake," I said and gestured to myself, "and Adam."

"Nice to meet you guys, I'm Dave," the guy said and came out from behind the camera to start positioning us, then shook our hands. "Any ideas on how you want them, Katie?" he called over.

"I did have one idea, yeah," she said as she skipped on to the set.

I was relieved that Katie was taking control of things as she turned me and Adam so we were back to back, leaning against each other with the black hawk tattoos facing the camera. "Adam, just…" Katie grabbed his arm and wrapped it around his chest so he was grabbing the opposite shoulder and his ribs were exposed.

"Nice," the photographer agreed then went back to start taking a few test pictures. "Adam, can you flex up that arm muscle?" he asked and I dissolved into laughter. Both of us had hit the gym hard for a week or so before the shoot, wanting to look good since we were going to be in a national magazine half naked, and Adam was pretty proud of his arms. I liked them too. He had a pretty nice upper body- not as good as mine, of course, but still pretty nice.

We pretty much stayed in the same position and just changed the direction we were looking in. At one point Katie asked me if I'd kiss Adam and I shook my head at her, completely not comfortable with that.

"Wait a minute," I heard the photographer say, "are they not brothers?"

There was a quick, whispered conversation between him and Katie while me and Adam squirmed, then he came back and directed a few more shots like nothing had happened.

In the end the whole thing only took about twenty minutes which seemed faintly ridiculous since it had taken nearly two hours to get us ready for it. Katie had already told us that she would be working for the rest of the day, so once we were changed we went to find her and say goodbye, then drove back to La Push.

It was about three months later when we were living in San Francisco that we got a copy of _Tatt Life_ in the mail. It killed me, but I waited for Adam to get home from his lecture before I opened the envelope, then nearly dropped the damn thing when I pulled it out to find the picture of me and Adam on the front cover.

"Holy shit!" Adam said from behind me, clearly excited.

"Fuck me," I muttered.

The photo had come out good. Really good. Adam had his feet spread wide and that arm muscle was straining, the black of the tattoo in his ribs looking amazing against his skin. He was looking down to the floor with his eyes closed and his face looked peaceful.

I, on the other hand, had my hands balled into fists and was glaring at the camera, looking seriously pissed off at something. My lips were slightly parted as though I was about to say something and you could see the tension in my body, the complete opposite to Adam's innate calm. I could see why they chose this picture.

"We look really hot, Jake," Adam said and kissed my neck.

"Yeah," I laughed.

I took the magazine over to the couch and sat with it on my lap, quickly flicking through the pages until I got to the five page spread about Katie. The first two pages were her profile and the story of how she became an artist with an amazing picture of her in the center. Then on the next page there was three photos from the shoot with me and Adam; a repeat of the front cover and another two. Underneath it said 'Jacob and Adam Black Hawk- black hawk tattoo design by Katie Jordan.

"We're mentioned in the interview too," I called to Adam excitedly as he fixed coffee for us both in our tiny kitchen.

"Read it to me," he called back.

"'Jake came to me with the idea for the black hawk tattoo,' Jordan says of our cover models. 'He wanted it to blend in with the other art that I had already done on Adam; one intricate design that covers his arm from his hand up to behind his ear, and the other tattoo that Jake has. It was important to them that the design fit in with their Quileute heritage so I spent a lot of time researching Native American artwork from this area to make sure I got the representation right. In the end this isn't the most complex design I've ever done, but I definitely think it's one of the coolest.'"

"Seriously, Jake, that's some of the best shit we've ever done," Adam said as he came and sat next to me on the couch with two mugs of coffee. "I can't wait for this to go nationwide."

"I didn't know we were going to be on the cover," I muttered.

"Are you nervous?" Adam asked, leaning back into the corner of the couch and extending his arm so I could lay down into his side.

"A bit, I suppose," I admitted. "There might be a backlash against us."

"Jake, Katie didn't mention a thing about us being a couple. To be honest, if anything I think it leans towards us being related rather than together. It's not sexual at all."

I nodded and leaned up to kiss the underside of his jaw. He was right, as usual.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Chapter 20

_Five Years Later_

"No, Adam! I'm not arguing with you on this any more!"

"Jacob…"

"Don't you dare full name me, Hawk. I've been more than reasonable on this so far but you're really pushing my limits right now!" Why? Why so goddamn unreasonable all the time?

"It shouldn't be this big a deal, Jake, why can't we just agree on one thing?"

"Because I'm always the one who backs down! It's not fair! I want my way this time." I crossed my arms in front of my chest and might have stamped my foot.

"No, ma'am, we do not need any assistance," Adam growled at a poor young sales assistant and she scrambled away from the two giant Native American men shouting at each other in the middle of her store.

"We shouldn't be having this discussion here," I said on a sigh. "Let's just go home."

"No," Adam gave me a warning glare. "We do not fight in the apartment. And if we don't do it today it won't get done in time."

"Fine," I snapped at him. I pulled my wallet out of the back of my jeans. "See this?" I waved my credit card at him. "I am going to use this card and I'm going to buy a fucking _fabric_ couch out of _my_ money from _my_ bank account. If you want a leather couch go a- fucking- head and order one, but I'm still getting what I want."

"You are such a child!" he snapped back at me. "You drive me up the fucking wall, you really do."

"If you hate me so much you stay in the apartment then, and I'll move into the house by myself."

I turned on my heel and stalked to the counter where the same little blonde girl as before was staring wide- eyed at our argument.

"I want that design," I jabbed my finger at a low, wide, comfortable couch that I could nap on easily and not roll off because I was too fucking tall. "And I want it in this color." I shoved a fabric swatch at her. "I want to pay for it on this credit card and I want it delivered to this address any time after the fourteenth." I slid my card across the counter with a scrap of paper with the address of our new house. "And, listen carefully because this is important, whatever _that man_ says on the matter completely ignore him." I could tell Adam was glowering behind me but I didn't care. I hate leather couches and we weren't having one.

"Yes, sir," she squeaked and started to tap my details into her computer.

"I can't believe you just bought a four hundred fucking dollar couch without consulting me," Adam said in a low voice behind me.

"Shut the fuck up," I snapped at him and made the blonde girl jump. "No, not you," I sighed. "Look, Emily, hey- I have a friend called Emily. Emily, my husband and I bicker. A lot. We won't hurt you or each other, I promise, but I am pretty much _done _with furniture shopping now, okay? I hate it. And we have been 'discussing' this for weeks and I cannot be assed to argue any more. Now when will my damn couch be delivered?"

"Would the fifteenth be okay for you, Mr Black Hawk?"

"Yes, Emily, the fifteenth would be fantastic. Thank you for your excellent service today."

She took my credit card details and had me sign the slip and I sighed in relief as I took the delivery details for the last piece of furniture for the new house.

"I need a fucking beer," I said as we stepped out into the hot California sun.

"Me too," Adam agreed and we automatically fell into step alongside each other towards one of our favorite bars.

I had grown to love the heat of California. Adam and I had finally found a house in The Haight which meant we could move out of the apartment we had been renting since Adam had started college. Five years in one place was a long time but it had become home to us; we had spent over a year searching for a place we could relocate to easily enough that we could both commute to work and somewhere that would be our home for the next five years, or longer. It felt stupid as we rejected house after house as not feeling 'right', and there were times when I wondered if we were looking for something that didn't exist.

Eventually when one of the old Victorian houses we liked became available we walked in and felt it, whatever _it_ was. I knew we were edging towards being in the right frame of mind to think about having kids and it was becoming more important to us to be in a house and out of our 'bachelor pad', as we had affectionately named it. The house had high ceilings and exposed wooden floors and big bay windows and this amazing kitchen. There was a bedroom and bathroom on the third floor and three bedrooms on the second floor, one of which I know Adam wanted to turn into a studio.

We had only just managed to save up enough money for the deposit on the house after taking out a pretty hefty loan to get Black Hawk Motors started. Fortunately for me, the business took off really well and I was starting to get a reputation as a bike specialist although I hadn't advertised myself this way at all. It made me laugh that all these years later the skills that I had honed building dirtbikes for me and Bella were being used to build my career and even though I had dedicated my old bike to Seth when he was old enough to take it, I had a picture of me and Bella on it stuck to the wall in my office.

Oh, Bella. I hadn't really been in contact with her much. She and Edward were in Alaska, where they were supposed to be anyway, just not at college but bringing up their daughter in relative solitude. They had both 'died' in a tragic plane crash a couple of years ago and it had almost killed Charlie. He had quit his job and nearly fell over the edge into alcoholism until my dad made him move out onto the res. He sold his old house and at one point was talking about moving away from the area altogether but the Quileute's pulled in tight around him and folded him into the tribe. He was as much a member of that extended family as me and Adam, now.

Dad ended up being right in so much as once me and Adam left La Push, we hardly ever went back. We never officially 'came out' to the town but after a few years it became apparent that we were more than just friends. Now, we can walk around the res holding hands and no one has anything to say about it.

California is right for us. The energy, the culture, the acceptance; it all suits us and the life we've carved out for each other. Buying a house was a huge deal and it seemed like more of a commitment than our marriage at the time, we certainly hesitated over it more than we had the wedding but in the end it was the right choice.

Our feet carried us towards _Joe Malone's_ without either of us having to say that's where we were going. It was the perfect mid- afternoon beer bar, there was usually some sports on the flatscreen and a girl who would keep you topped up with chips or pretzels and a deck if we wanted to sit outside.

Adam hip- bumped me as I held the door for him to walk into Malone's. "You're obviously playing big spender today," he teased. "I'll let you get the first round in."

He went off to the bathroom and I put my order in at the bar, then propped myself up on a stool while I sent an email back to the furniture store requesting that one of their tan leather wing chairs was added to my order. I had just copied my card details and hit 'send' when I felt Adam come up behind me. We were so in tune with each other these days it was stupid. I knew whether or not he was in a room even if there were 200 other people there too. We had tested this theory at a Pixar conference a couple months ago.

"Whatcha doing?" Adam asked as he reached around me and grabbed his beer.

"Emailing," I told him absently, not wanting to lie because he'd figure me out but not wanting to tell him just yet. The chair was for his studio and I wanted it to be a surprise. "Are you mad at me?" I asked as we moved over to a booth.

"No," he said warily and slid in next to me. "I am counting this as you owing me one, though."

"Fair enough," I shrugged. "Do we have plans for this weekend?"

"Not that I know of," he said and took a long pull of his beer. My eyes watched his throat as it constricted, pulling down the cool, bitter liquid and his eyes caught mine, winking as he realized I was watching him. I blushed, embarrassed at the way I still came undone under his gaze.

"Good," I smiled back at him. "I was thinking about taking a long weekend off next week and going up to see Rach and Paul; we could stop in to see Mom too."

"Yeah, I should be able to get the time off," he said. "Fly or drive?"

"Fly." I shuddered. "I can't be bothered to drive."

"Good, me either," he laughed. We had only done the journey by road a few times, sharing the driving but it was still a bastard of a trip. "I'll sort our the tickets if you like."

"Thanks," I smiled at him. My phone buzzed in my pocket with an email and I jumped slightly and pulled it out to check it.

"Anything interesting?" he asked as I scanned the confirmation for his leather chair.

"Nope," I winked at him. He knew I was hiding something but he wouldn't call me out on it. My surprises are usually pretty good.

We finished our drinks while making plans for the following weekend; Adam had pretty good resources when it came to booking flights and he had learned how frustrated I get with travel itineraries a while back now so he took charge of things like that. Anything to do with organizing, actually, he took control of all of that. He always was the level headed one.

That part of our relationship kind of amused me; after all he was the artist and I was the engineer so you'd expect him to be the flighty one and me to be the level headed partner. But, no. Adam learned how to deal with my temperament and most of the time he just got on with things he knows I won't do. Like booking flights.

"I have to go and do something real quick," Adam said as we left the bar. "Can I call you in about thirty minutes?"

"Sure," I agreed, deciding quickly to go down to the shop to see how my weekend staff were doing. "Just call me when you're done."

He smiled and left quickly, heading back up the hill as I turned off to walk down to Black Hawk Motors. I had a team of three people working for me now, when I started it was just me and one other guy and I was considering taking on another apprentice. We had enough work to support another member of staff and in the back of my mind I was planning on taking more time off in the next two years once we decided to have a baby. I knew the time was coming quicker now we had the house sorted and I would need to start looking for an apprentice now if I was going to train them up to a high enough standard to pick up the slack once I was gone.

I pushed my sunglasses up on my head as I got to the open front of the shop where two of my guys were working.

"Hey, Jake!" Scott called out. "Didn't expect to see you today."

"Adam had to do some stuff, I thought I'd come down, see how you're doing." My employees all knew about my relationship. It would have been hard to try and hide it from them, Adam met me from work most days.

"Are you gonna roll up your sleeves and help us with this?" he gestured to the engine that we were currently rebuilding on a classic roadster.

"How's it going?" I asked, deflecting his question because in all likelihood, I would actually get involved unless they talked me out of it. I love my job.

"Not bad," Lee told me. "At this we should be finished in, oh, two to three years?"

"Shut up," I told him and laughed. "She'll be finished. And when she's done I get to test drive her first."

"Dude. You seriously don't." Lee did not look impressed.

"Hey, I'm the boss, perk of the job." Scott just laughed at him. "Actually, while you're here, I was only thinking earlier about getting another apprentice in. What do you think?"

"Already?" Lee asked. He was my last apprentice and I only took him on as a full time engineer a couple of months ago.

"Yeah, I want to get someone underway with their training," I explained as the two of them stuck their heads back in the engine.

"Are you expanding?" Scott asked.

I cringed. "Not really. I'm planning on easing back on my involvement over the next few years."

"You'll need a shop manager," Scott said, pulling his head out of the car to look at me seriously. He was 28, older than me and had worked in motor shops for nearly ten years, the first person I hired when I opened the place because of his experience. He was short and stocky and fair, not the California type at all but he knew his shit and I respected his opinion. "You do that shit now, but if you ease back it'll take a lot of the work off your shoulders. That way you can still be involved with the actual work here while someone else deals with the paperwork."

"That's a good idea," I said and walked over to the fridge to grab us all bottles of water. It was too hot to be working and I was throwing stupid amounts of money out the open door trying to keep my employees cool. He was suggesting two new people rather than one, but I was confident that the business could support them, we were that busy at the moment. "I'll talk to my brother- in- law, he does my business plans." Paul was the one who got this place off the ground initially, working my ass to the bone to make sure we were successful. All my decisions went through him because frankly, I didn't know what I was talking about most of the time.

I hopped up on to the workbench that lined one wall and chatted easily with the guys as they worked. It didn't take long for Adam to come back round and he greeted Scott and Lee easily and leaned in to headbutt my shoulder gently. We had developed these weird greetings for situations where kissing would be inappropriate; they were intimate enough but not threatening to anyone else who might be watching.

"Hi," I whispered to him.

"I have something for you," Adam said, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Yeah?"

"Close your eyes," he teased and I rolled them at him before complying. "And hold out your hand." I did as he asked.

A palm sized, metal something landed in my hand and I opened my eyes to see an old fashioned skeleton key. "The house is ours."

"Are you serious?" I asked, stupidly excited. It was supposed to be at least another week until we were allowed to start moving our stuff in.

"Yeah, the paperwork was so straightforward we got it early." I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him in tight, not caring what my employees had to say, this was huge for us.

"Congratulations Jake," Scott laughed.

"Thanks," I said as I pulled away from Adam, a bit embarrassed at my enthusiasm. "Wait, is this the front door key?"

"Yes," he said, looking confused.

"What the fuck? I'm sorry, are we in 1953 and no one told me? This isn't fucking secure!"

Adam laughed at me. "That's what you get when you buy an old house, Jake. We need to look at a new front door, obviously."

"Okay," I said, hopping down from the workbench, "Guys, don't agree to any new work at the moment, it's gonna need to come through me because I intend to be completely unprofessional and have you shift boxes for me next week." Scott laughed from inside the car. "So have a good rest of your weekend and do some fucking stretches or something because you're going to be busting your asses shifting my shit across town."

Adam took my hand and squeezed it as we walked out of the shop, calling his goodbyes over his shoulder. He went to pull it away after his little display of affection but I wouldn't let him, holding on tight to his hand and bringing it up to my lips to kiss.

"I'm so excited," I told him.

"Me too," he smiled back. "Do you want to walk down there now?"

"Yeah," I nodded and we carried on walking, away from his car but it didn't matter, we didn't have anywhere to be. The house was within walking distance of my workplace which wasn't really something we had planned, it just worked out that way. Adam would have to drive still but that didn't matter to him, it was a great area to live in.

We continued to hold hands loosely as we walked, chatting about different things we needed for the house and what we could start to move across already. It was going to be a long process; we had five years worth of junk built up in the apartment and we had vowed to throw away what we wouldn't need in the house as we packed. I had found this amazing packing service on the internet where you can actually hire people who will move all your shit for you, but Adam wouldn't let me. He said it was a waste of money and that we needed to do it ourselves. He was probably right but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"I think we should decorate before we start moving things in," Adam said and I turned my full attention back to him. "That way we won't get paint on any of our stuff."

"Good plan," I agreed. "When do you want to call a decorator?"

He elbowed me in the ribs as we walked. "I'm not calling a decorator," he laughed, the sound rich and comforting to me. "We can do it ourselves you lazy ass."

"Adam, we own a three fucking story house," I said. "I'm not decorating the whole thing."

"It's just been renovated!" he said. "All of the hard work has already been done. We just need to paint."

"Just paint." I repeated. "Nothing else?"

"Like what?" he teased.

"I don't want to do tiling, or like, sanding shit. Or that stuff you put on the ceilings."

"Okay, I can handle that. So if it's just opening a tin of paint and putting it on the walls, you're okay with doing the decorating ourselves?"

"Yeah, okay," I whined.

We were at the house and I felt like a kid at Christmas as we looked up at our house. _Our house._ I pulled the stupid not- secure skeleton key out of my back pocket and unlocked the door, pulling Adam in behind me.

"Welcome home," he whispered into the back of my neck and I knew he was right. This was it for us, this was our home.

I took a deep breath, fighting back tears as his arms encircled my waist, pulling my back into his body. I twisted my head and found his lips and we rocked together as we kissed for long moments.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he replied. "Come on."

We re-explored the house together, turning left into the big family room that had an exposed fireplace and where my new couch would look just freaking fantastic.

"See, cream looks nice," I said stubbornly as we walked from one standard colored room to the next. "I like cream. Cream is good. We should leave it this way."

"Jake, I am not living in a cream colored house. We are painting this fucking place so man up and deal with it." I huffed but I was holding his hand still so I couldn't cross my arms. Adam pulled a stub of a pencil out of his ponytail and started writing colors on walls as we went through the rooms. I would have written 'red' or 'green' or 'blue', but no, my artist man was using words like 'sage' and 'cerulean' and 'emerald'.

"I'll have to come back later and make a proper list of what paints I need," he said absently as he wrote 'cherry' on the wall next to the exposed brickwork in our bedroom.

"Our portrait would look good in the dining room if you're going to paint it green," I said to Adam as I mentally sized up the space and tried to figure out how we'd get a bed up here.

"Mm. I like that plan," Adam said.

The huge canvas portrait that Esme had painted of the two of us had arrived in our first apartment some time in between us signing the lease and moving in. There was no note with it or anything, it was just there, hanging in the living room when we arrived. People often commented on it, I mean, it was fucking beautiful and so amazing, I couldn't blame them for wanting to know who the artist was. We had moved it around a bit over the years, most recently it had been put in our bedroom, leaning against one of the walls. But it definitely needed to go somewhere in the new house. It was a reminder of who we were when we fell in love, and how far our relationship had come since then.

I walked up behind him and tugged Adam's hand, we went back down to the second floor and into the little bedroom at the front of the house. Silently, I had told myself this would be a nursery.

Adam said nothing as we walked over to the window looking out on to the street below. "Well?" I asked as he contemplated another color.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "It depends." _Pink or blue_, I thought to myself, although he probably had better names for the colors than I did. Rose or cornflower. This was another one of those moments that we had learned to accept over the years where we knew exactly what each other was thinking. It came in useful at times like these.

"I know," I said and we came together, linking ourselves together with long limbs and careful caresses. "Are you scared?"

"No, excited," he said and I smiled at him. "Are you sure we're ready for this?"

"Absolutely not," I laughed. "But give us a year or so and we should be."

"Maybe when we're in La Push we could go and visit Hannah and Ethan," he said carefully. Hannah was his cousin, the one with three kids who were now old enough to understand what was happening, and who promised us every year at Thanksgiving that she was ready to carry the baby for us as soon as we were.

"I would love to go and see Hannah," I smiled and kissed him softly. "We should go home and pack."

-x-X-x-

I left early from work on Thursday night and Adam and I caught a late flight up to Seattle, deciding to stay in a hotel there overnight and drive the three hours back to La Push in the morning. Plus, it meant we could have kinky hotel sex.

We got up early in the morning and ate breakfast in the hotel before hiring a car and driving straight to La Push to see Mom. I missed her terribly when we didn't see her for months on end so I can only imagine what it was like for Adam; still, we talked a couple of times a week on the phone and she had recently started dating another teacher in the school where she was working. It was nice that she was moving on with her life now, she had been a mother first for too long.

Adam hadn't phoned ahead to tell her we were coming but knew she didn't work on Fridays any more so there was much hugging and squealing (from Carrie, that is) on the front porch when we surprised her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, ushering us inside.

"Just taking a long weekend to come and catch up," I said and kissed her on the head, going to put the coffee pot on.

"Oh, and we have news," Adam called after us as he hung up our coats then followed us into the kitchen. "We got the house."

There was more hugging and excitement then as we described the house to her, we didn't want to say anything until all the paperwork had gone through and we knew it was definitely ours. "My boys are all grown up," Mom smiled.

I laughed and pushed a mug of coffee towards her. "We're decorating," I said, shooting a glance at Adam, "So give us a couple of weeks then we'll be moving in. You can come and stay whenever you like."

Adam looked at me and I nodded, knowing what else he wanted to say. "And Mom? We're going to go and see Hannah today."

"Really? Seriously?"

"Yes," I laughed. "There's no timeframe or anything yet, but we want to talk to her about it."

"Oh my gosh, I'm going to be a grandmother!" she sobbed and me and Adam closed in hugging her from either side.

"God, not yet Carrie," I said as she sniffled. "But yeah, soon."

We settled into an easy conversation over the coffee and told her as much as we could about the house and our plans, I said about hiring a couple of new people at the shop so I could back off a bit and Adam got very excited about a couple of new projects he'd been asked to head.

"First job is to paint the house, though, right?" I teased him.

"Oh, don't start that again," he warned me and shook his head when Mom raised her eyebrow at him. "It'll take too long to explain," he told her.

"Did you know Adam asked me about wanting kids during my big confession that I liked him?" I said and he blushed a little bit.

"I didn't know if you were serious about me or not," he defended himself. "I wanted to know if you had considered what it meant to be in a gay relationship."

"God, I was so naïve," I sighed, thinking back to the days when I believed everything would be okay just because we were in love. Life has taught us some fun lessons over the past few years.

"Aw, look at you, all responsible now," Carrie teased and we both went to smack at her at the same time, causing her to laugh.

"We're going to go and see Dad next, then head out to Hannah's at about three this afternoon," Adam said. "Do you have any dinner plans tonight?"

"No," she said simply. "I'm happy to cook for us all, though. Are you staying here?"

"If you don't mind," I said quickly. "And dinner sounds great. We'll try to be back by six?"

"Great," she said and got up. "I've got to go and get some groceries, so I'll see you later. Let yourselves out," she called over her shoulder as she collected her purse.

We both chuckled and shook our heads; Carrie hadn't changed at all. She was such a burst of energy sometimes. I washed up the coffee mugs and set them to drain as Adam wandered through the house, then made his way back to me to rub his crotch up against my ass as I worked.

"Oh, so that's what you're after," I teased as I reached behind me and caught his lips in a kiss. "Want to go and be naughty in your childhood bedroom, for old time's sake?"

"That, Mr Black Hawk, sounds like an excellent idea," he said around his kisses, and dragged me upstairs.

-x-X-x-

We went back to my old house to spend a couple of hours with Dad and Charlie, both of whom were expecting us. There as some good- natured ribbing going on about them being two old men living together and me and Adam turning into two old men living together; but hell, we were both only just 24.

Dad knew that we had spoken to Rachel about carrying a child for us a couple of years ago but she was only now pregnant with her first baby so I knew she wouldn't be ready yet. There were rules involved if we went through a doctor for artificial insemination but there was, of course, the old 'turkey baster' method as well. No one wanted to go down that route but it all hinged on getting a good, sympathetic doctor. Rachel argued with us for a long time about the use of an egg donor, she insisted it wasn't necessary but we didn't want her to feel like she was giving away her own child. She and Paul were so ecstatic about being pregnant; we had spoken more about since she found out about her baby and if anything, she was more determined to do it than ever. Unlike Hannah who had wanted to wait until her kids were old enough to understand why she was giving the baby away, Rachel was thinking she wanted to do it before her child was old enough to know that they wouldn't be keeping the new baby. It looked like we would probably have two children quite close together but me and Adam were more than happy with that. If we had adopted it would be more likely that our children would have a larger age difference.

I considered telling Dad we were planning on having Hannah be a surrogate but I didn't want to jinx anything, so I decided to wait until after she had agreed. She had a great obstetrician already who she had spoken to about the possibility, so I was hopeful that it wouldn't be too difficult for us. The more I thought about it the more ready I was for us to start trying. I was aware that it might not happen the first time… but we needed to get the house ready first.

Dad was pleased to see us, we hadn't been home since Christmas and I knew he hated the fact I was so far away. Rachel was still in La Push with Paul but Becca was off travelling the world and I knew he worried about her. She was living it up in Australia at the moment and sent me the most hilarious emails every few weeks about her escapades.

We called ahead and made sure Hannah was still okay to see us; she was, and very excited about the fact. I knew she was expecting us to ask her about the baby and I could practically feel her enthusiasm over the phone. She reminded me of Alice Cullen sometimes, although I hadn't actually _seen_ Alice since mine and Adam's non- wedding. I made my mind up to call Bella and see how she was. Maybe I could visit them some time…

Adam and I piled back into the car after a rather testosterone- filled couple of hours and I could feel the nerves coming off us both.

"Nervous?" Adam asked, echoing my thoughts.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Stupid, I know, because every time we see Hannah she asks if we're ready yet, but she could still say no."

"I know," he said and took my hand across over the gearstick. "I guess we don't have long to wait," he laughed as we pulled into Hannah and Ethan's drive.

We ran to the door, trying to dodge the rain and I kissed a raindrop off the end of his nose as we waited for Hannah to answer the door. I could hear the sound of a kid's TV show through the door and a wailing child; I looked to Adam with a silent question. _Are you ready for this? _

Hannah opened the door with a red faced, teary toddler on her hip, covered in some kind of orange goo. The child, not the mother. "Dash, put that DOWN!" she screamed into the house and Adam and I turned to each other and cracked up. "Here, take this," she said, thrusting the sniffling child into my arms, I quickly passed her on to her Uncle Adam and lead us all inside.

Hannah seemed to be giving an older child a stern talking to in the family room so the three of us made our way to the kitchen where Adam dumped the little girl on to the draining board and started to clear the goo off her face.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" I asked as I retied her shoelaces. I could never remember the names of all of the kids in Adam's family; Carrie had two older sisters and they had a handful of kids each, all of whom were breeding their own packs as well so I had trouble keeping them all straight.

"'Stina," the little girl sniffed. Christina, right.

"How old are you Christina?" I said, tugging up her socks and pulling her dungarees down over them again. She held up three dirty fingers and Adam quickly cleaned them off.

"Why the sad face?" Adam asked her as he smoothed the last of the orange crap out of her hairline.

"Dash took my pony," she whimpered and I made a 'isn't she cute' face at Adam.

"I think Mommy is talking to Dash now," I said softly. "Do you want to play with Jake and Adam for a bit?" she nodded and pushed herself towards the edge of the counter, I caught her quickly and lowered her to the floor and she padded off towards the door. Adam took my hand and squeezed it- Christina was gorgeous.

"You coming?" she huffed from the doorway and we both laughed and followed her up to her bedroom.

Hannah found us about twenty minutes later sat around a little table with a pink tablecloth, enjoying tea with Mr Bear and Tizzy the doll and Gumba the monkey. At least, I think his name was Gumba. It _sounded_ like Gumba. Christina had given us each our own purple tea cup and side plate with a slab of plastic cake on it, and she was currently refilling her tea pot from her tiny kitchen to make another cup for us all. Adam and I were far to big for the game, literally and physically, we were _stuffed_ under that table.

Hannah leaned against the doorframe, amusement sparkling in her eyes as her little daughter chatted to herself as she played. She took a half a step back, out of sight as Christina refilled our cups and me and Adam took sips of delicious, imaginary tea and mumbled our approval.

She couldn't hold in her laughter then and came into the room, sweeping the little girl up into her arms and pressing a kiss into her belly. "Are you playing nice with Uncle Adam and Uncle Jake?" she said as Christina giggled.

"Tea!" she said excitedly and waved the upside down teapot at her mother.

"Can you play Tea up here for a bit longer? Mommy needs to borrow the boys."

"'Kay," she agreed and we were quickly replaced with stuffed animals. I was assured by Hannah that my quick substitution was not a reflection on my performance at Tea and offered a caffeine- loaded consolation.

"How are you both?" Hannah asked as we settled ourselves around the kitchen table with real tea. "I'm sorry about the kids, Dash is home sick and he's driving me and 'Stina up the wall."

"Don't worry," Adam assured her. "Christina is a wonderful kid."

"Yeah, she is," Hannah agreed easily. We chatted for a while about the new house and Adam's job; his position within the Disney corporation meant he was an ever- popular member of the family, especially amongst the younger members.

"How are your boys?" Adam asked and we were off into another conversation on Hannah's older sons. She had waited five years between having Dashiel and Christina, whereas there was only just over a year between Clark and Dash. It meant Christina was a little princess in both her mother and father's eyes; it gave me hope that our children would be as cherished as Hannah's.

"Are you two going to get a legal partnership now?" Hannah asked as she made more coffee.

"No," we said at the same time then smiled at each other.

"There's no point," I clarified. "We wouldn't get any more legal rights than what we have already." The civil partnership bill had been passed about a year ago and we had spoken about it, but easily agreed that it wasn't worth it to us. We were happy with our first wedding, there was no need to top it up now our government had decided to recognize our relationship.

"Actually, Hannah, we came over to talk to you," I said slowly and she started to do that girly, about to squeal thing. "Shut up until I've finished!" I laughed.

She sat down with her lips sucked in and pressed together, her arms crossed and a finger pressed to her lips like an obedient schoolgirl. Adam nodded at me to go on.

"Adam and I have decided that we're ready to start talking about having a baby," I said and she started to twitch with excitement in her seat. "We need to get our house finished and I need to get my business secure so I know I can take the time off, but we want to start trying some time this year. Okay, you can talk now."

"Now! Let's do it now!" she said, bouncing in her seat.

"No, not yet!" Adam laughed. "We've decided that we're ready, but we needed to check that you're still okay with everything first. Seriously, though, you need to talk to Ethan, and I would be a lot happier if you go to your doctor and make sure you're a hundred percent healthy. The last thing we want is for you to get sick over this."

"Okay," she nodded seriously. "That's fine. I'll get an appointment booked in and we can get the ball rolling, so to speak," she winked.

"Mommy?" a little voice said from the doorway and Hannah opened her arms for Christina to climb up with us. She started to braid her daughter's hair back instinctively and I wondered what it would be like for our kids not having that female influence in their lives.

"You know that Adam will have to legally adopt the baby, don't you?" Hannah said and we both nodded. It was a point that we had already discussed.

"But that means you have to give up all your rights as a mother," Adam said softly. "I don't know how I'll ever thank you enough for that."

"I'm happy to do it," she insisted. "My babies are so precious to me, I can't imagine how hard it must be to not be able to do it without outside help." Christina wriggled off her mother's lap and went off to play again and I smiled after her.

Ethan arrived after picking Clark up from school who promptly disappeared up the stairs to play computer games. Hannah greeted Ethan with a big hug and a kiss before Christina came in and stole her daddy's attention.

"Nice to see you guys again," Ethan said with a big smile as he smothered his little girl in kisses. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Oh, no, thanks, Carrie is cooking for us," I said as Christina giggled and tried to wriggle out of his relentless tickling. "We only came over for a catch up, we should get moving."

"No, stay for a bit," Hannah insisted. "I want to talk to you, Ethan."

"Oh no," he joked, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down next to me at the table. "What did I do now?"

"You didn't do anything," she laughed and sat down as well. "Jake and Adam came to talk to me about carrying a baby for them."

"Oh, okay," he nodded. "Where are we with that?"

I was amazed at his nonchalance. "We wanted to make sure both you and Hannah were happy with everything before we press ahead," I said carefully. "Hannah's going to go and see her doctor to make sure she's healthy."

"That's a good idea," Ethan said as he drank more coffee.

"I can't believe how agreeable you are about all this," Adam laughed, echoing my feelings exactly. Ethan laughed too.

"My wife is a wonderful woman," he said easily. "We've spoken about this before and it's something she feels very strongly about. It's her body and if this is what she wants to do, I'll back her all the way to the delivery room." Hannah came up behind Ethan and wrapped her arms around him. "After that, you're on your own though," he smiled.

"Not even one more-" Hannah started to ask but Ethan interrupted her.

"No, no way, don't even start this again. We agreed on three before we even got married."

"I know," she winked at Adam across the table. "I don't think I can cope with any more of our own. But I'm so excited about this baby for you."

"Well, let's see how things work out," I said and started to wonder if we were really ready for all this.

-x-X-x-

We ended up going back to San Francisco late on Monday afternoon and spent most of the evening wandering around our apartment bare- ass naked. It was something we just can't do around Adam's mother.

Adam called up a couple of our friends and invited them to a 'painting party' at the new house next weekend. We really needed to get the decorating done so we could move in and more bodies was the easiest way of doing that. Adam's plans seemed to be expanding with everyone he talked to; it went from a small, intimate gathering to practically a housewarming party in the space of thirty minutes.

"What are you getting us in to?" I asked as Adam hung up on Lena and Maddie, our 'token' lesbian couple friends. I always teased them that they were the only lesbians I could stand to be around, we generally didn't hang out with other gay couples. I couldn't really say why.

"What?" he said, mock- innocently. "I've arranged for a social gathering of good friends who are going to help paint our house for free. I have bribed them with beer and vodka and fried chicken. Don't judge me."

In the end I talked Adam into getting contractors do the top two floors and all the hallways while our friends helped out with the family room, kitchen, dining room and downstairs study. It still took us most of Saturday to get it done, even with nine of us working on it in total. Our contractors covered twice the space in half the time but hey, that was why we hired them.

That night after all the painting was done and the last of the brushes and rollers had been washed out we sat down with a fire in the grate, beanbags and blankets on the floor in place of couches and a couple of crates of beer to go with our chicken.

Taxis were called at about 3am as nine horrendously drunk people exited our new, freshly painted house and promised not to vomit in our newly planted begonias. Lena had brought round a housewarming gift earlier- pansies- although they weren't planted yet. I had come the closest I had ever been to hitting a girl when she handed the pot over, giggling like a little girl until she jumped into my arms and kissed me enthusiastically on the mouth.

"Did you get anything from that?" she had asked curiously, still held up in my arms with hers wrapped around my neck and my hands cupping her ass.

"Nope," I admitted and shrugged. "Sorry."

"Me either," she said and jumped down. "Maddie?" she called as she ran back to the kitchen. "I'm still gay!"

Adam had met Lena soon after we moved to California. She was a true LA baby; sassy, disaffected and stylish as hell. She was a sculptor and Adam had a few fine art classes with her in their first year of college. Lena also fronted the LGBT society on campus, running a small but fierce operation from a back corner of the campus where no one could see you coming or going.

I had always admired the way she was so casually out, not making a big deal over it. Lena wore her white- blonde hair cropped in a sexy, asymmetrical style and she wore the most outrageous makeup and jewelry sometimes. "I'm still a _woman,_" she had told me when we first met and I commented on how feminine she was. Maddie had a quiet calm that really reminded me of Bella, but a filthy streak that definitely defined her as very non-Bella. She was the anchor of the relationship, much like I had felt Adam was the anchor of mine over the years. She was careful in defining her sexuality, refusing to commit to being gay or bi or whatever. It surprised me at how okay Lena was with this, but it was how they rolled as a couple. I had a feeling they would be together for a long, long time; I'm not sure how long they would be _exclusive_ though.

We hadn't said anything to our friends yet about the baby, it was too soon to go there. But it felt like everything we did now centered around this little person who didn't even exist yet. I knew we were going to be young parents but that was exciting rather than scary.

Adam and I stumbled up the five flights of stairs to our old apartment and fell into bed; I couldn't even tell you what time we got in or what we were doing but the next morning we found a trail of clothes leading to the bed and raging hangovers in it.

"The sleep did it," I groaned into my pillow. "I felt amazing at 3am, then I went to sleep, and the sleep made me feel this bad."

Adam laughed, the sadist, and pulled the pillow off my head and wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled into his neck, finding the spot that was so familiar to me now and sighed with the comfort of it. "You should have drank that water I gave you last night, and taken the painkillers."

"You brought me water?" I asked his neck.

"Yeah," he laughed, his skin vibrating with the movement. "But you wouldn't sit up enough to drink it."

"Oh. Well, thanks for trying, I guess," I said and settled back down. Adam stroked my hair as I snoozed, not really falling asleep again but loving the lazy Sunday morning feeling we had going. His lips found mine and we rubbed them together softly, not taking it any further than a hello kiss. "I love you so much," I told him unnecessarily.

"I love you too," he said. "I'm gonna run a bath. Do you want to join me?"

"Mm hmm," I mumbled, rolling over to the other side of the bed as he got out of it. I heard him start the taps then go next door to the kitchen, then a few moments later the smell of coffee reached my nose. That was the last temptation and I dragged my ass out of bed. I was wearing one sock and a wifebeater. I laughed at myself before stripping off the rest of my clothes and tying my hair back with a stray band I found on my table before going to grab myself a cup of hangover cure.

It took a while to fill our big corner- bath, the main sticking point when it came to us choosing an apartment in San Francisco. We didn't fill it often but it was so nice to have a place to soak in. Adam had cut up an apple and toasted a bagel for his breakfast, I couldn't quite stomach that level of healthy so I grabbed a packet of chocolate chip cookies, letting Adam have one before I took the rest of them into the bathroom with me. I wasn't in the mood to share.

I added bubbles to the bath and climbed in it even though it was only half full, hissing slightly at the too- hot water that hadn't had chance to mix with the cold yet. Adam came in and shook his head at me before stripping off his t shirt and boxers and joining me, leaning over to give me a kiss before settling back into his corner. We drank our coffee in silence while we waited for the water to cover us, then I sighed and laid back in the warm water when it was full up to our chests.

I let Adam have the last cookie because I loved him and his eyes twinkled as he thanked me, knowing that this was one of the biggest expressions of love I could show him. Once my coffee was drained I dumped my mug on the bathroom floor and scooted round so my back was against his chest and Adam started to massage my neck and temples, easing out my headache with his talented fingers and eventually ended up washing my hair for me.

"Uh, oh," he said as he rinsed the water out. "I think I just found a gray hair."

"What?" I said, concerned. "No way. Not yet. No."

I twisted round and he snickered. "You're getting old, Jake, growing up. You're gonna get grays now."

"Fuck off," I said and splashed him, knowing he was teasing.

"Oh, don't be mad at me," he said, pulling me back to his chest. His fingers changed course and trailed down over my arm muscles and onto my stomach, making my cock rise up out of the water as I got more aroused. He bit my earlobe then used his fingertips to tease my cock further as his other hand started to tug on the nipple rings Katie had put in. I arched up into his touch and his hand found a nice rhythm stroking me as I felt his hardness start to grind against my ass and I wanted him. I told him and he bit my shoulder.

"I want _you_," he growled. Adam let go of my nipple and reached over into the basket of shampoo and shower gels he had put by the side of the bath and extracted a bottle of lube. We kept them all over the apartment; it was a nightmare trying to track them all down when Carrie came to stay for a weekend.

He twisted the top off and I raised my hips out of the water long enough for him to prep me, then reached for his cock to guide him in to me. We hardly ever used condoms any more, except when we got frisky in places where easy clean- up was appreciated. As soon as he was seated deep inside me we lowered ourselves into the warm water and he rocked inside me, the angle perfect for him to rub against my prostate and make me really fucking hot. I balanced one hand on the wall beside me and the other on the edge of the tub so I could twist my neck and find Adam's lips as we rocked together, his kissed finally sending me over the edge and I came all over my own stomach. He took a few thrusts more then came inside me and I groaned with him at the pulsing feeling of him filling me up.

"Mmm," I hummed as Adam held me close for a moment. Then, "ewww…" He laughed and cleaned us both off; I got out of the bath and grabbed a towel.

"Plans today?" he asked as he pulled the plug on the bath.

"Dude, recovering," I said with a sigh. My head still hurt but the combination of coffee, bath and sex was easing the pain.

A couple of hours later I was stretched out on our couch with my laptop reading up on surrogacy while Adam played on the Xbox. "Did you know I'm not allowed to get off for _three days_ before going in to give a sperm sample?" I told him.

Adam grunted. "_Three days,_" I emphasized. "Dude that's harsh." He continued to play his game so I kept reading. "It says if Hannah takes fertility drugs it might mean we end up with multiples," I said absently. Then it dawned on me. "That means twins!"

"Or triplets," Adam said, still not looking at me.

"Let's go with no drugs," I said decisively. I read on. "How old is Hannah?" I asked after a while.

"Shit, I don't know," Adam said, sounding exasperated with me. "Thirty? Something like that." I decided he wasn't being at all helpful and reached for my phone. Carrie answered on the second ring.

"Jake," she said, sounding happy to hear from me. At least one member of the Hawk family wanted to talk to me today. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks. I miss you Mom."

"Aw, I miss you too, Jake. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I need your help." _Since your son is being crap_. "How old is Hannah?"

"Is this about the surrogacy?" she asked and I could see her smiling at me.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I'm reading up on it online."

"That's a good idea," she said. "Hannah turned thirty this year, but don't tell her I told you that."

I laughed. "I won't," I promised. "So she was young when she had Clark then?"

"Yeah, she was only just twenty. Clark was born exactly eight months after she married Ethan," Carrie said. "And all the protests that he was early fell on deaf ears. The kid weighed nearly ten pounds." I cracked up, it was exactly the sort of thing Carrie would say.

"That's fantastic," I giggled.

"I thought so," she said. "It meant I wasn't the only black sheep in the family any more. Did you know you can't have sex for three days before you give a sperm sample?"

"Thanks Mom," I said dryly. "I had read that." She giggled.

"Anything else?" she asked.

"No, not right now," I said. "But don't go too far."

"I'm always here for you Jake, you know that."

"Yeah," I said. I did know. "Love you."

"Love you too. Take care." I hung up and tossed my phone on the coffee table.

"Hannah is thirty," I told Adam absently.

"Told you," he said. I felt like pulling fucking _Halo 4_ out and throwing it out of the fucking window at this point but I decided to ignore him for the sake of our relationship.

We were waiting now for Hannah to get back in contact to let us know what her doctor said about the surrogacy; from what I read we needed to do it sooner rather than later because of her age. It seemed like every day that passed made me more and more sure about what was coming next.

-x-X-x-

A/N: This is by no means the end. I just wanted to propel the story forwards and take it beyond where most fanfics usually tail off- I want to know what the HEA looks like for my boys! I'm really interested in how the dynamic between these two has changed and will continue to change as they get older… And I'm scared as shit for your reaction.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 21

_Day One_

_I can do this. There is a reason why I am not getting off in the shower this morning. This is for my family. Calm down, Jacob, it's gonna be fine. Think normal, happy, unsexy thoughts. Cars. Let's go to work, fix some cars and listen to your employees talk about tits and ass all day. Look- just at the mention of tits it's gone down. No problem. We can do this._

_Day Two_

_I can't do this. It's like that old saying 'don't think of a pink elephant'. As soon as someone takes it away from you, all you want is a damn orgasm. I've gone more than two days without one before. Hell, I'm _married. _We've gone 48 hours without sex before, haven't we? Yes! There was that one time where Adam had the flu. We went for at least four days then. But I was still knocking one out in the shower then. Damn. This is harder than I thought. Pun intended._

_Day Three_

_I want to come! My balls hurt! Even thinking of girls isn't working. I spent nearly an hour fantasizing about sex with Rosalie Cullen. I haven't thought about that bitch in years, purposefully. My balls still ache though. Later, I get to come, later. Deep breathing. Just don't touch it._

It was torture. Real, painful, torture. I didn't realize what a sexual person I was until that was taken away from me. I hadn't though about the fact that me and Adam made love nearly every day or at least every other day, sometimes twice a day. I was still waiting for that part of our life to start to filter out but it didn't seem to. Even if we didn't have sex we'd get in the shower together most mornings and deal with our morning glory at the same time.

It was day three and thank the fucking lord that I was going to the fertility clinic to, ahem, 'deposit my sample'. I had to fly up to Seattle to do it because that was where Hannah's doctor was and they had decided to do it the good old fashioned way first- well, as close to the old fashioned way as we could. I was on the verge of calling Hannah and telling her she better get pregnant first time round because I didn't know how many times I could manage the painful, never deflating erections.

The worst part was Adam couldn't fly up with me because he was preparing work for a major presentation the following week so I didn't have him for moral support. He wasn't looking to head any of his own projects for a while yet, he was still to young and too new to the company but his skills were highly sought after by other more experienced artists. It was an honor for him to be asked to help and I wouldn't ask him to put that on the back burner just for him to come and sit in another room while I jerk off in a cup. I'm a big boy now, he doesn't need to do it for me. It would be nice, but he's not allowed.

Hannah met me from the airport- with Christina- and she took one look at my face and cracked up. "I'm so sorry, Jake," she said through her giggles, "But there's an awful case of measles going around the kids from her play group and I couldn't get anyone to take her last minute. She'll be on her best behavior, I promise."

I shook my head and leaned down to give Hannah and Christina kisses hello. "You," I said, chucking 'Stina under the chin, "Are trouble, young lady."

"I'm not twouble," she said with wide eyes.

"No, Uncle Jake is, isn't that right baby?" Hannah said and I glared at her again, causing another round of giggles.

"Is that the way you want to speak to the man who's trying to impregnate you today?" I teased her as we walked to her car. "Aren't you supposed to be all relaxed and shit? Shit," I said, cursing again and covering my mouth as I realized I had cursed. Goddamn children. Luckily she didn't hear me.

"I don't mind her being around, I know she'll be good for me. Won't you, honey?" she called to Christina who she had just buckled into her car seat. "Are you gonna be a good girl for Mommy today?"

"Yes," the little girl sang sweetly.

"And why is that?" Hannah asked.

"Cus if I'm a good girl Mommy will buy me strawberries on the way home," she parroted.

"That's right," Hannah said and winked at me. "There's Parenting 101 for you there, Jake," she said as we pulled onto the highway. "One hundred percent of the time, bribery works, every time."

We arrived at the clinic and Hannah checked us in with the receptionist who ushered us through to a waiting room. We had already met with Hannah's doctor a few weeks before; me and Adam and Hannah and Ethan so we knew what the game play was, it was just a case of doing it. It was only about five minutes before we got called through by the nurse who went over all our details then sent me down the hall, plastic cup and a 'spare' in hand. I found the room then double checked the lock on the door and wandered around, figuring shit out and making myself comfortable.

It half felt like someone's living room, half like a doctor's office. There was a coffee table with a stack of binders on it but a medical type bed, salmon pink with a plastic cover over it. Ew. I grabbed one of the binders and flicked through it. Not surprisingly it was full of pictures of women engaged in various compromising and increasingly disgusting positions and activities. I dropped the file and figured I would need to do this on my own.

Fifteen minutes later, both cups were full. I cleaned up and waited another five minutes (for the sake of my ego) before walking back out and handed the cups to the nurse on reception. "Mrs Turner?" she called Hannah immediately and I went to sit where Christina was playing.

"The procedure only takes a few minutes," Hannah said as she gathered up her coat and purse. "Then you can come and wait in the room with me."

"Okay," I nodded and Hannah scurried off to where the nurse was waiting. A few minutes later I was called and I took Christina through to the exam room where Hannah was sat, fully dressed and waiting for us.

"I need to stay sat down for a bit longer, then we can go," she said to me.

"Don't worry, I can wait," I said as Christina started playing with her dolls again. "Don't rush things."

"How are you feeling?" Hannah asked.

I laughed. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm fine," she waved off my concern. "I've done this three times before. Well, not _this_, obviously," she gestured to the room in general, "But the kid thing. I'm excited."

I took Hannah and Christina out for lunch before catching my flight back to California; a nice restaurant who turned their noses up at the little girl between us who slurped her juice and asked for ketchup on her fries. I loved every minute of it. Hannah and I had a chance to talk over our options as well; if the first round of insemination didn't work they'd use the second 'sample' which had been frozen, and if that didn't work I'd have to go back up again to repeat the process. Hannah could go back for a blood test in ten days if we wanted to know immediately, but we decided to wait and let nature tell us. Adam joked that I should just call the Cullens and Alice would be able to tell me. It was weird, having access to all our futures if we wanted to find out.

I was tired when I arrived back at the house (that we had now completely moved into) even though I hadn't really done much to get me tired. It was travelling and all the bullshit waiting around that you have to do in airports that sucks. I had caught a cab back from the airport; my car was being worked on at BHM and Adam had taken his to work so I had to endure some really god- awful eighties pop music all the way home. I let myself in to the house with my _new_ door key which was much better than the old one and threw my keys in the blue glass bowl that Adam had bought and stuck on the table just inside the front door. It was a good spot, I have a bad habit of putting keys down and losing them.

The house was quiet but the back of my neck prickled and I knew in that moment that Adam was home. I could _feel_ him.

"Adam?" I called out, but he only turned up the soft music that was coming from our bedroom. I shrugged off my jacket and hung it over the newel post at the bottom of the stairs, then took them two at a time.

I hadn't expected Adam home until much later in the evening, he had been working late a lot recently on one of the projects he had been one of the original concept artists for when we were back in high school. It was something he was really excited about because he had been given the chance to follow it through to the movie- making stage, and I was excited for him. It was a huge deal and I was proud of him for getting so far in his career while he was still so young. Adam Black Hawk was a name to watch in the Disney Corporation.

Mr Black Hawk- the other half of me- was waiting on our bed when I finished running up the stairs.

"You're home early," I said casually, leaning against the door frame and appraising his long, lean, deliciously naked body.

"Mm," he agreed. "There were important things I had to attend to at home."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, playing along as I started to casually undress. "Like what?"

"Like the fact that I haven't been allowed to make love to my husband for the past three days and it's nearly fucking killed me," he said in a rough voice, "Shit, Jake, I can't go this long without being with you."

"I thought it was like practice," I said, kicking off my shoes, "for when the baby comes. You know new parents never get to have sex ever."

"We will," he vowed. "I'll still want you, even if it's hot and fast and stolen in moments when the baby's asleep. I'll want you. I want you."

I pulled my jeans and boxers off then walked to the bed naked to join him. Adam scooted forward as I rolled on to my side of the bed, opening my arm for him to come closer and kiss me. And, oh hell, did he kiss me. He started soft, as always, but the heat grew quickly since he had been hard from the moment I stepped in the room and I was pretty frisky too. Getting my groove on in the doctor's office hadn't really satisfied the ache in my balls.

Speaking of which, I got the impression Adam didn't really want to fool around, and that was fine by me. Our mouths and tongues continued to meet in a hot, wet dance of familiar kisses and deeper love, stretching out our desire for each other from a gentle buzz to a persistent throb. Adam's hand loosened from its grip on my hair to slide down over my pecs, first grazing at the silver loop through my sensitive skin, then capturing it between the knuckles of his first and middle fingers and tugging it.

The first eight weeks after I got my nipples pierced I regretted the decision. They were frequently sore and painful and they chafed against anything I wore except damn cotton undershirts. I needed to wear a t shirt in bed otherwise they'd catch and fuck, that shit was painful. Then they healed. And my nerve endings reconnected or something because the damn things were nearly permanently hard. My nipples, that is. Every time my shirt would graze over them, it would be like some erotic charge got sent straight to my groin.

Five years after those little pieces of surgical steel got threaded through my skin and Adam had learned every twist, suck, grope, tickle, nip, lick, pull, bite, graze, nibble and tug that the poor things could handle. I could take a lot of pain. I could handle a lot of tongue. And once, I'm pretty sure I came from nipple action alone. True story.

Learning new things about your partner is one of the best parts of being in a relationship. But the next best part is applying that knowledge every damn day. I could get Adam off in under ten minutes. But we could spend hours making love and doing things to each other's bodies that seemed new and fun- there wasn't a lot that was blacklisted in our relationship.

Adam licked and bit my earlobe, then repeated the double action on my jaw, my bottom lip, my shoulder, my left nipple. Then my belly button as he slithered down the bed and took the head of my cock between his lips. I swear, if I hadn't gotten off twice already in a cup I would have been coming in his mouth with no further stimulus than him tonguing the underside of the head.

"Fuck," I hissed as he worked his mouth down over me and I pulled at the nipple rings myself, not hard enough to get me off but enough to keep me on a nice level.

"I want you," Adam murmured as he kissed back up my chest. "I've had to live three days without having you, and I want you right now," his mouth assaulted mine again; lips meeting and tongues clashing together.

I sat up, pushing him off me slightly and changing our position so Adam was leaning against the pillows, propped up against the headboard with his legs spread out and his thick, gorgeous cock standing to attention for me.

The bottle of lube was out, waiting on the bedside table for me, my good prepared little scout must have gotten it out earlier. I grabbed it and took great pleasure in spreading a generous amount over Adam's cock, but nothing on myself. I wiped the excess on my thigh and balanced myself over his spread legs with my hands on his shoulders; Adam gripped my waist instinctively and I lowered myself down on him.

He was slick and perfect and I had the advantage of years of practice in this; his cock met a moment's resistance before my body naturally relaxed against him and he penetrated me deeply. I leaned in to kiss him once he was seated all the way inside and I could feel the racing of his heart as I pressed my chest to his.

"Oh my god," Adam said as his dark eyes met mine. He pushed back on my hips a little and rocked within me, this was his signal to me to start fucking moving before he lost his shit. I bit his lip and tensed my ass cheeks as I rose up over him, then relaxed as I sank back down again. Instead of controlling my movements Adam was happy to let me dictate the pace and I was thankful for that, I had waited too fucking long to make love to him to be considerate now. Adam may have wanted me, but I _needed_ him.

The pace was perfect, the angle was perfect, my man was really fucking perfect as his eyes locked on mine, watching my expression as I fucked him or he fucked me, I'm not really sure who was in control but it felt unbelievable. I didn't see Adam reach for the bottle of lube but I certainly felt it; he smothered my dick in the slippery liquid and I thought for a moment he was planning on rubbing my cock to get us off at the same time, then his eyelids flickered closed and I felt him come, hard.

For a split second I was pissed off, thinking he had come without me, then he pulled out and repositioned his legs either side of my arms and it dawned on me. He had lubed me up because he knew he would come first and he wanted me to fuck him. Dear lord, that was hot.

"You're so fucking hot," I told him, brain filter completely off as I tried, desperately not to be too rough as I hitched his knees up into the crook of my elbow and leaned forward to slick my chest along his as I pushed into him.

"Jake," he gasped my name incoherently as I found my pace; short, shallow thrusts that were good enough to keep him on that level of pleasure from his orgasm.

I pressed my forehead to his and came with three much harder thrusts, filling him completely as my lips sought out his for my favorite kind of post- orgasmic kisses. They were slow, with lots of tongue.

"Making babies is really hard work," I pouted as I gently pulled out of him.

Adam gave a little half gasp, half laugh that was really damn sexy, then pulled me towards the bathroom so we could shower together, then go find something to eat.

Later that night Adam rolled towards me, asleep and dreaming I hoped, but I couldn't seem to drop off the edge. I pulled him closer to me, his head on my chest and my arms wrapped around his shoulder. The combination of his warmth on me, his breath on my chest and his heart beating in time with mine was all I needed to follow him into sleep.

-x-X-x-

The next day I was brought back to reality with a thump. I had recently hired a new apprentice and was sharing the responsibilities of training her (yes, _her_- she was a fucking amazing mechanic) with Scott. The new manager was working out pretty good as well; the first one I had fired after a week of torment because he didn't have a fucking clue what he was talking about, but the new dude was pretty good. Gay, too, which was nice. I liked to feel like I was doing something for the 'community'.

I knew needed to have a meeting with Sid, who was the new manager of the garage and a long conversation with Paul regarding finances and workflow and marketing. I also knew it was going to be boring and all I wanted to do was pull on some overalls and get underneath a car for a couple of hours.

Sid was actually pretty cool and knew a lot about the industry, despite only being in his mid- thirties. I hadn't gone out with the intention of hiring a young staff but it had turned out that way. Sid had a good way with people and an honest face, like he wouldn't dare lie to you or else his mama would kick his ass. He was very good at negotiating with my suppliers and had already set up a bunch of new contacts in the few weeks he had been working for me.

"Okay, let's get this shit done," I said, dumping a pile of folders on my desk as I walked into my office at a quarter past nine. I had stopped to get breakfast for my entire staff which had made me late, not that anyone minded, especially when I turned up with pastries and coffee.

"How was your day out mating with the females?" Sid smirked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest.

I shuddered. "For god's sake, man, don't talk about that in front of me."

"Sorry Jake. How was impregnating your husband's cousin?"

"We sound like an episode of Jerry Springer."

Sid let out a loud laugh. "Nah, this place is better than Springer," he said. "There's more damn gossip than that show at least." I had to strongly resist the temptation to ask about the gossip. Getting involved with that would lose me respect amongst my team quicker than anything else.

I had pulled the guys together the previous week to officially let them know what was going on in my personal life and how this was going to affect the business. I had been forced to restructure the system of hierarchy and I was semi- officially stepping back from my management role, although Sid would still be reporting to me. It was a big thing for me to decide to back off, Black Hawk Motors was my first baby, but I knew that when our new baby came I would be the one who stayed home more often than Adam. His job wasn't nearly as flexible as mine.

A lot of our meeting revolved around Lily and how she was progressing on her apprenticeship; because she was still technically a student she had to do a certain number of hours with us and the rest of her time at the local community college. And because she was a student there were a lot more restrictions on how long she was allowed to work for and how much I could pay her. The main reason I had employed her over the twenty or so other people I had interviewed was because she had real ambition in this business, she knew a lot about mechanics already and she knew she wanted to set up her own shop one day where she could train other women.

I admired her tenacity to work in such a masculine environment, she reminded me a lot of myself when I started out. Being able to see the bigger picture and where I was headed was the main reason why I was so successful so young. That, and having the support of Adam behind me. I truly believed that I wouldn't have been nearly as successful without him backing me up when I came home exhausted and fed up with it all.

We sat and spent four hours going through the booking system and how we deal with routine servicing and emergencies and discussed the possibility of setting up a specialist bike unit separate to the garage where we dealt with the cars. It was going to be a few years until we were in a position to do it, but there was no harm in looking into these things and planning for them.

I ended up buying lunch for everyone as well because I was a damn sucker and when they tell me how swamped with work they are I feel guilty for doing paperwork and end up doing things like order in subs for six people. I should put the deli on speed dial.

Later in the afternoon I finally finished all the crap that I needed to do for the business and had some time to go and do the fun stuff. I actually got to spend some time training up Lily, which was great since that was what I was supposed to be doing anyway as I was her supervisor. We had two hours together inside an engine before the end of the day and the methodical tasks soothed out the stresses of the other side of my job.

I walked home, a habit I had forced myself to get in to since I lived so close to where I worked. Sometimes with the traffic it could take longer to drive at rush hour anyway. Adam was still out when I got in but that wasn't unusual; he finished work when his job was done and often worked funny hours in order to try to beat the traffic. I grabbed some chicken out of the freezer and dumped it on the draining board to defrost, then took a quick shower, made some tea and crashed out on the couch.

The news was on for about ten minutes before it started to depress me and I turned it over to put cartoons on for a while. I pulled my laptop out and sat with that for a while, checking my emails and sending one to Becca, who was planning on moving from New Zealand to Hawaii in the next few months, and earmarking another one which was from Esme to Adam.

His car pulled up outside at about 6.30 and I counted the moments until he walked in the door.

"Hey," he said as he walked through the family room. I tipped my head back on the couch so he could lean down and give me a kiss, which he did, willingly. His lips lingered on mine for a few moments before we pulled apart and he went through to the kitchen to get a drink. "Are you cooking tonight?" he called and I groaned loudly.

"Can't you do it?" I asked.

Adam raised an eyebrow at me and flopped down in the opposite corner of the couch. "I could," he shrugged. "What do you want?"

"I don't mind," I said, happy that he was taking the responsibility away from me.

"I'll figure it out in a minute," he said and kicked his feet up on to the coffee table, balancing his mug on the arm of the chair.

"You have an email from Esme," I said and passed him the laptop.

Adam looked pleased and read it in silence for a few minutes while I flicked through the TV channels, trying to find something that interested me. "Is she okay?" I asked as Adam shut down the computer.

"Yeah, good," he said. "I told her about the Moscow project."

"How's that going?"

Adam toed off his boots and swung his legs over mine; I pulled his socks off and rubbed the soles of his feet. I didn't care that it was gross- it was Adam.

"Really good, Jake," he said. "I might be able to go on a field trip for research."

"To Moscow?"

"Yeah."

"Shit, Adam, that's amazing."

"I know," his face was lit up with excitement. I loved seeing him like this. "It won't be decided for a few weeks yet. But we might be able to go together for ten days."

"They would let me come with you?" I asked as Adam dropped his head back; I had obviously hit a sweet spot on the arch of his foot.

"Mm, I hope so," he mumbled. "I wouldn't want to go if you couldn't come."

It might sound stupid, but we hadn't spent more than a day away from each other since we got married. It wasn't a co- dependency thing, it was a love thing. I didn't know if I would be able to sleep without him there next to me. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't something that I thought about. We just stayed close to each other instinctively.

"And there's a dinner evening coming up," Adam mumbled again quickly.

"Oh no," I groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," he said quickly. "It's a big one, Jake. An awards evening. They haven't announced nominations yet but people keep telling me to expect something."

"But they're boring," I whined. Adam sat up and kissed me quickly on the lips.

"I know, baby," he said. "Come on, help me with dinner."

I had actually become pretty good at cooking under Adam's tuition. I only knew how to make things I actually liked to eat but that was okay by me. Carrie had insisted that once I knew how to do the basics I could apply that to a variety of different meals which was a great idea and proceeded to teach me 'the basics' before Adam and I left for college.

I found enough vegetables in the fridge to make a decent curry and Adam pulled the spices out of the cupboard to season the chicken. He stuck his iPod in the dock in the kitchen and pulled out some old Motown music to play, he liked having music on when we were cooking.

As soon as the rice and chicken were simmering on the stove, he captured me in his arms and, laughing, leaned me back into a counter for a slow, smoldering kiss. He stuck his hands in the back pockets of my jeans and shamelessly groped my ass as we kissed, laughing against each other.

"I love you," he told me in between kisses.

"I love you," I told him back. "I can't wait for us to have a baby together."

"Mm, me either," he agreed and sucked my lower lip into his mouth.

The cooker started to beep, signaling the rice was cooked and Adam pouted that our make- out session had been cut short. I kissed his bottom lip and gently pushed him away.

"I'm starving," I said with a shrug. "I need my energy. I'm a growing boy."

"I don't think you can use that excuse any more, Jake," Adam laughed.

We sat on the couch and watched a football game, placing bets on the Superbowl as we went along. I should have learned years ago not to bet against Adam; I had claimed for years that he got 'tips' from Alice through Esme but he swore blind that he didn't.

It was still early when we gave up on trying to find something on TV and went to bed. We were better at making our own form of entertainment anyway.

-x-X-x-

A few weeks later we got a call from Hannah-it hadn't worked. I tried desperately not to be disappointed, I mean, how often does this stuff the first time anyway, right? But we still ended up going out and drowning our sorrows that night.

After the first round of insemination failed, I prepared to go back up to Seattle to go through the process again. We'd been told the success rate with frozen sperm wasn't as good so we let Hannah's doctor do the second round and made provisional plans to take the time off work for next time she was in the right place in her cycle. I tried not to think too hard about the fact that I knew things about her 'cycle'.

We had been moved in to the new house for a few months but Adam kept rearranging stuff because he didn't like the way things had been set up. To be fair, when we had moved in a lot of our shit was just dumped into the right room and unpacked by the people who were helping, so it wasn't how we wanted it.

Adam was reorganizing the kitchen for the third time when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said with a mouth full of tortilla chips.

"Jake, you're a pig."

"Yeah, I know. Who is this?"

"It's Hannah," she laughed. "How are you?"

"Fine," I said and took a long pull on my soda to wash down the chips. "You?"

"I'm good," she said evasively. "Is Adam there?"

"Uh, yeah," I told her. "Let me get him."

"Just put me on speaker," she said and my stomach pitched and turned over.

I called Adam in and he raised an eyebrow at me as I gestured to my phone. "Hello?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant!" Hannah screamed in excitement. I looked at Adam in shock.

"No fucking way," he managed to speak first.

"Yes fucking way," she giggled. "I was two weeks late so I went to the doctor this afternoon and she confirmed it with a blood test. Congratulations guys."

"Oh my god," I whispered as my ass found the couch without my conscious brain dictating the movement.

"You're sure?" Adam asked. Hannah giggled.

"Take a deep breath. It will help calm you down."

"Are you okay?" I asked her as I took her advice and tried to calm my racing heart rate.

"I'm fine. I don't even have morning sickness yet. It's really, really early guys, so you probably want to keep it to yourselves for a few more weeks."

"We will," Adam assured her. "Just let us know when it's okay to tell people?"

"I will," she promised. "Like I said, this is really early so the fun stuff won't come until later, but I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out."

"No, that's great, thank you," I told her, still in a daze.

"I'll speak to you soon, guys," Hannah said and we said our goodbyes.

Adam dropped into a crouch in front of me, balancing with his hands on my knees. "Are you okay, baby?"

"She's pregnant," I told him as if it was new news.

"You're going to be a Daddy," he said with a goofy grin.

"So are you." Adam leaned forward and fixed his lips to mine and I must have exploded with love for him and this other little person who was only just on the verge of existence.

-x-X-x-

We had made plans for Lena and Maddie to come over and watch a movie with us the same weekend Hannah hit the beginning of her second trimester and we officially started telling people outside of our immediate family about the pregnancy. They were so stoked for us; we had told them to go on speakerphone before we said anything and their squeals were practically deafening.

"We brought the good stuff!" Maddie sang as I opened the door, pulling one hand out from behind her back to reveal a bottle of wine, then the other with a second bottle.

I laughed and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "And we bought you a present," Lena said as she came through too, offering me a little gift wrapped in brown paper.

"Thank you," I told her. "You shouldn't have."

"She really didn't," Maddie called over her shoulder.

The girls made their way through to the kitchen, comfortable enough in the house to make themselves at home. I followed them through and hopped up on to a counter while Adam uncorked and poured the wine for us all and unwrapped my present.

"They're wipe- off crayons," Lena explained. "They're for kids, to write on the bath and tiles and stuff, but all of my sisters have used them for people to write name suggestions on their fridge. That's why there's a pink one and a blue one."

"And they wipe off, right?" Adam said and I shook my head as I laughed at him. Clean freak.

"Yes," Lena laughed too. "Look."

She grabbed the pink crayon and wrote 'Lena' on the fridge, then grabbed a cloth from the sink and scrubbed it off again. Then she wrote it back up.

"If it's a girl I think you should name her after me," she teased.

"We'll think about it," Adam said and handed her a glass of wine. "I think the crayons are a great idea. We'll never agree on a name."

"Yes we will!" I argued, then realized I was proving his point.

"May I propose a toast?" Maddie's voice rose over our disagreement, "To Baby Black Hawk; may he or she be healthy and beautiful and wonderful, and to his or her Dads, who will be fantastic parents." We all clinked glasses and I gave Adam a kiss at the same time Lena kissed Maddie. I love our friends.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Maddie said as we settled down with beer and the Chinese food that arrived just after the girls. I nodded around my mouthful for her to go on. "I've got friends who have adopted kids and they live in the city too. Have you thought about what the baby is going to call you?"

"What do you mean?" Adam asked.

"Like, are you both going to be Dad?" Maddie said. "Or are you going to be Dad and Adam? Or Dad and Jake?"

"I don't know," I shrugged and looked to Adam. "Does it matter?"

"Yes," Lena said quickly. "If your kid goes to school with two dads then they might get made fun of. If a kid lives with Dad and Jake then it's not immediately obvious to the other kids that the parents are a gay couple. Children can be really cruel, Jake."

"And since you're each going to be the biological parent of one of your children it makes more sense to have one parent as 'Dad'," Maddie added.

"So to this baby, I'll be Dad, and Adam will be Adam?" I asked and Lena nodded.

"You don't have to, of course," she said. "But it might make your kid's life a lot easier in five years time."

"I suppose if we don't think about this now, then we'll back ourselves into a corner once they start to talk," Adam said. He took a bite of a spring roll and looked at me. "What do you think?"

"It's honestly your choice," I told him. "You're the one giving up the name 'Dad' with the baby."

"But I'll be Dad to the next one, to Rachel's baby," he argued. "As long as you don't mind giving it up to that baby."

"I don't," I said honestly. "This makes sense, I think. It's weird thinking so far into the future."

"There's one school in San Francisco that's becoming well- known for being very open minded about taking on the kids of gay couples," Lena said. "And they're in huge demand. The gay baby boom means that there's a lot more children with same sex parents living in this city and they all need to go to school somewhere. The principal isn't gay, but she's very open minded and quite young; she's supposed to be a fantastic teacher."

"Isn't that weird?" I asked. "One school where all the gay parents send their kids?"

"Not _all_ the parents are gay," Maddie said and elbowed Lena lightly in the ribs. "It's just got somewhat of a reputation for being very open. It means that the children that go there are educated a lot more about the different types of relationships than a regular school."

"That sounds really good," Adam said.

"Of course, by the time our kids are of school age things might have changed," I said. "It would be nice to think that this country will be more open minded in five years time."

"You'd like to think," Lena said as she popped a prawn ball in her mouth. "But I don't hold out any hopes."

"You're such a pessimist," Maddie teased.

Over the weeks various visitors added to the growing mess of baby names that were being assembled in our kitchen. I liked the way we had a constant reminder of the baby and it really helped keeping the names issue going.

"Rose," Adam said one night as we were snuggling in bed.

"Don't even go there, I know she was a character in Dr Who," I told him.

"Damn," he muttered. "Jaymes. For a girl."

"Really?" I asked. "You can go from Rose to Jaymes?"

"It's Kristen Stewart's middle name," Adam said and yawned.

"Who's Kristen Stewart?"

"She's an actress," he said and yawned again. "Never mind."

"Isaac," I said, "Or Ivan. I like both."

"Mmm, me too," he agreed. "Taylor."

"Boy or girl?"

"Either."

"No. Too gender neutral. I want a pretty girly name or a really masculine boy's name."

"That's fair enough," he agreed. "So Jamie is out as well then?"

"Yeah, definitely," I told him. "Jenna."

"I like it. Ellen."

"That's pretty," I said and pushed some hair behind his ear. "Luke."

"No," Adam said quickly.

"What?" I asked, tracing my fingertip over the frown lines that had suddenly appeared.

"That was my Dad's name," he whispered. I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss, wondering how I had never known this.

"Okay, Luke is out," I agreed and decided not to make a big deal over his confession. "Alex?"

"Mm. Maybe. I like it for a girl more than a boy. How about Allie?"

"It makes me think of Alice," I said. "The person as well as the name."

"I like it a lot," he said. "It was Maddie's suggestion. Hmm. I'm all out. I'll check the fridge again in the morning."

"Okay. Goodnight, baby," I whispered and he kissed me before whispering the words back.

I fell into colorful dreams where girls names were pink and boys names were blue; all dancing on the edge of my vision where they wouldn't stick to the tiny baby who lived in my heart.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 22

They told us to prepare for the time to pass quickly and it did, the weeks turning into months before we had time to register what was happening. Hannah sent us regular photos of her growing bump and we talked a couple of times a week to make sure she was doing okay.

The fridge now had a sonogram picture taped to it and although there were no defining gender shots, everyone seemed to have an opinion on whether it was a boy or a girl. Lena wanted a girl, Christina wanted a boy but we thought that was because she was hard wired to think 'brother' and Alice Cullen had sent us a postcard with a perfectly reconstructed sketch of the sonogram picture on one side (but with a 'Censored' banner across the baby's hips) and a note on the other side which said "I know you know I know."

I didn't have a phone number for Alice but I had called Bella after we got the postcard and we talked for a few hours about what she was doing. We kept in contact but not too regularly; she told me she hoped to come and see us when the baby was born but our living in California meant making preparations difficult. Esme emailed Adam sometimes as much as once a week so I knew that the Cullens were all back together after a few years of living apart and somewhere in Newfoundland.

Alice wasn't in when I spoke to Bella but I asked her to pass on the message to Alice- it was killing us, but we were determined to wait it out until the baby was born to find out if it was a boy or a girl. We talked a bit about Grace who was nearly six already and Bella promised to email me some pictures of her. Esme was teaching again- her new job was home schooling the youngest Cullen for the next twelve years.

Due to our stubbornness not to find out the baby's gender our nursery remained woefully unpainted. Well, as unpainted as Adam would let it be. He had designed the room, naturally, with the wall split in half and the top half painted cream (I took great delight in tormenting him over this), and the bottom half would be filled in pink or blue after the baby was born. Adam had chosen and bought both colour paints and Maddie had offered to come round and finish it off before we came home so the smell of the paint would have gone. We'd return the wrong color to the store later.

There seemed to be an 'elephant' theme emerging in the nursery, too. It started with Adam painting a little mural on the back of the door- two daddy elephants and a little baby elephant between them. It was very cute. Then we discovered all sorts of elephant stuff in the department store; blankets and stuffed animals and curtains and a clock… and once the theme emerged we seemed to be pulled into it like some strange compulsion of our own making.

Shopping for things in the nursery had caused much more bickering, as I was starting to expect whenever Adam and I went shopping for anything we had to agree on. The crib, the rocking chair, all the furniture, not to mention the car seat and the stroller and the high chair; everything we seemed to have a conflicting opinion on and every choice was wildly fought over. I loved every minute of it. Only someone we cared about this much could cause those sorts of arguments between us.

It literally took _weeks_ for us to stock up everything we needed. Every time we left the house was with the intention of 'right, this time we will buy all the shit on the list,' and within hours of getting home and unpacking it all someone would call us with something else we'd need, and a new list was started. It didn't matter how many sales assistants we talked to, someone would forget to tell us about sterilizers or baby shampoo or soothers. And we'd end up spending another weekend arguing then falling into bed and having passionate make- up sex afterwards.

When it got to two weeks before the baby was due Adam and I moved back up to La Push and in with Carrie again. It was strange, being back in the town where we had fallen in love after all these years. I wanted Bella to be here, however wrong it was that she was still 17, wherever she was, and we were now 25.

Hannah had said that all of her kids had been pretty much spot- on her due date, even her first, but the doctor had said that the more kids you have the more chance there is that they'll be early because her body will have adapted. We were on 24/7 alert with the ringtones on our phones turned up obnoxiously loud. However much I wanted to hide from the entire business of giving birth, I was definitely not going to miss it.

It was nice to spend more time with Dad and Charlie, who had built an extension on the back of our old red house to make more room for the two of them. My old bedroom had been demolished in the process but I was secretly glad, it meant that I had an excuse not to stay in that house. For some reason I thought that Charlie wouldn't be particularly happy with both me and Adam moving in.

Carrie was elated to have us back and had convinced us to stay with her for the first few weeks after the baby was born until we were settled in with a routine. I thought this was a great idea; I mean, however comfortable we both were with being new parents there were bound to be things we came across that we needed help with. And our mom was, well, a _girl_ so she had better instincts for these things than we would.

We spent a lot of time with Rachel and Paul and their little boy, Gray; and Sam and Emily and their two kids Lexie and Zach. It seemed that anyone who had kids wanted to come and let us deal with them for a couple of hours at a time- looks of amusement on their faces as they handed the kids over. And Hannah, of course. We spent hours at her house helping with things like washing clothes and dishes because to be fair, she was freaking huge and could barely bend an inch in any direction.

The morning her waters broke we were there, in her kitchen to witness the entire spectacle. She was only wiping down a countertop when she gave this little 'Oh!' and the stuff flooded out of her. Thankfully Christina was in daycare and Adam managed to keep a level head as I stood and gaped at her.

"Time to go to the hospital, I think," Hannah laughed, then laughed harder as she took in the expression on my face. "Jake, could you grab my bag? It's under the table in the hall."

Adam punched me in the arm and I finally moved. I let him drive and sat in the back of the car, holding Hannah's hand through the gap in the seats as she starting to wince and hiss with the pain of the contractions.

"Should I call Ethan?" I asked her and she nodded, breathing heavily and drawing her knees up to her chest. "Christ, woman, don't have the kid in the car."

"I won't. It'll be a while yet. Call Ethan, he'll meet us there."

The job calmed me, giving me something to do as Adam took charge of getting Hannah to breathe through her contractions. Ethan said he'd drive straight to the hospital- we had prepared for it possibly being a quick labor. Then I called Carrie and Hannah's mom to arrange for someone to pick her kids up from school.

As soon as we reached the hospital Hannah was whisked away into a wheelchair and into an examination room that neither of us were allowed in because we weren't family. They offered to let me in when I said I was the father, but they didn't listen when I said Adam was too and I didn't want to go in by myself on the principle of the matter. Hannah said she was fine and she'd just wait for Ethan who showed up only about ten minutes after us and quickly became our translator and go- between from the delivery room to the waiting room we were kept in.

Carrie turned up within the hour and my dad called to make sure we were okay but it was more difficult for him to get to the hospital so we promised to keep in touch and call him with any news. Carrie went straight into the delivery room without any hesitations, leaving me and Adam staring open- mouthed after her. It must be a female thing, being comfortable in there. I was starting to imagine it like a sacred inner sanctuary where things happened that no man should ever see and could never experience.

"Guys, you've got hours," Carrie said as she came out of the room about fifteen minutes later. "She's only three centimeters dilated and the baby's head isn't presented all the way yet; they're giving her an epidural for the pain and her contractions are stabilizing."

I looked at Adam. "Did you understand any of that?"

"Not a word. She said three centimeters. Do you know how big that is?"

I shrugged. Carrie laughed. "Less than an inch."

"Okay," I nodded. "What's three centimeters big?"

"Her cervix."

I nodded and turned to Adam. "What the hell is a cervix?"

-x-X-x-

Two hours and one extensive biology lesson later and things seemed to be at somewhat of a standstill. Since her waters had already broken the doctors were saying that they couldn't let things go on too long so they were trying to stimulate things with more drugs. To be completely honest I was bored. The excitement of arriving and things getting started had more than worn off and now we were just waiting while Hannah did all of the hard work for us.

The next hour changed my life. Everything that we had been waiting for seemed to happen at once; Carrie was running in and out of the room every few minutes and Ethan stopped coming out altogether. The nice nurse who had helped explain some of the medical stuff to us came out and told us Hannah was ready to push and a doctor was called in for the delivery.

Carrie came out looking wide- eyed and flushed with excitement. "Do you want to come in and watch?" she asked us both.

"No," I said at the same time Adam told her, "Absolutely not." I took his hand just to make sure Carrie wouldn't try and drag us in.

"Okay," she said and giggled. "Do you mind if I go in?"

"Sure," Adam said. "If Hannah's okay with that."

"She is," Carrie said, still full of excitement. "I asked her already but I didn't want to go in if you need me out here."

"Go on," I said. "We have each other."

It soon transpired that Hannah was not a screamer, unlike some of the other women we had heard throughout the day, but her vocabulary when it came to cursing was impressive, creative and rather terrifying. I definitely learned new words as our first child was brought into the world and it actually warmed my heart a little that some of the first things they would hear would be 'mother fucking donkey dick sucking fuck shit bollocks!'.

I had started pacing hours ago when we first arrived at the hospital and even though I felt like a cliché, the movement helped me focus. Adam was sat wit his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands, just listening and occasionally watching me pace.

Finally, the door to the delivery room opened and Carrie stood there, tears of happiness silently running down her cheeks with a blanket wrapped bundle held close to her. I froze, then practically ran over to her to meet our baby, Adam only half a step behind me.

"It's a little girl," Carrie said, her voice thick with tears. "She's beautiful, guys."

Adam kissed the side of my neck from his place behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. The baby was quiet as Carrie transferred her into my arms and I tried to find the right balance of gentle and secure as the most precious thing in my entire world was given to me.

"I'm your Daddy," I whispered to the little girl, pulling the blanket back to release her hand. "And I'm going to love you forever."

I could feel the wetness of Adam's tears on my bare neck and I was surprised- he rarely cried over anything. One of his hands released my waist and his fingertip started a careful exploration of her tiny hands and tinier fingernails, the soft roundness of her cheeks, the white, waxy stuff that clung to her skin. I brought her up and kissed her forehead, loving her so much my heart hurt.

Turning, I gave the baby to Adam and kissed away the wetness on his cheek then caught his lips in a salty- wet kiss. "I love you, too," I promised him and he nodded and kissed me again. I caught Carrie in a hug and spun her around through her giggles, kissing her quickly on the cheek as I set her down again. "How's Hannah?" I asked as Adam sat down and rocked our daughter. _Our daughter._

"Fine. Tired and emotional, but fine."

"She's okay though, right?" I said, latching onto the word 'emotional' and panicking.

"Of course," Carrie reassured me, taking my hand. "She's so happy for you, Jake. I nodded and went to sit next to Adam. "Does she have a name yet?" Carrie asked.

"Not yet," I told her.

There was a tiny, two- seater couch in the waiting room that me and Adam squeezed ourselves into, our legs tangling with each other as we took it in turns to hold each other and our little girl. Carrie disappeared back into the delivery room to talk to Hannah, who we were assured was fine, just needed some rest.

Ethan came out after a while to offer his congratulations before disappearing to go and collect his kids. We knew Hannah's children were excited to meet the baby too. Time seemed to pass without our noticing it; people came and went, faceless hospital staff who seemed surprised to see the two of us with a newborn but didn't make any comments.

Someone called my Dad who came with Charlie and a bunch of pink balloons and a soft teddy bear for her. Adam awkwardly passed her to Dad, his second grandchild but he still seemed to be slightly uncomfortable around babies despite this being the fifth he had ever been presented with, if you included his own.

After Dad the floodgates opened with a burst; people piled in to see us with more gifts and flowers and balloons. It was a bit overwhelming and we had to keep telling people we didn't have a name for her yet, mostly because we'd barely had two seconds to ourselves to talk about it.

As Rachel turned up and a few more people left, I stole into Hannah's room for a bit of peace and quiet. She was awake, but Christina was asleep in her arms. I didn't realize Ethan had left 'Stina here when he took the boys down to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Hey," I whispered and hesitated by the door.

"Come in," Hannah rasped with a warm smile and gestured to a chair next to the bed. She was smoothing Christina's hair back as she slept and looked exhausted; her ebony hair was scraped back from her face and she had no makeup on. "Congratulations, Jake," she whispered.

"Thank you," I said and reached for her hand. "So much, Hannah. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough."

"It's still one of the best things I've ever done," she assured me, squeezing my hand. "Outside these guys, of course," she kissed Christina's hair.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yes. I promise. It's just strange not bonding with the baby at the moment."

We'd spoken with the doctor's about feeding the baby and what was the best thing to do for everyone; Hannah didn't want to breast feed but was happy to express it and let us bottle feed her. We were going to do that for a few days then go onto formula. I guessed Hannah needed her own daughter for a little while to replace the baby she had given to us.

I only realized that I had gone quiet when Hannah interrupted my thoughts. "Do you have a name for her yet?"

"Not yet," I said. "We didn't even have a shortlist of names. We have favorites, but none of them are sticking for me at the moment."

"That's understandable," Hannah said and nodded to her sleeping daughter. "She was going to be called Lisa. Then she was born and she didn't look anything like a Lisa." Hannah laughed softly. "Life deals you your hand, I suppose. Is the baby okay?"

"She's perfect," I told her reverently. "Just amazing."

Hannah looked at her daughter and rocked her body, seemingly unconsciously. "Could I see her?" she whispered.

"They haven't let you see her yet?" I said, shocked and upset. Hannah just shook her head. "They gave her straight to Carrie and she took her out to you."

I stood up quickly and went back out to our waiting room, finding my little girl quickly and taking her silently from my sister then going back to Hannah- opening the door to the room with my hip.

Hannah smiled as I brought her in and sat down on the edge of the bed. I wasn't sure if she wanted to hold her or if she even could with Christina in her arms. "Do you want to hold her?" Hannah nodded and held her left arm to me.

I have no idea how she easily juggled the baby into the crook of her elbow, but the move looked smooth and instinctive compared to the awkward two- handed hold I was trying to perfect.

"Oh, Jake, she's beautiful," Hannah said. Our girl was sleeping but her long eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as Hannah rocked her.

"Do you think she knows you?" I asked.

"In some way, yes," Hannah said. "Intellectually, you can say that she will probably recognize the sound of my voice and maybe the way I smell but I think in some ways I'll always see a bit of myself in her."

"I hope you'll have a good relationship with her when she grows up," I said. "We want her to know that you're… not her Mom, but her aunt, and that she has a girl she can go to with girl stuff."

"I like that," Hannah said.

We talked quietly for a few minutes until Christina stretched and started to wake up.

"Oh!" the little girl said as she realized the baby was asleep next to her.

"Ssh," Hannah said softly. "She's sleeping."

Christina softly reached across her Mom and took the baby's tiny hand, which instinctively gripped around her finger.

"Look, Mommy," she said excitedly. "She's holding my hand."

Adam opened the door, the light spilling in from the waiting room only emphasizing the comfortable dimness in the room. "I wondered where my girl was," he said softly and came over to kiss me again.

"We need to give her a name," I sighed as Adam sat down on the edge of the bed next to Hannah.

"I think you should call her Annabel," Christina said. "I like that name."

"Annabel is nice," I said to Adam with a smile.

"I still like Ellie," he said and I nodded.

"Ellie is nice too."

Hannah laughed. "This is why the mom usually picks the name. Boys are too indecisive."

"So, we have Annabel or Ellie," I said. "Any other suggestions?"

"Anna- lee," Adam said suddenly. "Annaleigh."

"Annaleigh," I repeated. "That's pretty."

"I like it," Hannah said. "She could definitely be Annaleigh."

"I think she already is," I said, leaning forward to look at her sleeping face. "It's perfect. Let's go tell people."

Adam laughed at my enthusiasm and took Annaleigh from Hannah. "Hi, Annaleigh," he whispered and kissed her cheek. "Come and meet your family."

-x-X-x-

A/N: Cried buckets writing this. That's all.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 23

A familiar wail met my ears, tinny through the baby monitor and I groaned at the same time Adam's exhausted mumble reached my ears. "Your turn," he sighed, rolling over and hugging the duvet into his body so he could go back to sleep. I knew he was right, but it didn't mean I had to like it.

Oh, the 3am feed. It didn't matter how much we read about it, how much we prepared ourselves for it, there was nothing you could do to make it any better. I pulled on a pair of flannel pants from the floor and made my way downstairs into our daughter's room.

"Hey, sweetheart," I murmured as I lifted her gently from her crib, propping her up against my bare shoulder and rubbing her back to try and ease her cries as I carried her downstairs.

Adam and I had fallen into a routine where we would set out all the things we needed for the dreaded 3am feed before we went to bed, so it was just a case of boiling the water for her bottle and taking her back up to bed. It was about all I could manage in my super- tired state anyway and I yawned as I bounced her, soothing her by humming some tune from the radio. Fixing the bottle one handed was a skill I was proud to now own and it didn't take long before we were wandering back up to the nursery so I could sit and rock her as she fed.

Following the routine (about all I was capable of doing), I changed her first then collapsed into the rocking chair and finally got her whimpering to stop as she started to suck. Her long eyelashes fluttered closed and I sighed in relief as she settled quickly. She was getting better at this or maybe we were. I know Adam and I did things differently but she responded just as well to both of us.

Rocking her here like this made me think back to the only other baby I had encountered before Anna, to Grace, and how I was so terrified of holding that child the first time we met her. Adam was a natural even then. Grace was a child now, not a baby; I always imagined her as a miniature Bella even though I'm sure she would have taken after Edward in some way or another. I couldn't bare to think of Anna being that old yet. She was too precious to me while she was this small.

Her lips were still moving but her deep breathing told me she was nearly asleep so I carefully extracted the bottle from her mouth, mentally noting how much she had taken. Her little pink lips moved around the nothingness for a moment and her face screwed up like she was going to cry again; I held my breath until she settled then stood slowly, laying her down in her crib again and kissing her forehead before shutting the door softly behind me. My eyes were almost closed as I walked back up to mine and Adam's room and I kicked off the sleep pants before crawling into bed and curling around Adam's back.

"You're singing voice sucks," he murmured.

"Fuck off," I told him. "Anna likes it."

"She doesn't know any better yet." I yawned loudly and pulled Adam in tighter to my chest.

"Let's go back to sleep."

We did.

I woke a few hours later alone in bed. I sighed and stretched then checked the monitor. It was on, a silent sign Adam and I had developed to say Annaleigh was still in her room. I listened for a few minutes to the sound of her regular breathing, then got up and took a shower. It was 8.30am so Adam must have taken her 6am feed without me hearing her but she would be waking up soon so I had time to take a few minutes for myself. Even though me and Adam split Anna- duties right down the middle, having a newborn was still exhausting.

I let myself relax in the hot water, then turned it cold to really wake me up. I was shivering as I dried off and got dressed but over the years had learned that this was a good way for me to start the day. Adam hated it; he always got out of the shower before I turned it cold if we shared. I dressed in loose jeans and a t shirt then turned the monitor off to go down to check on my girl. She was still sleeping but looked restless so I preempted her waking up and went down to make her bottle. By the time I was back upstairs again she was fussing so I woke her up properly then gave her a bath and got her dressed in one of her little blue onesies and a denim dress over the top. She was happier then, clean and smiley so I took her bottle with me as I went to find Adam.

As I expected he was in his studio but he had the door open so I stood in the doorway watching him for a moment, bouncing Annaleigh as I drank in the sight of Adam. He was hunched over his drawing table, sketching away with the light coming in softly through the window. It was going to be another hot day. He had obviously got himself going earlier because there was a stack of half- eaten toast and an empty coffee mug next to him and he was in jeans and a loose shirt rolled up to his elbows, barefoot, like I was. He wore glasses these days, black, square- rimmed ones that made him look even hotter than he was before. And his hair was short now, while mine had grown out past my shoulders again.

I was convinced the effects of the imprinting had never worn off. I looked at him now the same way I did when I was seventeen; love, lust, adoration and more than a little awe. He was mine, forever, still. Our relationship had had its ups and downs but our love for each other was a constant through everything, grounding us through all the madness that being first time parents created.

"Morning," I said softly, not being able to not kiss him for much longer. And Anna was about to start wailing for her breakfast.

Adam jumped a little then spun around on his stool, opening his arms for me to go and settle there. "Morning," he echoed and tilted his head for a kiss. I balanced our daughter carefully as I lowered my lips to his, brushing mine over his once, twice, then deepening the kiss with a gentle sigh.

"Busy?" I asked as I shifted Anna so I could feed her while I was standing.

"Not really," he said as he turned back to his page. "I just had some things in my head this morning that I had to get out." I took a better look at his work and was highly amused to see a dark haired, dark eyed woman in a stunning black and silver ball gown staring back at me.

"Is that our girl, by any chance?"

"Might be," he blushed. "Hey, I work for Disney, leave me alone." I kissed the top of his head.

"Even if you just keep the sketches for us, I'm sure she's going to love them when she's older."

"Yeah," he said, brightened by the thought. I pointed to a triangle of toast and Adam stuck it in my mouth so I could take a bite and laughed at me as I chewed. "Here, let me take her," he said and I transferred her to his arms so I could finish his cold breakfast.

"Do we have any plans for today?" I asked as I wandered around the studio. Adam's artwork had taken somewhat of a back seat recently but he had half finished things stuck up all over the place.

"Not really," he said. "Lena send me a text last night asking if they could come round later, but I said I'd check with you first."

"No, that sounds good," I told him. It would be nice to reconnect with our friends, we'd practically been hermits since bringing Anna home.

"I'll let her know," Adam smiled at me and I was thrown slightly by the punch to the gut that still happened every time I realized he loved me. "I wanted to take Anna in to work next week," Adam continued, not aware of the love fest I was currently having. "I promised that I'd take her in as soon as we were mobile."

"Uh, yeah," I stammered. "I'll come if you want."

"Of course," he said quickly. "I can't go out with her by myself," he explained as if I was able to protect them both from the big wide world. I wished I could.

"We need to call Rachel back soon," I said as I settled myself in the leather wing chair I had bought him. "She wants to know how much longer we want to leave it before trying for the baby with her."

"Years," Adam groaned lightly. "Let's wait until Anna's ten. Or fifteen. Then we'll have another one."

"Good luck with that," I told him. "It's your turn, man. We knew Rachel wouldn't want to wait long."

"It's too soon," he grumbled.

"Adam, it takes months to make all the arrangements. And we don't know how long it's going to take Rach to get pregnant. She's not asking to do it next weekend, she just wants us to go meet with her doctor."

"I know," he said, smoothly transferring Anna to his shoulder to burp her. "It just feels like it's moving so quickly again."

I nodded and moved over to join Anna on his lap. My lips found his in a long, hazy kiss; rubbing against each other and loving rather than frantic and needing. I dropped my forehead to his and whispered words of love to him, then hopped off him and took the plates down to the kitchen to wash up.

It felt like we closed ranks in tight after Annaleigh was born. Our close friends became closer, while those we knew more as social acquaintances dropped off our radar. Lena and Maddie were our angels, filling in the large gaps in our knowledge on children while Carrie came to see us more and more frequently. I think it was to be expected that we wouldn't remain as close to some people after we had Anna; we had never hit the party scene hard but the people who were still doing it three nights a week weren't going to want to come to our place to chill with a mug of tea while we stressed about our newborn. We had grown up overnight.

There were inevitable snide comments from strangers about a baby girl who had two fathers, and what were we going to do when she turned thirteen and had no female influence in her life but I tried to ignore most of it. Hannah would always be there for her and we had some amazing female friends who I couldn't ever see leaving us so we'd be fine. I was learning how to be a parent as we went along; I'd figure how to deal with a teenager the same way we figured out half the stuff about dealing with an infant.

I don't know how we'd ever pay Carrie back for helping us those first few weeks while we stayed in La Push with Anna. It wasn't just things like how to change her and feed her and bathe her, it was figuring out why she was crying and what that rash was and how to be a father. I learned about the importance of having a routine and how she liked to be rocked (on my shoulder while I rubbed her back). I found out how much she was supposed to eat every day and when, and how to burp a newborn. The first time I tried to change her out of a onesie and into a clean one I was terrified. I mean, Carrie was there watching me but I was so scared I'd hurt her as I tried to force wriggling limbs into soft but unyielding cotton.

And when I got her out of her crib one morning and she had scratches on her face and wrists I _freaked out._ She was so tiny and the marks were so red; I was nearly hyperventilating as I took her downstairs to Grandma. Carrie was sweet about it though as she explained the perils of sharp fingernails on delicate skin, then told me to rub a little bit of lotion into it to ease the sting. I nicknamed her _Anna Scissorhands _after that.

When Annaleigh reached twelve weeks old, I started to take her down to Black Hawk Motors just for a morning or afternoon at a time while I worked in the office. She seemed to be happy there; it was nice to walk down there with her in the stroller and since my office had always been kept reasonably tidy and clean, I was happy for her to stay there with me. I knew I wasn't ready for her to go into any kind of daycare, there was the possibility of her going into the crèche at Pixar when she was older. In some ways knowing our time alone together was limited made me appreciate it even more.

After weeks of discussions and meetings and tests and physicals, Rachel started trying to get pregnant when Anna was seven months old. We had settled into things at that point and were stupidly happy with our family and it felt right to start trying to bring in our second child. Anna had just started going to daycare and my separation anxiety was at maximum level so Adam going up to Seattle for treatment left me feeling sad and lost for the day. I worked, but according to my closest friends and staff I was a waste of space.

Rachel's first round of ICI didn't work. Nor did the second. The months ticked by and then Adam was called back by the doctors to give another sperm sample. Privately, we worried that things wouldn't be as easy as they had been when we tried for Annaleigh. When we went home to La Push for Christmas, Rachel admitted that she'd had a hard time getting pregnant with Gray and that was the main reason why she didn't want to leave it too long before trying for our baby; she and Paul still wanted to try for another child themselves.

In the end Adam and I agreed that if Rachel wanted to take drugs to boost her fertility then we didn't have a problem with that, as long as it was safe for her to do so. She seemed eager to try, and the following month started taking shots to try and help nature along. The next month Paul called us; apparently Rachel had been in tears for twenty minutes already and he couldn't see any signs of her stopping soon- she was ten days pregnant.

For some reason I felt more uneasy about Rachel's pregnancy than I had about Hannah's. When she got pregnant, Hannah had already had all of her children and knew that she wanted to be a surrogate. Rachel still wanted more children of her own, and now she was carrying a baby that was half hers, half Adam's. After weeks of worrying I decided to fly up to La Push to talk to her about it, not wanting to have that discussion over the phone. Adam stayed in San Francisco with Anna for the weekend- the first time I had ever left her.

Rach knew I was coming back to La Push, but I don't think she knew the extent of my worry about the baby. In the end I asked her to meet me at Carrie's, then at least Carrie could be the impartial peacekeeper if we ended up needing one. She was good at that.

"So," Rach said once we were all sat around with mugs of coffee. "I'm guessing you didn't just fly up here for a social visit?"

Carrie laughed and I considered the contents of my mug, which lead to strange thoughts about reading tea leaves and divination and destiny. "How are you?" I ended up saying lamely.

"I'm fine, Jake," she said and rolled her eyes. "Unless you particularly want to hear about the two hours I spent hurling my guts up this morning?"

"Uh, no thanks," I muttered.

"Tell me," she demanded in her best 'big sister' voice.

I took a deep breath, then launched into my stream of worries. "We battled for this baby, Rach, and I know that you and Paul want another one of your own. It's different from when we had Annaleigh and it feels more awkward. No one wants to accuse you of changing your mind on the surrogacy because it's a horrible thing to suggest. But it doesn't stop us worrying and not asking is worse than saying things behind your back."

Rachel smirked at me over the top of her coffee. "Are you done yet?" she asked, and took a sip.

"No. It's still weird to think that Adam knocked you up and I'm trying not to be grossed out about that. I'm worried that it's still so early and what we would do if something went wrong. I need to know that you're still okay with our agreement because right now I've got an image of a custody battle between my sister and my husband where I'm stuck in the middle with no rights as the father of this baby at all. I'm done now."

"Jake, come here," Rach demanded and I climbed out of the chair that Adam and I had claimed as ours and joined her on the couch. She swung her legs over my lap and pulled me into a hug. "I can't remember all your points in order, but I know I need to do some serious reassuring.

"I wouldn't have battled so hard to get pregnant with this baby if it wasn't so important to me that I was the one to give him to you. I don't want you to use another surrogate, Jake, this is the closest thing you're going to get to having a child who's half of you and half of Adam. If we loose this baby then we'll start again, and I'll keep going until we have one.

"Yes, me and Paul want another child," she continued, kissing my cheek once. "But that can wait. Gray is still young and we have plenty of time. I don't know why it took so long for me to get pregnant- it wasn't this hard the first time around. And he's already yours, Jake. I'm so glad I've already had Gray because I know this feels different. He's not my baby. He's just… borrowing some space for a while."

I laughed softly and pulled her closer to me. "Time share baby?"

"Yeah," she agreed as she put her head on my shoulder. "He's only been alive for a few weeks, but he's yours. So completely yours."

I nodded, choked up now and rested my hand on her abdomen. She took it and moved it down to the space below her belly button, over the waistband of her jeans. "He's still pretty small right now," she said with a wink.

"How big?" I asked, needing a mental image of him.

"About an inch long," she said and laced her fingers with mine. "There's a long way to go, yet."

When I got home, the crayons came out for the fridge again.

"Rachel's already referring to the baby as a 'he'," I told Adam as we looked at our depressingly white refrigerator.

"Is she?" he said and pulled me into a hug. "Do you want a boy this time?"

"I don't know," I told him. "I like my baby girl. I don't think I'll know until he arrives."

"Do you want to find out this time?" I pulled out of his arms and went about fixing dinner for both of us. Well, I went to the drawer and pulled out the takeaway menu for my favorite Indian restaurant.

"No," I told him with a laugh. "It's supposed to be a surprise."

"I know, but I want to know if I need to redecorate the nursery," he whined.

"Are we going to move Anna next door?"

"I think we should. It kind of sets her up for the new baby, and means we can move her into the bigger space and a bed and everything. We can't do as much to prepare her because there's nothing for her to _see _to show her the new baby's coming. Moving her is the best thing, I think."

I leaned over to give him a kiss. "You're the best Dad in the world," I told him.

He kissed me back. "I know. That's because I have you doing it with me."

Anna was too young to really know why we were moving her into her 'big girl's bedroom'; Adam did all the work for her first birthday present and even though she didn't move in there until a few weeks before the new baby was due, she used it as a playroom for the months before. Once the crib was moved and reassembled to make her first bed she got a lot more excited about it.

There was no way Adam was going to just do her a normal bedroom and he hit me really hard on the arm when I pointed out some nice stencils when we were wandering around the hardware store looking at different color paints. Apparently, Adam Black Hawk does not use stencils. My only request was that it wasn't sickly pink, so we ended up with an 'under the sea' theme with light blue walls and carpet and fishes painted around the room. It was cute and fun and the mermaids made it more girlie. Anna liked it, anyway. And it gave me a good excuse to sit in the big squashy beanbag I had bought and watch _Finding Nemo_ with her.

We debated on the best place to stay when we moved back up to La Push to wait for Rachel to give birth; Anna had been sleeping in her own room for long enough and we didn't really want her in our room with us. Mainly because it meant that any chance of some daddy alone time was completely out of the question. If we moved back in with Carrie again we couldn't stay in Adam's room but Anna would be on the other side of the house to us.

But Carrie went nuts when we said we were thinking of staying in a hotel so we moved in with her and Anna took the room next to Carrie's and we got an extra monitor to go in Carrie's room as well as the one we kept in ours.

Unlike Annaleigh who was born at a reasonable time in the day, Ellen Black Hawk decided to make her entrance into the world at three in the morning. We were woken up by my phone ringing at 1am, Paul calling to tell us he was pretty sure 'this was it'. Rachel had turned into something of a drama queen and had been in and out of hospital on a daily basis thinking she was in labor; Adam woke up Carrie and told her to stay in bed and tell Anna where we were if she woke up.

By the time we were dressed and making our way to the hospital Paul had called again to tell us to hurry the fuck up because Rach was nearly ready to push and otherwise we'd miss it. But it was another case of hurry up and wait and we curled into an uncomfortable couch to nap in each other's arms until the baby was born.

This time Paul carried our daughter out to us and the sound of her loud cries woke us up.

"You can get used to that," he laughed as he transferred the wriggly, red baby into Adam's arms. "I'm going back to Rach," he told me and I nodded absently, already completely engrossed with our new daughter.

"She's so beautiful," Adam said, pulling hands and feet out of the pink blanket to check her little fingers and toes.

I was going to call Carrie and tell her but decided to leave it to a more reasonable time in the morning. As it was, after a couple of hours the nurses signed her off to be discharged. She was healthy and happy and Rachel was allowed to go home to rest properly. I got the impression she was sad to let the baby go, not that she'd ever tell me if she was.

It was six thirty and the sun was starting to peek over the horizon when we loaded Ellen up into her car seat and drove back to the house to introduce her to her big sister and Grandma. When we arrived, aching and tired they were both still in bed and it seemed unbelievable that they'd slept through everything we'd been through in one night. Surely we had been gone for days?

I left Adam rocking our girl on the couch and decided to go and wake Anna up. She'd be getting up soon anyway and I didn't want her to miss the excitement. I took the stairs two at a time then paused in the doorway to watch her sleeping for a moment; if she was in a really deep sleep then I would have left her alone but she was snuffling slightly and moving so I knew she'd be okay.

"Anna?" I said, going to sit on the edge of her bed. "Anna," I called her name softly again and her long eyelashes batted a few times before opening. She smiled when she saw me and I felt my heart stretch again to fit both my girls in there. "Guess what?" I whispered. "There's someone downstairs who wants to meet you." Her eyebrows furrowed together and she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "The baby came last night when you were asleep."

"Baby?" she asked.

"Yes," I said as she crawled into my lap. "You have a baby sister, her name is Ellen. Do you want to come and see her?"

Anna nodded and stuck her thumb in her mouth. I kissed her head and gathered her more securely in my arms as I carried her downstairs. It was a bit more of a squeeze than normal, but we managed to fit me and Anna and Adam with Ellen all into our chair; legs and arms tangling over and around each other until we were comfortable.

Her thumb stayed firmly in her mouth as Anna reached out to touch Ellen's face and I was amazed at how gentle she was, reverent even as she took in her baby sister. Her fingertips stroked lightly over Ellen's cheek, then down the sleeve of her sleepsuit to her tiny hand. I caught Adam watching Anna with the same expression I was sure I was wearing- this was our family. We had our babies, everything that we had been building up to for years.

Adam leaned into me and brushed his nose against mine. I parted my lips against his in a soft but incredibly passionate kiss, silently saying all the things I needed him to hear. _I love you. I love our children. Thank you for helping me bring them into the world. This is our happily ever after._

-x-X-x-

We both took the statutory twelve weeks off work to stay home with Ellen and it was the best time of my life; falling into a routine with both my girls of long days getting to know each other and how our lives would change by being a family of four instead of three.

I'd just put Annaleigh down for the night and Adam was feeding Ellen and I was completely exhausted, having two such young babies was so draining but I knew I had accounts I needed to go over before I could go to bed. I still had a business to run, even if I was trying to ignore its existence.

I dragged my aching body downstairs to the dining room where I had my laptop and a year's worth of papers spread across the dining table; my accountant would deal with most of the mess but I still needed to log every customer, car and job for my own records.

I had just started when I heard Adam coming down the stairs, he stuck his head around the door to let me know both girls were now asleep then went to make me a coffee. His workload had eased off since he handed in his last project, his boss was okay with him taking time off on "paternity leave". Being my own boss was both a help and a hindrance sometimes; if I didn't work, I didn't earn anything, but if I wanted to put the hours in I could and it would mean a bit of extra spending money. Not that we weren't well off these days. Since Adam got given his huge project we had been pretty much coasting along. Life was good.

Adam came in with two mugs of what smelled like tea.

"No coffee?" I asked as he set one down next to me.

"No," he said, placing his mug next to mine and gently massaging my shoulders. "It's decaf tea. Come on to bed, Jake."

"I can't," I moaned, dropping my head to the table. "I need to get this done."

"In the morning," he insisted, grabbing the power cord and threatening to pull it.

"Okay, I'm shutting down," I conceded. It didn't take a lot to distract me.

Adam went around to lock up and turn the lights off and I was nearly ready for bed when I heard a light knock on the door. I met Adam's eyes from across the room and saw my concern mirrored there. It was only 10.30pm but we weren't expecting anyone and it was late enough… when you have kids people usually call before they come over. And they don't come late at night.

"I'm coming with you," he said quietly as I went to get the door. I left the chain on at first as I pulled the door back a few inches, then recognized the face outside and quickly shut the door, unchaining it so I could pull it open again.

"Oh my god, Becca," I said as I pulled my eldest sister into the house. She had only taken two steps inside the door before her legs gave way and she collapsed into my arms.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 24 

Becca looked like hell. I knew she was still travelling but last we heard she had met some guy in Hawaii and things were getting pretty serious. I hadn't heard from her in months, only over the phone when Ellen was born. Paul had told me that Rach had been pretty pissed off that Becca hadn't made the effort to come home to see her newest niece and I tried not to be too annoyed about it. She had been doing her own thing for years now.

I had gotten pretty good being around pregnant girls in the past eighteen months and now, I could guess by the size of her swollen belly that my sister was at least six months gone. Adam quickly grabbed her other arm and the light case she had in her hand and together we hauled her in from the night.

Becca was sobbing silently, tears running down her face and she kept apologizing, over and over.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Adam soothed as he pulled her down on to the couch and into his arms. "It's okay." I went back and double bolted the front door, not knowing what the hell was going on and scared for my sleeping babies upstairs. For my own peace of mind I jogged up to the third floor to grab their monitors, then stuck my head into each of their bedrooms before going back to my sister.

She had stopped crying when I got back to the family room but Adam was still rocking and shushing her, rubbing slow circles into her lower back and he shook his head at me when I went to talk to her. 'Water,' he mouthed at me and I went to the kitchen to pour her a glass. It took me three attempts to fill the glass where my hands were shaking so bad and I took a deep breath before walking back to them and handing Becca the drink.

"Thanks," she croaked and I sat down on the coffee table opposite them.

"Becca, what's going on?" I asked softly, ignoring Adam's glare at me.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," she whimpered but I took her hand and squeezed it.

"Don't apologize, just tell me what's happening," I said softly. "Do we need to take you to a doctor? Have you seen one?"

"I don't need a doctor," she said, grasping the glass in both hands to take a long drink. "I saw one a few weeks ago."

"Where were you then?" I asked, trying to keep the calm, soft voice.

"Hawaii." Okay, so still with the guy.

'How far gone?' Adam mouthed again.

"How many months are you, Becca?" I asked.

"Nearly seven," she said, tears leaking out of her eyes again. "I tried to get rid of it, Jake, three times I had an appointment to get rid of it but Rach was pregnant too and I couldn't, I couldn't make myself do it."

"It's okay," I soothed again. "Don't worry. We'll help you figure it out."

"You have to take it," she said, her eyes filling with tears again. "I didn't get rid of it in case anything happened to your baby. Please take it, Jake, I can't do this alone."

I met Adam's eyes over her hunched, too- skinny body as he stopped rocking her. He was doing the same calculations as me; Ellen was six weeks old, Annaleigh was only twenty months old and Becca was due in only two months? _Two months? _That's three children under the age of two!

I tried to give him a warning glare, death eyes that said 'we'll talk about this later' but it was too late, he started rocking her again and lightly kissed her hair as the hand not rubbing her back laced around and rested on her stomach. Like it or not, it appeared the third baby Black Hawk was on it's sweet way.

-x-X-x-

What was our guest room had been turned into Annaleigh's room when Ellen was born and took over the nursery so we had nowhere to offer Becca but the small single bed that we had bought for Anna but not set up yet. Adam and I pulled our bleary- eyed efforts and got it built in his studio while Becca showered and changed into one of my t shirts to sleep. We barely spoke except in concern for my sister, the baby wasn't mentioned at all.

She came out of the bathroom looking marginally better than when she went in but I was still seriously concerned. Adam's hand on my shoulder kept me from asking the barrage of questions that I had building up and I pulled Becca into a tight hug as I showed her the bed, telling her I was only upstairs if she needed me. I felt like I had another baby to look after already.

I checked Ellen before we headed to bed while Adam checked Anna, then we swapped. I took his hand as we walked up to our room and stripped in silence and brushed our teeth together. It was only once we were in bed and holding each other tightly in our facing- each- other sleeping position that I spoke.

"Don't get too attached to the idea of that baby," I said sleepily. "She's so emotional and exhausted right now, I expect she'll change her mind."

"I'm having a hard time wrapping my head round it," he admitted. "Three kids?"

"I know," I said and leaned forward to kiss him softly. "Let her sleep tonight and we can talk in the morning."

"I'll take the first feed," Adam said over a yawn. "You get some rest."

"If you're sure. I love you."

"I love you too," he promised. Despite my churning mind, it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

I have some vague recollection of feeding Ellen at 3am but not really; I could go through the motions of that without being mentally present these days. My next real memory was of a little, soft body snuggling up to me and her breath on my cheek.

"Daddy?" she whispered and tugged on my hair.

"Mm, Daddy's sleeping," I murmured and rolled onto my back, bringing Anna with me so her head was under my chin and she could sprawl out across my chest. I thanked some unnamed deity above as she wrapped her arms around my neck and snuggled in tight, falling back to sleep in my arms. I pulled the lighter blanket up over us both so she wouldn't get too hot.

I didn't really sleep again then but listened to the sound of her steady breathing and rubbed her back slowly like I used to with Adam when we were first together. Too often these days we'd go straight to sleep instead of lying awake talking and teasing each other.

It almost felt like cheating, just relaxing with my daughter in my arms while Adam was left to sort out the newborn and my sister, but moments like these were too precious to waste. I wouldn't dream of trying to deny the special bond I had with Annaleigh which had to be a combination of the fact that she was our eldest, our first and biologically mine. There was also no denying that the girl looked like me, a lot. I loved that, walking down the street with her and someone stopping us to comment on how she must be my daughter.

We were trying to let her hair grow out a bit and I tried to measure how much it had grown but it didn't seem to want to go past her shoulders; it was glossy and dark, like mine. I rubbed my lips over her hair, unable to stop myself and she sighed as she woke up then leaned up to give me one of those wet toddler kisses.

"I think it's time to get up, sweetie pie," I said quietly as she yawned and stretched. I checked the alarm clock, it was 7.30 already. A lie in.

Anna didn't seem so enthusiastic about moving so I held on to her tightly and got up, carrying her down to her room so I could get her dressed. She tried to snuggle back into me to go back to sleep and I chuckled lightly, she was so much like me.

"Come on, once you're dressed we can go and find Adam and Ellen."

"Baby?" she asked.

"Ellen," I encouraged her gently. She was having trouble saying the name but we were persistent with her. "Eh- len."

"Baby!" she told me happily and clapped her hands on my cheeks. I left that lesson for later and changed and dressed her quickly. She was good at helping me these days and would sit still when she needed to and let me kiss the bottoms of her feet and tummy before the right part got covered up.

"Shall we go and see Adam?" I asked her once she had shoes on.

"Adam," she agreed and smiled at me. Every time I saw that- her pretty lips stretched wide and her eyes twinkling at me my heart melted again. It was like the first time she got put in my arms all over again.

I scooped her up off the changing table and held her on my hip as I went to go and find my boy and my baby. Annaleigh chatted happily to herself as I went downstairs. She didn't have a huge vocabulary yet but she 'talked' constantly and according to her doctor that was a good thing. She'd pick up new words when she was ready.

Adam was in the kitchen making breakfast for us, Becca was sat at the breakfast bar drinking juice and looking so much better than she did last night.

"Morning," I called as we entered the sunny room.

"'Nin!" Anna called out and I looked at her with surprise. That was another new one.

"Good morning, gorgeous," Adam said and kissed Anna on the head. "And you," he said, smiling at me and giving me a quick kiss too.

"Thanks," I pretended to sulk at him, then leaned in to kiss him again. "How are you doing this morning?" I asked Becca as I strapped Anna into her high chair.

"I'm okay, thanks," she said and smiled at Anna. "Gosh, Jake, how old is she now?"

"She's gonna be two in a few of months," I said and went about making her porridge after giving her a couple of plastic spoons to bang against the tray; I knew from experience she'd only scream if I didn't give her something to play with. She was going to be a drummer, like her daddy. I could see it already.

"Jake I've called Lena and she's going to come and take Anna out for a couple of hours this morning," Adam said as he scrambled eggs. "Give us some time to talk."

"Sounds good," I said and sat down to feed Anna. "Hear that squirt? Aunty Lena is coming to see you today." She giggled happily and hit the tray for more food. Sometimes kids could be so predictable. "Is Ellen okay?" I checked and Adam nodded.

"Yeah. She didn't want to go back to sleep this morning so I was up with her for about an hour."

"I'm sorry," I said automatically. Ellen didn't settle as well as Annaleigh used to when she was a baby, we were often awake with her in the early hours of the morning. Adam seemed to like staying up with her though, he claimed he was turning nocturnal.

"It's not your fault," he said and smacked me on the ass with a spatula. I stuck my tongue out at him and Anna giggled.

After Lena had picked up Anna to take her for a morning of shopping (on my credit card, I might add), I sat down with Becca and Adam and tried to figure out how we were supposed to help her without it turning into an interrogation.

"I don't know where to start," I told her honestly as she settled down on the chair opposite us.

"I'm sorry-" she started but Adam cut her off.

"Don't start that again," he warned her. "If you need help you can always come to us, you should know that."

Becca nodded and folded her hands over her belly. "It's not really that good a story," she admitted.

"What happened to the guy you were seeing?" Adam asked. I noticed how he didn't assume anything about the father of the baby.

"We broke up," she admitted. I started to get the impression getting any answers from her would be like getting blood from a stone.

"Where is he now?" I asked her, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.

"He's still in Hawaii."

"Does he know about the baby?"

Becca nodded.

"Does he know where you are now?" Adam asked. She shook her head.

"Shit, Becca, help us out here!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up and falling back into the couch. Adam hit me across my chest.

"Shut _up_, Jacob," he muttered.

Becca sighed and pushed her hair back from her face. "He knows I'm pregnant. He told me to get rid of it. He's a pro surfer, I met him in New Zealand and travelled with him back to Hawaii and we were getting on really well… I don't know. I'm not ready to have children yet, Jake."

"Why did you leave?" Adam asked her gently.

"He was really mad when I didn't go through with the abortion but I didn't have enough money at that point to fly home. I knew Rach was pregnant with Ellen for you and I just thought that if anything went wrong with her pregnancy then I didn't want to get rid of this baby... I kept putting off the abortion, waiting in case something happened and then it was too late." She started to cry again and I went to go to her but Adam took my hand and squeezed it, so I waited. "I was going to put the baby up for adoption in Hawaii but then things started to get… violent… between me and Ty. So I bought my flight on his credit card and left before he knew I was going."

"But why don't you want to keep the baby?" I asked, still not getting the point.

"I can't!" she wailed. "I'm not ready to be a mother. I can't have his child, I don't know if I could ever love it. Not like you love your children. I want to go back to La Push," she said, quieter now. "Fall in love, get married, start a life there. I don't want to be a single mother and go back with a child that I resent already."

"Becca, I don't know if you've thought this through," Adam said gently. "It sounds like you don't plan on telling anyone about the baby. But Jake and I can't just turn up with another child. Especially one that's going to look somewhat like us. We're going to have to tell our parents, at very least."

"No," she started to sob. "No, you can't tell them."

I got up then at the same time as Adam did and we sat either side of her, pulling her into a hug between us. We let her cry it out, then handed her a box of tissues.

"You can stay in San Francisco if you want, Becs," I told her. "We have room; you can live with us until the baby's born. But it's not fair on Rach and Dad and Carrie if we don't let them know what's happening. They're going to be worried about you and I'm happy to tell everyone else to fuck off, but we need to let our family know what's going on."

She sniffed and nodded.

"I think you should call Rachel," Adam said quietly. "It sounds like a lot of your decisions have been based around what's been going on with us. You need to concentrate on you, now."

"Could you call her for me?" Becca asked me with wide wet eyes. I shook my head gently.

"Becca, it's _Rach,_" I told her. "Twin, remember? You don't need to hide anything from her. Just explain, she'll be fine, I promise. Tell her I'll go home and beat her up if she's mean."

I handed Becca my phone after hitting speed- dial 5 for Rachel and she wandered off to the dining room to take the call, absently rubbing her ribs as she went.

"This is going to end in tears," I told Adam in a warning voice. "She's seriously fucked up. I've never seen her like this before, ever."

Adam nodded. "I don't know what to do. If we tell her we'll take the baby, what happens if she changes her mind and wants to keep it? Adopting would be a nightmare because we're not married."

"I'm worried for her- physically and mentally. She's too skinny, baby," I said, shifting into his lap and kissing his neck. "You can feel her ribs under her shirt. And I think we need to get her some kind of counseling before she makes any more decisions."

"You're right," Adam said and kissed me softly on the mouth. "Is she staying here?"

"Yes," I said quickly. "As long as she needs to."

"Then I think we should make the dining room into her room. Take the table down and put it out in the garage, and maybe we can borrow a bed from Lena for a few months, she has one in her guest room."

"Good plan," I agreed. "I'll see about getting her an appointment with a doctor, get her registered here and we can talk about getting her some help."

"I want to call Mom," Adam said as we got deeper into making plans. "See what she thinks about it all."

"Hm. Let's get her checked first, yeah? I don't want her to feel like we're taking the decision to tell people out of her hands. It's still her news to tell when she's ready."

We were quiet for a few minutes, kissing slowly like we did whenever we had the chance, then Ellen's soft whimpers drew us apart. I went to her Moses basket and lifted her out, cradling her in my elbow like she preferred and rocking her gently. She seemed happier in my arms, just wanting contact maybe so I took her back over to sit on Adam again.

I wanted to check on Becca but Adam held me down, literally, saying I needed to give her time. Instead we split up a list of things to do; booking appointments and speaking to Maddie's brother who was a lawyer specializing in family practice. We had used him before when we had the girls so he knew us already, just in case we did need to do something about adoption. It would be good to be prepared.

After nearly an hour on the phone, Becca walked through the family room, still talking to Rachel and asked if she could help herself to a drink. I nodded and told her 'of course', after which she proceeded to take a can of coke from the fridge and walked back through to the dining room, _still_ talking to Rachel. From what I heard, it sounded like they were gossiping about people they went to school with. I simultaneously felt relieved and wanted to smack her round the head and tell her to talk about the important stuff.

Forty five minutes and a quick call to Lena from Adam's phone later, Becca emerged from the dining room and crashed onto my couch.

"Paul and Rachel are coming to see us on the weekend," she announced.

"That's nice," I said lamely, transferring Ellen to my other arm to feed her.

"Don't worry, they said they'd book into a hotel."

"Oh," I said. "Did you…" I gestured to her belly.

"Oh. Yeah," she said. I felt the urge to smack her again. If she was just my sister, and not my pregnant sister who wanted to give me her baby, I would have.

"And?" I prompted.

"She said I need to talk to someone. A counselor, or something. And not to make any big decisions yet. She yelled at me a bit for not coming to you guys sooner and she told me to come home to La Push right away."

"Sounds like she's being a bossy cow, as normal," I joked and thankfully she laughed.

"Yeah," she agreed.

I carried Ellen over to the couch and settled down next to Becca. "This shit is fucked up, Becs," I said seriously, glad Adam was out of the room so he wouldn't scold me about 'little ears'.

"I know," she said, studying her hands.

"Like, worse than _Springer_ fucked up."

"I _know,_ Jacob," she spat, then winced and pressed her hand to the side of her belly.

"What's wrong?" I demanded immediately.

"Damn baby poking me," she muttered. "It sticks it's elbows and feet out all the time and it's really uncomfortable."

I nodded, not really knowing what to say. The women who carried our children lived thousands of miles away while they were pregnant; I had never had to deal with any of this before. I finished feeding Ellen and she was practically asleep already so I put her back in her Moses basket, not really wanting to take her up to her room. I was happier where I could see her; I didn't like to admit how much I had been shaken up by the night before.

Despite my attempt at being lighthearted with Becca, I was still stressed out with everything and not sure how to deal with any of it. All of my priorities were thrown completely out of sync; my husband, my sisters, my children, my business… I couldn't let any of them down and all needed my attention. You would think that over the years I would have got better at this balance shit. It was like being seventeen again; _my father, my friends, my tribe, my pack, Bella, Adam…_Only this time I didn't have my father or Sam telling me what to do or pointing me in the right direction. Now, I had my children who I needed to protect while finding these for other people, and it was unnerving.

I had no idea what was the right thing to do for Becca. My instincts had already kicked in and we were getting her help; a doctor, a shrink, her sister, my adopted mother. But further than that, she had turned up on my doorstep a little over twelve hours previously, heavily pregnant and telling me she wanted me to take her baby. Adam and I were settled with the idea of having two kids. Two was good. There was balance and order and symmetry and I liked that. But the possibility of a third child was changing my future before my eyes and taking me to an unknown somewhere else.

We had a six week old infant and within the next eight weeks, Becca would be having her baby. There was so little time for us to get her professional help and I was scared that time was the one thing we really needed and there was no way of getting any more of it. With both Anna and Ellen we had months and months to prepare for them; the whole process of waiting for Hannah and Rachel to get pregnant then nine months of waiting before they were handed to us. With this child, he or she could be thrust upon us without any warning.

It occurred to me that no one had yet asked us if we _wanted_ another baby. Of course, we would love it and he or she would become part of our family, just as much ours as the children we had already, there was no question about that. But it was out of our hands, and that was new territory. Things were happening too quickly, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

-x-X-x-

We settled Becca into her new room that week while she protested around us. We ignored her, for the most part. She had an appointment with the doctor on the Friday which neither Adam or I were allowed to attend although we did get to speak to the doctor afterwards who assured us that Becca was okay but underweight and that the baby was fine.

Things were unavoidably awkward around the house and I was glad when the time came to go and collect Carrie from the airport. She was going to be staying with Lena and Maddie this time; she'd sort of adopted them as daughters as well. We all called her 'Mom', anyway.

On the journey home we happily talked about everything except Becca and it was only when we arrived back at the house that Carrie the Mother really took over.

"Right you two, pack up my granddaughters," she demanded. "We're all going down to Aunty Lena tonight."

"Oh Mom, not now," Adam groaned.

"You're not coming," she said to him. "You and Jake need time to figure this through without me and Becca and the girls around. Go on. Pack their overnight stuff. We'll have a girl's night in, and you can have a boy's night."

I felt a familiar stirring at the mention of a boy's night. Boy's nights in this house involved very specific activities.

"But Ellen's still so young," I argued half- heartedly. "I don't know if she'll sleep properly."

"I think between the four of us we can handle one baby, Jacob," Carrie said sternly. "I won't tell you again. Get on with it."

I never had a chance to really appreciate that there's a point when it comes to your mom that you don't argue any more, not until Carrie came along. She had already called ahead and arranged for everyone to stay at Lena's overnight; there were enough beds for everyone to be able to sleep there and I could carry down Ellen's Moses basket for her to sleep in that for the night. I rolled my eyes at her, earning a slap round the side of my head and went upstairs to pack Ellen's things into her changing bag. Anna appeared at the top of the stairs while I was double checking everything in the hall, she was carrying her version of bedtime essentials: her bear and her blanket. Job done.

There were lots of kisses at the door and promises that Daddy was just down the road, and whispered promises that Daddy and Adam would not be called unless there was a dire emergency. It felt weird leaving them but shit, it was Carrie. If we couldn't leave them for one night with our best friends and our mother then there was no hope for us as parents.

And then we were alone. Adam took my hand and we walked up to our bedroom, shutting the door behind us.

"No children," I whispered.

"Nope," he agreed.

"No distractions." I pulled my t shirt off over my head and threw it across the room, then reached for the hem of Adam's shirt to repeat the action.

"Not one," he laughed.

"I have you," I leaned in for a kiss, "all alone," _kiss_ "for _hours._"

"And hours and hours," he agreed and thrust his hips forward to meet mine.

We kissed hungry, messy kisses as we each fought the battle with our own jeans, kicking the rough denim off as our tongues and mouths became better acquainted again.

"I am so… insanely in love with you," I told him as his strong arms wrapped around my naked chest. He squeezed me tighter and kissed my neck; my arms closed around his waist and we rocked together like that for a moment, just needing the closeness.

"It's more," he whispered. "How can it keep being more than it was before? How can I love you more now than I did a year ago, or five years ago, or ten? It feels like there's no way I can love you any more than I do right now, but how am I going to feel ten years from now?"

"I know," I said and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I know."

I took a step backwards and fell back on to the bed, pulling him with me so he was lying on top of me as we kissed. My fingertips ran up and down the length of his arms, unconsciously tracing the lines of his tattoo that I had memorized years ago. We were making love, already.

Adam leaned back, taking his weight off me and I scooted back on the bed. He smiled that slow, sexy smile that turns my belly to mush and my cock to stone and I unconsciously licked my lips. I knew how he would taste, I knew how he would feel and that was more arousing and exciting to me than anything else I could think of.

Once I was settled Adam hovered over me again, running his nose over mine then kissing me deeply, taking control of my mouth rather than just touching it. His tongue met mine and his lips pushed me into submission as our naked cocks rubbed together for friction. We would pay attention to those later.

His lips, right now, were the only thing I could concentrate on; the way it felt to be naked underneath him, my skin against his all down my torso to where my legs and feet tangled with his. He rocked his whole body against mine so that I could feel the delicious pressure of his weight on the steel rings through my nipples. He knew what I wanted as much as what I needed and kissed down the sensitive skin of my throat, then lapped at the hoop as I threaded my fingers through his hair to hold him in place while he showered attention on my favorite eighteenth birthday gift.

He kept kissing down and took the head of my cock between his lips, his hands splayed across my hips so he could run his thumbs over the sensitive skin across my hipbones. The feeling was beyond words; the warmth of his mouth, the movement of his tongue, the way he sucked me deep then swallowed around me making a vacuum of pressure that made my balls ache with the tension.

"Adam," I warned him, the word coming out as a husky croak.

He pulled off me and kissed down my length, eventually taking one of my balls into his mouth and sucking on it. I arched my back off the bed as the pleasure shot through my body, emitting an embarrassingly loud groan and fisting my hands in the bedsheets.

"You want me?" he said in his sex- voice, the one that makes me want to come on the spot.

"Yeah," I agreed, locking my eyes on his.

He reached over and pulled our 'special' lube out of the drawer, the one that gets cold when you use it. Thing is, if you use too much you get the sex equivalent of brain freeze which is decidedly unsexy so we could only use a little bit at a time. Meaning he had to go real slow because there was a lot more friction going on. All in all, it made for a fucking good time.

He sat back on his heels and lifted my hips on to his lap so he could take his time penetrating me, lightly rubbing my stomach and chest with one hand as he used the other to guide his cock. The cooling lube worked right away and sent a shiver down my spine as his hot cock pushed it deeper into my body; then he leaned forward and positioned himself above me, lifting my legs around his waist and his mouth finally coming back to mine.

He pressed hundreds of little kisses and licks and bites on my mouth as his cock worked inside me, taking me to another plane of existence as the heat in my heart was only matched by the aching of my dick. I worked both of my hands into his and he raised them above my head, stretching me out along the bed so I felt everything more intensely, deeper than before.

I could feel he was close and I was too; Adam changed the angle of his thrusts so he rubbed my prostate each time and I came first, kissing him through my orgasm as I spilled onto my stomach. Adam dropped his head to my shoulder and kissed my neck as I rode it out with him and he came a few minutes later, shuddering inside me.

"I love you," I said and he kissed my swollen lips again.

"So, now that's out of our system," Adam laughed after we had cleaned up and snuggled under the blanket together.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think we should," he said and kissed my neck.

"Okay, I'll start," I told him and took a deep breath. "I don't like it, Adam, I don't like this one bit."

"Why?" I tried to read the emotions in his voice and for once, got nowhere.

"It's happening too fast. Becca is way too unstable; there's no way of knowing if or when she's going to change her mind. And we have two other daughters to consider before bringing another child into our family. We've only ever thought about having two kids, that was right for us."

"Okay," he said slowly. "But we get to have another child, Jake. We were limited to two kids because there was only two women we knew who would be surrogates for us. This is an amazing thing that Becca wants to do. She would have had an abortion if it weren't for us."

"I know, and that was her decision to make. Why are we being forced to live with the consequences of her choice?"

"The only reason that baby is still alive is because of us. We may not have created it like we did with Annaleigh or Ellen, but we're still a big part of it's existence."Adam rolled over to me and kissed my lips softly. "Are we going to argue about this? Because if we are I think we should go for a walk." The rule still applied whenever possible- we didn't fight in the house if we could help it, and we never fought in the bedroom. Sacred places needed to remain sacred.

I considered his words. "No, we're not fighting. We just need to talk it out."

"Good." Adam kissed me again and I rolled on to my side to face him.

"I'm scared," I admitted. "For us, for Becca; most of all for our kids."

"Does it make me a bad person if I really want that baby?"

"No, not at all," I said. It never failed to amaze me how much love one man was capable of. "I just don't think you've really thought about all of the implications of this yet."

Adam kissed me; sweet and loving and marking me as his. "We need to go for a walk."

He rolled out of bed and pulled on some jeans and I wanted to rip them off him when I noticed he was going commando. I fought back _those_ urges and silently got out of bed and dressed too, grabbing my phone and some change from the dresser before walking downstairs and letting him lock up.

It was late, and dark, but I knew we could walk down through the neighborhood with very few distractions. I took his hand and we walked in silence for a while longer, until I got to the gates of the park where I dropped Adam's hand, kissed him quickly and ran off to the swing set. I could hear him laughing as he chased me.

I vaulted over the fence and threw myself into an empty swing, pushing back from the ground with my long legs to propel myself off. It doesn't matter how old you get; there's something very freeing about swinging. Adam joined me by walking through the gate to the playground area and sitting on the swing next to me.

"When did we grow up?" I asked Adam as I slowed the swing down to a stop.

"April 3rd 2014," he said immediately. I laughed- it was the date Annaleigh was born.

"Yeah, you're probably right," I said. I took a deep breath and kicked back from the ground again. The next bit was either going to be very emotional, or very controversial. "If we do do this, and I'm not saying I'm happy with it yet, but we have to think about all the shit that goes with it. We're not just taking Becca's baby; we'll have to go through the whole adoption process to make it legal."

"I know that," Adam said, sounding a little put out.

"If we're going to go down that route anyway, I want you to adopt Anna. And I want to adopt Ellen. Then they're all three our children equally."

Adam looked over his shoulder at me and I looked up to meet his gaze. "You're an amazing man sometimes, Jacob Black," he said with a smile.

"I'm not done," I said quickly, looking down and scuffing my sneakers in the dirt again. "If we're going to tie up all of these legal loose ends that we've never worried about before, then I think we should get married. Again. Legally."

"Jake, are you asking me to marry you?" Adam said, an amused smile in his words.

For the first time in a long time, Adam made me blush. I pulled myself up out of my swing and went and sat back on my heels in front of him. I wasn't going to kneel down; it was filthy down there. I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards me so his face was only inches from my own.

"Yes," I said in a low voice. "Adam, will you marry me? Will you adopt my daughter and allow me to adopt yours?"

He had done it the first time, it was only right that I asked him this time. The last time, I hoped. "Yes," he said and lowered his lips to mine. "To all of the above."

There was still a long way to go, and a lot more to talk about, but it felt like we had just taken the next big step forward.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 25

Learning how to be a lover and a husband and a parent was something that I think both of us struggled with at first. There were these huge conflicting desires; the deep physical attraction to Adam has never gone away and there was never a point where I stopped wanting or needing him as much as I did when I was seventeen. But a decade later we had other priorities- sleep being the first of those- and I had to let certain things go.

We slept, every night, the same way we had established when we first got together. I couldn't imagine not falling asleep without Adam's arms tangled around my body, or waking up to his body spooning against mine or my body naturally finding its way around his.

Sometimes I took a moment to notice how our bodies had changed. From my job my arms and upper body were still strong and I took some measure of pride in the fact that the muscles I had built as a teenager still lurked under my skin. Lower than my chest… well, those abs of steel I had worked so hard on were still there, they just lurked under a couple of layers of stuff that wasn't muscle. I never got fat, but when my metabolism slowed down I had to learn not to eat an entire pizza to myself, or to work it off again if I did.

Growing my hair out again made me feel sort of younger; I had always kept it long when I was a kid and it was only with the whole phasing thing that I cut it off. It felt freer, somehow, to wear it long even if it meant it took longer for me to do stuff to it in the morning. Because I was my own boss, I didn't have to answer to the suits like Adam did. I was a bit sad when he had all of his hair cut off, for as long as I'd known him he'd kept it long, but I understood that for some jobs a ponytail simply isn't going to happen. He kept the scruff, though, so that kept me happy.

I didn't see the changes in Adam the way other people did. We still fit together like we always had but when I found myself paying attention I could feel the thickness in his legs from the running he still did but I had given up on, the hair that grew on his chest now, more there than when we were younger. He still kept the piercings in his ear but kept them as studs mostly now and sometimes had to take them out when he wore a suit to work. I always liked to peel him out of these when he got home.

Intimate moments were stolen in the middle of the night while our children were sleeping, sometimes when one of us came back from attending to a restless baby and found the naked, sleeping form of the other too tempting to resist. We still had slow, loving sex; taking our time and finding new things to love and explore about each other. And there were frantic moments taken in the shower in the morning or when the kids were playing or sleeping or visiting Aunt Lena and Aunt Maddie for the afternoon. Aunt Lena and Aunt Maddie were the only way we could get some time alone and they knew it; the miserable bitches would tease us about it mercilessly sometimes but I loved them like sisters.

We were at a stalemate with the Becca situation; Adam didn't want to push me into making a decision and I knew that it was killing him not to be doing more about it. I supposed when we were expecting Anna and Ellen there was so much to do; decorating the nursery with Anna and then moving her when Ellen was born and getting all of the stuff that they needed, yet with this baby, if we did take it, there wasn't anything to do. He or she would share the nursery with Ellen, and we had all of the 'baby stuff' we needed from our first two children. Adam fidgeted a lot as a result, and I tried not to let that bug me.

Becca sort of settled in with us but she seemed uncomfortable a lot of the time, especially in the evenings when Adam and I settled into our well- established routine that there was no place for her in. During the day she would often watch Anna but wouldn't be alone with Ellen, although that wasn't really surprising.

If she knew the sex of the baby Becca wasn't saying and I was secretly glad, news like that would make Adam latch on to the idea of keeping it even more. She had an annoying habit of referring to the baby as 'it' though, which really grated on me after a while. Even if we didn't keep it, it still deserved to be a someone and not a thing. I didn't say anything though.

There were tentative plans for us to start the adoption procedure with the girls with Maddie's brother who had agreed to take us on on 'family rates'. Our family situation would make things slightly easier, and easier again when we got married. We would still need Hannah and Rachel to sign off on everything though and I took the job of calling them to let them know what we were planning.

It was a lot easier to get mobile again after Ellen was born than it was with Annaleigh. I suppose we already knew what we needed to pack and how to handle being in public with a newborn and all the attention that brought us. And Anna was used to being out and about every day; it seemed unfair on her to keep her cooped up in the house just because it was easier on us. We took it in turns to take her to the park every day, sometimes going out as a family and stopping for ice cream on the way home. Rachel barely left the house.

About a week before Becca's due date she stopped leaving the house at all, even if we were out of the house most of the day. Adam had arranged to go into work to partially show Ellen off, and also because he needed to pick up a few odd assignments that he'd agreed to take on under my insistence, hoping that he'd work out his fidgety habits. After a couple of hours I had to drag Anna from the Pixar building kicking and screaming, she would live there if we let her. There were too many people working there who were happy to play with her, and far too many colourful things to distract her attention. There were sympathetic looks from what I assumed were fellow parents, I imagined I wasn't the first to have trouble getting my kid to leave.

On the way home we stopped in for groceries and most of the day was gone by the time we got home.

"Becca?" I called as I hauled in groceries and Adam hauled in kids.

She wasn't in the family room so I guessed she was sleeping, until I found a note attached to our fridge.

_Gone for a walk. Be back later. I'm fine, don't worry._

_- Becca_

"Where is she?" Adam called through as he set Anna up on the couch with a film to try and get her to calm down. She had alternated between sobbing and screaming all the way home.

"Gone out for a walk," I told him with a shrug. "I'll call her in a bit."

I looked at the clock nearly an hour later after putting all the food away and changing Ellen as Adam got stuck into sketching something next to Anna on the couch. I didn't mind, but it was too easy to get distracted in our house.

"She's not answering her phone," I told Adam after I'd gotten Ellen settled.

"Who?" he asked. I smacked him around the back of his head.

"Becca," I told him. "Who do you think?"

"Maybe she stopped in to talk to Maddie," he shrugged.

I rolled my eyes and called her number. "Mads, is my sister there?" I asked as she answered, sitting on the stairs in the hall so I wouldn't disturb the film.

"Hello to you too, Mr Black Hawk," she sassed.

"Hello, aloha, bon jour, et cetera, et cetera," I told her. "Is Becca there?"

"I didn't know _et cetera _meant hello," she giggled. "And no. I haven't seen her in a few days."

"Huh. She's not answering her phone."

Maddie put her 'calm voice' on. "When did she leave?"

"I have no idea. We've been out all day, we only got back. She left a note saying she'd gone out for a walk."

"When is she due, Jake?" _Shit._ "Not for another week, ten days, something like that."

"Call the hospital," she told me. "Then call me back."

"Okay," I agreed. I rubbed my hands over my face in frustration, I couldn't be dealing with this melodrama. Then I dialed the hospital. "I'm looking for a pregnant Native American woman named Rebecca Black," I told the receptionist. "I don't know if she's come in to you or not, but she's not at home."

I went through the relevant security checks, assuring them that I was her brother, then they transferred me to Maternity. "Mr Black?" someone asked. I resisted the urge to correct my name.

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth. "Jacob Black Hawk. I'm looking for my sister Rebecca Black."

"Ms Black is in recovery at the moment," the sweet female voice told me. "She said you might call. She delivered about an hour ago." Shit.

"Shit," I told her. "Can you tell her I'm on my way?"

"Of course," the woman said but I was halfway to hanging up already. I jumped to my feet and ran through to Adam.

"Becca's in hospital," I told him. "She had the baby an hour ago. I'm going down there now. Can you call Maddie for me?"

"Shit," he said then covered his mouth. Fortunately Anna was sleeping. "Yeah. I'll get her to come and watch the girls then I'll follow you down."

"Okay," I told him. "I'll take my car." I leaned over and kissed him quickly. "See you in a bit."

I went through the same security again when I got to the hospital, insisting that I was a brother and _not _a husband but that Becca definitely wanted to see me. Whether she wanted to or not. In the end I started agreeing that I was her husband, it seemed to get me moved through the line quicker.

The nurse who I spoke to on the maternity ward said Becca was still sleeping, but she'd take me down to see my daughter if I wanted. It hit me like a punch to my stomach: _my daughter. _

"Yes," I croaked. "I would like that."

I followed her down a long hallway to where rows of babies slept in glass incubators, wrapped up tight in either pink or blue blankets. The nurse kept me in the hallway, watching her as she went in and retrieved a little pink bundle from an incubator and checked her wrist tag, then carried her out to me.

"She looks like you," she said as she handed the little girl over to me, and shit, she did. Becca's daughter, my niece. My daughter? It was too confusing. I needed Adam.

"Mr Black?" I looked up from the face of the little girl and nodded. "Would you like to sit down with her somewhere?"

"That would be good," I agreed. I couldn't feel my knees. She lead me down to a little family room where I gratefully sank into an uncomfortable couch, careful not to jostle the little girl. The nurse went to shut the door behind me but I stopped her quickly. "Wait. I have someone coming in to see us. Adam Hawk. Can you let him straight through?"

"Of course," she smiled and left me alone.

I wasn't prepared for this. I expected to be taken straight through to Becca where I could shout at her for not calling us when she went into hospital. In no way was I thinking they'd hand me the little girl they were calling my daughter, then leave us alone together. It was like emotional blackmail.

Keeping the little girl in the crook of my elbow, I shifted to get to my phone in my back pocket and checked to see if Adam had called or texted me but it was blank. My heart was thumping in my chest and I recognized that I was probably panicking so I concentrated on the little girl and tried desperately to get the words 'my daughter' out of my head. She wasn't mine, not yet.

I knew once Adam was in the building, it was like a deep exhale, taking all the weight off of my shoulders. He was here, and it was going to be okay now. It still took about ten more minutes for him to be shown up to my little room though.

He knocked on the door lightly then pushed it open, smiling widely when he saw me with the baby in my arms.

"Don't," I warned him. "Don't get attached."

He came and sat next to me, leaning in for a kiss. "Too late," he told me, his big brown eyes confirming what he'd said. He reached out to stroke the sleeping baby's cheek and I shifted her into his arms.

"I don't know if I can do this," I told him. "What if she wants her back?"

"You need to ask her, then," Adam said softly.

I nodded silently and took a deep breath. "She's sleeping," I told him. "Can you wait with the baby?" I nodded to the baby.

"Of course," he told me. I leaned in to kiss him again, a vitally important meeting of lips to tell him how important this was to me. It sounded cliché, but it was the exact same feeling I'd had with Anna and Ellen the moment this little girl was put in my arms. She was mine and I was so completely hers, and the thought of losing her now was killing me.

I wandered back to the nurse's station. "Is Rebecca Black awake yet?" I asked another new nurse, one I hadn't seen before.

"I'll go and check for you," she said with a smile. "Who should I say it is?"

"Jake Black," I told her, hoping she'd jump to the wrong conclusion.

She did. "No problem, Mr Black."

A few minutes later I was called through to Becca's room. She was awake, but looked really tired and groggy in what I was starting to recognize as a post- giving birth exhaustion.

"You're in so much trouble," I told her as the door clicked shut behind me.

"Don't be mad," she begged, wringing her hands together from the bed. "I didn't want to stress you out."

"How did you get to the hospital?" I went and sat in the hard plastic chair next to the bed.

"Taxi," she whispered. I nodded. "Did they give you the baby yet?"

"It's not as easy as that, Becca. They can't just hand her over and be done with it." I shook my head. "I can't believe you did this on your own."

"I needed to, Jake. Is the baby okay?"

"Yes. It's a girl."

"I know," she said with a weak smile. "Three girls, Jake."

"Would you stop talking like she's ours already?" I snapped. "She isn't."

"Not yet," Becca said. "I'll sign her over to you though. Whenever you're ready."

"Don't you have any desire to keep her?" I tried not to get mad at her, but I couldn't believe that she had no instinct to love or want the baby who was sleeping in my husband's arms. My heart ached for the little girl and vowed that no matter what happened, no one would ever let her know that her mother didn't want her. Not ever.

"She's yours, Jake," she whispered. "She's been yours since the moment I knew I was carrying her."

I dropped my head to my hands and roughly rubbed my face and hair. Why was this so difficult? I looked back up at Becca, a hundred questions ready for her until her eyes widened.

"Don't you want her?" she gasped.

"It's not a case of wanting her," I said carefully. "It's doing what's best for everyone."

"Please, Jake," she begged, grasping for my hands. "Please, you have to. I don't want her going to strangers. She's yours."

"Okay, okay, don't get upset," I said. "You wouldn't keep her if we said no?"

"No," she said with deep creases above her eyebrows. "I can't. You have to take her."

"We have a lawyer already," I said slowly. "We can get this done in a couple of days."

"That's good," she said quickly.

"Okay," I sighed. "I still need to talk to Adam. Do you want me to call Dad for you? Or Rach?"

"No, I'll call them later. I'm tired, now."

"Okay." I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Becs."

My mind was going too quickly as I found my way back to Adam and the little girl who was going to be my third child. When I opened the door he was feeding her and I leaned on the doorframe watching him.

Adam looked up and to me for all the answers both of us had.

"Let's do it," I said and he smiled. That was all I needed to see.

-x-X-x-

I called Dad and Rachel to let them know what had happened and that we were going to be adopting the baby. Dad thought we were all insane, and wanted Becca back in La Push as soon as possible. Rachel offered to come and collect her and to sign off on Ellen's adoption papers while she was in San Francisco. Hannah agreed to come down for a flying visit as well, and we made rushed plans with Maddie's brother to get all of the paperwork and propositions for the judge done in time.

There were social workers involved from the moment hospital staff were informed of who I actually was and what we were planning on doing so Adam and I were granted temporary custody of Baby Black until our hearing date came up.

Baby Black still needed a name.

We had decided to stay in the hospital with Becca for the short term while we tried to figure out what the hell we were going to tell Anna when we got home. I didn't think she'd be particularly bothered; she had taken to Ellen relatively easily and she was laid back enough not to let another new sister bother her. I hoped.

With no family around us this time, and Lena and Maddie watching our daughters, it was solely down to me and Adam to try and find a name for the new baby. We didn't even have a fridge to fall back on. Things had come to a grinding halt with the letter L and I felt like I was in an episode of _Sesame Street. _

"Lauren," I said.

"Laura," Adam countered.

"Lisa."

"Louise."

"I like Louise," I said. "But I don't like Lou."

"Ah, fair point. Give me my daughter back." I shifted her into his arms and reached for him to snuggle into my arms.

"Lara?" I asked and kissed his hair.

"Makes me think 'Croft'," he said and I hummed in agreement. "How did we get to L anyway?"

"We thought it sounded nice with Annaleigh and Ellen," I reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Lucy."

"No. Just… no."

"Okay," he laughed. "It's your turn."

"Uh, Lacey?" Adam was silent. "Okay, not Lacey."

"No, I like it." He looked down at the sleeping baby who was pouting as she dreamed. It was adorable. "Lacey Black Hawk."

It stuck. We hadn't given any of the girls middle names since they had a double- barreled surname, it seemed like too much of a mouthful. In some ways I wonder why we never agonized over the naming of our children; I suppose we waited until they were born and the names we chose just seemed right to each of them. Even though she was only hours old I saw so much Black in Lacey already. She had the same sharp cheekbones as my sisters and my mom, and probably my grandmother too. There wasn't the same striking resemblance as Anna had, but there was enough that no one would question that she was family. She _was_ family.

Adam had thought to load up the car with Ellen's car seat before he left, so once we were free to go we got the hell out of the hospital. Becca had to stay in for at least a few more days; after I did a bit more poking around I found out she'd had to have a cesarean because Lacey was upside down or something. I was just about ready to kill the girl but she was so damn fucked up I couldn't bring myself to smother her with a pillow like I should have.

That annoying voice in the back of my head didn't go away, the one that kept saying that it was wrong for us to just take her child. But Becca refused to even see the baby. Lacey had been taken away to be checked out after she was born, and Becca had gone straight to recovery, adamant that Lacey should go to the nursery to wait for me. No matter what we said or did, she wouldn't see her daughter.

We didn't need hardly anything to bring Lacey into our family; once we announced that we'd adopted another baby there was an amazing response from our friends and family who turned up within hours of us taking Lacey home with things like the second car seat and crib. Lena came to help me set up Lacey's crib and there were a couple of hours of us crying with laughter as she made dirty jokes about tab A fitting into slot B.

Rachel and Paul flew down the following day and Carrie the day after, pushing both me and Lena to maximum capacity. Carrie moved in with us into the room Becca had been sleeping in; she said (rightly, of course) that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into and she was there to help. And shit, did she help.

Maintaining Anna's routine while we tried to settle Lacey and Ellen into a similar one was almost impossible, even though our adult to child ratio was one on one Carrie ended up doing all the stuff we didn't have time for, like laundry and grocery shopping and cooking. I swear Adam and I would have lived off cereal, toast and takeaway if she hadn't moved in. Nothing was said, but she ended up taking time off work and staying with us for a month while we got settled into having three kids. I gave up on working completely and handed all my responsibilities over to my manager at BHM and let him deal with it all. I couldn't even find myself disappointed- being a father of three was just overwhelmingly thrilling.

Three days after Lacey was born we got granted a court hearing to do all of the legal paperwork to make both Adam and I legal joint parents of Annaleigh and Ellen. While we were there we signed a few pieces of paper that made us married in the eyes of the US Government. It made me a bit sick that we'd resorted to doing it to be completely honest. We'd always maintained that we didn't need the bit of paper that said we were 'allowed' to get married, but for the sake of my youngest daughter, I swallowed my pride and signed the damn papers. There was no ceremony. Adam and I had been married as Quileutes for eight years, nothing else needed to be said.

Stephen, Maddie's brother, got all of the paperwork together with Becca before she went back to La Push and the fact that we had temporary custody of Lacey already meant he could hopefully push a hearing through. Rachel had agreed with Dad that she'd let Becca take her spare room on the assumption that Dad and Charlie wouldn't really want to deal with all of the emotional baggage that Becs was carrying around. Rach had also told me, in private, that they had arranged for her to get counseling for her to come to terms with what had happened over the past year. It hurt me so much to think of how broken Becca had become but watching her reaction to Lacey had proved Adam right, in a way. Becca wasn't ready to take on a child and she needed help.

Slow, loving kisses before bed rarely morphed into something more heated and passionate; before our roaming hands found the right part of soft skin we were normally asleep. There was no shifts on feeding schedule any more- we both got up to do every feed together which was possibly the only benefit of Ellen and Lacey only being thirteen weeks apart in age. We had a quiet understanding though: this might not be the most sexually active part of our relationship but our kids came first. I knew how long it had taken Anna to get into a good sleeping pattern so I was quietly hopeful that it wouldn't be too long before we were fucking each other's brains out.

My fingers were very firmly crossed.

-x-X-x-

A/N: Still not the end. I'm a little bit sad… Not as many people review any more. I shouldn't be surprised, if I had any integrity this would have ended at Chapter 16! Then again, the story is called _This __**Mortal**__ Life_ so I think in a way I always expected to take it beyond the 'Twilight Zone'. I really appreciate I'm asking you to accept characters who bear very little resemblance to those in the original series now they're all grown up. I still appreciate every little comment and everyone who reads this mess. I love you all!


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 26

I was terrified. Pure fear was making my heart beat faster and my palms sweat.

I was about to take three babies on a plane. For five hours.

Adam had pulled all the strings he could and had gotten us a first class upgrade so at least we could piss off the rich people if we were going to piss of anyone. I was sure Annaleigh would be fine; we had flown with her a few times before back and forth to La Push and she was generally okay. Ellen, I wasn't so sure about. On previous journeys she would be alright for an hour or so, then she'd start fussing. And with Lacey, I had no idea. She had been born in San Francisco and in the first six months of her life she'd never left.

Juggling three children was even harder than I had expected it to be. There was one point, in the departure lounge, when I considered the legal and ethical implications of drugging them so they'd sleep through the flight. Adam managed to talk me out of this and instead encouraged Anna to run and scream and jump on everyone and everything she could find with the intention of wearing her out so she'd sleep later. It was a good plan. Lacey was doing the screaming, but not the running, and Ellen was trying to keep up with her.

"Three kids?" one woman asked as she bravely took a seat next to us. She was wearing a cream business suit, looked to be somewhere in her mid thirties and she had impeccably styled blonde hair; I wished she'd move if only to save herself.

"Tell me about it," I muttered. "Remind me again why we're doing this?"

The woman laughed. "I have five at home," she smiled. "I know what you're going through."

"Five?" I asked her, incredulous. "Seriously, _five_?"

"Yes," she said. "You both have beautiful children."

"We know," I smirked.

Lacey was sniffling again so I picked her up and hoisted her onto my shoulder to try and calm her down. "Could I have a cuddle?" the woman asked.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. "I mean, you're very… clean." She shook her head and grabbed the blanket, throwing it over her shoulder then taking Lacey from me.

"Come on, sweetheart," she cooed. "Aren't you going to be a good girl for your Daddy?"

I was grateful for another set of hands and left Adam running after Anna and Ellen had sniffled her way to sleep, so I kicked my feet up on to the table and took a long pull of my beer, the first I'd had in ages. "Thanks," I said to the woman as Lacey stopped fussing. "No, seriously, thanks."

"No problem," she said and sat down next to me, still rubbing my baby's back. "She just needed a woman's touch."

"Well, she doesn't get that very often," I laughed.

She looked from me to Adam, then back again. "Oh," she said softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. You don't see two men together with children very often."

"For a good reason," I said. "It's hard work."

"Oh, gosh, I couldn't imagine what I'd do if my husband didn't stay behind with the kids," she said. "I think it's becoming more common."

I smiled and nodded. "That's Lacey," I said, gesturing to the nearly asleep baby. "The eldest one, in the yellow dress, is Annaleigh and this is Ellen."

"They have beautiful names, too," she said. "Marilyn," she said, extending a hand to me.

"Jake," I said and took her hand. "You have no idea how nice it is to meet you."

-x-X-x-

Marilyn sat with us on the plane and helped keep the kids entertained. Adam's plan for exhausting Anna worked and she fell asleep before we were really up in the air so we only had the two babies to deal with. And the fact that we were now at a reasonable adult to child ratio helped.

We left Marilyn with hugs and an excess of thanks at the airport after she helped us load the appropriate kids into our stroller as I tracked down our luggage. It was snowing outside; something that caused excitement bordering on hysteria in Annaleigh who had never seen it before.

And there, cold as snow themselves, were two exceptionally beautiful teenagers, leaning against a black Mercedes estate.

"Jake!" Bella squealed and flew into my arms, almost knocking me back with her solid weight. "Oh my god, Jacob Black, it's so good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Bells," I said and spun her around. After I had set her down and stepped back, the weirdness set in. "You look…"

"I know," she said. _Exactly the same,_ I was about to say. She looked just like as I had always known her to look; young, beautiful, and eternally eighteen. "Come on," Bella said and I realized while I had been ogling my old best friend, with Edward's help Adam had already loaded most of our things into the car. "We should get back to the house."

Bella sat twisted in her seat during the hour long trip to their newest home, chatting about every subject we could think of; where they'd been, what they had been doing for the past nine years, how everyone was. We carefully avoided subjects such as her father, and Forks; I knew that this would still hurt.

"Are you still going to stay for two weeks?" she asked and Adam nodded.

"This is my last holiday before I head back to work," he said in apology.

"Esme is so excited to see you again," Bella smiled. "I know Jake is freaking out right now, but Esme looks the same too."

"Shut up, Bells," I said. "The rest of us are pushing thirty and you're still a fricking teenager. I'm allowed to be freaked out."

"Seriously?" she said. "Thirty? Jeez, Jake, that's _old._"

"But I've got my babies," I said to her with a smirk. "I don't care how old I get any more, there's nothing that ages you more than having kids."

"I'll second that," Edward said from the front seat.

"Do you ever wish you could have had more?" Adam asked.

"No," Bella said at the same time Edward said "Yes."

"It would have been nice for Grace to have brothers and sisters, but I'm aware Bella and I will probably be more like siblings to her than parents in the next fifty years or so."

"She wants to be like you?" I asked Edward, genuinely curious.

"Oh, god yeah," Bella said.

"Grace is incredibly like her mother," Edward said with a touch of humor. "She can't stand being the odd one out. Her seventeenth birthday can't come soon enough as far as she's concerned."

"You know there are still people in La Push who would be very unhappy with you doing that."

"She's my daughter!" Bella exclaimed.

"Even so…" I trailed off.

"La Push?" Annaleigh asked from behind us. "Grandma?"

"No, we're not going to see Grandma at the moment," I told her. "But we do get to see Aunty Bella and Uncle Edward for a few weeks." Anna didn't look particularly impressed at this.

Lacey and Ellen slept while we drove out to the house and I wondered how much babysitting Esme would like to do over the next few days. The idea of someone else watching the kids while I got some blessed sleep was almost too good to be true. Especially someone who never got tired and never slept.

"Don't get mad at me," Edward said from the back seat, "But both of you are thinking the same thing right now, very loudly. Esme would be thrilled to watch your girls while you get some rest."

Adam laughed and I scowled at Edward from behind his back.

"Since we adopted Lacey sleep has been a precious rarity," Adam said. "Mom offered to move in with us but we decided to go it alone."

"I still consider myself lucky that I never had to deal with the sleepless nights," Bella said. "I'll watch them for you as well, I don't mind. How old is Lacey now?"

"Six months," I said and twisted in my seat to check her. She was still sleeping deeply. Shame she couldn't have done that on the damn plane. "Annaleigh is starting pre-school in September, aren't you, sweetheart?"

"Yes," she said obediently. "I want to go now."

"Not yet," Adam laughed. "Soon."

"She's very like you," Edward said and I couldn't help my laugh.

"Go on, tell me."

"If you're sure," Edward said, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I could see the edges of his smile and I nodded for him to go on. "She's strong and independent and stubborn, already. I imagine she's going to make one hell of a teenager; but my sister could probably tell you more about that than I can. She's very sweet and very loving and the two of you are the most important things in her whole world."

"You got all that from a two and a half year old?" I laughed.

"Children are easy to read, Jake," Edward said. "They're not as complicated as adults. She has strong reservations about me and Bella though; the natural human instinct to shy away from our kind coupled with a Quileute's innate sense of wariness. Don't be surprise if she's clingy for a few days."

I thanked him silently, knowing that he'd hear me.

A few minutes later Edward turned into a partially obscured driveway that lead down to an enormous house. It was a relief to be back to some sort of civilization, trying to maintain routine while we were travelling was almost impossible and I was desperate to try and get the girls settled again.

Esme and Alice were waiting for us at the door as Edward pulled up in front of the garage and I was pulled into hugs with both of them, trying to hide my discomfort at the way they looked exactly the same. It was really disconcerting even though I knew what to expect.

"We've set up a couple of guest rooms for you," Esme said as I unloaded a cranky Anna from the back seat. "I don't know if you want to go and get comfortable first and then come down and catch up with us later?"

"We could use a hand," Adam laughed as he unbuckled the car seats.

"Oh, of course," Esme agreed and lifted up Ellen's car seat and two suitcases.

Between Esme, Alice, Edward and Bella we managed to hike all of our luggage and children up the stairs to the three rooms they had set out for us.

"Anna's got mine and Jasper's room," Alice said as she opened the door for me. "We don't really use it for sleeping, anyway."

"Thanks for that visual," I said with a groan and Alice giggled.

"I meant we keep our clothes and stuff in here," she said, mock indignant. "Is Anna okay in the bed?"

"She'll probably end up in ours anyway," I shrugged. "I don't know if she'll sleep in here tonight, but I'm definitely going to try her. She needs a nap for a couple of hours anyway."

Esme was helping Adam get Ellen and Lacey down in the next room and I felt a little guilty for abandoning him, but Edward seemed to be spot on with Anna's mood- she was clingy and tired and fussy. I kicked off my shoes and crashed out on the bed, pulling her onto my chest so her head was tucked under my chin. Her thumb found her mouth and it only took a few moments of blissful quiet before she was asleep.

Once she was snoring I rolled her over and tucked her in, getting up to find Adam. He was only in the next room; both Lacey and Ellen were changed and bottles were firmly lodged in hungry mouths. I was touched to see that someone had set up two cribs side by side like we had them at home, meaning they could see through the bars and keep each other company. Esme was standing and rocking Ellen as she fed her, my daughter cushioned in several blankets.

"She didn't like the cold," Esme said in a quiet voice as I tried to wrap my tired brain around what was going on. "Or how solid I am. But she seems to like me, I think."

I smiled. "I'm sure she does."

Walking over to Adam, I brushed his hair back and kissed his head. "Is Anna asleep?" he asked.

"Out like a light," I told him, lifting Lacey from his arms as he put her finished bottle to one side. I laid her down in the left side crib as Adam drew the curtains for a little more dimness in the afternoon sunlight. When Esme had put Ellen down I grabbed our monitors and set them up, not that I'd likely need them with present company. They could probably hear the girls better than the monitors could anyway, but I'd gotten a bit obsessive about keeping them on me.

"Come on, let's go and say hi to people," Adam said, taking my hand and squeezing it. I was used to battling the tiredness, I barely even felt it any more.

"Oh, get some rest if you need to," Esme interjected quickly. "We won't mind, I promise. The others are still out, actually. I think Edward drove home a bit quicker than they were expecting."

"Our flight landed early," I told her. "We were lucky."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Adam asked. "I feel rude just going to sleep as soon as we get here."

"Of course not," Esme said with a smile. "I'll come wake you up in an hour if you like."

"You're a saint," Adam said.

"You're an angel," I agreed.

"I'm a grandmother," she laughed.

As soon as the door to our bedroom clicked shut, I was tearing my jeans off and crawling into bed. Then I realized I was still wearing socks, and kicked them off under the covers. Adam joined me seconds later and after a few quick kisses I put my head on his chest and fell into a blissfully easy sleep.

-x-X-x-

"Tell us more about Lacey then, Adam," Carlisle asked as we settled in with mugs of hot coffee. We'd slept, been woken up and I knew I'd need to go and get Anna soon but the temptation was strong to stick with adult conversation for just a little longer.

"Yeah, how is Becca?" Alice added. Adam looked to me, and I shrugged.

"It's difficult," I started. "She's living with Rachel still and she's in therapy twice a week. Most of our updates come through Rach because Becca isn't really talking to many people and she doesn't seem to want to just, you know, chat with us."

"We've had long letters from her," Adam said, "telling us more about what happened with the guy who got her pregnant, but there are still big gaps in time that she's not telling anyone about. Rach says that letting this stuff out is part of the counseling she's getting and to just read what she tells us and not push her."

"Like the four months before she turned up on our doorstep," I picked up the story easily, used to the easy rhythm of talking with Adam. "We know where she was when she met this guy, and where they were living when she fell pregnant, but she won't talk about anything past when she found out she was pregnant."

"I wish I knew," Alice said, sounding frustrated. "I wish I could find out for you."

"It's okay," Adam said quickly. "It's really Becca's story to tell if and when she's ready. The most important thing is for her to get healthy again." I smiled, marveling again at how wonderful this man was.

The other Cullens were all back from wherever they had been, hunting, I supposed, and we had all gathered on deep leather sofas in their family area. Bella had gone out with Edward; they were going to collect Grace from her friend's house. I had learned that there was a fair amount of 'human' food in the house already for Grace so we weren't going to be imposing on them too much. There was a fire on low to keep the cold out of the air and I was still battling my discomfort at seeing these perfect, unchanging people again. I felt like I was in some time warp where I had been pulled back ten years; I felt like I should be hating Edward for loving Bella, and be jealous and angry and full of teen- angst.

But it was nice in some ways to hang out with the Cullens without all of that drama. They were good friends to us and now, I could barely even smell that awful sweet vampire smell. Sometimes, when one of them appeared too quickly I could, just about, but most of the time I got nothing. I suppose I still had the wolf gene inside me, even if it was dormant.

"I saw her have the baby," Alice interrupted my thoughts. "I was going to call and tell you but Bella told me not to meddle."

I laughed. "Bella was probably right. I went nuts at her."

"I saw that too," Alice said, sounding guilty.

"Don't worry," Adam told her, reaching over the couch to grab her hand. I battled old instincts to grab him and drag him back. Alice was sat with Jasper, he was playing with the ends of her hair. "Becca needed to do things her own way. I think if we'd tried to tell her what to do it would have had an even more negative effect on her."

Jasper nodded. "I agree with Adam," he said to Alice. "Becca might have made some poor decisions, but they were hers to make and to live with. She can take her time in therapy coming to terms with her own actions now, not resenting others for making them for her."

Our conversation drifted back to what we had all been up to for the past eight years. Esme was still teaching Grace and there was a strong home schooling community in the area they were living in; she told us about how groups of home school Moms would get together to do 'class trips' and such.

"I can remember when you first met Grace," Rosalie laughed. "You just freaked out."

"I'm better around kids these days," I joked with her. "Wait til ours wake up- then you can see how much fun it is to juggle them all."

"Speaking of which, do you want to go and get Anna?" Adam asked me. "We should let the little ones sleep a bit longer."

"Yeah, I'll go wake her up," I said, standing and stretching. I kissed Adam on the top of his head before I wandered back through the big house to go and get my girl. It was similar to the house they had had in Forks; wide, open spaces and lots of artwork, some of which I recognized, but this house was slightly more rich and opulent than the last one. Where their house in Forks was white and clean and modern, this one had wood paneling and heavy drapes and fine, gold and crystal chandeliers. I guessed that this was either coming back into fashion, or just a change from what they were used to. Or maybe it hadn't been redecorated since they moved back here and they had owned it years ago. It was spotlessly clean, though.

Anna was sleeping when I got to her room so I climbed onto the bed with her. She'd wake up naturally then with me next to her, hopefully not realizing that I had left her while she slept.

"Come on, girlie," I whispered to her as she stretched and yawned, her cheeks all red from sleep. "Hey sweetheart, lets get up and go meet some new people," I told her as she opened her eyes. Anna did not look particularly impressed at being woken up, or at the prospect of meeting the Cullens. I didn't blame her. I gathered her up and cuddled for a few moments before getting up and deciding to get her changed; she had gone to bed in her travelling clothes and her hair needed to be brushed or something, it was a mess.

I let Anna choose her clothes to try and get back in her good books and it worked, sort of. She ended up in a pair of jeans with a dress over the top, but I figured if anyone asked I would either claim she was very fashion conscious at two and a half, or play the Dad card. We weren't supposed to know how to dress little girls.

I heard Edward's voice as I descended the main staircase again; it sounded like he was arguing with someone.

"It's just not fair on the poor thing," he scolded. "It's terrified of us."

"He's only scared 'cos you're shouting," a small, petulant voice told him. "Be nice, Daddy, and he'll like you."

"It's not as simple as that Grace, as you very well know. Take him up to your room and get him settled. Jake and Adam are here so come down when you're ready, please."

I slowed my steps as a small girl ran up past me, clutching a tabby colored kitten in her hands. Edward was right, it did look scared shitless. Grace looked at me then blushed an old, familiar shade of pink as she dropped her head and scampered past. Anna's eyes followed the Cullen's newest pet and I could tell she wanted to play with it but she was too shy to ask. Instead she hid her face in my neck.

I met Edward at the bottom of the stairs and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Just wait," he said in a warning tone. I laughed and followed him back through to the family room where Bella was sat with Emmett; Edward quickly found his place next to her.

"Grace has adopted a kitten," Bella announced to Carlisle. "I told her to give it back right away but she doesn't seem to want to do that."

"A _kitten_?" Emmett asked, then cracked up. "No way. Poor thing. It's going to be scared to death of us."

"It already is," Edward said in a low, resigned voice. "Grace is taking him upstairs for now until we decide what to do with it."

"Okay, place your bets," Emmett said, clapping his hands then rubbing them together. "Who dies first, Grace or the cat. Five bucks says the cat. Alice, you're excluded from this."

"That's not fair," she exclaimed.

At the same time, I told Emmett: "That's disgusting."

At the same time, Adam said "Five bucks on Grace."

I hit him on the shoulder, and Anna giggled. "Hey," he said, rubbing his shoulder. "I have daughters. I know what Edward's feeling right now."

"Stressed, frustrated, bemused and annoyed," Jasper added, somewhat helpfully.

"Speaking of dinner, is Anna hungry?" Rosalie said. Esme and Bella groaned, Alice giggled and Carlisle dropped his head to his hands.

"Rose, that's obscene," Emmett said as I stood to take Anna to the kitchen with Bella, and his voice rose to a shout as we walked away. "A kitten is only tiny. It's more of a light snack than dinner!"


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: _whoa- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh… do do, do do… whoah_

STOP

Cullen Time.

-x-X-x-

Chapter 27

"_Rose, that's obscene," Emmett said as I stood to take Anna to the kitchen with Bella, and his voice rose to a shout as we walked away. "A kitten is only tiny. It's more of a light snack than dinner!"_

Bella and I were both giggling as we went through to the kitchen and our humor was obviously infectious because Anna was smiling and laughing too. I was grateful to Emmett for showing her how the Cullens were friends, and fun so that she'd feel more comfortable around them. He probably didn't even realize he was doing it.

I set Anna down on a wide stone countertop that looked like it was just one piece of rock that they'd sanded down; it probably was, thinking about it. Anna started to trace the lines of white in the slate grey with her fingertips and I relaxed at her looking so peaceful.

"So, Annaleigh, what's for dinner, do you think?" Bella asked with her head in the fridge.

Anna's head snapped up and her eyes looked worried as they met mine. "I don't know, Bells," I tried to save my daughter from what appeared to be a deep fear of talking around the vamps. "I don't reckon your cooking will come up to scratch to her Daddy's."

Bella rounded on me with a stick of celery and pushed the leafy end into my chest. "Now listen here, Black," she started but I raised an eyebrow at her use of pointy implement and she huffed and turned it around, poking me again with the white end. I raised the other eyebrow to meet the first and she collapsed in laughter.

Anna started to giggle as I pulled Bella into a hug and picked her up by the waist, setting her on the counter next to my girl.

"I am cooking," I announced. "I will make something delicious and wonderful and I will feed anyone who wants to eat it."

"Grace is a vegetarian," Bella said seriously, handing me the celery.

"You're shitting me," I deadpanned and almost dropped the damn celery.

"Yeah, I am," she giggled and pulled a laughing Anna onto her lap to tickle her ribs.

I held my breath, waiting for Anna to freak out and start wailing but my self- deprivation of oxygen was unnecessary as Bella hugged my daughter and Anna put her warm, chubby hands on Bella's cold, hard skin. It made me feel a bit warm and fuzzy inside.

After deciding I needed to do _something_ with this friendship-building stick of celery, I grabbed a few other salad vegetables out of the fridge and started to chop. Bella and I talked, Annaleigh didn't but I was okay with that for now. She was sat on Bella's lap still and I appreciated that it was a big deal that we had gotten this far already.

"So, are you definitely done having kids?" Bella asked as Anna shifted to get more comfortable. Bella shrugged off her sweater and put it on her lap, shifting Anna on top of it to create a cushion.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I was done with two, you know? I expect the three of them are going to make my life hell over the next twenty years."

"Not to mention the next ten," she said with a sad sort of smile.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah, of course," she said quickly. "I just had to do a lot of growing up very quickly. I mean, most of my family had years to adapt to the thought of being vampires, but I had to do it while I tried to raise my daughter."

"Is Grace..." I started and faltered. "Uh, what is Grace?"

Bella laughed. "Grace is a part human, part vampire ten year old girl."

"Yeah, I know that," I said impatiently. "But how does each part manifest itself?"

"That's very difficult to answer," she said, playing with Anna's hair. "She has no bloodlust at all. We learned that pretty early on. But she's very strong and she's fast, and she has cold skin. But she has a heartbeat, not that any doctor can hear it. It's complicated."

"It sounds it," I said. "Something you said before, about her becoming like you?"

"Ironic, isn't it?" she said with a wry smile. "I begged Edward to change me for nearly a year before he gave in and agreed. Grace has been begging me for about four years already."

"But she's part vampire."

"Yes, but obviously not in the ways that matter. Jake, she's growing up. At human speed. We anticipate that she's going to keep growing and one day not too long from now she'll grow older than her parents. It's hard for me to accept but in a way I'm being incredibly selfish. I want to keep my daughter forever, and her becoming a vampire is the only way we can do this."

"How does Edward feel about it?"

"Conflicted," Bella laughed. "He feels like he's going through all that angst again, just with his daughter instead of his wife."

"I can't imagine how tough this is for you guys," I said.

"We've had a long time to talk it through."

"And?"

She sighed. "It's a far from ideal situation but it's what everyone wants. In a way Grace is terrified of losing us. Carlisle has a theory that maybe the transformation won't be as hard for her because she's already halfway there, but there's no guarantees."

I had grabbed some herbs and chili flakes and was in the process of making my famous home- made potato wedges when a small form appeared in the arch that opened on to the kitchen. Ah. The so- far- silent Grace.

"Come in, sweetheart," Bella said, waving the little girl forward. "This is Jake, my friend from Forks and his daughter Annaleigh."

"Nice to meet you," Grace said in a small voice. I smiled but tried not to scare her. She seemed as skittish as my own daughter.

Grace seemed to take most of her looks from Edward, although I could see some Bella in her too. She was very petite like Bella, but I was guessing tall for her age. Her hair was a shade smack bam in between the color of Edward's and Bella's, a reddish- brown that fell past her shoulders in soft curls, although she had it pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing jeans ripped at the knee and a hoodie that possibly once belonged to Bella in the mid- noughties due to the look of the thing, but she pulled off the look with the nonchalance of innocent childhood.

"Hop up," I suggested and Grace smiled, hoisting herself up onto the counter next to Bella.

We chatted easily as I put the wedges in to cook and started on the chicken; Bella calling out to warn the others that I was cooking meat.

"What?" I asked.

"They don't like the smell of my food," Grace offered, the first thing she had said that wasn't an answer to a direct question. "But then again, I don't really like theirs either."

I laughed and nodded. "I've never liked their food," I agreed and Grace smiled.

"Can I help with anything?" Adam asked from the doorway and I shook my head.

"I'm good," I told him. "You can fix me a drink if you like, though."

"I've got it," Grace said, jumping down from the counter gracefully. "Would you like soda? Or juice?"

"A coke would be great, thanks," I said. Grace passed me a can then hovered awkwardly, looking at Adam.

"Would you like one?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Thanks," he said, taking the drink and smiling at her warmly. I let Bella do the introductions and Grace did her polite, 'pleased to meet you' thing then Adam kissed my forehead and left us alone. I think he understood that Grace wasn't really comfortable around strangers, just like Anna.

When I finally served up dinner Adam joined us and Bella sat opposite Grace around the large dining table that they still used more as a family meeting spot than anything else. We chatted as we ate, knowing that Adam and I were going to be tied up with Ellen and Lacey for a while once dinner was done.

"We have three daughters," I explained to Grace after Adam had mentioned the babies. "The two youngest are still napping."

She looked at her mom in confusion and I decided to let Bella explain this one. I didn't want to get involved in a discussion about homosexual relationships and how our children were created. "I'll explain it to you later," Bella said reassuringly and I assumed she was letting Grace off the hook for her curiosity.

Alice came into the dining room as we were finishing off the meal. "Jake, you might want to…" she started before the sound of a crying baby came through the monitor still strapped to my belt.

"I'm on it," I sighed.

Adam threaded his fingers with mine and squeezed; an understanding between two parents that the other will always be by your side, a knowledge that you're never on your own.

"Are you coming, baby?" Adam asked Anna who was munching on another strip of chicken.

She looked at me with big wide eyes, then to Bella and Grace and back again.

"You can stay with Bella if you'd like," I reassured her and she nodded a little. Bella's face lit up at the acceptance and I nodded, ready to accept the new friendship there.

"I have ice cream, if you'd like some," Bella told Anna and her face lit up too.

"We're only upstairs if you need us," I said to both girls and jogged to catch up with Adam who was chasing the cries.

Adam was lifting Lacey out of her crib when I got to their room, a blanket already tossed over his shoulder. I went to Ellen and lifted her too and we fell into a familiar rhythm of pacing and soothing our girls, occasionally stopping for a quick kiss.

After a minute or so there was a light knock on the door and I shrugged at Adam and went to answer it. Alice held out two bottles for the girls.

"Thought you might need these," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, Alice," I said, genuinely grateful.

"No problem," she said as I tossed one of the bottles to Adam who flicked the clear lid off with his thumb and shifted Lacey into the crook of his arm to feed her. "Only when you're done, could you bring them downstairs? I think Rose is about to burst out of her damn skin if she doesn't get to play with the babies soon."

I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, just let us get them happy."

The door clicked shut behind her as Alice left and I crawled on to the bed with Ellen to lean back against the pillows while I fed her. I managed to get her settled pretty quickly which was a relief, I wasn't too sure of how mad at us the girls were going to be for disrupting our carefully established routine, but they seemed to be okay.

"Can you remember which suitcase the diapers and clothes are in?" I asked Adam in a soft voice.

"Mm, this one," he said, nudging a case on the floor with his toe as he kept his eyes fixed on Lacey's, softly stroking her cheek to wipe away any tears that may have been left.

He handed my youngest daughter to me when she was done with her dinner and I laughed as I juggled them both in my arms. I was getting better at holding two at a time but it was still a skill I was yet to completely master. I leaned down and kissed both my girls and let Adam choose their clothes.

I kept hold of Ellen and changed her, letting Adam sort out Lacey. There was rarely any discussion involved in which of us took which baby; usually whoever got to them first picked up Lacey because she was the littlest but we'd often swap. It had become like what I imagined parents of twins went through, despite the few months age gap the girls had adapted to each other's body clocks pretty quickly which was great for us because Ellen had recently got into sleeping through the night and she was encouraging Lace to do it too.

"You're procrastinating," Adam accused as I laid back on the bed, holding Ellen above me and blowing raspberries on her stomach to make her laugh.

"And?" I said, burying my nose in her yummy clean baby smell.

"Why?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Vampires," I muttered, bringing Ellen down on to my chest and cuddling her close. Adam smiled and shook his head.

"You left Anna down there with Bella," he tried to reason with me.

"Shit, Anna," I said, shifting myself upright.

"Jake, Anna's fine," Adam said, grabbing my shoulder and forcing me to sit back down next to him. "Anna's fine, Ellen's fine, Lacey's fine. Chillax, dude."

I leaned in for a kiss. "They're our babies, though."

"I know," he said. "Aren't they gorgeous?" he held Lacey up in front of him and kissed her nose.

I made sure to grab a couple of extra blankets before we took the girls downstairs, wary of them getting cold.

"Yay, babies!" Alice clapped her hands together as we walked into the family room with the girls. Bella had set Grace and Anna up with crayons and they were drawing together on the rug by the fire, Bella sat on Edward's lap watching them.

I watched in fascination as Alice looked confused for a moment, then pouted and fell back onto the couch, crossing her arms across her chest. "Fine," she muttered, "but I get to go second."

Esme appeared at my side and lifted Ellen out of my arms, doing that very girlie cooing thing and pulling the blanket off my shoulder, paying no attention to me as she made sure Ellen was warm and comfortable. I looked over at Adam and saw Rosalie had taken Lacey which must have been the source of Alice's annoyance.

I took Adam's hand and pulled him down onto the couch next to me and he slung his arm around my shoulders, leaning in to kiss my cheek once. I got the impression that our girls were going to be well looked after by people other than us for some time.

"So, what have you guys been up to recently?" Emmett asked as Rosalie sat down next to him, rocking and singing to Lacey.

"Making babies," I laughed. "Adam's been involved in some pretty big movies though."

"Yeah?" Jasper said.

"Uh, the one about the brown bears in Russia? I worked on that," Adam said.

"We took Grace to see that movie," Jasper grinned. "I thought it was pretty amazing."

"Thanks, man," Adam said. "I've got some cool stuff coming up too, but it's classified information right now."

"You know I know, right?" Alice asked, still pouting.

"We're very good at keeping secrets," Emmett laughed.

"What about you, Jake?" Esme asked. "How's your shop?"

"Pretty good," I told her. "I'm just the owner at the moment; I have a manager and a receptionist and four guys who work for me now. In way I'm lucky that I've built up a good enough reputation that I can take time away from the garage for a couple of years until the girls are old enough for pre- school, Adam doesn't have that luxury in his career."

"I'm guessing Carlisle is still practicing medicine," Adam asked.

"Yes, he had to leave for his night shift," Esme said in apology.

"What about everyone else?" I asked the group of couples. "Are you enrolled in high school?"

There was a collection of groans. "Yes," Bella said. "I started back last year for the first time. Edward has taken the past few years off too, helping me adjust and with bringing up Grace."

"Me and Rose went travelling for about three years," Emmett added. "We got back the year before last to live with the family again on a more permanent basis."

"They stopped in occasionally in between their travels," Esme smiled.

"And Alice and I have been at college," Jasper smiled. "I've been doing a PhD in History and Alice has been studying textiles and design."

"And now you're back in high school?" Adam asked. Jasper nodded. "Wow. That must be tough."

"In a way," he nodded. "But it's nice for the six of us to be back together at school. That hasn't happened since Forks High."

Esme rose from her seat and carefully deposited Ellen in Alice's arms. I was fighting back the discomfort at watching my babies being handed around from vampire to vampire but it seemed to be not too bad. I mean, it was hard, but I could rationalize that they weren't going to get hurt.

"How are you feeling, Jake?" Jasper asked in a low voice.

"Are you helping?" I asked and Emmett laughed.

"Do you mind?" Jasper ignored Emmett.

I shrugged. "It's hard to hold back those old grievances. I feel like I constantly need to be poised to fight."

I watched as Ellen tensed in Alice's arms, making that 'I'm about to scream' baby face and I shifted forward in my seat, preparing to go and rescue her.

"Here," Jasper said, interpreting my impending heroics and Alice shifted my baby into his arms. I watched with sort of stunned fascination as he gently stroked her cheek, bringing her down from her little bout of unhappiness and leaving her smiley and calm.

"Can we steal him?" I stage- whispered to Adam.

"I know, right?" he agreed.

"Hey, happy baby," Alice cooed and took Ellen back.

Jasper looked over at me and smirked. "Jasper, how do you like California?"

"It's cold and it's damp," he laughed.

Anna picked up the picture she had been drawing and brought it over to show me. I pulled her into my lap and did the obligatory oohing and aahing over the colorful flowers she had drawn, giving her a kiss and telling her how proud I was of her.

"Daddy?" she whispered and tugged on my hair. I winced and leaned down so my ear was level with her mouth. "Can I see the kitty?"

I smiled. "Grace? Anna wants to meet your new kitten, if that's okay?"

Grace nodded excitedly and packed up her drawing things faster than any child should be able to. The sudden movements made Anna cower into my chest in shock and fear. I was surprised too: this was Grace's first display of her non- human abilities.

"Grace," Edward chastised her softly. "Human speed, sweetheart. You're scaring Annaleigh."

"I'm sorry," she said, her face dropping instantly at the thought of losing her newest friend.

"Don't worry," Adam told her. "I'll come up too, if you like. I think Jake would prefer to stay here with the babies."

I nodded and gently removed Anna's arms from around my neck and passing her over to Adam. He looked down in surprise as Grace gently put her hand in his to lead him to her hidden pet and I couldn't help my enjoyment at seeing how kids seem to be drawn to him and his open, honest personality.

"I know you're probably going to want to get settled," Bella said once Adam and the kids were gone, "but we're happy to watch the kids for you whenever you want."

"We actually have a little cabin further out in the woods," Edward added. "You're welcome to use that whenever you want."

"It's very tempting," I laughed.

"Are the kids keeping you up late, Jacob?" Rosalie taunted me with a smirk and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Like you wouldn't believe," I said, the snarky mask falling after half a second and I collapsed back into the couch with a loud yawn. "If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be jealous of the leeches…"

The Cullens laughed and Jasper patted my arm. "Get your kids comfortable, Jake," he suggested. "Then I'll give you directions to the cabin. I'm sure you can borrow the car."

"And we're only on the end of the phone, dear," Esme added.

"No pressure to perform or anything," Rosalie snorted. "But it sounds like you need to make the most of it."

-x-X-x-

It was at least three days until I was happy to leave our babies with the Cullens while Adam and I planned our night of hedonistic lust fuelled sex, alone in the cabin in the woods. There was very little guilt at leaving them in the end; Anna was sleeping in Grace's room now so she wouldn't notice we were gone and the Cullen girls had been taking it in turns to go to Ellen and Lacey if they woke up in the night anyway. I had settled down into being comfortable around our old friends again and the rational side of my brain that said that the Cullens wouldn't hurt our babies was winning out against the old prejudices.

In the end we borrowed Jasper's car to take the short drive out to the cabin. Edward conveniently disappeared when it was time for us to leave and Jasper laughed about how anal and protective of his car Edward had always been. Apparently it took him years to let _Bella_ drive it.

The drive was relatively short and we talked about our friends rather than about what we were planning to keep focused on the road. It would be too easy to pull over to the side of the road and just have sex in the car and that was just rude when we were borrowing it. The cabin was small but nicely furnished. I couldn't really say what it looked like. We went straight to the bedroom.

Adam pulled out his ipod and stuck it in the dock, the room immediately filling with soft piano and guitar music and the clear, soulful voice of our favorite singer. I pulled my t shirt off but left my jeans on and he mimicked my undressing then opened his arms to me.

I fell into his protective embrace, the one place I was always Jake and only his. With my bare skin pressed against his we swayed together, his arms wrapped around my waist, one of my hands in his hair and the other clutching his bicep. My head found the nook of his shoulder and I inhaled his familiar scent, one that was pure Adam and kissed the loops that had recently reappeared in his ear.

His fingertips stroked over my lower back, occasionally dipping below the waistband of my jeans but in comfort more than for sex. That is, until my lips found the soft skin and sensitive nerve endings through his neck and kissed up to his jaw, nuzzling his scruff and seeking out his lips. It was as familiar as breathing, kissing him, our mouths knowing exactly how to please the other's with no prompting or thought necessary.

This moment was ours, one to cherish and to love forever as something that belonged to us and no one else. Kissing Adam, being in his arms, feeling his love for me which was so unprompted and open and knowing that I could show him again how much I love him, always, with no interruptions. That was what our relationship was.

Adam deepened the kiss, tilting my head to one side so he could run the tip of his tongue over my bottom lip, asking for access which I willingly granted him. Our kiss started in the slow, sweet, familiar territory of wanting each other desperately but holding back because we knew that we couldn't start fucking like monkeys when we had a toddler who frequently liked to join us in bed. The realization that we were alone, and not likely to be interrupted came on like a switch, taking our make- out session to the next level without either of us really pushing the issue.

I tugged on his hair a little harder, sucked his lip into my mouth and ground my hips against his as Adam's hands ran up and down my back, his lingering fingertips causing sparks and fire to fly over my skin. It had been a few weeks, maybe, since we'd had sex; proper sex, not just a quick blow job in the shower, and weeks more since we'd just let go and enjoyed ourselves and each other without having to worry about waking the kids up. Now, we were alone.

Both of my hands slid up so I was cupping Adam's face in my palms, pulling him closer to me to deepen a kiss I didn't ever want to break. I could feel his heartbeat from his chest being pressed so close to mine and I wanted to crawl inside this feeling and never leave.

Adam pulled back first, resting his head against mine as we both struggled to catch our breath.

"I love you," he said in between deep breaths and brushed his swollen lips against mine.

"My god, Adam, I love you too," I promised him. Reaching down between us I thumbed the button of my jeans, undoing them but leaving the zipper alone, then repeated the action on his. Adam's hot eyes watched the action as my hand brushed against each of our cocks in turn.

I started kissing him again, starting at the sweet spot where his neck met his shoulder and licking down over his collarbone to his nipples. I duly took each one in my mouth, licking it roughly then biting down to make him shudder and groan, then kissed down to the fly of his jeans and hooked my fingers over the hem.

Sitting back on my heels, I dragged Adam's jeans and boxers down and off so he was standing naked in front of me, his cock standing out in front of him; hard and straining and all mine. He knew what I wanted- it was the exact same thing he was desperate for himself. I gave him a trademarked, Jacob Black smirk and stuck my tongue out like a petulant child, then ran it around the head of his cock. Adam couldn't fight the shudder that ran through his body, or the low moan, or the way he arched his back to thrust his dick into my face.

I placed my hands on his hips to steady him and Adam reached down, taking my hands in his and holding me in place. It was intimate, but dominating as well and sexy as all hell. I sucked him lightly at first, keeping my lips and tongue loose and wet, taking his length in my mouth as far as I could in this position which still left a good couple of inches untouched. That was okay, though.

By sucking harder I knew I would be taking him into hotter territory where he would find it harder to hold back, but that was okay too. I was reasonably confident of his recovery time so it wouldn't matter who ended up topping when it came to that. There's something very primal and submissive about sucking your man's cock; it's an act of pure pleasure for the receiver and not always one of pleasure for the giver. It's wet and messy and vulgar but I loved the taste and the smell and the overwhelming sense of Adam that came from it. I would also get deep pleasure from the look in his eye as he watched me take his cock into his mouth, and from knowing that this was one of the most intimate and erotic things I could do for him.

Adam started to rock his hips in time with the strokes from my lips. It was a gentle reminder about his control and I could tell he would come soon and come hard so I worked on taking him a little deeper. If I stretched up on my knees a bit it worked better although the position put a strain on my thighs so I only did it when he was about to come.

His moans seemed to come from a place deep in his chest and his face was flushed, his breath coming in short gasps before he cried out my name and I felt the muscles in his thighs and stomach contract as he came in hot bursts in my mouth. I swallowed around him and he shook again, his hands squeezing mine in his pleasure.

Holding hands during a blow job. Huh. Must be a married thing.

Adam tugged me to my feet and brushed kisses over my cheeks and eyelids as I relaxed into his embrace. He nibbled on my earlobe then bit it, causing me to gasp and jerk my hips forward, crushing my erection, still housed in my jeans, against his thigh.

We seemed to unconsciously slow our pace again, relaxing into each other and finding new ways to get closer, constantly moving our arms to pull one another tighter and using hands and fingertips to stroke and tease. Adam kissed me while gently holding my hips in place and I smiled against his skin.

He finished undressing me, pushing the rough denim off my waist with urgent hands. They were left hanging around my thighs, trapping me but I couldn't care as he grabbed my ass in both hands and pulled me to him. I grabbed his shoulders to stop myself toppling over and he kissed the corner of my mouth as we rocked together in a different kind of dance.

Adam found my hand and I kicked off my jeans as he lead me to the bed and I lay down on my back, determining from his actions that he was feeling more dominating tonight. He lay down on top of me and we started to kiss again, slow, wet kisses as he sucked my tongue into his mouth then caressed it softly. His hips ground into mine and I got lost in the pleasure as the blood returned to his cock, making it hard for me and ready to go again.

"Please," I begged him through gasps for breath. "I want you inside me, Adam."

He kissed my nose and rolled off me to grab the small backpack of stuff we'd brought with us.

"Shit," Adam muttered, then started rifling through the small pile of stuff he'd dumped on the floor.

"What's wrong?" I asked, still rubbing my cock slowly.

"We didn't pack any lube." He roughly ran his hands over his face. I groaned.

"Fuck. Okay, don't use any then."

Adam rolled back to me and started kissing me gently. "I'm not going to do that, Jake, I'll hurt you."

"No, you won't," I said through soft kisses. "I'll be fine. Please."

Adam groaned as I rocked my hips up into his cock again. Then his eyes snapped open and he gave me a wicked smirk. "Roll over," he instructed softly.

I complied and he grabbed a pillow and stuck it under me, lifting my ass to him. I turned my head to the side to watch him as he sucked two fingers into his mouth then spread his saliva over my entrance.

"Shit," I muttered, burying my face back in my pillow. That was too hot to watch.

Adam's big hands came down with a light thud on my ass cheeks and I felt my skin stretch as he pulled them apart, then the insistent wetness as he licked me there.

"Shit, Adam!"

There was such intimacy to this most erotic act and I forced myself to relax and just enjoy it otherwise I was going to shoot my load already. Then I decided that might not be such a bad thing as his fingertips started to stroke and fondle my balls and his tongue flexed and loosened me up to him.

I pressed my forehead into the bed and growled as he picked up speed, flicking against me with his tongue then lapping long and smooth. It didn't take much for me to decide, _fuck it_, and I lifted my hips to take a hold of my dick and pumped myself to a furious orgasm.

Adam chuckled slightly as I collapsed onto the bed, sweaty and exhausted and he threw me a washcloth to clean off my hand.

"Thanks," I told him.

He rolled me gently on to my side and pushed the pillow onto the floor, spooning up behind me and kissing my shoulder. We didn't use this position all that much; usually we were too forceful with each other and we always liked positions which meant we had room to move. But I appreciated that he wanted to slow down with me tonight and not hurt me, so this way was good for us both.

Adam's breath was hot on my shoulder as he positioned his cock and gently pushed into me. I hissed at the small amount of pain and he stopped immediately.

"Should I stop?" he whispered and kissed my neck.

"No, god no," I told him. "Just go slow."

I pulled my legs up further and Adam wrapped an arm around me, pressing his hand in the center of my chest as he pushed into me a bit further. It was strange, not using the excess of slippery lubricant we were used to but not entirely unpleasant. I could feel more, and even though it meant it was taking me longer to adjust to his size there was something very primal about doing it like this. It felt like my first time again; the position, the delicious ache as he entered me, the darkness with the moon shining in our window. The fact that there were no kids, no interruptions, no suburban grown up reality to deal with.

Adam kept his lips on my skin too, rubbing back and forth across my shoulder and neck, stopping to lick and nip at my skin occasionally. Finally I felt his hips touch the back of my thighs, indicating that he was all the way inside me. The feeling was intense; it still hurt a bit but in a good way, telling me how tight I must have felt around his cock. He held still for a while, letting me adjust until I was the one rocking myself back on to him, desperate for the feeling of him moving inside me.

Because of the position he couldn't thrust in the traditional sense, instead I pumped my hips back and forth and he sort of mirrored my actions meaning we met in the middle at the deepest point. It was amazing, feeling this fragile and free as he made love to me again with his hand over my heart. My heart that had belonged to him for a long, long time.

I remembered that there was no one around to hear us, no one to wake up and with the realization I let out a long groan that turned into a gasp of delight as he thrust a little harder.

"Fuck, Jake," Adam choked out as our rhythm started to build with our desire

The floodgates opened, so to speak, once we both knew we could voice our pleasure as loud as we wanted and I cried out as Adam started to tug on my piercings, a sure sign that he was close and he wanted me to finish with him.

"I'm so close," I told him, determined not to touch my cock but needing that little extra bit of pressure to make me come. Adam changed the swing of his hips to tilt upwards each time he moved and started to rub my prostate with each pass.

It was that pressure alongside the burning in my ass which tipped me over the edge, coming in bursts of profanities as I felt Adam spill and come inside me. He immediately pressed his lips to my back again as we fought to settle our pounding hearts and irregular breathing.

I winced as he pulled out of me and relaxed with a smile as he used a new cloth to wipe me down and clean up the residue of my own orgasm as well.

"Tell me, how bad do you hurt?" he demanded as he spooned up behind me again.

I twisted in his arms and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. "It's okay," I told him. "A little sore. That was fucking feral though, Adam."

"In a good way?"

"Hell, yeah."

He exhaled loudly and tucked his knees up behind mine, his hand rubbing slow circles on my chest and arm. "I was really scared of hurting you."

"It was like our first time, right?"

"Yes." He kissed my cheek. "I didn't know if that was a good thing."

"That night I learned a new way of showing you how much I love you. Anything that reminds me of that is just perfect."

I felt his smile against my neck before he whispered his goodnight 'I love you'. I remember returning the sentiment as I fell into a deep, wonderfully contented sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 28

We were woken the next morning by the sun. I was still curled up on my side with Adam holding me close from behind and I found his hand with mine to bring him closer to me.

I knew when he was awake although he didn't say anything. There was something magical about the silence, the peacefulness about being alone with him out here where there were no interruptions. Reality seemed a long way away.

Adam pulled away slightly and after a moment music filled the room again then he rolled back and snuggled deeper under the blankets with me. The cold of the room was evident in the frozen condensation on the window but our combined body warmth and the layers on the bed were fighting it off. His hand was cold as he slipped it between soft fleece and my skin and I yelped at the sudden change in the temperature over my stomach.

I rolled over to face him and Adam stretched his arm out to form a pillow for my neck. Words weren't spoken, they weren't needed. He reached out and tucked a stray piece of my hair behind my ear, then stroked down the side of my face to my shoulder and my tattoo before tucking his cold hand back under the blankets again.

We must have fallen asleep like this again because I was woken up for the second time by Adam moving his arm from under me; he laughed and started to shake the pins and needles out of it. I rolled over and checked my watch on the nightstand, it was only 8.30 but I felt all groggy from getting a decent eight hours sleep in one go.

"Do you want to go for a run?" I asked Adam, my voice rasping on the morning.

"You have to be kidding," he muttered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"I need to wake up properly," I said and sat up in bed, shivering at the cold.

Adam mumbled something unintelligible as he stretched out and I grabbed my backpack from the floor to pull on yesterday's t shirt and a pair of jogging pants I had brought just in case. I found a bottle of lube in the bottom of the bag and threw it at Adam. It hit him in the middle of the chest and he shrugged then laughed.

"Tell me you regret it," he challenged and I shook my head at him.

"Not the point, dude," I said and started to stretch. "Are you coming?"

"Fine," he sighed and started to dress.

A few minutes later we were standing at the door to the cabin, shaking off the residue of the night before and jumping up and down on the balls of our feet to warm up. I took off first, spotting a trail that lead away to the north and deciding to follow it.

"Do you know where this goes?" Adam asked, falling into step next to me.

"No," I admitted. "But I figure my excellent sense of direction will keep us safe."

He laughed. "Jake, you haven't had an excellent sense of direction for years. You get lost driving around our neighborhood."

"That's only since they rerouted traffic off main street," I argued.

I don't know who was setting the pace and who was matching it, only that we ran together with hardly any break in our stride. We used to do this often, run together in the mornings, and it was only when Annaleigh was born three years ago that we'd had to stop. Doing it again made me miss the peaceful rhythm of the exercise and the time spent with Adam where we could talk about anything or nothing and just be together. I made a promise to myself that we'd find a way, somehow, of picking up the habit again.

"Do we know what's happening for the rest of today?" Adam asked as we looped around on the trail and headed back again.

"I think Alice, Rosalie and Bella are taking Grace and Anna out shopping," I told him. I could feel the sweat sliding down my back and my chest was burning with the cold of the air, but the ache in my muscles was fantastic.

"Yeah, I was invited to go with them," Adam said and I laughed.

"Seriously?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. I turned them down. I would quite like to go and look around the town though."

I recognized the path opening out, showing that we were close to the cabin and I nodded to Adam and we both picked up our pace, sprinting the last couple hundred yards to the door then collapsing with hands on knees to collect our panting breaths.

Adam unlocked the door with the key kept over the eave and went straight to the kitchen to pour us both tall glasses of water. I gulped mine down gratefully then refilled it, leaning back against the counter to sip the next one slower.

"I'll go run the shower," Adam said and raised an eyebrow at me which clearly said 'will you join me?'

"Let me go and call Bella quickly," I said, dumping my glass in the sink and wandering through the cabin to find my phone.

"Jacob Black Hawk, it's nine thirty already and I've been waiting for your overprotective parent call for _ages,_" Bella said on answering her phone.

"Ha ha," I deadpanned as I started to strip off my socks and sneakers. "We went for a run. How are my girls?"

"They're fine," Bella said. "We told Anna that you guys got up early and went out so she wouldn't know you were gone all night. That was Edward's idea. She was very cool and she's up playing with Grace's dolls right now."

"Great," I said, continuing to strip off. "And Ellen and Lacey?"

"In an interesting juxtaposition, they are being real life dolls to Rose and Alice who are currently dressing them up in pretty frilly things."

"Fantastic. We'll be back soon," I told her and rung off. Then I grabbed that bottle of lube.

Adam was naked in the shower when I walked in so I quickly stripped my clothes off and let them fall on the tiled slate floor. The shower cubicle seemed to be designed to be big enough for two, not that I particularly wanted to consider why.

He had his hands braced against the far wall of the shower and the water was running in little rivulets down his back which were just fascinating to watch. I stuck my bottle on the shelf with our shower gel and pressed myself up tight against Adam, my feet between his and my arms wrapped around his chest so I could kiss the drops of water from between his shoulder blades.

"What took you so long?" he asked in a low voice and I started to protest before I saw his hand had started without me.

"I'm sorry," I said, kissing his back again. I love Adam's back. His shoulder blades are sharp but he has thick bands of muscle across his shoulders and biceps and these lovely squidgy bits just below his ribs which make for an amazing middle of the night cuddle.

"Fuck, Jake," Adam hissed as I started to play with his nipples while I continued to kiss. "I need you to fuck me."

"Do you want me to use the lube?" I teased him as I let one hand trail down over his abs, tugging at his treasure trail of hair then nudging his hand out of the way so I could fondle his balls.

"Uh, yes please," he said and I laughed as I bit his shoulder lightly.

"Do you want my cock in your ass?" My recently rediscovered vocal talents were surfacing again.

"Yes," he growled as I worked a finger into him. Without lube. Just for fun.

"Do you like being stretched around me? Do you like the feeling of my cock pushing deep inside you?"

Adam groaned, long and deep from his chest as I reached for the lube and started to work it into him with long strokes, curling my fingers at the deepest point for that extra bit of stimulation.

"Fuck," he hissed again. "Now Jake, or I'm going to lose it," he begged.

I quickly lubed up my cock and bent my knees to position myself under him, hooking an arm under his waist to swing his hips back and his ass up for me. I pressed slowly against his opening until I felt his muscles give way to me then I straightened my legs and leaned forward over to resume kissing his back.

"More," he begged in a breathless whisper as I held myself just inside him and held him on the precipice of his orgasm.

"Mm," I agreed, moving my lips up to his neck and the tattoo that ended behind his ear. I put my hand on top of his on the shower wall and eased myself further into him as slowly as I could manage. My arm held his body to mine with a strength he didn't seem to want to break and I attacked his neck with bites and kisses and licks; sucking at his skin hard enough to leave a mark. I couldn't care less.

This position meant I could only take relatively short thrusts, grinding my cock into him rather than pushing in and out. Adam always liked to bottom for me like this; bent at the waist with his ass stuck back out and my hands steadying his thighs. I didn't like it so much and preferred to be stretched out with every inch of our bodies pressed together when he took me. But I didn't mind topping him like this. It was fucking: raw and primal and about release and pleasure, and that was good too.

I stood up straight and caught hold of his waist, my hips pumped into him again, pulling out as far as I dared then sinking back in. It was perfect, his heat, how tight he felt, the hot water that was still pounding down on my back. I watched in fascination at how, at the deepest point, you could more clearly see the difference in our skin color. I was a few shades darker, slightly more reddish brown whereas Adam looked like me, only with a dash of milk diluting him. My cock was thicker and the veins more prominent, the head turning an angry red when I'm hard; but he's longer, smoother and more even in color. He tanned a nicer shade than I did. My hair was darker.

I poured more lube on to where we were joined and started a better rhythm, occasionally slapping his ass to make him yelp and clench against me. Adam leaned forward with his forearms pressed against the wall and his head dropped down between them, grunting in pleasure and absorbing the force of my cock thundering inside him. I knew he could come from this alone and I made it my mission to make him do so, really pushing him to his physical limits and fucking him hard.

"Shit, Jake," he grunted and as I felt his prostate swell as I pushed against it, he orgasmed with a loud cry.

I put my hands flat on his lower back then ran them up to his shoulders, pulling him upright to me and into a very wet, sloppy kiss. I was right on the edge of coming and his lips on mine, his teeth and tongue tipped me over the edge and I came deep inside of him.

Wrapping my arms around his chest to keep him close, I pressed my forehead to his shoulder to catch my breath and let the shower wash away the evidence of our lovemaking. I slipped from inside him and Adam groaned at the loss of contact, turning in my arms to lay little kisses over my lips and cheek.

"When we get home, we're having a lot more sex," he murmured.

I smiled and kissed him, then pulled back. "Dang. If you insist."

Adam looked serious for a moment but couldn't hold back his laugh. "I really do," he promised.

-x-X-x-

It was nearly midday by the time we washed up and got back to the house, stopping in a diner for a quick brunch on the way since our daughters were okay. It was a good lesson in trusting people outside of our immediate circle of friends with the girls, something I knew I would need to learn to do when they started preschool and I went back to work.

Anna and Grace were playing on the swings in the front yard when I pulled up in front of the house and she flew off it and ran to us to propel herself into a huge, double- dad hug.

"Good morning, sunshine," I said, kissing one side of her face while Adam kissed the other.

"Have you had a nice morning?" he asked and tickled her belly.

"Yes!" Anna squealed and kicked her legs at us through her giggles.

"Where's the grown ups?" I asked her, slightly concerned at the lack of adult supervision around. She just shrugged. Grace had ran inside when Anna came up to us, so I bumped Anna on to my hip and took Adam's hand to walk up to the house.

Esme greeted us at the door, her arms full of Lacey.

"We were just getting ready to go out," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, we were wondering where you guys had got to," Rosalie smirked at us as she walked down the stairs with Ellen.

"We got, ah, caught up," Adam said and I kissed the adorable blush on his cheek.

"Sure you did," Rosalie said and I glowered at her a bit. She was still a bitch.

"Yes, she absolutely is," Edward answered my thoughts in a low voice and I jumped to see him standing next to me. "I was in the garage, so I was keeping an eye and an ear and a sixth sense on our girls."

I nodded and laughed under my breath.

"Okay!" Alice joined us in the foyer which was becoming rather crowded. "Lets get this thing moving! Adam, you're coming with us; Jake, you're staying here with Edward and Jazz and Emmett will be back in a couple of hours."

"Hunting," Edward said from beside me.

"Is the car packed up?" Alice demanded of Edward.

"Yes, ma'am!" he saluted her.

"Don't be cheeky, young man. You've got infants to play with for the next few hours."

There was a mess of activity as Adam took Anna from me, Rosalie handed me Ellen who was sniffley and in some serious need of some daddy hugs and Esme must have given Lacey to Edward but I didn't see that happening. Adam gave me a lingering kiss and Anna patted both our faces until we turned and gave her kisses too.

Almost as suddenly as the madness descended, it stopped and I was alone with Edward, each of us holding one of my daughters.

"Well, that was interesting," he laughed and bounced Lacey in his arms a little. "Do you want to sit down?"

"I could use a coffee, actually," I told him.

"Of course."

I made myself at home in the kitchen; I'd actually cooked a few times for Grace and my girls since we got here, Esme had made sure the cupboards were well stocked for us which was really nice of her.

It was the first time I had been alone with Edward since arriving although we'd spent plenty of time with each other as part of the group. I suddenly felt very exposed, knowing that he could hear every thought that went through my head although the talent of suppressing my sexual needs when my kids were around was one I was pretty proud of.

"Jake, relax, seriously," Edward said. "It's not nearly as bad as it could be."

"Really?" I muttered, finishing making my coffee one handed and shifting Ellen so I could carry both through to the family room.

"Do you want me to just leave you and your girls alone?" he sounded pretty genuine in his offer.

"No, I'm being an asshole," I said with a deep sigh and took the nice deep armchair with the good view of the TV.

"Yeah, you kinda are," he said and stuck a cushion on his lap so Lacey would be more comfortable. I immediately felt even more assholey than before- he was being so nice to my kids and I was being hung up on decade- old grievances.

"Hey, Edward, do you reckon we'll ever be able to just talk like two guys?" I asked him, taking the first sip of my coffee.

He shrugged. "I don't see why not," he said. "I mean, you might not believe me but this is just as weird for me as it is for you."

I flicked the TV on and set it to some sports channel with the volume down low. Then I took the bait. "Really? How?"

Edward laughed. "You're ten years older than me, for one."

"Eleven, actually," I told him. "I just turned twenty eight."

"And you were, what, fifteen? Sixteen when I first met you?"

"About that, yeah," I nodded.

"I'm still the same person I was ten years ago, Jake," Edward said with a wry smile. "You know vampires don't age, or grow up. But our personalities stay pretty much the same as well. It's been hard for a lot of my family over the past few days, seeing you and Adam grown up with your beautiful children and having matured and experienced all these life changes that we'll never have. I'll never get to be anything other than a seventeen year old with decades of time behind me."

It didn't _feel_ like I was so much older than Edward now, maybe because he was still a condescending little shit or maybe because of those decades of time behind him.

"But you have Bella and Grace," I argued as I gently rocked Ellen to sleep.

"I do," he agreed and smiled slightly at the memory of his daughter. "They're the most precious things to me, I can't even describe it."

"I kinda know," I said as I watched Ellen's face drift off to sleep.

"It's fascinating to be around children again," Edward said as he played with a very happy Lacey. "Infants, I mean. They don't think in sentences like adults do, or even children of Grace's age. In that way Jasper is so much better with them than I am."

"I never saw Jasper as the sort of guy who likes kids," I said, vacantly watching the TV.

"Me either," Edward agreed. "And not human kids especially. He and Alice are very okay with the fact that they wouldn't be able to have children. It's Esme and Rosalie who are much more maternal."

"Has he _ever_ been around children before?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

"I don't think so," Edward said. "He wasn't married before he was changed and he had a younger brother, I believe, so there weren't any nieces or nephews. There was Grace, of course, but she blocks him."

"Blocks him?"

"Yes, she's a shield, like Bella."

"I don't understand," I admitted. Edward slapped his head.

"Right, we went through all of this after we left Forks. Bella is a shield. Or, should I say, Bella _has _a shield? That's why I could never read her thoughts; there's like an invisible force around her which means our powers don't affect her. Grace has the same ability, sort of."

"Wow. She never told me you figured that out."

"No, it took a long time for us to diagnose her, if you like. It was actually only when Grace started blocking us as well that we realized what was going on. She learned to manipulate her shield from a very young age, she was doing it at about a year old, but it isn't up all the time like Bella's was."

"So she can turn her shield on and off?"

"Not really. It's always there, but she can pull it back so people can affect her if she wants them to."

"Why would she want that?" I asked, stupidly curious about both Bella and Grace's talents.

"It has its uses," Edward laughed. "They're both still learning how to use and manipulate it. It takes a long time to figure these things out. But how about your girls? How are you doing being a parent of three?"

"It's amazing," I said honestly. "Really amazing. Hard work, though!"

"Yeah, we've all gotten a taste of that recently," Edward said. "Uh, Lacey's hungry."

We relocated to the kitchen so I could make up a couple of bottles and continued to exchange stories about being parents.

"So tell me, what do I have to look forward to in the next ten years?" I asked Edward once we were settled in front of the TV again.

"Ah, you're going through the worst part with Anna right now," he said, looking uncomfortable as he tried to feed Lacey.

"Shift her upright a bit more," I told him. "She'll feed better then."

He took my instruction and sighed in relief as Lacey settled down. "Yeah, the toddler years are the worst. It's that in between stage when they're still learning the difference between right and wrong and that no means no. And they test your boundaries constantly to see how far they can push it before you put your foot down. It's hard to be strict but it's for their own good."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

"It is," he laughed. "I can't wait for you to go through it with these two at the same time."

"You bastard," I joked, good naturedly. "It's good to see Bella so happy, you know. It's not a life I would have chosen for her, but she does fit right in to your family."

"I'm glad you see that," he said, looking up from Lacey. "I was wondering if you'd find it hard to see her so contented with this life she was so desperate for. Especially since it was a choice you were so opposed to."

"It's part of my nature to be opposed to yours," I said with a shrug. "Neither of us has any choice in the matter. How is she coping with High School?"

"It can be difficult for her at times," Edward said. "She's very good at controlling her thirst but we are essentially locked up in a room of thirty humans for hour long periods through the day. She has her good days and her bad days, like the rest of us did at first. The two of us generally go for a run during our lunch period so she can clear her head."

"How about Grace? Is it weird being a seventeen year old parent of a ten year old child?"

"It wasn't until you guys turned up," he joked. "I suppose that's just us. It's how our family rolls."

"What's her story then? You can't be claiming to be her parents."

"No, that must be the hardest thing of all. To the world outside this house, she's the youngest adopted daughter of Carlisle and Esme's. I know we only have a limited time left before we become her siblings rather than her parents so I have to cherish every moment of her childhood."

"They grow up so fast," I said with a smile.

"You have no idea. Jake, can I ask you about something that has been bugging me for years now?"

"Sure, why not," I laughed.

"Adam."

"What about him?"

"Imprinting…" he trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"Go on." I wasn't going to give up on the opportunity to torture Edward Cullen.

"Shit, Jacob," he sighed, running his spare hand through his hair. "You were desperate to get in my wife's underwear not weeks before you imprinted. Then you found Adam, and that was it."

"Yeah, pretty much," I agreed.

"Are you gay?" he was genuinely curious, not being a dick. As far as I could tell.

"No…" I said slowly. "I don't really see Adam as a man, he's _my _man. I don't ever notice women, but I've never been physically attracted to other men either."

"But you're not a werewolf any more, we know that because Alice can see you," Edward argued. "So are you still imprinted on him?"

"That does seem to be the question of the moment," I said and rolled my eyes. "I suppose in the pack, we've always accepted imprinting as something which is completely permanent, whether we were still phasing or not. It's only now that we've stopped that we can actually test the theory. Think of it like becoming a vampire; you still keep everything that is the essence of you, but there's something else that takes over who you were. I don't think of myself as gay, or straight, or bisexual or whatever. Those rules just don't apply to me."

"Why did you imprint on another man and not a woman?"

"Shit, you're pulling out the big guns today," I laughed.

"Sorry," Edward said, looking sheepish. "It's just I've never been able to ask you this before."

"No worries. Uh, I don't know why I imprinted on Adam. I spoke to Sam about it once and the only thing he could come up with was that most of the rest of the pack had already imprinted on women, so it didn't matter so much if I imprinted on a man or a woman. But now, if you look at the theory that we imprint to pass on the Quileute genes, all of mine and Adam's children have at least half of their parentage from the Quileutes. I've certainly passed on the 'wolf' gene to the next generation a hell of a lot better than I would have if I'd married Bella."

"Crap, you're right," Edward said, his eyes glazing over a bit while he wrapped his head around this new bit of information. "So by _not_ being with Bella you were actually fulfilling whatever it was that makes you a werewolf in the first place?"

"If you like, yeah."

"Carlisle's going to have a field day with this," he said eventually.

"If you're looking for reassurance, Edward, I can tell you that I will _always_ love Bella and I'm going to want to know that she's okay no matter what happens. But I'm just not attracted to her and I haven't been for a long time."

"Thanks," he said. It seemed I'd just hit the nail on the head.

"What, don't you think you'd win in a battle with an older man?" I teased him.

"Jacob, I am ninety years older than you," he said in a bored tone.

"Yeah, but you don't look it. I'm rocking that sexy, filled out, scruffy adult look at the moment." I rubbed my chest with the flat of my hand.

"No, you're rocking that over- tired, parent of three look," he said with a smirk. "The unshaven jaw and bags under your eyes give it away."

"You're cutting me deep here, Cullen," I said with a laugh.

By talking with Edward I think I put to rest some demons I didn't even realize I was still harboring. He was a decent guy, still a dick, but I suppose being parents had changed both of us. It was insane to think that ten years later he was still worried that I was interested in Bella and would want to fight him for her. I would fight for her happiness, her safety but the choices she made over ten years ago meant that I couldn't love her any more. Not that I had any desire to love her. It felt like fighting a losing battle in trying to explain to Edward how I was attached to Adam on a spiritual, cellular level and how literally nothing could come between us. _My man._ That's what it boiled down to. He was mine, and I was so totally his.

-x-X-x-

A/N: Someone said something this week that made me think. From said thinking I would like to say the following:

This chapter is humbly dedicated to the lurkers, a rather underrated but essential part of this fandom. As authors, do we write for reviews? For what we might get back from our readers? Or do we write for the sheer joy of writing? To be able to share this story with you is an honour, whether you leave a comment or not. Thank you for reading.


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: Huge thankyous to Darkira for looking through this for me before I posted. Ah, the wonders of Twitter. Find me [at]hidingfromsome1 if you want to listen to my vague ramblings on life, the universe and everything. And Rob. And Jackson. I'll shut up now.

Angst warning ahead...

-x-X-x-

Chapter 29

We knew that there was a danger with having two such young children who commanded so much of our time that we needed to keep an eye on Annaleigh and make sure that she was okay with mine and Adam's attention being split between her and her sisters, especially as they grew into wriggly, attention- seeking toddlers. She seemed to be taking everything in her stride; for such a little kid she had an amazing way of just letting life take her along. Still, she went out for 'girl time' with Lena and Maddie sometimes; they'd take her to the park or shopping and she seemed to like that.

Adam wanted to spend more time with her just the two of them which they hadn't really done too much since Ellen was born. I ended up in the house with Ellen and Lacey on my own but I didn't really mind, once we had fallen into a routine for the three of them I was okay by myself. I didn't mind being alone with all of them- they were my kids and I love them, there was no reason why I couldn't do it. Even if my parenting style relied heavily on the talent of Adam's colleagues at Pixar.

The three of us had done lunch and I was trying to settle Lacey down for her nap when the doorbell rang. I cursed and went to answer it, juggling Lacey on to my shoulder.

There were two uniformed policemen at the door.

My heart dropped to my stomach. "Are they okay?" I knew, straight away, that it was bad.

"Jacob Black Hawk?" the first asked and I nodded.

"Sir, your partner and daughter have been taken into the emergency room this afternoon. Are you able to come down?"

"Of course," I said quickly, panicking. Then Lacey sniffled in my arms and my heart started to pound harder. "Wait. I have two infants here. I can't bring them with me. Are they okay?"

"Mr Black Hawk, your partner is in a serious but stable condition. Your daughter is fine, but we need you to come as soon as possible. I can arrange for someone to collect you if necessary."

I gestured for them to come in and took Lacey through to put her down on her play mat with shaking hands. "I need to call a friend."

"Of course. We can take you down there if you like." I shook my head numbly, not thinking and trying not to feel. "We'll meet you there, then."

I scrolled through the numbers on my phone until I found the entry for my best friends. I didn't know how much I loved them until that moment. "Maddie," I sobbed into the phone as she answered. "It's Jake. Adam's in hospital, Anna is too and I need someone to watch Ellen and Lacey…"

"I'm on my way," she said and I could hear the door slam behind her. She must have started to move as soon as she heard my voice. "Stay where you are, Jake, grab your stuff and give me a minute. I'm calling Lena, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed and checked on Ellen quickly as I ran upstairs to pull on a sweater and some shoes.

Maddie and Lena only lived down the block from us so I knew she'd be here quickly. I ran down the stairs and paced in the hallway until I saw her jogging up the street.

"Wait," she said, pushing her hand against my chest as I threw the door open and prepared to leave. "Give me a minute Jake."

"I don't know if I have a minute," I growled at her. "I need to go to my baby."

"Thirty seconds, then," she argued. I froze in place but started to silently count the seconds. "Do you have ID on you?" she demanded.

I nodded, I had my wallet. "Good. I'm calling my brother, I'll get him to meet you there. Cooperate with the police, Jake, and make sure they know who you are. Lena's not answering yet but as soon as she does I'll get her to come over and we'll bring the girls down to you. Okay?"

"Yes," I said tensely. "Can I go now?"

"Of course," she kissed me quickly on the jaw. "Stay in touch, Jake," she whispered and I saw the fear in her eyes.

I ran to my car and it took two tries to turn the engine over, my hands were shaking so bad. I drove as fast as I dared, desperate to get there as soon as possible but determined to not get pulled over for speeding.

The car was probably parked illegally and left unlocked but I couldn't find it in me to care. I ran to the desk and smacked both of my hands on the counter, leaning into the receptionist and gasping my name at her.

"I need to see Annaleigh or Adam Black Hawk," I told her.

"One moment, please, Sir," she told me and I nodded tensely. There was no point in harassing the hospital staff. "Someone's on their way," she told me. I took to pacing the hallway, no one tried to stop me.

"Mr Black Hawk?" a male voice asked and I turned to see a middle aged doctor with thick black hair and a full beard.

"Yes," I said. "Please, let me see my daughter."

"Of course," he told me. "I'm Arnold James, I've been taking care of Adam. But I'll take you to Annaleigh first." I felt my heart rip completely in half. Adam. Annaleigh. Adam. Anna. AdamAnnaAdamAnnaAdamAnna….

"But Adam," I gasped, feeling the physical pain in my chest. "Shit, what happened to them?"

"I need to have one of my colleagues speak to you formally, Mr Black Hawk," he told me. "But I thought you might want to see your family first."

I nodded and let him lead me through to a small, closed room where my daughter was sat on the lap of a female nurse who was braiding her hair. The wide scrape over her eye did not escape my attention, nor the cuts on her arms and a bruise that looked like it was blooming on the corner of her mouth.

"Daddy," she said and I felt my eyes fill with tears. She struggled out of the arms of the nurse and I pulled her into me, burying my face in her hair and letting the tears come.

"Daddy's got you," I told her as she clung to my neck. "It's okay, baby, everything's okay." I hated myself for lying to her, because everything certainly wasn't okay, but she needed to hear it. Anna was quiet in my arms and I let her have the moment of calmness with me before I completely lost it. She liked me rubbing her back so I did, rocking her like I always had.

Dr James stepped back into the room. "Would you like to leave her here so I can take you to Adam?" he asked.

"With all due respect, doctor, there's no fucking way I'm leaving her anywhere," I said and kissed Anna's head again. "I want some fucking answers, and I want them _now._" My voice was low and dangerous and I forced my arms to relax so I didn't scare my daughter.

"Certainly," he said in his ever- calm voice. "I've just had notification that the police have arrived. Would you like to follow me?"

I turned silently and nodded my thanks to the nurse who had been watching Anna and followed him back out of the room to a meeting room where one policeman sat in uniform and another was in plain clothes. The first was one of the officers who had come to my door; a tall, dark man with a foreboding presence. The other was a woman who had her long fair hair tied back in a knot, looking too casual in a light summer dress. Both stood to greet me and shook my hand, telling me names I promptly forgot. The woman offered me a seat and someone to watch Anna, but I pulled her tighter to me and repeated the sentiment I expressed to the doctor- I wanted answers, and Adam, and Anna wasn't going anywhere.

"At present, Sir, we only have very limited information," the male officer started. "We have been collecting witness statements and we're hoping that once your partner is able to speak to us he will be able to fill in some of the gaps."

"Adam and Anna were attacked by a group of teenagers while they were in Golden Gate Park," the woman took over. "At this time we are treating it as a homophobic incident due to what witnesses have heard at the time."

"Oh my god," I murmured and Anna moved from my chest for the first time. She found her feet and stood up on my lap, pulling back from my protective embrace and putting her little hands on my cheeks.

"Is Adam okay?" she whispered, her chocolate brown eyes full of the sort of hurt and worry I spent my life trying to shield her from.

I looked over her head to the police. "Is he?" I asked. I would have gone to him myself, but I had no idea what had happened to him and Anna had to be my priority, she just had to be. I couldn't take her to him unless I knew what we were facing.

"Yes, I believe he is in a stable condition," the first officer said. "We can have someone get us an update, if you like."

I nodded. "Yes, please." I looked down at Anna and kissed her nose. "Adam's going to be fine, sweetheart. Daddy will go and see him in a minute."

"Where were you, this afternoon Mr Black Hawk, between noon and two pm?"

I knew they would likely ask me this, but it didn't stop me bristling at the question. "I was at home with my two other daughters," I told them. "I have friends watching them at the moment."

"Was there anyone at home with you?"

"No. Although my friend will confirm I was home alone when she gets here. They're going to bring my other daughters here as soon as they can."

"Okay," he nodded. "Well, I know you must be anxious to see Mr Black Hawk."

I knew it was a dismissal, but I wasn't ready to leave just yet. "Hang on, you haven't told me anything," I said. "You tell me my husband and daughter were attacked by a gang in the middle of the day in a damn _park,_ so, what's going on? Did you catch them? What happened to Adam?"

"Please be assured, sir, we're taking the incident very seriously. We do not have anyone in custody at this time but we are still collecting witness statements and are confident that we will be making arrests once we have sufficient information." The woman was still eerily calm. It freaked me out a bit, but I trusted her.

"Just in case it comes up, we want to press charges," I said hoarsely. "All of them. Lock the bastards away, officer." The woman nodded and made a note on the small leather pad she was holding.

The male officer picked up a ringing phone and grunted into it a few times then hung up again. "There's a Elaina Malinski and Madeline Sutton waiting for you down the hall."

It took me a moment to translate, then the thought of having Lena and Maddie backing me up again made my chest tight.

"Okay," I nodded. "Can I go now?"

They looked at each other for a moment, then the first one nodded. "Okay. But please don't leave the hospital for the time being."

"Fine," I agreed quickly and adjusted the now sleeping Anna on my chest.

"They'll be in the family room, last door on the right," the woman told me with a soft smile. I nodded and quickly left the room.

I couldn't quite believe I hadn't gone to Adam yet and the guilt was overwhelming me, but there was no way I could take Anna into an intensive care ward and I knew I couldn't leave her with a stranger right now. Lena and Maddie were family, simple as that. I could leave Annaleigh with them so they could protect all three of my children. There was no doubt in my mind that they would be as fierce protectors as Adam and I were.

Ellen and Lacey were in their car seats when I opened the door; my eyes sought out their safety before anything else. Then my arms were full of two more girls and I tried desperately to force my tired eyes into submission and not cry any more.

"I haven't seen him yet," I said in way of an explanation as I shifted Anna into Lena's outstretched arms. "I have to go to him, please."

"Of course," Lena said as she rocked Annaleigh. "Go on, Jake, we've got your girls."

"Do you know where he is?" I asked. No one had told me where I could find him and waiting could take too long.

"Hang on. There was a Dr Cullen in here a minute ago, I'll see if I can find him."

My heart stopped at the name. "Cullen?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Yeah, I think that was his name," Maddie said.

"Tall, blonde, pale?"

"Very handsome," Lena added. "How do you know him?"

Shudders that I thought were long buried ripped down my spine and I fought to keep myself in control. "Old acquaintance," I muttered.

There was a light knock on the door and I swear that old, cloying sweet smell of the vampire came right back to me. Two of them, I was sure of it. I stiffened and prepared to protect my girls- all five of them.

Alice pushed the door open and skipped into the room, followed by the Doc himself.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I growled.

"Calm down, Jacob," Dr Cullen said. "Alice saw…" he noticed the two human girls in the room. "Alice saw the ambulance bringing them in. Can we go somewhere more private?"

I already knew what he was going to say- Alice had seen the attack. How they got here so fast I didn't know, but I wasn't about to expose Lena and Maddie to the whole nasty vampire business. They didn't deserve that.

"Are you okay to stay here?" I checked with Lena. She nodded silently. "Walk with me," I said to the vamps and walked out of the room.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked Alice and she nodded.

"This way," she said and lead me up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. "He's going to be fine, Jake," she said as we walked. "Completely, one hundred per cent fine. I swear to you."

"He's _going_ to be fine?" I pulled her words apart.

"It might be a bit rough for a while," she admitted. I was silent as we continued to climb the stairs.

"How did you get here so fast?" I asked, still confused.

"Alice saw the attack a few hours ago. We couldn't call and warn you, it was too late, and we ran here to try and help."

"You _ran_?" I said, incredulous.

"You've been human too long," Alice smirked. "You've forgotten how fast you used to be."

I started to panic as my mind thought through Adam's medical history. "Do they know about his epilepsy?" I said to Dr Cullen, stopping dead on the stairs. "And he's allergic to penicillin."

"Yes, they checked his records, thankfully," Alice said as she lead me off through double doors that were labeled ICU and I felt my heart start to thump in my throat again. "He only had one seizure on the way here, which considering the circumstances isn't bad really."

It sounded pretty awful to me. Adam hadn't had seizures in years.

"I'll be back in a moment," Carlisle said and disappeared for a few seconds, returning with a white coat and a stethoscope around his neck. The perfect disguise. "He's just through there, Jake," Carlisle gestured to a room and I hesitated in the dim corridor for a few moments, afraid to push the door and see just how bad it was.

Adam was laying in the bed, his naked chest exposed to wires and tubes and a pale blanket that only served to throw the sickly tone of his skin into harsh relief. He had tubes going into his nose and needles in his hand and the crook of his elbow. My feet carried me to the edge of the bed without my really thinking about the movement.

The worst thing was the hurt. There was a long cut from his hairline, over his cheek down to his collarbone that could only have been caused by a knife, but it was held together by butterfly stitches so I couldn't tell how bad it really was. Bruises were already forming all over his arms and neck and torso; thick, black and blue blossoms that I simultaneously wanted to kiss better and was terrified to touch. His lip was split and swollen and as I inspected his body I saw another wound across his ribs and carefully peeled back the padded gauze. Another cut bisected his black hawk tattoo. It was that, the destruction of the tattoo that symbolized our marriage, that drew the bone shaking sobs from my body.

Alice was there in an instant, her tiny, cold body wrapping around my chest and tugging me down to sit in the chair next to his bed, her fingers running rhythmically through my hair as I buried my face in my hands and my hands between my knees.

"It's okay, Jake," she soothed. "He's still in there, you know. It's still Adam. He just needs to rest so he can heal." I could only nod as I forced my tears into submission.

"How long were they here before they called me?" I asked her as I regained some form of control over myself. I was terrified to know how long Adam and Anna were here, alone and hurting before I got to them.

"Only an hour or so," Alice said. "They didn't find Adam's phone until he got here, and then their first priority was stopping the bleeding. They called you as soon as they found his 'in case of emergency' number."

"When can he leave hospital?"

"It'll be a few days," she said gently. "Esme is flying down as we speak, she wants to be around to watch your girls if you need her to. The others wanted to come as well but we were wary of being too conspicuous around your friends."

Of course. Lena and Maddie. "Our family," I corrected her without thinking.

"I hope I can meet them later," she said and I nodded.

"Thanks," I told her and after a few moments the door clicked shut, leaving me alone with Adam. A few deep breaths later and I looked up, letting the tears fall where they liked and reaching my hand out to gently stroke his. I wiggled my fingers under his palm and held his hand, soothing it with my thumb as the machines beeped and hummed around us.

Carlisle came back into the room eventually, still wearing his stolen coat and stethoscope. "How are you doing, Jacob?" he asked softly and I shrugged.

"When will he wake up?" I asked.

"He's only sleeping," Carlisle said. "He's on a lot of pain medication so it's a deep sleep, but he's not in a coma." He picked up the chart from the end of the bed and scanned the notes, then took his own, checking the monitors that Adam was hooked up to.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked Carlisle, someone I hated myself for needing this much.

"Of course," he said and leaned against the edge of the bed, half sitting on it.

"Tell me everything," I begged. "The police won't tell me, nor will the doctors and he's been _stabbed_, Carlisle."

"Alice?" he called out into the darkening corridor and she was standing there before I registered the end of his call.

"I can tell you what I saw," she said and I waved her in. She came and sat in front of me on the floor, cross legged like a child but with an expression of extreme concentration on her face.

"Go on," I encouraged her.

"I saw them first," she started, and I knew she was referring to the people who had attacked my family. "They had seen you two together in the park the week before with your daughters, and they didn't like the fact that you were both the father of the girls. They weren't waiting for Adam, but when he walked through with Annaleigh they recognized him. One of them had a knife," she hesitated and I nodded for her to continue. "Well, you can see," she said, gesturing to Adam.

"Two young women were jogging past and saw the whole thing. One ran to call an ambulance and the other went to find Annaleigh. Adam had told her to run when the first punches were thrown and she had crawled under a bush, that's where the scratches came from. They were… oh Jake, they were going to take her," Alice said, her eyes full of real fear. "I've never been so terrified in my entire life."

"They weren't…" I said, my voice shaking over anger and pure fear, not even able to think the horrendous things these men might have wanted to do to my little girl.

"No," she said and shook her head. "One of them wanted to take her home to his wife. They just wanted to take her away from two gay parents."

"Adam was stabbed three times," Carlisle took over. "His face was slashed, as was his torso and his inner thigh. The cut on his face is fairly superficial and that will heal well. Alice tells me it will only leave a faint scar."

"It's very manly looking," she said with a faint smile.

"The cut on his thigh and the one on his torso are slightly deeper. There's a nick to one of his ribs which is going to hurt and the edge of his penis was cut slightly as well."

I balked. "What the fuck?"

"They knew the area they were aiming for, Jacob," Carlisle said in a low voice.

The sickness rose quickly in my stomach and I ran to the joining bathroom just in time, heaving the contents of my stomach into the toilet repeatedly until I could taste acrid, bitter bile. Alice was there, holding my hair back and her cool hands felt oddly comforting on the cold sweat that had formed on my neck and forehead. She silently passed me a glass of water when I was done and helped me sit back against the wall.

"Sip it," she demanded. "If you gulp it it'll come straight back up."

I nodded and dropped my head to my hands, the tears coming fast and I did nothing to stop them, letting the wetness drip from my face to the rubber tiles of the bathroom floor. Eventually I'd thrown up my disgust, cried out my fear and slowly, the rage started to creep in. I didn't know who they were, how many existed or where to start looking for them, but I knew in some long suppressed part of my soul that I needed to _protect_ my family. I needed to stop this from _ever_ happening again and I would do whatever it took to stop them. The strength was still inside me; I may have battled it back, but it was still there. The wolf still lurked.

I inhaled deeply and the scent of the vampire was nearly completely overwhelming. I gagged on it and glowered even before my face lifted and met Alice's golden eyes. Those eyes unfocussed for just a moment, seeing past me, through the walls of the hospital and deep into the future. Then she came back to the present and focused on my face, and she gasped.


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: Firstly, I was overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter. Yes, it was supposed to be horrific. And there is some sort of irony in the fact that we had to go to the worst part of humanity to bring out the supernatural again. Remember, the light could not exist were it not for the darkness.

I listened to a lot of Aretha Franklin writing this, she stirs my soul.

-x-X-x-

Chapter 30

"Jake, get out of here," Alice demanded.

"I'm _fine,_" I spat. "I'm not leaving him."

"I can't see you, Jacob!" she hissed at me. "I can't see you! You know what that means! You have to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere. I think you should go."

Carlisle was standing in the doorway to the bathroom, watching our whispered exchange.

"Do you have yourself under control?" he asked in a serious voice.

"Yes," I lied. Alice growled and shook her head and I snapped at her in a move even I recognized as pure animalistic violence.

"Alice," Carlisle admonished. "Our presence is not going to make anything easier for Jacob. We'll leave," he said to me. "But we'll stay close. Call for us if you need us."

I nodded, and Carlisle pulled Alice from the room.

For the next few hours I paced the confined space of the hospital room where Adam was sleeping, contemplating my own mortality. I knew what I was feeling; this tension in my body was reassuringly familiar. It hadn't been easy to stop phasing ten years ago and now I felt like my body was leaning over a precipice, ready to take the fall if I needed to fight for my family. I was fairly confident that if I walked out of the hospital I would be able to phase and hunt. But that wasn't going to help me. I needed this feeling of alertness, of readiness even if I wasn't going to fight. Not yet.

One thing more than anything was tearing me up inside- my complete dependence on the vampires. As much as I didn't want to have to rely on them for information Carlisle was my best ally with the doctors and Alice could help me with the police. And there were still so many things I wanted to know, too many questions that hadn't been answered yet. I _needed_ them, and yet, my very core was fighting to fight them. That was why I existed, to destroy them.

I decided to find my daughters and see how they were doing, needing to feel like I was doing something productive. It took me ten minutes of hesitating at the door before I could leave Adam; my eyes were glued to the monitors that were recording his heart rate and blood pressure and breathing and brain activity. Once again it felt like I was trying to tear myself in half.

In the end I jogged down the stairs, telling myself that Annaleigh could be needing me and I wasn't there. Rationally, I suppose if she needed me they would have come to get me, but nothing other than my daughters could make me leave Adam.

It was the middle of the night now and as I expected, all three of the girls were fast asleep. Someone had set up a crib which had both Lacey and Ellen in and there were two cots on the floor. Maddie was asleep on one, Lena was sat on the other, awake and reading a book.

"Hey," she said softly. I nodded and went to talk but she held a finger to her lips. I nodded and went to check all of my girls, noting that they had been changed them into familiar looking pajamas so someone must have gone back to our house to pick up a change of clothes. Ellen and Lacey were sleeping deeply, facing each other but Anna looked restless. She had fallen asleep on my sweater that I had left with her earlier. I really wanted to wake her up and give her cuddles to reassure her but that was dangerous with any child, let alone one who had been through so much already in one day. I decided to leave her and went out into the corridor to talk with Lena, mildly embarrassed that she too was in her pajamas.

"Me and Mads are taking it in turns to stay awake," she said with a wry smile. "We don't want to miss anything."

"Oh, you don't have to do that," I said, pulling her in to a hug.

"We're fine," she said, burying her head in my chest. "Christ, Jake, you're hot."

"Yeah," I said absently, pulling away. I couldn't stop the twitching, rocking from one foot to the other and I hoped Lena would pass it off as a nervous thing. Truth was, it was getting more and more difficult to keep myself under control.

"Um, Dr Cullen and Alice came by and said they were going to meet Mrs Cullen from the airport and then go home to sleep. They'll be back in the morning."

I nodded and wondered where they really were. "That's fine. Who went home?"

"I did," she smiled. "I've still got your spare key. And I spoke to Carrie a couple of hours ago, she's coming down first thing in the morning. I'm sorry Jake; I sort of underplayed it as much as I could so she wouldn't worry too much."

I understood, I wouldn't have wanted her to panic either. It wasn't so easy as her just jumping on a plane; it would take time for her to pack and get to the airport. There wasn't a lot of imagination needed on my part to know her hysteria if she found out the truth.

"That's fine," I told Lena. "I'll never be able to thank you enough, I just can't be in enough places at once right now. I feel like I'm ripping myself in two."

"Me and Maddie will be here as long as you need us," Lena said and brushed my hair back from my face in a deeply maternal move. "How's Adam doing?"

"Still high on medication," I said with a smile, leaning in to her hand. "He'll be sleeping for a while yet, I expect. Is Anna okay? She looks restless."

Lena shrugged. "She was crying earlier, not a lot, and she settled when we put your sweatshirt down underneath her again."

That satisfied some paternal instinct deep inside me. "I want to go and get her."

Lena nodded, understanding. "Jake," she said, stopping me with a hand on my arm. "I just want to tell you something. Me and Maddie are going to try for children." She burst into a huge smile. "I can't wait."

"Oh my god," I exclaimed, pulling her in to another hug. "Shit, Lena, we're all growing up."

"I know," she laughed nervously. "It probably won't happen for a while, but we're going to start looking for sperm donors."

"It happens quicker than you expect," I warned her.

Lena had an amazing way of bringing joy to even the most dark of places and I couldn't help but feel a bit lighter as I went back in to my girls. Anna was trembling and her little fists were clenched, I went to her immediately and pulled her up into my arms, my temporary good mood shattered.

"Anna, baby," I whispered. She woke up with a start, crying out softly until she realized it was me holding her, then the tears came. I took her out so she wouldn't wake Ellen or Lacey, whispering to Lena to get some sleep. She nodded gratefully and pulled a blanket up over herself.

I should have expected Annaleigh to have nightmares, it made sense that she would suffer from her experience especially since she was so little. I did the only thing that made sense to me: I held her in my arms and rocked her back to sleep. The rhythmical movement seemed to soothe us both. Only when she was settled again, sleeping deep and peacefully did I take her back into the little family room that was our new home away from home.

There was no way I could sleep, not until I knew what was going on. The police had passed on a message that they'd be back in the morning to talk to both Adam and I, and probably Lena and Maddie too. I had a feeling they'd try and question Anna as well and I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. I wanted to tell them to talk to Alice, that she would be able to give them all the answers they needed but how were you supposed to explain to the police about supernatural gifts? And Alice didn't interact with humans enough, especially not in California so she had no way of explaining her reasons to be here. It wouldn't take a lot of digging to find out that she had no address registered in this state.

My cell phone chirped and I quickly opened it before it woke up any of my sleeping girls; there was a text message from Alice:

_Adam will be waking up in a minute. You should go back to him. -- Alice_

I rode in the elevator now I knew what floor I was going to, feeling strangely nervous about going back to him. What was I supposed to say? Knowing he was about to wake up made it strangely worse than not knowing. But he was still there, looking like he was in an unresponsive, uncommonly deep sleep with everything beeping to assure me he was still alive. The same chair was there, waiting for me, it seemed; I sat down and repeatedly cracked my fingers and toes to focus my frantic thoughts.

It was a few minutes I was sat there watching him and every moment tore me up inside. He had gotten hurt, because of me. Because of his relationship with me, because he loved me. Because I loved him. I could never, ever forgive myself for this, not ever. Adam's love for me had caused him to get hurt.

Then his breathing started to get slightly shallower, and I could see his chest contracting as he tried to breathe through his mouth instead of letting the tubes in his nose do all the work. I took his hand and his fingers tightened around mine and his eyelids flickered, then his tongue swept over his dry, cracked lips and he rasped my name.

"Jake?" he squinted a little as his eyes opened and I squeezed his fingers back.

"I'm here, baby," I promised him. "Hang on, let me get the doctor."

"Not yet," he murmured. "Just you, for now."

I choked back more tears and gently lifted his hand to my mouth, brushing soft kisses over his skin, then turning his hand over and kissing the thin skin of his wrist then followed the line of his tattoo that twisted around his ring finger.

In that moment I decided that if we came out of this in one piece, if our relationship survived this experience then we were going to start wearing rings. I wanted everyone to know we belonged to each other and that no matter what, he was mine and I was his. Adam was my entire world. My everything.

"How are you feeling?" I asked gently when my kisses were done.

Adam winced as he shifted on the bed. "Pretty rough," he groaned. "Hang on, is Annaleigh okay?"

He tried to sit up too quickly in his panic as he remembered and I gently pushed him back in to the bed. "Anna's fine," I soothed. "She's here, she's sleeping."

"Okay," he groaned lightly. Then he started to remember. "My god, Jake," he whispered, his lips stretching painfully over the words because of the cut on his mouth.

"Are you hurting?" I asked softly and he groped for my hand.

"Now I'm better," he said as I laced my fingers with him.

"Dr Cullen?" I called, hoping that he wasn't too far away. He wasn't.

Carlisle let himself into the room and nodded to me. "How are you feeling, Adam?" he asked.

"Shit," Adam muttered. "What are you doing here, Doc?"

"Alice," Carlisle said with a small smile. "She saw what happened, and we're here to help and to make sure you're okay." He started to do some basic checks; pulse, temperature, responses, reflexes and checked how the stitches were healing on the cuts across Adam's perfect skin.

"The police are going to want to talk to you," Carlisle continued as he covered Adam back up. "I can keep them out of here until the morning but everything considered…"

"Can Jake stay here tonight?" Adam asked in a small voice. "Please, Dr Cullen. I've never slept without him before."

"I'm sure I can make that happen," Carlisle said. "You need to rest up, Adam. Don't try and do anything stupid."

"Thank you, Dr Cullen, so much," I told him.

"Any time, Jacob," he said and shut the door behind him as he left.

I stripped out of my jeans and socks and shoes and helped Adam move across the bed enough so I could lay down next to him on my side.

"I can't believe we used to fight against that man," Adam murmured as I settled into his uninjured side.

My throat clogged and I couldn't tell him about what Alice saw, or more accurately, what she couldn't see. Not yet. I just snuggled in close to him and kissed the exposed skin of his shoulder.

"Shit, Jake, you're hot," Adam said, pulling one of the blankets off and I felt even worse, if that were even possible.

"Hospitals always are," I said and stroked his hair, his face, anything close that I could touch.

Adam was tired and hurt, I could see that, but he still leaned in to kiss me carefully. "I love you so much," he said softly.

"I know," I swallowed against the thickness in my throat. "I love you too. I'm so sorry, Adam. I'm so sorry."

"What for?" he asked, tangling his fingers in my hair and pulling my head down to rest on his shoulder.

"If it weren't for me, this never would have happened to you," I said, pressing my eyes into his shoulder to stop the tears.

"Jake. Jake," Adam said and I lifted my face to his. "I would fight for you, and for us, and for my kids every day of my life. And you will always be worth it. They can do what they like to me, I don't care. As long as I have you I have everything."

I nodded. "Me too."

"I need to sleep some more," he yawned.

"That's okay," I assured him. "I'll be here when you wake up. I love you. Good night."

"Good night."

-x-X-x-

I woke up only a few hours later, shocked into consciousness as my nightmares and reality combined in the truth that I was holding Adam while he slept, badly hurt in a hospital bed. It was uncomfortable lying next to him like this and not holding each other like we were used to. He was resting and I didn't want to wake him up yet, but there was an irresistible pull to go and check on my children. I didn't think this had anything to do with being in hospital; I suppose I was used to waking up after a few hours sleep to check on Ellen and Lacey and I didn't like being away from them for long periods of time. I brushed kisses over Adam's cheek, his lips and the top of his shoulder before pulling away and quickly getting dressed again.

I was pacing Adam's hospital room, watching him sleep and trying to leave to check my girls when Alice appeared in the doorway. I should have jumped, or been startled by her arrival, but I had smelled her coming. And I should have confessed to Adam what was going on, because he sure as hell knew I was keeping something from him, but I couldn't, not yet. He needed time to heal, not to sit there worrying about me.

"You need to do something about _this_," Alice said, gesturing to the path I was wearing across the room as I paced.

"I don't need to do a fucking thing you tell me to do," I growled at her.

"Jake, calm the fuck down," she sighed, using expletives for the first time in all the time I'd known her. "I'm not the enemy here, remember?"

"Yes you are," I sulked.

"No, I'm not," she laughed and I winced as she grabbed my forearm and dragged me out into the corridor. "I don't want to wake him up," she said in explanation.

I nodded and watched him for a few minutes before I could shut the door behind us. It was a strange compulsion I had developed, hesitating by his door. It was too hard to leave him knowing what had happened the last time we were apart.

"Okay?" Alice asked, a serious expression on her face.

"Yeah," I sighed. "What's up, Alice?"

"I've been speaking to Jasper," she started, slowly playing with a wedding band I hadn't noticed before. She obviously didn't wear it all the time. "And he agrees with me. We think you need to get this wolf thing out of your system."

I shook my head. "What are you talking about?" I said, itching to go back to Adam already.

"Have you phased yet?" she asked in a low voice.

"No," I growled. I hadn't, and it was killing me. Every single moment I was fighting back the heat, the shimmers under my skin that wanted to take me to a different form. It got perceptively worse when I thought about Adam and Anna being hurt, and my own version of vengeance.

"You're going to hurt someone, Jacob," Alice said seriously and I hated that she was right. She might not be able to foretell my future, but even I could see that on the horizon. "Jasper suggested that he comes down with Emmett and Edward, and you can- I don't know, fight it out of your system or something."

"You're suggesting that I willingly turn into a werewolf to fight three vampires who have tag teamed up against me?" My voice was appropriately incredulous. "In _San Francisco?_"

"No!" she exclaimed. "You need to run out to meet them, in Yosemite National Park somewhere."

"So you're suggesting that I leave my husband and children, what, in your care?"

"In mine, Carlisle, Esme's, Lena and Maddie's care, yes." Alice folded her arms and leaned back against the wall, propping one foot up too. "For a few hours while you go and take care of a problem which is putting the lives of the people you call family at risk."

"Don't try and guilt me into this," I snapped at her. "It's a big deal."

"I understand that," she said, sighing in annoyance. "But I can't see anything at the moment! I'm too close to you! I think, and Jasper agrees, that you need to fight and get that frustration out of your body so you can come back to the hospital calmer and with a clear head. To continue on as you are is just plain irresponsible!"

I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders to compose myself. "I need to think about it," I said slowly and Alice nodded.

"And I think you need to tell Adam. He deserves to know."

I growled low in my throat. "Do you want to try and tell me to do anything else, while we're here? How to raise my daughters, perhaps?"

"Sarcasm isn't very attractive, Jake," she smirked and pushed herself off the wall. "Go talk to him. Trust me."

I watched her whizz off down the corridor at vampire speed and tried to shake off some of the tension in my muscles. It didn't work. I sighed again deeply and pushed open the door to Adam's room, finding him propped up in bed and very awake.

"Hi," I said, a genuine smile gracing my face for the first time in a long time.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Adam asked. He looked concerned and scared.

"Nothing, Adam, honestly," I said as I rushed to his side. "Everything's fine. Don't worry."

"Now you're lying to me and that's worse."

I took his hand and turned it over to kiss his palm and for the first time in a long time, he pulled away.

"Tell me, Jake. Is it Annaleigh?" The fear in his voice was palpable.

"Anna's fine, she's perfect," I insisted.

"Then why won't you let me see my daughters?"

"Shh," I tried to calm him down as the machines around him beeped more insistently at his increased heart rate. "Shit Adam, calm down. I'll tell you, I promise."

He nodded and lifted his hand to rub his face. It nearly killed me when he winced; the movement had caused the IV in his hand to pull.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked and he nodded. I grabbed the glass of water and lifted the straw to his lips so he could take a long pull.

"Why can't I see the girls?" Adam said again as I replaced the glass on the table next to the bed.

"I don't want them to see you like this," I said in a low voice. "I'm worried about scaring them."

"Do I look that bad?" he croaked. I nodded slowly.

"It's pretty bad," I admitted.

"Can I see?"

"I'll get Alice to find a mirror," I told him.

"Are the girls still here?" Adam asked.

"Yeah. Lena and Maddie are camping out in a family room downstairs and Esme Cullen turned up late last night, she's going to help them out when we need her to."

"Okay, that's good," he said. "Is Anna okay?"

"I don't know," I said, keeping my promise to tell him everything. "I'm worried about her. She had a nightmare last night but went back to sleep when I picked her up and rocked her. She's still sleeping, I expect. Lena said she'd come and find me if they woke up early again."

Adam was quiet for a long time as he processed this. Eventually he looked up and watched my face, looking for more answers in my silence.

"You phased again, didn't you?" he asked in a low voice.

I shouldn't have been surprised by his accusation. "No," I said slowly.

"Don't lie to me, Jacob," he snapped. "I know you. I know that look in your eyes."

"I'm not lying," I protested. "I haven't phased."

"But you're going to," he said, looking furious with me.

"It's not something I can control!" I argued with him.

"You said you'd tell me."

I ground my teeth against each other and jumped up, starting to pace the same line back and forth again. "Alice can't see me any more. She can't see me in the future, I've gone blank to her again."

"So… what? I don't understand."

"Neither do I," I growled. "I'm still a werewolf; I always have been. I've just fought it for the past ten years."

"That's not true," he argued. "Alice has had visions of you."

"But it's still there! I've never lost the ability to phase, I've just battled it back enough so that I can start aging again, to be with you. So I could grow old with you. This broke me, Adam. When my family was attacked it provoked something in me again. I have to protect you. I _need _to."

"Is it dangerous for you to be here?" Adam asked, sounding exhausted already.

"Yes," I told him, deciding to be honest straight away now. "Very."

"Then go, for fuck's sake!" he yelled at me. "Get out of here before you hurt someone!"

"I would never, _ever_ hurt you," I spoke words that I never thought would leave my lips.

"How can you know that?" he said. "How do you know you won't hurt Annaleigh or Ellen or Lacey?"

"Because they're my _daughters_!" I yelled back. "I couldn't harm them even if I wanted to!"

"Who is it going to be then, Jake? Are you going to hunt down the bastards who did this to us? What then? Are you going to kill people for this?"

"Yes."

He recoiled from the word as if I'd slapped him. "Don't you fucking dare," he challenged me. "Don't you fucking dare."

"I'm supposed to sit here and do _nothing?_"

"No, you need to go, Jake. Do what you need to do. We'll work out if we still have a marriage when you get back."

"How- how could you even say something like that?" I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, the sickness and bile rolling in my stomach.

"I can't love you if you kill someone, I just can't." His eyes met mine and I nearly broke down. "Please… just leave."

I couldn't face arguing with him any more, it clashed with everything I had accepted as true since I was seventeen years old. So I left.

Alice met me just outside the hospital, looking more like a vampire than I had seen her in years; leaning against an old brick wall again as low fog clung to the ground and the sun started to rise over the horizon.

"They're on their way. I expect they'll get there before you because I've seen them hunt before things disappear."

I nodded mutely to let her know I'd heard.

"I'll arrange a drop off point for some clothes for you. Jasper will let you know where before you leave."

"Thanks, Alice," I said in a dull voice. I started to walk away, then stopped myself. "Just… watch them for me, okay?"

"Everyone's going to be fine Jake, I promise."

I was glad I was wearing jogging pants and sneakers as I ran through the deserted streets of the city in the early morning light, even more glad for the relative quiet. It was too early for commuters and too late for party- goers so the streets were almost empty, only the occasional jogger or dog- walker who didn't look up to really notice how fast I was running. The exertion didn't register. It didn't exist.

Only a few minutes later I reached the bay and with one final push, I leapt towards the water. Despite all the time that had passed it was easier than breathing to let the wolf spring free.


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 31

My muscles were working in ways I hadn't forced them to work in years; stretching and pulling and contracting against each other and sinew and bone as I ran, harder and faster and pushing myself to make it to the border of the national park in half, then a quarter of the time it would have taken me in the car. What's the point of immortality if you can't be fast? And I wanted to beat myself, to push and punish for the sins that I needed to atone for, to beg for forgiveness for hurting him.

As I ran, I tried my hardest to push thoughts of Adam and my daughters from my mind; the pain of what had happened to them was too raw. It was easier than I would ever like to admit to let those responsibilities go but that was part and parcel of being a wolf. Human emotions were harder for me to feel when I was covered in fur; things got simplified. And I was in full on hunt mode, waiting for the first scent of vampire on the air so I could find that extra push of power to help me track them down.

I wasn't sure exactly when I crossed the border into Yosemite National Park but the feeling of being surrounded by nature again so completely reminded me of being back in the northwest. For the first time in years I found myself missing the solitude of nature and it's beauty; the big expanse of nothingness and the wildlife that accepts you as one of it's own. I was a predator but one that wouldn't harm anything else; in some ways the prey seemed to know that. Nothing ran from me.

Except the vampires.

It had been too long for me to be able to distinguish between the individual scents of the three I was tracking but I quickly found a spot where they'd all three been together, probably to hunt from the smell of blood that lingered, but each had taken a different direction heading north, further east and south of where I had entered the park.

I stopped and growled lightly in the back of my throat, simultaneously thrilled at the idea of taking on one of the vamps one- to- one, and pissed that I couldn't try and take all three at the same time. Not that I thought for one minute that they'd stray far enough away from each other that they wouldn't be able to back each other up if I came close enough to tearing one to pieces. Tempting though the thought may be, I resigned myself to the fact that Adam would probably disapprove of me killing one of the Cullens.

After a few moments of hesitation I decided to head north, following a scent that for some reason I thought was Emmett's. There wasn't anything in particular that defined him from the others, it was more of a sixth sense than anything solid. Possibly it was my subconscious desire to take on the biggest vampire first, the strongest, and see how far I could take it in a fair fight with him. After all, when I was hunting with the pack before we frequently outnumbered the vampires we were stalking. Very, very rarely were we given the opportunity to go one- to- one.

I made no attempt to quiet my progression through the trees, he knew I was coming and I was following his scent as well as keeping my eyes and ears open for any signs of his presence. I was used to the vampires moving quickly, and silently, but it was almost eerie in the way I knew I was close to him, I could _feel_ it, but I there was nothing to tell me he was nearby. In that moment I felt a strange kind of affinity to every human who had ever been stalked and killed by a vampire. There was a sense of knowing you were being hunted without any tangible way of expressing that feeling. I suppose for any human there would also be an added element of fear; even without this I could recognize that the experience was haunting.

There was a small clearing where I stopped, hesitating for a moment to take stock of my surroundings. The early morning light filtered down through the trees, distorted by the green but I was used to that. There was a fluttering high above me that signaled the movement of some birds and it was that, combined with a small shifting in the air around me that provoked my twisted leap into the air from standing, roaring as I went and baring my teeth to the vampire.

I was only barely disappointed that it wasn't Emmett, it was Jasper, although I only took note of him for half a second before my teeth sunk down into the broadness of his shoulder. Then there was an intense burning in my chest as he threw me off him, then another crunch as my body folded around the unyielding solidity of an old oak.

The landing was just as hard and in the few seconds I laid there, catching my breath and letting my fractured bones heal, he disappeared again. He must have known that I'd attack without preamble, that I would go straight for his weak spots and he planned his counter- attack perfectly. I started to growl again, annoyed at myself for acting so quickly for one and letting him hurt me for another, and letting him hold me back from my hunt for a third. But he had changed direction and headed east, deeper into the park and surely heading to catch up with one of his brothers. But I knew his scent now and had him pegged, I was confident of that, so I changed direction and headed south, back the way I had come.

If Jasper was intending to meet up with one of the other vampires then the third would be left unprotected. And they weren't likely to expect me to turn and run in the opposite direction, that was unless Edward was close enough to hear my thoughts. And I didn't think he was. This park covered over 1200 square miles of land and the vampire's plan to split up and each take a different direction had become clear from within moments of me turning up. So I was pretty positive Jasper was far away either east or further north of where I was. My attention was firmly fixed back on whichever vampire it was now lurking to my south.

I caught up with a herd of wild deer who seemed to recognize that I wasn't going to hunt them and for a few miles I enjoyed running in between them in a strange sort of dance before I grew tired of their limited speed and took off in search of the next scent of vampire. I could only have been running for about twenty minutes before I caught it on the air, that sickening sweet smell of burning sugar which signified that they were close, or that they had been.

Unlike Jasper who had twisted my own nature and used it against me, Emmett clearly wasn't going to bother with any game- play. He was standing in the middle of one of the broad plains in the park, sparkling softly in the light of the overcast California morning, arms folded across his chest and his face betraying his excitement.

I slowed my pace and made a wide circle around him, wary at his lack of outward attack. He was clearly waiting for me to make the first move and I wasn't sure where that left me. Should I just go straight for the jugular? Not that that would really help me. He wouldn't bleed out but at least I could make an attempt at getting his head off his shoulders. Or should I attack from behind? But he'd still hear me and probably counter attack and if I was behind him it would be harder to see that coming.

My ever- decreasing circles around Emmett were leaving me little room left to make decisions so I thought, _fuck it,_ and leapt up towards his back. As I expected he twisted out of my way and wrapped his arms around my middle, wrestling me to the ground.

I immediately used his momentum against him and flipped him over, growling and snapping at his neck as he laughed, clearly enjoying the fight already. Emmett twisted again, confusing me by turning himself over in my grasp so he was facing the ground and I couldn't figure out what this was supposed to accomplish until he threw himself backwards up off the ground, pushing me off him in the process.

For the second time in the day I found myself on my back and with the breath forced out of my lungs, but unlike Jasper who took my momentary weakness as a chance to run, Emmett was on me again in an instant. He laughed again as I growled, at the same time grabbing me under my shoulder joints and he tossed me over his shoulder, clearly with the intention of throwing me to the ground again. I intercepted the move though and managed to rotate in the air so I landed on all fours.

Since his back was to me I immediately sprang forward again and managed to pin him to the ground, face down in the dirt with my strong back legs on top of his to stop him moving. I huffed once, the air rippling through his hair and he smacked his hand on the ground a couple of times in the old wrestling sign of surrender. I eased back and dropped my legs either side of his waist but he was out from under me in a fraction of a second, leaping onto my back and now pinning me to the ground.

"Didn't think I'd fight fair, did you?" he whispered in my ear and I snarled at him, writhing and snapping my jaws but it wasn't really worth it, in this position he had me. "There's a bit more grey in your fur these days, mutt, aren't you getting too old for this?"

I slumped, relaxing every muscle in my body so he had to catch my entire weight as it fell into his arms. Emmett grunted as my considerable wolf mass was suddenly forced on him then he did what I wanted him to do- he dropped me.

However quick I was, he was just as fast so I had only managed a few steps away before I felt him leap from behind me. Determined not to find myself in his grip again I stopped short and as I expected, Emmett few straight over the top of my head, grabbing at the space I had yet to move into. I chuckled and he growled lightly and went to grab me again; I anticipated his move and sidestepped his arms easily. He obviously wasn't used to his prey moving as fast as I did and he was getting frustrated, lunging for my neck more frequently but I seemed to be able to dodge him pretty well.

"Emmett, calm down."

We both froze and my head turned to try and figure out where Jasper's distinct southern drawl had come from. He was perched on top of a rocky outcrop watching us with a strange expression of bored amusement.

"You're actually gonna hurt him in a minute."

"Am not," Emmett mumbled and rubbed some dirt off his face.

"Edward's waiting for you," Jasper said to me with a smirk, leaning back into the rocks.

I shook off the bruises and coughed the ache from my lungs. Edward would be a completely different challenge again and I stretched out accordingly, digging my claws into the ground and feeling the delicious burn in my muscles.

Jasper was clever, Emmett was strong and Edward? He was _fast._

I had yet to run east so as Emmett took a running leap onto Jasper, scattering rocks and rubble with a deep, resonating crash I started a gentle run out through the trees, chasing tomorrow's sunrise. About twelve miles in I finally caught his scent although it was old, he had moved on from this spot already. But it was something to build on, a lead.

It was strangely peaceful, this final chase through the park as the afternoon grew longer; it took longer than I expected to track Edward down, as soon as I thought I might be close he seemed to take another direction. For most of the chase I could hear, or sense that he was nearby, but I never got quite close enough to catch him.

Convinced that he was listening to my frustrated mind, I blanked out as many conscious thoughts as I could and attempted to act on pure instinct instead. This seemed to work out for me; as we neared the border into Nevada I finally caught up with him and took a few long steps before leaping onto Edward's back.

"Fuck, Black, you're heavy!" he grunted as my weight caught him off guard, knocking him to the ground.

I chuckled and we dodged around each other for a while, messing more than fighting before Edward leapt over me and headed back into the depths of the park. I followed him again, realizing that this time he was leading me rather than allowing himself to be chased. As we entered more familiar ground we were running side by side, then he suddenly disappeared and I realized he must have gone to go and find Emmett and Jasper.

After fighting or chasing the three vampires for most of the day I was physically and emotionally drained and although it had passed quickly, I had noticed every nuance of the changing light. It was dusk when I finally looped back round to a small lake and flopped, belly down on the ground in order to catch my breath and my thoughts.

Like three silent ghosts, the Cullen men stepped out from the tree line across from me and within seconds joined me on the sandy dirt by the water's edge.

"Would you consider phasing back?" Jasper asked after a few long moments of contented silence. "Edward knows what you're thinking right now but it would be good if the four of us could talk."

I huffed but kept my head on my hands. Well, paws.

"Dude, I don't want to see your junk either," Emmett said on a laugh. "We brought a change of clothes for you."

I looked over at Edward and very clearly thought _How did he know I didn't want to get naked around him?_

"Because Emmett thinks about stuff like that," Edward rolled his eyes.

"What stuff? What do I think about?" Emmett asked as I got to my feet, stretching out muscles that were sore from fighting and running. Edward gestured to a small backpack that he'd dumped behind me and I picked it up in my mouth, wandering to the edge of the trees to phase back and quickly dress in jeans and a long sleeved t shirt before rejoining the Cullens.

They were quiet again, throwing pebbles out into the lake and enjoying a light banter about who could throw the furthest. I sat down between Edward and Emmett, watching their game but not making any attempt to join them. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head to one side, looking out to the west, towards Adam and my kids.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked in a low voice.

I sighed deeply but made no attempt to answer him.

"I spoke with Alice about an hour ago," he continued, ignoring my decision not to answer him. "Carrie is at the hospital now, she doesn't know exactly where you are but they told her you needed some time to think and clear your mind. Lacey and Ellen are fine but Annaleigh is very weepy and clingy. Lena wants to take her to see Adam but Alice has convinced her to wait until we spoke to you about that."

"Take her to Adam," I said in a dull voice. "She needs one of her daddies."

"They're all going to be fine, Jake," Edward said and I scoffed and turned my head away from him. How could he know that? "I do know that," he said.

"Alice is a very clever woman," Emmett said now that I was unfortunately facing him instead of Edward. It felt like a three- pronged attack again, this time on my emotions instead of my body. "She has been my sister for a very long time and I can count on one hand how many times she's ever been wrong. Sure, she can't see your immediate future but she's seen you, Jake, ten years from now, _twenty_ years from now and you and Adam are still together. It's the immediate future she has a problem at the moment."

"As a family, we rely far too heavily on Alice's talent," Jasper said from his seat next to Edward, forcing me to turn back to him. "We're aware of that. It means in situations where she goes blind, so to speak, we panic because our security net isn't there to catch us any more. Just because Alice can't see things, doesn't mean they can't or won't happen. Nor does it mean bad things _will_ happen. There are enough of us around to be able to back you up while you go through this."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked in the raw, gritty voice that I now seemed to have acquired. "It doesn't make sense."

All three of them laughed. "We've never had a problem with you, Jake. Nor did we have a problem with your great- grandfather." Edward shook his head. "It was your tribe that have always fought against us but as you're proving right now, your version of who the real threat is has changed dramatically over the past few decades."

"I want to kill them," I admitted, knowing these men, of all people, wouldn't judge me for that desire.

"So do I," Emmett told me. "No one fucks with my friends."

"So do I," Edward repeated. "For years I made it my life's mission to hunt and stalk and kill the evil people who inhabit this planet. It would not be difficult for me to lapse back into that mindset again."

Jasper shrugged. "If anyone's gonna head up a vigilante mission, it'll be me. I'm happy to go and get rid of their sick asses whenever you're ready."

A tiny amount of weight was lifted from my shoulders. "Adam said if I kill them we don't have a marriage any more."

"Dude, you're not listening," Emmett laughed, bumping his shoulder into mine. "We're offering to do it for you."

I shook my head. "To Adam, that would be the same thing." I propped my chin on my folded arms and watched the sky turn color above me. "Can you find them, though?" I asked as my thoughts formed a more coherent pattern. "Just find them. Who they are, where they live, so we can hand that over to the police. I want them punished for what they did to Adam and Annaleigh, but they're not going to die. Not by my hands, and not on my say- so."

There was silence again, pure stillness in the air. It took me a while to figure out why this was so creepy before it hit me.

"Damn, you guys even scare the bugs off."

"Huh?" Emmett asked as Jasper chuckled. He'd laid out on his back, perfectly still with his eyes closed and he looked like he was in deep thought or meditation.

"There aren't any bugs. Even goddamn mosquitoes stay away from you."

"Part of the deal, I'm afraid," Jasper said without moving anything but his lips.

"Oh, that reminds me: how's your kitten?"

Edward groaned and Jasper laughed harder.

"It's okay," Jasper said. "The poor thing was terrified for weeks. You should have heard the arguments between Edward and Grace… But they've moved him out to one of the cabins now, that's his home if you like. One of us will go out there with Grace a couple of times a day to take care of him."

"Isn't that a bit cruel?" I asked him.

"He's getting used to us," Edward said. "It's just taking a bit of time and patience."

"And Bella?" I asked, suddenly missing my old best friend.

"Worried about you," Edward said with a smile. "Call her when you get a chance, would you?"

"Of course," I could agree to that easily.

"Do you want to head back yet?" Jasper sat up as the sun finally started to settle over the horizon.

I shook my head silently.

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "I came out here to try and achieve something. I don't know what that was, but I don't think I've achieved it yet."

"Jake," Jasper commanded my attention and wouldn't finish his sentence until I looked at him. "If you're waiting for answers you're not going to find them out here. This wasn't about you achieving anything, it was about blowing off steam so you could go back and be strong for your family. They need you."

His words struck a chord and I dropped my head down to rest on my arms. I had run away from my kids and left them at a time when they were already scared and alone. How was I supposed to live with the fact that I had abandoned my husband as he was lying in a hospital bed and abandoned my infant daughters at a time when they were scared and suffering? It didn't matter how many women closed in ranks around us to help protect them, our daughters were used to being cared for by their dads. And now one dad was broken and bruised, showing the effects of being beaten to within an inch of his life, and the other one was off chasing vampires to make himself feel better about being a werewolf. _Fuck_ my life.

"Here," Jasper said and held his phone out to me. "Why don't you call them?"

"I don't know," I told him, hesitant to try and find the right words to say to Adam when I didn't have any answers for him yet. "I don't know what to say to him."

"Then send him something," Emmett said. "Actions can speak louder than words, dude."

I nodded slowly, then took Jasper's phone and logged on to the internet. It said something about the advances in technology that I managed to connect from all the way out here. I found the site I was looking for, then sent a link through to the console in Adam's hospital room.

The song, _I'm Sorry_ was by one of his favorite artists and I knew it would mean something to him. It was set to play as soon as he turned the console on and even though I didn't leave a message I knew he would know it was from me. I could hear the lyrics going round in my head… the last time I had heard them was when we were making love. It seemed so long ago now, being loved in his arms, safe and warm in our bed with our children sleeping peacefully downstairs. I tucked the phone in close to my chest, as if I could send my love through to him via the internet as well.

"Come on," Edward put his hand on my shoulder and it must have said something that I didn't try to throw it off. I didn't lift my head but felt the guys stand up around me. Emmett leaned down and offered me his hand and I knew if I took it or not would say a lot about how far I'd come, whether or not I would take it and let him pull me up when I was more than capable of picking myself up. Or was I?

Slowly, I put my warm hand in his cold one and was hauled to my feet. It was only a short distance but for me, it felt like a massive first step.

-x-X-x-

A/N: Hmm. Something I wanted to share with you… I've obviously not chosen an easy route for myself as a fanfic writer. My first major story was Alice and Jasper's back-story, which got some nice comments on Twilighted but hasn't really been picked up over here. Then I write Emmett/ Edward slash, which people don't read very much, then Jake/ Original Character slash, which people_ really_ don't want to read! Then a Victoria/ James one-shot which I was up for turning into a full length story, but again, people don't want to read it. _Born to be Mine_ is something I'm really trying to make unique and break out of the mould and it's got more reviews and traffic in 7 chapters than I had for months and months with _This Mortal Life;_ you can't help but think that it's no better quality writing than TML but hey, it's Bella/ Edward so people will read it. I kind of feel a bit disheartened I suppose. I want to keep writing unique fiction, even if it is within the fanfic genre (ignore that contradiction, please!) but I kind of feel like if I want to get "on the radar" in the community then I need to conform. And conformity isn't something I'm good at. I suppose time will tell…


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 32

_Adam Black Hawk_

I knew I shouldn't have let him go, not on such bad terms. That was possibly the hardest thing about the entire ordeal, knowing that I'd sent him away and not knowing how long it would be before he came back.

I was tired and groggy from the medication but as soon as they eased that off I started to feel the real pain in my ribs and chest, mostly, which made it hard to breathe. Carlisle was keeping a close eye on me though, spending longer with me than I imagined he'd ever spent with one patient before, making sure I wasn't too uncomfortable and that I was getting enough pain medication when I needed it.

As promised, Alice came in with a mirror so I could see the extent of the bruising. It wasn't as bad as I had first feared although I could see why Jake had not wanted to bring the girls in. Carlisle took the gauze off the cut on my face, leaving the butterfly stitches exposed to try and let them dry out. It was just a thin scratch really, compared to the slice on my ribs and I took Alice's word that the cut on my face would heal well.

"How about the one on my side?" I asked as Carlisle finished checking through my hairline for any other nicks.

"Yes, I'll need to check that too," he said and I winced as I took an unintentionally deep breath.

Carlisle helped me to maneuver on to my good side and I pillowed my arm under my head. Feeling this weak was sickening; I prided myself on being able to take care of Jake and my daughters and now I was stuck here, unable to even take care of myself.

Even while being as careful as he was, Carlisle couldn't help but poke the wrong bruise or pull at the wrong bit of skin so by the time he was done removing the dressings I was gritting my teeth and screwing my eyes against the pain.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Not great," I admitted.

"Sorry," he offered and turned to get fresh dressing.

"Can I see it?" I asked Alice who was sitting in the chair next to the bed, in front of me.

"Are you sure?" she asked. Her expression was pure worry and concern. Alice was so easy to read.

"Please."

She rose and collected her hand mirror from the cabinet, the one she had used to show me the worst of the bruising on my chest and face. Even steeling myself for the worse wasn't preparation enough; the stab wound extended from just under my pec muscle round and down to my lower back, an ugly, jagged red line that severed the wing of my black hawk and right through it's back leg and claw.

My rational brain could say that it would scar, and once it was healed I could go back to Katie and get her to fix it for me but the scar would always be a part of me. Jake had commissioned this design as a symbol of our marriage and now, it was destroyed.

This time I didn't bother to try and hold back the tears. I turned and buried my face in my arm; thankfully Carlisle worked quickly to finish fixing me up and after gently squeezing my shoulder, he left me alone.

Crying hurt, my rib hurt, my skin stung from the antiseptic wash and my heart felt like it was trying to break. I must have cried myself to sleep because much later in the morning I felt the softness of familiar, female hands brushing my hair off my face.

"Mommy," I said in a sleep- groggy voice.

"Oh baby," she sobbed and the bed dipped as she sat down next to me and pulled my head into her lap.

I couldn't find the right words to say to soothe her, so instead I settled into her warmth as she rhythmically ran her fingers through my hair. It felt nice, safe, being protected by my mother again. I tried to forget my hideous problems but the fact was I couldn't really sleep without Jake next to me so naturally, I was exhausted.

Mom seemed to have calmed herself as we laid out together on the uncomfortable hospital bed. She rubbed my neck and shoulders a little bit which was nice but I wanted Jake back.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"I don't know." My voice sounded hollow even to me.

"Is he coming back?"

"I don't know. Yes. I hope so."

"Oh, Adam, what happened?"

"I was just walking with Annaleigh in the park. You know how she wants to walk everywhere by herself now?" Mom must have nodded but I didn't see it. "And we were on our way home and I sort of thought these guys were following us, but I didn't really pay much attention to it. Then one of them jumped me from behind."

"It's okay, sweetheart, you don't have to say any more," Mom said as I shuddered with the memory. "I'm sure the police are going to grill you for details soon enough. You tell me in your own time."

I was grateful, and needed a distraction from my own problems. "Talk to me, Mom?" I asked

"About what?"

"I don't care. Anything."

"Well, this is probably awful timing, but I've been meaning to tell you this for a while. I sort of met someone."

"Really?" I asked. I had been waiting for years for her to meet someone who was important enough for her to tell me about. My mother was a beautiful woman and I knew she had dated on and off, but there wasn't anyone me and Jake had been introduced to.

"Mm hmm," she said absently stroking my hair. "His name is Harper. He has a grown up son too, he's a bit younger than you though."

"Ah, have you got yourself a toyboy?" I teased.

"No," she said, lightly clipping me around the ear. "He just had children later than me, that's all."

"Okay," I said. "Tell me more."

"I met him because he teaches music too, sometimes, although his main job is playing in an orchestra in Seattle. He plays cello."

"You like him, don't you?" I was happy with this, settled in the knowledge that my mom finally had someone to watch over her again.

"Yes, very much," she said and I could hear the smile on her voice.

"Can I meet him?"

"I would like that. The next time we both have a weekend off we'll come down to you."

I hummed in agreement and we settled back into a contented silence.

"How's Anna?" I asked, turning my head then almost howling in pain as I pulled on the stitches in my side.

Mom helped me turn over so I was lying on my back again and suddenly Carlisle was beside me, releasing an extra shot of morphine into my IV drip.

"That should be better now," he told me and I nodded, waiting for the sweetness of the drug to hit.

"How's Anna?" I repeated to my mom, worried more about my girls than my own problems.

She was quiet for a few moments and her silence spoke volumes. "She's okay, Adam," she said slowly. "I think it would help her to see that you're okay though. I don't want to do anything that contradicts what you and Jake have decided, but I think the longer we leave it the worse the psychological effect on her might be."

"Okay, later," I said, realizing that Carlisle must have put something more than morphine in my drip. "I'm really tired, Mom, I just need to…"

"Sleep," she finished for me.

The last thing I felt was her kiss on my forehead.

-x-X-x-

I woke up after an indeterminable amount of time to the sounds of someone banging around in my room. I sniffed, stretched and groaned before opening my eyes.

"You're awake!" Alice chirped from beside me and I couldn't help but smile.

"It appears so," I told her and she smiled back.

"I'm gonna help you get cleaned up and dressed so we can bring your girls up."

"Did you speak to Jake already?" I asked desperately but she shook her head slightly.

"No, sweetie," she said gently. "But Jasper is going to call me in a few hours and tell me that Jake says to let Annaleigh in here to see you, so I'm just preempting him a little bit."

She winked and turned to a pile of stuff that she had been preparing. I took stock of what she had been using to bang about and wake me up and probably turned as pale as she was.

"Alice, are you planning on giving me a sponge bath?" I asked, truly horrified.

"Yes, why?" she said in a calm voice.

"Alice, get the hell out of here," Carlisle said from the doorway, smirking and leaning against the doorframe, cussing for the first time I had ever heard in all the years I had known him.

"Why?" she whined and Carlisle laughed.

"Give the poor man a moment of privacy," he said, holding the door open for her. "Out."

"Fine," Alice huffed. "I'll go and see Lena and Maddie."

I shook my head, still blushing as Carlisle finished setting things out. "I can't believe her, sometimes."

"Don't let Alice bother you," Carlisle said with a grin. "She wouldn't think twice about doing this, she just doesn't think other people get embarrassed at all."

Carlisle helped me get washed up and I felt a hundred times better just for getting clean and into real clothes, even if it was just a t shirt and loose pants. He checked the wound on my thigh while he was there and I couldn't help the flush from spreading across my cheeks as he gently checked the butterfly stitches on my dick.

"Will that, uh, will that one scar?" I asked him as he helped me into a clean pair of boxers.

"I shouldn't think so," he said. "The one on your thigh will though, in all likelihood."

I nodded. "I don't know how Jake will react when he sees that."

"I would expect he's going to be very upset and very distressed," Carlisle said as he stood and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. "While we're discussing it, I would advise you not to be the instigator of penetrative sex for a few weeks at least, just in case you tug at those stitches. You don't want it reopening."

"Sure, okay," I nodded then winced at the implications of his words. "How long 'til I get out of here, doc?"

"In the next day or so," he said with a nod. "I don't want to keep you here for the sake of it, but I want to make sure you're in control of the pain meds and that everything has started to heal as it should."

Carlisle had disconnected me from the IV and all my monitors and oxygen while I got changed and he went to plug me back in again but I stopped him.

"Please; can we just wait until after I've seen Anna?" I asked him. "I don't want her seeing me with all that stuff."

"Of course," he said with a smile. "I think they're outside, actually."

I nodded, suddenly scared at what Anna's reaction would be. I really didn't want her to be nervous around me or wary at all but I surely had to be prepared for that reaction?

There was a light knock on the door, then Maddie's head came around the corner.

"Can we come in?" she asked and I nodded again.

"Sure," I told her.

She pushed the door open with her hip and came in with Annaleigh in her arms. Anna appeared to me to be much older than her three years; she was wearing a pair of pink pajama pants and a gray t shirt with her hair artfully braided back, her dark eyes looking troubled.

"Hey, sweetheart," I said to her softly, instantly relieved when she stretched out her arms for me to take her from Maddie. I sat back into the bed, trying to hide my pain as she snuggled into me tightly, burying her head in my shoulder and wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Thank you," I whispered to Maddie and she winked and let herself out; Carlisle had already left.

"How are you, baby?" I asked her and kissed her hair over and over, holding her as tight as I dared. I was sure she was carrying bruises too.

"Okay," she said, pulling back from her death-grip on me and putting her hands on either side of my face, studying my expression intently. "Adam, are you going to be okay?"

My heart broke for the little girl who must have been so scared, especially after being kept apart from me for so long. I kissed her forehead again, breathing in her smell.

"Annaleigh, I'm going to be _fine,_" I told her. "Just fine. I was worried about _you._"

"And I was worried about you," she said with a little smile.

I laughed once under my breath. "Should we both agree then, to stop being worried about each other?" I suggested.

"Okay," she said on a sigh and settled back into my chest.

I couldn't sleep; the pain medication was wearing off quickly and I was feeling the burn now, not only in my ribs but in my thigh as well. I was pretty sure Anna wasn't sleeping either but I continued to hold her to my chest, rocking her a little bit and humming softly to keep us both distracted.

Some part of me wanted to quiz her on how much she remembered and what had happened to her after I'd blacked out. The last thing I could remember was a blow to the side of my head and I raised my hand automatically to check the spot; sure enough there was a big lump there. Despite the extent of my physical injuries, somehow I thought the emotional ones would leave much bigger scars on our family.

I wanted Jake back. I wanted him spooned around me, his lips on my neck, his breath warm on my neck. I wanted his hand in mine and our kids balanced in our arms. I wanted our forever back.

-x-X-x-

I was asleep, and surely dreaming as I felt Jake wrap himself around me; holding me close to him just like I had been fantasizing about before. The warmth of his naked skin pressed against the expanse of my naked back and it was only with this that I realized I was cold, before.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, pressing his forehead to my back.

"Never leave me again," I warned him. "Never."

"I won't," he vowed.

I couldn't roll over to face him, now that I was sure he was real, because of the pain in my side. At my insistence Carlisle had removed the IV from my arm and the oxygen tubes, the heart and brain activity monitors weren't needed any more, although this meant I was taking oral medication every four hours to try and keep on top of the pain.

"What happened?" I asked and sought out his hand to tangle his fingers in mine. He still felt hot to me; it reminded me of being a teenager and the sheer thrill of being held in his arms. I'd come too close to losing that to ever take the feeling for granted again.

"I went out and met the Cullen boys," he said, suppressing a yawn then setting it free. "They just let me work out my frustrations with them. No one got hurt."

"No one?" I reiterated.

"No," he confirmed. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but I still want to kill them for what they did to you and Annaleigh."

"Jake you just can't…" I sighed in frustration. "I understand, I really do. But you can't use the fact that you have this supernatural gene in you and hurt people because of it. You have a gift, Jake, one that was given so you could do good, so you could protect the Quileute tribe. To go and kill the men who hurt us flies in the face of everything you stand for."

"But my tribe has changed," he argued softly. "It's not about the Quileutes any more, Adam, it's about the Black Hawks. You and the girls are my tribe, I became this again to protect _you _this time. You're right, you're always right, but the protector in me is so strong… I can't fight it."

"Will you phase again?" I asked him.

Jake was quiet for a moment, while he considered my question. "I'm gonna try really hard not to," he said eventually. That was good enough for me, for now. "Are we gonna be okay?" he whispered and I hated myself a little bit more for what I must have put him through in the past day and a half.

"I told you forever, Jake, and I meant it," I told him.

"I meant it too," he said, the wetness of his tears on my back telling me just how bad I had hurt him. "Shit, Adam, I thought I'd lost you."

"Come round this side, would you?" I asked him. "I can't roll over and I want you here."

For the few seconds it took for him to come around the bed I missed him; I shuffled back to give him room to crawl into my arms. Because of the wound on my side Jake couldn't wrap his arm around my waist like he would normally so he sort of just laid there all awkward until I took his hand and put it firmly on my ass, making him smile up into my eyes.

"There's the dirty boy I fell in love with," I teased him.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered and I nodded, hating how broken he sounded.

Jake slowly turned his face to mine and I tried to commit the love and beauty in his eyes to memory, just in case I ever needed to be reminded again. His eyes flickered closed and his breath was warm on my neck before his lips brushed over mine, once, too softly; on the second pass they caught against mine and he sucked my lower lip into his mouth. We kissed carefully, reverently tasting and touching and reminding ourselves and each other of the strength of our love and our relationship.

I managed to pull back before our tongues got involved; convinced once that started I'd want to go all the way with him and knowing I couldn't even jerk off at the moment for fear of tearing the stitches. Although it appeared having an erection wasn't going to cause any serious damage. My fingers danced over his chest, satiating my overwhelming need to touch him.

"Yeah, I lost my piercings," Jake said with a sleepy smile.

"That's okay."

"I'm gonna get them redone before I lose the quick- healing thing again," he said as his fingertips traced the line of my jaw. "I don't want them to be out of action for another six weeks."

I laughed and captured his fingertips in my lips, pressing kisses to them again and again.

"I love you so much," I told him and he murmured the words back to me before falling asleep in my arms.

It was nearly time for me to take more medication, I could feel the burn starting again which made it hard to breathe but there was no way I was letting Jake go. I needed a distraction, so I pulled the interactive console over and turned it on, logging into my account. Immediately a song started playing softly, a familiar piano riff that made my chest hurt with a different sort of ache. I could only be grateful for the fact that he was already in my arms because I would probably have fallen to pieces if I was alone when I had received it.

I turned the volume down and pulled up the rest of the album to play when this song was done, remembering the last time Jake and I had made love while this was playing which didn't help my erection any. Words drifted around me, telling me what he couldn't find the words to say himself;

_I've whispered the thought, that maybe you're more ready than I am to come to terms with what is going on. 'Cause I have grown to hate the way I cover over all my weaknesses and claim I don't need anyone, anyone… I'm sorry._

"Shit," I muttered to myself and tangled my fingers in his hair. My poor, beautifully flawed man.

-x-X-x-

The next morning I was woken up by all three of our children trying to crawl into the already cramped hospital bed. Neither Jake nor I were particularly small men and space was seriously limited.

A giggling Annaleigh wriggled onto Jake's head and pulled at his hair until he rolled half over and pulled her onto his chest, while Ellen crawled over my knees to sit on Jake's abdomen and Lacey was carefully deposited in the bed between us.

"Thanks," I muttered as Lacey started to pat my cheek and Ellen wailed for attention.

"You're welcome, guys," Alice said with a laugh. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Drugs," I muttered.

"Damn, sorry Adam," Lena said from my side and I jumped as I realized there were still more people in the room with us. Ellen was lifted up by Esme and swung up into the air to make her laugh, then she crossed to Carlisle and kissed his cheek softly. Jake carefully extracted himself from the bed, leaving me with Lacey. I could just about manage her on my own, I hoped.

"Hey, doc," Jake said on a wide yawn and I absently wondered how many more people they were planning on squeezing into the room.

"Do you two ever sleep alone?" Carlisle asked with an exasperated laugh.

"No," Jake and I said together. I turned to him and he smiled at me through his sleep clouded eyes.

Carlisle laughed and turned to the girls. "Can we have a few minutes, please?"

"Sure," Lena said and dumped Ellen back on the bed. "You can keep these, though," she gestured to our children.

Jake rearranged himself on the bed with the girls, who seemed to have missed him for all the fuss they were making. Carlisle took the time to check over my dressings then passed me a t shirt so I could cover back up again.

"You're doing fine. Great, actually," he said as I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Can I go home?" I asked.

"Not yet," he chuckled. "You need to rest, Adam, and I don't think you'll get a lot of that at home."

I looked over at Jake who was trying to stick pacifiers in both Ellen and Lacey's mouths while Anna poked him in the side, trying to get his attention so she could tell him all her news. Watching Jake with all three of our daughters at the same time always provoked something primal in me; an overwhelming sense of love and pride and _family_.

The rest of the day was spent with Jake and our girls and Lena and Maddie helping us out with the little things which allowed me time to rest and Jake time to reconnect with Anna again especially. I got the impression our eldest daughter was going to need a lot of love and attention to start recovering from her ordeal. That was okay though. We could give that to her.

Just after dusk the three Cullen guys turned up, coming into the hospital only long enough to grab Alice and say hi quickly before they left again. That just left Carlisle and Esme with us now and they would only stay for another day until I was well enough to be discharged, then they would leave too. I didn't know if we'd see them again.

The following day I left the hospital after another night spent sleeping in Jake's arms, only this time all three of our daughters were sleeping in the room with us. We'd finally sent Lena and Maddie home for some much needed rest after they had spent so much time caring for the girls. Jake had told me that they were planning on having children themselves and I vowed that we would provide that same level of love and support for their children that they had shown to ours. They were family, it was as simple as that.

Walking into my house again was beyond strange; it felt like weeks, rather than a couple of days had passed since I was there last. I had been through so much. Mom had come with us but I had insisted that she book a flight back home, not wanting her to have to take too much more time off work. And I was pretty determined to do as much as possible to help Jake with the girls; I couldn't do too much physical stuff like lifting them from their cribs but I could still be their father.

I couldn't believe how exhausted I got just from doing a couple of odd household chores, the pain was unbelievable and I ended up lying down on the couch hating myself.

"Hey," Jake said, running his fingers down over my cheek and leaning in to kiss me softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Crap," I mumbled. "Sorry I abandoned you." We had been in the middle of putting the girls down for a nap when I nearly lost my breath with the pain in my ribs.

"I can handle them," Jake said, joking, but it didn't really help.

"You shouldn't have to handle them by yourself."

"Adam, you are an amazing dad," Jake said, gently grasping my chin in his hand and turning my head to him. He was sat on the edge of the coffee table so we were almost eye to eye. "You proved that when you took a knife to the chest rather than letting someone take your daughter."

I shook my head. "You would have done the same."

"Exactly. And I'll do this for you know, like you would have done for me if the situation was reversed."

"Where did you learn such infallible logic?" I teased him and Jake leaned in to kiss me, tucking his hair behind his ear so it didn't fall in my face.

"From you," he whispered against my lips, cupping his hand around my cheek. "Everything I've ever learned about being a husband, and a father, and a _man_ I learned from you."

His lips sealed the words as I finally let him kiss me properly.

-x-X-x-

A/N: Lyrics to "I'm Sorry" are by Ellery, the link to the song is on my profile.


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 33

"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." -- Winston Churchill

-x-X-x-

It was hard, those first few weeks after Adam and Anna came home from hospital. I was used to Adam and I working as a team and we had our routine; the way we liked to split the chores to make sure things got done. Adam always did the ironing, and most of the cooking, and making sure the girls' clothes got put back in the right dressers. I would vacuum and clean the bathrooms and kitchen, and take the trash and recycling out on the right days. Now, I was doing it all.

Added to that, Adam had trouble lifting Ellen or Lacey out of their high- sided cribs, and no matter how much we discussed it, they were just too young for 'big girl' beds yet. So I needed to see to both of them during the night, as well as all my daytime chores, and it was starting to get on top of me a little bit.

Despite my frustrations, I knew I couldn't tell Adam that I was struggling. His healing was much more important than our house being clean and tidy and I kept reminding him of this. I could tell he was starting to get frustrated with all of the things he couldn't do, even when he was working he was so active and I knew if the situation was reversed I would be going out of my mind with boredom. He was stuck watching a ton of daytime TV and I couldn't think of anything more hellish. Well, Ikea, maybe, that's always pretty awful.

We had decided not to take Annaleigh to a traditional counselor and instead encouraged her to talk about what had happened whenever she wanted, either to us or to Lena or Maddie and our approach seemed t be working. By not making the attack taboo we could let her get her fears out in the open and we told her the moment the police took the first four men into custody, then charged a further three as well. It had made me feel sick, to know that seven men had almost kicked and stabbed Adam to death. But with Alice and Edward's help enough evidence got handed to the police to have those men held accountable for their actions. I worked hard to be okay with that.

I didn't forget my promise to myself that if we got through our problems, I wanted Adam and I to start wearing wedding bands, however the reality became more difficult to create. I was stuck inside unless someone else came around to keep an eye on the girls for me for a couple of hours and when I had time out of the house I needed to do things like check on my business and do grocery shopping and go to the bank. There wasn't any time for go looking in jewelry stores and I didn't even know what I was looking for.

In short, I needed help. And, as usual, it came in the form of one of my best friends.

"We're going out," Lena said, stood on my doorstep with her arms folded across her chest. She surveyed me from head to foot, from socks to loose jogging pants and a ratty t shirt. "You're gonna need to get changed."

I laughed as I pulled the door open to let her in. "Hey gorgeous," I said and leaned down to pull her into a tight hug. Lena was wearing a red sleeveless coat-slash-dress thing that had two lines of buttons and tied around her middle and had a red alice- band in her white- blonde hair to match it. Her fashion sense had always baffled me, but she always looked stunning.

"How are you doing, Jake?" she asked as I lead her through to the family room where Adam and Anna were watching a movie together and I had been playing with Ellen and Lacey on the floor.

"Ah, we're coping," I shrugged.

"You need to come out for a couple of hours," she said in a low voice.

"I can't," I said, watching Adam stroke Annaleigh's hair as she snuggled into his good side. If anything, they were closer now than ever before and it was so beautiful to watch.

"No, Jake, I need _you_ to come with me," she said in a tone of voice which wrenched my eyes to hers.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, torn between the pull to help one of my best friends and being there for Adam. "We can't leave Adam on his own with Ellen and Lacey."

"Then let's take them with us," she said with a shrug. "He can handle Anna on his own, right?"

"I guess so," I said slowly.

"Why don't you ask him?" she teased, elbowing me in the ribs.

In the end it took an hour for me to get showered and dressed, for me and Lena to change Ellen and Lacey and get their double stroller set up, and for me to panic about leaving Anna and Adam alone together again. Not because I was scared about Adam being able to look after her, but because I was scared that she would be scared to be alone with him.

Adam kissed me slowly at the door and whispered in my ear to buy lube when I was out. We didn't need any, but his point was to reinforce Adam's frequent insistences that he was ready for sex again. We hadn't had sex since he left the hospital ten days ago. The paper stitches were gone from his face and his dick but the scars on his ribs and thigh were on opposite sides of his body and I couldn't figure out a way that we could have sex without hurting him in one way or another. Adam, however, was turning up his already stellar charms in order to convince me that it _was_ a good idea.

In short, both of us were suffering from blue balls and it didn't help that Adam insisted on me spooning him every night so he could grind his ass back into my dick.

"So, where's the fire?" I asked Lena as we walked downtown.

"I need to pick up some stuff," she said evasively. "Girl stuff."

"Oh," I said, shutting up immediately. Then I decided to dig a little hole for myself. "Why do you need me to shop for that?"

Lena laughed and linked her arm in mine as we walked. "Not _girl stuff._ Stuff for a girl. Or maybe a boy."

"Baby, I love your crazy ass but I'm confused," I told her and Lena threw her head back in a laugh.

"We're going sperm shopping," she giggled.

"Sperm… what?"

Lena giggled harder. "We need to find a sperm donor. I want your help."

"My help? Why me?"

"Well, you have sperm," she said as if this was the most logical reason in the world. "And you have good taste in men."

"I have good taste in one man, singular," I argued, hearing the panic in my own voice. "I don't give a fuck about anyone else."

"And you pick good surrogates."

"What, my sisters and Adam's cousin?"

"Oh, shush," she said, hitting me lightly on the arm. "I just wanted the help of someone I trust, and you're my best friend."

"Aw, you're my bestie too," I said her and kissed the top of her head. "But seriously, shouldn't you be doing this with Mads?"

Lena shrugged. "She's so busy at work at the moment, she couldn't take the time off to come with me. And she said, rightly, I suppose, that it doesn't really matter and I could choose whoever I wanted to impregnate me."

"You're going to get pregnant?" I said, surprised. I had thought Maddie would carry the baby.

"Yes," she said defensively. "Just because I'm not the girlie girl doesn't mean I don't want to experience being a mother."

"It's not that," I protested but she cut me off.

"And it's easier for me to take time out of my career than Maddie. She'll have the next one, if she wants to. I'm ready for this, more so than she is."

"Lena." I stopped her in the street and bent way down so my face was level with hers. "I'm ecstatic for you. Really. And if you want my opinion on sperm, I'll give it to you."

She smiled and I pulled her into a hug, standing up so her little feet were kicking at my thighs as she squealed for me to put her down. I gave her a big, wet kiss on the cheek which she wiped off with a look of disgust as we started walking again.

"Actually, I could use your help, since we're out," I said as I considered asking her for help.

"Go on," she said.

"I want to give Adam a wedding ring." The words came out in a rush.

"Didn't you two already get married twice?" she asked.

"Shut up," I muttered. "Not an _engagement_ ring, wedding bands. We've never worn them before and after everything, I want to show everyone that we're married. You know, it's a symbol of our marriage and I want the world to know we're married now."

"That's sweet," she said an smiled up at me. "I know a really nice jewelers, if you want me to take you there."

"Okay," I agreed easily, grateful for at least the beginning of some guidance on the matter.

-x-X-x-

A few hours later my wallet was significantly lighter as Lena and I sat in a light, comfortable room in a private clinic, flicking through folders with descriptions of possible sperm donors. Ellen and Lacey were being kept quiet with a box of strawberries between them, making a glorious mess but at least they weren't fussing.

"Remind me what we're doing again?" I asked Lena as she sucked on her own strawberry.

"If I'm paying over two hundred bucks per shot of this dude's jizz, we're gonna make damn sure it's good jizz," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand in a gesture that my sex- starved brain turned into something obscene.

I snorted with laughter and flicked past a few more profiles. "Anything you're looking for in particular?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said casually. "If they have, like, Zac Efron's jizz I'll take that."

"Efron?" I asked her. "Seriously?"

"He looks like me," she shrugged. I couldn't argue with that.

"I doubt he's donated to a sperm bank," I reasoned with her.

"Yeah," Lena sighed and reached for another strawberry. "Sucks to be me."

"Are you sure you shouldn't be doing this with Maddie?" I asked again.

Lena groaned. "We've talked about it to a point where we're just repeating stuff over and over again now. It goes back to the old nature- nurture debate; does it really matter what the jizz- Daddy's personality is like? Or will the baby's character just be influenced by us?"

I thought about my kids. "A bit of both, I guess," I told her.

"Exactly. So really, what I'm looking at is physical features. You know if jizz- Daddy is a tall black dude, then I'm gonna end up with a pretty mixed- race baby. Which is fine, don't get me wrong, but I want our baby to fit in with our family as easily as possible. Which means I want to look for a guy who has similar features to me or Maddie so that the baby will look more like us."

"You really have thought this through, haven't you?"

"Yes," she sighed dramatically. "More than I ever thought possible!"

A few minutes later we were approached by a willowy brunette. "Hi, I'm Melissa," she said, shaking both our hands. "Mr and Mrs Malinski, is it?"

"Er, no," I said as Lena giggled. It was the second time we had been mistaken for a married couple today; I suppose asking to buy wedding rings in a jewelers had set us up for embarrassment just as much as sperm shopping would.

"It's Ms Malinski, actually," Lena said with a smile. "This is my friend, Jacob Black Hawk and his two children."

"Oh I'm sorry," she said and sat down opposite us. "It's nice to meet you both. You have beautiful children, Mr Black Hawk."

I looked down at my girls who looked like they had just been massacred; there was red strawberry juice _everywhere._ "Sorry," I said guiltily. "They're usually more… clean."

Melissa laughed. "No problem. I understand you're looking for a donor?"

"Mm," Lena hummed and searched for something to wipe her hands on. I threw her a packet of baby wipes and she blew me a kiss. "Yes. It's sort of overwhelming right now though."

"That's understandable," Melissa said. "Is there anything in particular which is important to you?"

"Well, we want the baby to sort of look like me or my partner," Lena said, whipping her phone out from some unseen pocket and pulling up a picture of Maddie pulling a ridiculous face. "Wait, I have a better one," she said, thumbing through pictures as Melissa looked amused.

"She's having trouble finding a picture that isn't obscene or offensive," I explained as I pulled Lacey on to my lap to clean her up and supervise a drink from her sippy cup.

Lena flicked her middle finger at me without looking up which only made me laugh.

"Can I have a cuddle?" Melissa asked as I got Lacey looking slightly more respectable.

"What is it with girls and cuddles?" I laughed as I handed her over.

"Oh, they're just so adorable at this age," Melissa cooed and I got to work on Ellen.

"Here! I found one," Lena said and flashed a picture of her and Maddie at one of Maddie's work functions.

Melissa went through about a hundred questions with Lena about what she was looking for, then eventually they settled on one donor who Lena thought she could possibly be compatible with, if we were going to take a stroll through the Twilight Zone where she was straight. I found the entire thing completely bizarre and very amusing, something that the girls weren't overly impressed with.

How did one gay man end up spending all his time around so many damn _females_?

I invited Lena and Maddie over for dinner when I dropped her off home and she agreed to come over for a couple of hours, which would be nice. It was great living so close to our friends but circumstances and busy schedules meant we couldn't spend all the time we wanted around each other these days.

When I got in Anna was covered in flour and I could smell something baking.

"Daddy!" she shouted the moment I walked in the door. "Me and Adam made cookies!"

"Did you, now?" I asked as I toed off my boots and leaned in to give Adam a kiss; he had chased her out of the kitchen. "Ever hear of an apron, gorgeous?" I teased him and he scowled at me.

"How was I supposed to know she'd get it everywhere?" he asked and helped me get Lacey and Ellen out of the stroller.

"Because it's Annaleigh?" I laughed. "And she shares DNA with me?"

"I know. That's why I love her." I smiled and wound my arms around his back to hold him close, just for a few moments.

Adam had prepared dinner for the girls as well, which I was really fucking grateful for since I had offered to cook grown- up food for four of us. We fed all the little people and I got them settled for a nap while Adam crashed on the couch. I guessed he was pretty exhausted from all the activity of the afternoon.

When I was done, I sat down in front of him, suddenly shy. "I bought you something, today," I started.

"Yeah?" he said with a silly smile and that alone made everything worthwhile, knowing that I could still make him smile like that.

"Yeah. It's sort of… I don't know. Fulfilling a promise I made to myself. I love you, more than anything else, and I'm so proud of this family that we created together. I want to tell the world that this is us, our family and our lives and you know, it's not really possible to tell the whole world. But I can show people, how much I love you, every day. So I want you to have this." I reached into my pocket and pulled out the box that contained both rings. "If you'll wear it, that is."

Adam's eyes held mine for a long moment before dropping to the black velvet box. He smirked at me; a lazy, sexy expression then he opened it. "Oh," he said softly as he surveyed the contents.

I had chosen a really simple, traditional design for the rings that was smooth and slightly rounded; the most comfortable, the lady in the store had said. That was important. I wanted us to wear them for the rest of our lives. But the metal, well, it was a blend of copper and platinum which meant it had the color of copper and the durability of the platinum. I thought it was a good mix of unique and forever.

"If you don't want to that's fine," I said quickly. "I won't mind." I would mind, a lot, but I wasn't going to say that.

"You bought us wedding rings," he said, his eyes fixing on mine again. I nodded silently. Adam leaned in and kissed me with a passion and urgency I hadn't felt in weeks. As our lips moved together his hand found mine and he broke away long enough to slide the circle of copper onto my finger; then he passed me the other ring.

I kissed him, softly and sweetly and slid the ring on his finger.

"This is right for us," I said, hoping that he'd agree.

"It's perfect," he said, smiling at me again. "Thank you, Jake."

"Any time."

-x-X-x-

All of the girls were asleep and I hoped this would be one of those rare nights when the three of them would sleep through the night. I was going to have sex, and I was hoping for it to be one of those long, intimate sessions not a rushed affairs before one of the kids woke up.

I had put both Ellen and Lacey down first, then spent some time with Anna reading her a bedtime story, then checked on my babies again before I was satisfied that they were all settled and not going to wake up any time soon.

Adam had left our bedroom door open for me and I hesitated at the doorway, taking in the sight of him. Our bed faced the door and he was sat reading, wearing his glasses with his feet stretched out, a copper ring glinting at me from his finger. The curtains had been left open to show the sky that was still turning pink and blue as the sun set, filling our room with an otherworldly glow. Adam was wearing a pair of tartan pajama pants that matched the blanket on the end of the bed we kept for when it was cold, or too warm for the duvet; his chest was bare and I was hard from twenty seconds of looking at him.

"You gonna stand there all night, baby, or are you coming over?" he asked in a low voice that was half sex, half humor.

"I'm definitely coming over," I murmured, kicking off my socks and grabbing my shirt from behind and pulling the thing off over my head without bothering to unbutton it.

He laughed then, deep and sexy as I took a running leap and landed on the bed next to him. Adam carefully marked his page in the book then set it on the nightstand. "Come here," he demanded.

I swung a leg over his, trapping our hips together but balancing my weight on my hands as I lowered my lips to his. We wriggled down the bed together so he was laid out underneath me and I carefully sank down on to my elbows so our chests were pressed together as well. Adam wound one of his arms around my back, pressing his palm flat just above the waistband of my jeans and the other cupped my jaw, gently angling my face to his kiss. We moved together slowly, the pace betraying the urgent need of our bodies against each other but I was determined to go slow and not hurt him.

We kissed slowly at first, our hips gently rocking against each other for friction as my lips captured his over and over. He tasted minty from where he'd brushed his teeth, and his breath was hot against my cheek. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, ran the tip of my tongue over it then bit down lightly, tugging at it a little bit. Adam groaned and his fingertips worked into my jeans and under the waistband of my boxers, gently stroking the top of my ass. I wanted him so badly.

He swept his tongue into my mouth then, tasting and teasing me and making my heart beat faster for him. We were only kissing, the same thing we had done together for years, but my reactions were as if we were doing something much more heavy. I broke away first, kissing down his jaw and licking his earlobe, tugging at his hoops there with my tongue before placing wet kisses down his neck and eventually across his collarbone, shoulder to shoulder.

His hand stayed in my hair but as I moved lower down his body the other moved up my spine, his fingertips gently stroking my skin. I sucked and bit his nipples lightly, then reverently laid my lips over the topmost edge of his scar.

The skin there was turning pink underneath the stitches and the doctor was confident that he was healing well. Adam had assured me that the skin itself just itched now, all of the pain was underneath as his muscles knit themselves back together. I took Adam's hand from my hair and carefully put it on his opposite shoulder, opening the area up to my touch.

Adam gasped slightly as I pressed down that first kiss and my head shot up immediately. "Is this okay?" I asked.

"It's fine," he insisted. "Better now I know you're going to do that."

I leaned back up to kiss him again, passionately swirling my tongue with his. _He needed this as much as I did._ Kissing back down his chest, I kept that in my head like a mantra as I worshipped his body, showing him all the love I had for every last inch of him. His skin tasted different around his scar, the leftover remnants of the alcohol and antiseptic wipes we used to clean it clinging to his skin but it didn't matter to me. I felt my eyes fill with tears again as I noticed the way the hawk image had been twisted slightly as the surgeons had worked to pull his skin back together again. Katie would fix it, but it wouldn't ever be the same again.

The end of the scar was on a parallel with his bellybutton so I kissed across to that, then down his happy trail and helped him lift his hips so I could tug his pants off. He was naked underneath and as I sat back on my heels to toss his pants aside, he grew harder under my gaze. I smirked and leaned in to kiss his lips again, needing to go back there to feel that connection again.

Once our kiss broke again I moved back down his body, lifting under his knee so his foot was flat on his bed and his leg propped up. I pressed my lips to the top of the scar on the inside of his thigh and he didn't even flinch, assuring me that I wasn't moving to quickly or pushing too hard. In fact, his cock twitched as I licked back up the scar and kissed over his hipbones.

There was only one left for me to kiss better, but I dreaded having to look at the scar on his cock. Adam must have sensed my hesitation because his fingers stroked over my cheek, then lifted my chin so I was looking at his face.

"If you don't want to, that's okay," he said softly.

"Shit, no," I said quickly. Shit shit shit. We needed to talk but there was no way in all hell I was going to use those words.

I snuggled into his good side, kissing his lips and cheeks over and over. "I don't want to hurt you," I explained. "I'm scared of doing something wrong and this not working. I want to make love to you, so much. But I can't hurt you, Adam, I just can't."

"Take your jeans off," he commanded softly. I quickly stripped off my clothes then laid out next to him again. He took my cock in his hand and started to stroke me gently. "Not too much pressure," he said, his lips ghosting over my neck as he used his hand to demonstrate his point. "Don't _pull,_ just sort of… smooth the skin back and forth. No teeth."

I groaned as his words registered in my lust- fogged brain; he wanted me to use my mouth. My mouth, but not my teeth. _Fuck._ As soon as that thought registered I was there, face to face with his amazing cock, running my tongue around the head to taste him.

"Fuck, Jacob," he hissed and I smiled to myself, steadying his hips with my hands so he didn't thrust up into my mouth and unintentionally hurt himself, rubbing slow circles into his skin with my thumbs.

In truth, I was too scared to use my hands on him, just in case I hurt him. I was aware that even with his tutoring there was still a possibility I would grip too hard but the softness of my lips and tongue would hopefully be more than pleasurable to him.

Adam groaned, deep in his chest as I sucked him into my mouth, hollowing my cheeks to create a little bit more pressure. As my tongue explored him I felt it, the ridge of scar tissue down the side of his cock. Strangely, I felt okay about it; this was about me giving him enough pleasure to counteract the pain he had been in before. Plus in this position it was far less scary. By running my tongue over it I figured out it was only about a quarter of an inch long and the scarring really was minimal. It would hopefully fade away in a few years.

Keeping his words in mind I kept my lips fairly lax as they stroked him and I kept my eyes trained on his face for any signs of discomfort. Adam had his hands balled up in our sheets but this was from pleasure, not pain and he was grunting each time the head of his cock hit the back of my throat.

"So close," he muttered and I wasn't sure if this was a sign to suck harder. "Oh my god, Jake," he cried softly and I felt his hot come coat the back of my throat. I swallowed around him, licking him clean then kissing back up his body to lay my head down on his chest. "You're fucking amazing, you know that?" he murmured, kissing my hair.

I smiled and hummed noncommittally, kissing his stomach. "I love you."

"Are you going to _make_ love to me?" he asked. Ah. So he could feel my cock poking his thigh. Well, at least he still had feeling there.

"Yes," I told him. "But I don't want to rush you."

"I'm ready for you, Jake," he said as I turned to look at him.

I kissed him again on his chest, over his heart this time and reached over to grab my bottle of lube from the nightstand. Making sure he was comfortable before I began, I placed each of his feet on my thighs as I sat back on my heels, opening him up to me.

Adam's eyes fluttered closed as I easily slid one slick finger inside him, his muscles clenching around me as I pressed a second one in and started to slide them in and out, curling my fingers at the deepest point. Within minutes he was humming in pleasure and rocking his hips back to meet me so I carefully pulled out and spread more lube over my cock.

The night had grown dark as we had loved each other so there was no light left; pure instinct guided me into him. I held myself steady as the head of my cock entered him, stretching him to accommodate me and pausing once I was inside.

"Fuck, Jake," he gasped and I bent down to kiss the corner of his mouth.

"Is this okay?" I whispered.

"More… please," he begged, leaning into my kisses and gently nipping and biting at my lips.

I groaned as I sank inside him, his familiar warmth gripping me as his legs wrapped around my waist to pull me closer, deeper. Our lips and tongues met again, a frantic joining of our bodies as I gently rocked my hips, teasing him with my body as he set mine on fire.

"You're inside me," he said on a groan, and _fuck me_ if that wasn't the sexiest thing I'd ever heard.

"Yes," I said, laying my head down on his shoulder so my lips were next to his ear. Adam twisted his head so it was on my shoulder, completing the circle.

"All the way?" he whispered and I had to try so fucking hard not to come right then and there. I rocked my hips into him again so my hips were flat against his.

"All the way," I repeated.

Adam gasped and I wasn't sure if it was the good sort or not, so I stilled my movements and pulled back a little to look at him.

"I'm good," he said as my concerned expression. "I need this so bad, Jake, please don't stop."

I dropped my body back down, my chest pressing against his so I could feel his heartbeat through his skin into mine. Whether from my heat or our passion I didn't know, but both our skin was slicked with sweat and it felt amazing to lick and kiss it off each other. I kept my lips attached to his jaw, his neck, his shoulder as we moved together and I felt his cock hardening between our stomachs.

Picking up the pace slightly, I pressed my lips to his once again and started to drive our bodies towards their peak. Adam fused his mouth to mine and I swallowed his cries, saving them in a place deep inside me. I could feel his ass clenching around me and he was so hard it was almost uncomfortable to have his cock digging into my stomach. I felt everything at once as I moved inside him; his fingertips on my back and his breath on my cheek, his heartbeat underneath me and the wetness from the lube and sweat on my thighs, the hair on his legs and the smooth bottoms of his feet as he rubbed them up and down the backs of my calves.

Adam gasped my name, over and over as he came again and I watched his face as it twisted in pleasure. I slowed for a few moments to allow him time to ride out his orgasm before picking up the pace and pounding into him with enough force to trigger my own.

Adam wound his arms around me and held me close as I gasped for breath, carefully pulling out of him and rolling so he was lying on his good side. We kissed slowly, lazily a few times before he brushed my hair back from my face.

"Go on and get in the shower," he whispered. "I'll be in in a second."

"Mm. Okay," I agreed, reluctant to remove my lips from his.

"Go on," he laughed as I refused to let him go. "I'm just going to take some painkillers."

"Shit, did I hurt you?" I panicked.

"No, I always take some before bed," he said and I remembered the truth in that, but it didn't calm me down any. "Jake, I'm fine. I promise."

I nodded and carefully peeled myself off him, kissing my fingers and pressing them to his lips. I really was just overreacting. Adam was still taking painkillers every six hours and he took slightly stronger ones before bed to help him sleep through the night.

While the water warmed up I brushed my teeth, then as I stepped into the steaming water Adam came up behind me and enveloped my body in his warm arms. I held onto his forearms as we rocked together under the shower, the water cleaning and cleansing us at the same time. Adam laid his head on my shoulder, occasionally kissing my neck and back but mostly just holding me.

"I can't wait to be able to make love to you again," he murmured as my eyes grew tired and heavy under the comforting warmth of the water.

"I can't wait for you to be inside me again," I agreed. "Why do you think it's so much more intense when you bottom than when you top?"

He hummed in a non- response. "Don't know. Maybe it's a psychological thing; when you bottom you submit to your partner and hand over all the control. You put all your trust in them not to hurt you and to make the experience good. You're not in control of your own pleasure when you bottom." He tangled his fingers with mine and I lifted our joined left hands to my lips to kiss his ring finger. I liked that gesture and decided to make a habit of it.

"Mm, you're right," I said, turning to kiss his lips. "It's not that I don't like topping, it's just that I feel so much more connected when I bottom for you."

"Me too," he agreed. Adam reached around and turned off the water, kissing away my groan of protest. "Come on, let's go to bed. I'm exhausted."

I dried off quickly and pulled on a pair of boxers; ten years ago we would have slept naked but these days Anna was far too fond of crawling into bed with us in the middle of the night. It only took one time for her to find us naked for us to put a stop to that habit, for a few more years at least.

Adam pulled the curtains closed and we snuggled into each other, our legs curled around each other and my arm holding him close as he gently stroked the back of my neck. Somehow I wasn't sleepy.

"I still can't believe how amazing it is, being married to you," Adam said quietly.

"I know," I agreed. "You're still the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Any regrets?"

"No. Not one. You?" I felt him shrug underneath me.

"The bad things only highlight the good in our relationship. And it makes us stronger."

"Stronger?" I asked him. "Baby, we're like steel we're so strong."

"You cheesy bastard," he laughed and kissed my nose.

"Is this the end of our youthful adventures then, do you think?" I asked and Adam chuckled softly.

"Yes, I think so," he said, brushing his lips over mine in between each word.

Just as our kisses became more lingering there was a small creak and a shaft of light from the hallway spilt through the crack in the doorway, just big enough for a three year old someone to squeeze through. At the same time first one, then another familiar infant cry came through both our open door and the baby monitors we still kept on the nightstand.

"On second thoughts," Adam said as he swung his legs out of bed and I let Annaleigh crawl into my arms, "I have a feeling maybe our adventures are only just beginning."


	34. Chapter 34: Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Epilogue- Chapter 34

The night is clear and black with a low, wide blue moon hovering over the horizon. In La Push, a small Native Indian reservation on the north west Washington coast, two men stretch out old, aching joints and hold hands as they ascend the stairs in a house older than they, one which had been inherited from a long- lost mother. The curtains in their bedroom remain open to the moon as they take their respective sides of the bed and rest in each other's arms, even creaking bones not enough to stop them from holding each other in sleep.

Slowly, their breathing softens as they say goodnight to each other and kisses brushed against cracked lips seem to linger like a memory. Breaths deepen even further as hearts slow down and then, on an exhale, they say goodbye to the world.

In La Push, a small Native Indian reservation on the north west Washington coast, babes and mothers, children and grandfathers are woken from sleep by the howling of wolves; loud and echoing around the small town. They howl in pain, in grief, for the loss of one they recognize as a brother.

And two souls escape into the night, out of the window they leave cracked open for this very purpose, soaring across the black skies in search of their next world together. Always, together.

-x-X-x-

_The last_ A/N: Well, it's gonna be hard for me to let these guys go! In some ways I'm so proud to sign off on this story, to have completed what I set out to achieve and an indescribable amount more. There are so many thankyous for me to really do here but I suppose the most important one is to you, whoever you are, wherever you're reading, for sticking with me until the end.


	35. Chapter 35: Futuretake

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own this kid though.

Chapter 35: Future- Take

_Annaleigh Black Hawk, Summer 2031 (age 17)_

I don't remember the point where I realized I was different for having two dads instead of a mom and a dad, nor do I ever remember feeling like I was missing out on anything. Dad and Adam always made me know that I _did_ have a mother and her name was Hannah and that I could go and talk to her about anything I wasn't comfortable discussing with them. And even though I'm close to Hannah, she's not my parent.

Having two sisters as well meant that I was never at a loss for some serious girl time if I needed it. And Lena and Maddie I suppose still are the closest thing I'll ever need for female role models, even if they are lesbians. Lena had the 'where babies come from' talk with me when I was nine, and by the time Dad got round to trying to explain things to me I was fourteen and had been getting my period for over a year. He can be such a boy sometimes.

There are definite advantages of having two dads as well. There's always a second option when the first Daddy refuses to go shopping with you. You get spoiled to all hell. And women like taking you 'under their wing' and out for ice cream to discuss the general crapness of most men. I know that I'm Jake's daughter and Adam adopted me, and the knowledge that they went to so much trouble to bring me into the world means a lot.

I suppose the weirdest thing for me at the moment is being a Native American girl but not really having many links back to my culture. I don't live on a reservation- I live in San Francisco. Dad tries to assure me I'm not missing out and if anything I've got it better than he and Adam did when they were kids because I've got so much life and culture around me. I appreciate that, I really do, but I can't help feeling sad that I never got to do bonfires on First Beach every other weekend with res moonshine and other native boys. Because damn, those boys are pretty fly.

Adam has sort of arranged for me to spend the summer with Grandma in La Push; living with her in his old bedroom so I can at least have that experience while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. There was a moment where I freaked out about being away from my Dads for so long, and my friends, and the city; but I got over that already. I like nature and how big it is.

People say I take after Dad a lot and I suppose I do- I look a lot like him anyway. And according to Adam, I'm as annoying and sarcastic as he used to be when he was my age. It's weird to think that Dad and Adam got together when they were the same age as I am now, I mean, there's no way in all hell I'm going to settle down and get married yet. It obviously worked for them, but I'm not my parents. I'm straight, to start with.

Adam has always been a big influence on the way I've grown and learned. I suppose he's the more authoritative parent while Dad is more protective of me. The arguments about me going to Washington this summer- Jesus Christ. They don't argue like that very often, thank god. Dad tells me at every opportunity about how much it rains there and to pack for the worst California winter of my life to spend summer in the Pacific Northwest. I'm trying to get around him by suggesting I stay here and he can spend the summer teaching me how to ride motorbikes but he's seeing through the blackmail so far.

By the time I started school the US Government had started to recognize gay marriage as legal, and when I started High School there wasn't any difference between gay and straight marriages in the eyes of the law. Although I was a few years older than some of the other kids in school who had gay parents there were enough of us to mean we didn't really stand out. I got more attention for being a Native American than I did for being the daughter of gay parents; there aren't that many of us in San Francisco really.

People often mistake my sisters for being twins which isn't surprising. I don't think about it often, but I suppose since their mothers are identical twins they're closer biologically that I am to them… are they like genetically sisters? Shit, it makes my head hurt. Anyway, their birthdays are only a few months apart and sometimes with school it was easier to try and explain to people that they're twins than how Dad and Adam adopted Lacey. I think that you can see some of the Samoan in Lacey if you know to look, in the shape of her eyes maybe but I might be making it up. Adam told me about it a couple of years ago when I asked him who her dad was and I was really shocked. I mean, as long as I can remember Aunt Becca has lived in La Push and she got married when I was about six; I was a bridesmaid for her. She has kids as well. It's hard to think of the old people in your family being young and doing stuff like travelling the world and getting knocked up by a Hawaiian surfer. It sounds like great fun. Well, not the getting knocked up part but the travelling. I want to go to Europe for a summer as well but Dad told me 'no fucking way'. Then he said he'd give me a job at Black Hawk Motors as their weekend receptionist earning minimum wage and I could fund the trip myself. I think his plan is to financially bankrupt me and keep me as close as possible until I'm twenty five. I wouldn't be surprised- it's the sort of thing he'd do.

I don't really know what I want to do when I'm older. Grandma thinks this is a good thing and that I should go to college and let life direct me. She's good with that sort of advice. I've been drawing since I was a little kid; one of my earliest memories with Adam is of him sitting with me and teaching me how to sketch but I don't have his talent for drawing. I paint a lot, but that's for me. Being Adam Black Hawk's daughter means I have a reputation at Pixar on my name alone and every time I've gone to work with him it's been a bit overwhelming. I'm the infamous daughter with the talent and that's a bit unnerving. I paint- I don't draw. And I can't draw people for shit.

There's a gorgeous painting of Dad and Adam in our dining room of them when they were my age. It's signed _E Cullen_ but they always manage to change the conversation whenever I ask who E Cullen is or was. I googled the name but it didn't tell me anything. I just wanted to know why they let him or her paint them in such an intimate pose while they were so young (and not 'out' to most of La Push) so it's their fault really for not telling me; if they'd said, I wouldn't have got curious.

It turns out the name 'Cullen' means a lot in La Push. Not any more, the Cullen's don't live in the area now. But over the years the legends told over the bonfires on First Beach have changed to local gossip as much as ancient tradition.

"Cullen," I repeat to Zach Uley. "Does the name mean anything to you?"

"Yeah," he laughs at me. "I don't know if you want to hear it though."

We were huddled around the fabled driftwood bonfire on the beach on the first clear night since I arrived in La Push two weeks ago. It turned out my Dad hadn't just been trying to piss me off with the promise of rain, it had been practically torrential for a week. About twelve res kids were sat with me and I had been quickly accepted into the fold, something that I'm privately ecstatic about.

"Okay," Zach says and the other conversations tail off around us as a bottle of whiskey gets passed around again. I take a glug of it and let the liquor warm me from the inside. "You know the Quileute tribe is supposedly descended from wolves?"

I nod. I've grown up sleeping with my head on my Dad's wolf tattoo. "Well, there's only one enemy of the wolf. The cold ones. Legend had it that our grandfather's grandfathers came across a group of them, who claimed to be different to others of their kind. They didn't kill humans, or drink their blood, they claimed to hunt only animals. So the Quileutes made a treaty with them; if the cold ones stayed away from La Push and promised never to hurt the humans, we would allow them to stay.

"Seventy years later they returned to the area. The cold ones never age and some recognized them for what they truly were, although there were now more in their coven. This time, though, they stayed longer than ever before. One of the cold ones fell for a local white girl, a _human_ girl. But he loved her and was afraid that they would never be able to be together.

"The cold one left and the human girl was destroyed. It took months, but a member of the Quileute tribe helped the girl to rebuild her life without the cold one in it. Eventually the human girl began to fall in love with the Quileute boy. But the cold ones came back and the girl was forced to choose between the Quileute boy and the cold one, both of whom vowed to fight for her love."

Zach pauses, for effect, I'm sure, and someone passes him the whiskey. I roll my eyes and take the bait.

"Who did she choose?"

Zach shrugs. "The cold one." There's a collective gasp around the circle; this was supposed to be a story about one of us. Where was the happily ever after?

"But what about the Quileute boy?" I ask, feeling the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. It was so_ sad._

"Some people thought he would never get over losing the human girl. Some people think he never did. But the Quileute boy did move on. He fell in love with another Quileute boy, and they moved to California, and had three daughters."

My mouth drops open as twelve pairs of eyes turn and lock on me. "No fucking way," I whisper. Zach just laughs.

"Cullen," someone gasps. I looked across at Jaime Clearwater. "You're talking about Edward and Bella Cullen."

"What?" I demand. "Tell me."

"Chill, Anna," someone says and hands me the whiskey again. I just wave it off.

"Hang on, we're talking about my Dad here," I object, trying to keep my voice light. "I want the juice."

"Jake Black," Jaime says, tucking her cropped hair behind her ears, flashing her chewed off nail polish. "I remember my mom talking about him. It was this big thing back when they were kids, you know, everyone knew about it but no one _talked_ about it. Edward Cullen left Bella and she like, broke down or something, your dad was the one who saved her when she tried to commit suicide. But when he came back she ditched your dad and went back to Cullen.

"Then there was the scandal that no one talked about. Everyone thought that your dad was with Adam, you know, as more than friends when they left La Push. Then they had you, and your sisters, and it became pretty obvious."

"But what about the Cullens?" I insist, looking to Zach who's leaning back on his elbows with a smug expression on his face. "What the fuck's a cold one? Who's Bella whats-her-face?"

More people laugh now. "Vampire?" one guy says. I don't know his name, but he's really gorgeous. His hair is as long as mine, reaching to the middle of his back and he looks like he's grown more than the other boys our age. His chest is wider and he's taller, thicker. Manly.

"The Cullens are _vampires_?" I say, incredulous. "Fuck off."

"She's got a dirty mouth," the cute guy says, winking at me. "You wanna walk with me, Black Hawk? I'll fill in the sordid details."

I get up hesitantly and he reaches his hand out to me. I take it, appreciating the warmth and size of his palm. He leads me down the beach in silence for a while, allowing me to drum up enough courage to ask his name.

"You're a quiet little thing when you're alone, Black Hawk," he teases me softly.

"Annaleigh," I tell him, turning my hand in his and shaking it gently.

"Ryan Clearwater," he nods. "Jaime's cousin. Can I kiss you now?"

I'm sure I'm blushing with pleasure but there's something that makes me feel emboldened by his advances so I rise up onto my toes to press my lips to his. Ryan's hands catch my waist and lower me gently, keeping his mouth pressed to mine as we find each other's lips in sweet kisses with promises of more.

I pull away first, wanting some semblance of control over this boy who makes butterflies flutter in my stomach. "You can't charm me with kisses you know," I try to tease him, but the words come out higher than my normal voice. "I still want to know the rest of the story."

"There's not a lot else to tell," Ryan says, taking my hand and heading back up the beach. "The Cullens left the area and no one has seen or heard of them since."

"But they were vampires," I deadpan.

Ryan laughs. "If you like," he says. "It makes the story better if Jacob Black was a werewolf and Edward Cullen was a vampire than if they were just two kids fighting over a girl."

"Ew," I mutter and Ryan squeezes my hand.

"What? Your dad fighting over a girl?"

"No, mostly just the idea of my dad and a girl. It's weird."

Ryan laughs again and leans down to press a kiss into my temple. "I think I like you, Annaleigh."

I feel a tingle of something in my belly; anticipation, lust, adolescence, the chance of a summer romance; the place, the time, my age and the promise of learning and knowing and finding out. Something was coming. I could feel it, taste it on the air. It smelled of _possibility…_


	36. Chapter 36: Outtake

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

A/N: This came to me this afternoon and I just had to write it. Words can't adequately explain how much I miss writing these boys. It's utter, unashamed fluff and a little sneak peek into a bit of Adam and Jake's future together. Hope you enjoy!

-x-X-x-

Chapter 36: Outtake

"The last movie created by Disney studios concerning Native Americans was in 1995, Pocahontas, which was set on the coast of Virginia."

Adam stood behind a walnut podium, his hair tied back in a low ponytail, dressed in a dark gray suit and an open collared white shirt, looking for all the world like he'd stepped from the pages of Esquire magazine. He simply oozed power and confidence, and if it weren't for the hundred or so people around me I would have pounced on him.

"Jake," Ellen whispered, tugging my sleeve and I leaned down to listen to her. "Daddy looks very handsome, doesn't he?"

I nodded and smiled, and held a finger to my lips to tell her to shush. She nodded solemnly and turned back to watch Adam's speech. Her fingertips twisted around the edge of her dress seemingly unconsciously and I smiled to myself. Sitting still was never Ellen's strongest skill.

"It has been a great honor for me to be able to tell another story with Disney/ Pixar regarding my people. This story in particular is incredibly close to my heart and it almost goes without saying that it would not have been possible without the help and support of my husband, Jacob."

All three of my girls turned to look at me and I blushed.

"_The Last Wolf_ tells the Quileute tribe's oldest story; that the tribe are descended from a breed of shape shifting wolves who protect their people from dangerous outsiders."

I let my mind wander then, I was familiar with the story. Adam had been given the job of head of production on this movie after he'd pitched it to the bosses at Pixar and, needless to say, it had taken over all our lives for nearly three years. Today had been so long in the coming, it was his chance to show the world what he'd been working on, the first public showing of the movie and the associated press releases.

We'd pulled all three of the girls out of school because I wanted them there to see exactly what it was that Adam had been doing. They didn't mind; with Maddie's help they were dressed in candy colored dresses, their hair lying in long, straight curtains down their backs, each of them looking so much like my sisters. Thankfully they weren't going to be the only children in the audience.

A burst of applause shocked me out of my reverie and I quickly joined in as Adam slipped into the seat next to me, slipping his hand in mine.

"You were amazing up there," I whispered to him.

"Shush," he said teasingly, brushing his lips over my ear.

As the theater darkened I turned and kissed his lips. He smiled against me.

Just when I thought it was all over, the press storm hit as _The Last Wolf_ was nominated for award after award. I shouldn't have been surprised. Paintings that Adam had created when we were teenagers of the view from his bedroom window had been the main source of inspiration for the color palette for the film and, as someone who had grown up in that world of softly glowing green, I could really appreciate how beautifully he captured the essence of the Pacific Northwest.

He wanted me with him for the Golden Globes, then again for the Academy Awards a few weeks later. The girls threw huge tantrums when we said they couldn't come to LA with us for the ceremonies; as Adam's face had become more recognizable over the past few months we'd gone to great lengths to make sure our children were well protected. I'd given in and allowed them to go to the film's main premiere, but there was no way I was going to let an eleven year old and two nine year olds into the media circus of the awards season.

They stayed with Lena and Maddie, and Paxton and Harper and pretended they didn't like it when they really did. Anna in particular sulked for days after we returned and Maddie teased us endlessly that we should get used to it, that she would be like this for the next ten years or so. I was expecting it of her, really, she was so like me sometimes it was scary.

There were times he had to go off for a few days, or longer like when the film was released in Japan and he was part of the team making sure everything went smoothly. That time I was left alone to look after all three girls by myself for a week; I worked much, much shorter hours that week as I battled with homework and lunchboxes and endless piles of laundry.

When I heard the door slam shut to signal his arrival home I was half way through making bolognaise sauce and the girls were sat at the kitchen table doing homework. They screamed and ran for the hallway. I turned off the burner, resisted the temptation to scream and ran for the hallway too.

Adam was laughing and pulling them all into a hug, dropping kisses everywhere as they threw question after question at him. He looked up to where I was leaning against the doorway into the kitchen and when his dark eyes met mine again I let myself smile as well. He gently removed each of our daughters from where they were clinging to him and took long strides across the open space until he was in my arms again.

"Too long," he whispered into my neck as I tried to get as close as humanly possible to him. "I can't be away from you for that long. Never again."

"Never again," I echoed and kissed across his cheek until I found his mouth.

The girls had disappeared, back to their homework, or to the TV if they thought Adam and I would be distracted for long enough not to notice. No doubt Lacey would be leading the rebellion.

My arms were around his neck, pulling the tie from his hair and flinging it across the hall so I could thread my fingers through his hair. Adam kissed me softly at first, reverently and my heart stuttered with the longing, the missing him. It was me who pushed back first, demanding more of him; the soft slide of his tongue into my mouth as his hands grabbed at my ass and I gasped like a girl as he chuckled against me.

"I love you," he murmured in a low, rough voice.

"Forever," I agreed.

He followed me like a shadow as I finished making dinner and battled with the girls to get them to finish their homework. We ate one handed, holding hands where the girls couldn't see us. And washed up standing side by side, flicking soap suds at each other and stealing kisses wherever we could.

Adam read the girls a bedtime story while I made their lunches for the next day, even those twenty minutes apart feeling like too much until he was back with me again, the sound of his feet loud on the stairs as he took them two at a time. I waited with my back to the counter as he came to a skidding stop and buried his nose in my neck.

I held him for a long time until our breathing and heartbeats were in sync again. I wanted to know all about his trip, about everything, but not yet. Not until we'd reconnected again.

"And they wondered if the imprinting would ever wear off," he said, amused.

"It's still there, alright," I agreed. "Shit, Adam this last week has been hell. I can't sleep properly without you."

"Me too. Jake, do you want another baby?"

"What?" I demanded, pulling back enough that I could look at him. "Where did that come from? Why do you ask? Do you want one?"

He laughed. "I don't know. One of my colleagues is pregnant and I just… sort of miss having a baby around, you know?"

"I haven't thought about it," I admitted. "I like the way we are, Adam. With the ages the girls are now it seems like the wrong time to bring another child into the family."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he sighed.

"Go and play with Lena's kids," I teased him. "It'll make you remember all the reasons why we gave up the idea of babies."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me again. "Yeah, you're probably right. I love you. Come to bed?"

We locked up holding hands like teenagers and I bypassed the bed, leading him into the bathroom where the noise of running water would hopefully disguise any other noise we were about to make. I undressed him slowly, kissing his skin over and over again as the water heated up, helping him out of shoes and socks then hurriedly stripping myself.

Sharing a shower had been something we'd done for years, mostly in the evenings because mornings were too full of toast and cereal and reading books and rushing and homework and making sure our children were clothed appropriately for school.

Adam knew all of the places where his hands fit perfectly; the curve of my shoulder, the curve of my ass, the small of my back, the side of my thigh. The back of my head, angling my kisses to his mouth as our erections grew between us.

I rocked my hips forward to grind my cock against his and he smiled, dipping his head to lick at my pierced nipples. I'd had them done again, as I'd wanted to, only a couple of weeks after Adam had been let out of hospital. Rather than the six weeks they'd taken to heal the first time, they were completely fine within a few hours the second time around. That night Adam had made me scream with pleasure as he licked them and stroked my cock.

My hands gently massaged his shoulders and pushed his hair back from his face, dark and shiny and slick from the water. We were both graying slightly at the temples these days, more noticeable in my short hair than in Adam's long mane. I found that I didn't care in the way I thought I would, about getting old. It was just a new chapter in my life I got to spend with him.

"Can I make you mine again?" he asked as his fingers dipped into the crease of my ass. I nodded, my throat feeling too full of emotions to speak.

For too long I'd thought of Adam as mine. _Mine._ Possessive and protective and not wanting to share him because he was mine. Over the years, though, I'd come to realize that actually, all along, I was his. It had never mattered if he felt the same way about me as I did about him. I was going to love him and follow him to the end of the world and back, regardless.

He backed me up against the wall of the shower and hooked one of my legs around his waist, opening me to his gentle, exploring touch. I blindly felt for the bottle of lube we kept in amongst bottles of shampoo and shower gel and clicked it open, pouring the slippery liquid into Adam's hand so he could work it into me.

His first finger breached me so easily. I dropped my head to his shoulder to breathe in the scent of his skin, to lean in and lick the point where his pulse was throbbing in his neck. He worked a second finger inside.

There noise of the shower combined with my little gasps and moans echoed around the tiles, making it sound like there were more men making love in the little room than just the two of us. Adam twisted his fingers and pushed a third in alongside the first two, making me arch away from the wall and into his touch.

"Please, now, I need you," I begged incoherently.

Adam gently stroked his hand up and down my side a few times and leaned in for another kiss. I tensed the leg that was still wrapped around his waist and he gripped my thigh hard with one hand while the other angled his cock into me.

I dropped my head back and whimpered as he pushed past my resistance, giving me a few moments to adjust like he always did before he filled me completely.

"Love you, Jake, love you," he gasped as he started to rock his hips back and forth, the gentle movement grinding the head of his cock against my prostate.

The foot that was still on the floor of the shower arched up until the only thing supporting me was the ball of my foot and Adam's hands; I was trying to get more of him until I had all of him and even that wasn't enough, I needed his words and his love and his heart all at the same time.

His lips crashed down on mine and I felt it - that he was claiming me again after our time apart.

"Yours," I told him.

I struggled to hold on to his slippery slick skin as he picked up the intensity of his thrusts, pushing deeper so the wet slapping sound of his skin on mine filled the room too, as fleeting and ethereal as the steam. Our kisses were hurried and passionate until he whispered 'close'. There wasn't a spare hand to put on my cock to stroke me over the edge, they were all needed to keep me upright so I needed to come just from the feel of his cock inside me, and as that thought passed through my mind I cried out and spilled between us.

"Jake, mine, Jake."

He throbbed inside me and I shuddered with the aftershocks of my orgasm, wrapping my arms around his torso to bring him closer to me, not caring that I was smearing my come all over myself. I kissed his ear, because I could.

"Can I try something?" he asked in a low voice.

I hummed something that sounded affirmative. He laughed and took me by the shoulders, turning me to face the wall with my hands and chest braced against the tiles.

"I was watching dirty porn while I was away," he explained as he grabbed my hips and pulled them back, and pushed my legs apart.

"Glad someone was," I said, teasing him.

Adam knelt down and pressed his hands to the curve of my ass, spreading me open. Then he licked my ass.

"Fucking hell," I gasped. Rimming was something we both liked; I didn't mind giving or receiving when it came down to it, I worshipped every inch of his body. But never like this. Not when he'd just come inside me…

He hummed in pleasure and for the first time in a long time, I could feel myself getting hard for another round. This time I could reach down to stroke myself; long, unhurried pulls as the little jabs and licks and broad, swiping laps of Adam's tongue against my asshole drove me to distraction.

"You want me to suck you, baby?" he asked and my knees went weak.

"Yeah," I said, turning so I could look down into his smiling brown eyes.

His mouth was immediately on my cock and I couldn't think at all; I couldn't remember the last time he did this, or the first, or about how much I'd missed him. My world had narrowed down to one room, one man and the way his fingertips still danced over my sore, swollen hole and tickled my balls and the way his tongue rubbed over my shaft as he sucked me deep. It was sex and dirty and I wanted to see my come dribbling down his chin.

We were still learning new ways to love each other after all this time. I brushed his hair back from his face again and his lips slurped off me with a loud pop.

"Mine," I said softly.

"All yours," he confirmed.

"Please," I murmured.

He nodded, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he kissed the swollen head of my cock. He was firm and methodical when his mouth returned, determined to suck my second orgasm out of me. His tongue flickered teasingly as he swallowed me down his throat.

"Adam," I cried his name as I came, again, and sank down to sit on the floor next to him. "Love you so much."

He shifted so I was on his lap and laid his left hand over mine, layering our rings as our fingers tangled together.

"I won't ever leave you for that long again," he promised.

"Okay. Good."

"Come on, let's get out of this shower before you catch cold. We're not as young as we used to be."

"Speak for yourself," I laughed.

We dried each other off and pulled on boxers to sleep in. He curled around me and kissed the back of my neck.

"It's good to be home."


End file.
